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  1. #311
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    It's the "one day" that is key - someday, it's fun to think about... - or as my Grandmother would say, "I don't want to go, but I'd like to have been (or done)... (insert location - or any other tentative thought)."

    This doesn't reflect on the things I say I will do. Different subject.

  2. #312
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    No way...

    Usually when I say I will do something I mean it, it just may not be in the next 5 minutes. If I hem and haw, and make excuses, that means I am not sold on the idea and would rather not. And if I say no, it means no.

    And I don't make promises. Unless I am sure I can keep them.
    I'm the same way about promises or when it comes to big things. But not so much about when it comes to making a post on the internet.

    Of course, in context of this thread, I didn't make one of the posts I said I would because it ended up being unnecessary. Other INTJs and INFPs chimed in on how to heal, and the OP figured it out. (Which was, she figured something she did wrong, and made an actionable plan to avoid it in the future.)

  3. #313
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    My friend Gothmawg calls INFP men "emotional sluts." He IS one, so he should know. He keeps saying he's gonna do a long post on the topic, and he keeps NOT PUTTING OUT.
    If I intend to write a long post explaining something, I am likely to not talk about my intentions to anyone. I will contemplate the subject during opportunities for solitude, and get most of the post written in my mind first before attempting to post it.

  4. #314
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    Quote Originally Posted by lillyofthevalley View Post
    I used to have a friend who was a rescuer. His main interest in women was to find some poor girl who was strung out or something. Then his project was to do the good deed and show her the way out of her situation. Eventually he married one of these ladies and divorced her 2 years later. I used to tell him that he had a noble heart but he was a little misguided with it, that he needed to put his passion into the community or some other cause and find a healthy woman who was interested in the same things.
    I do something similar to this, but I never have any romantic interest in the people I try to help.

  5. #315
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
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    and i thought INFPs were usually the ones to play the victims...


  6. #316
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    Quote Originally Posted by luminous beam View Post
    and i thought INFPs were usually the ones to play the victims...
    Not me. Do you tend to play the victim?

  7. #317
    ♪♫♪♫♪♫ luminous beam's Avatar
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    a lot of INFPs can be a bit delusional and overly sensitive. if you're not one of those, congrats. i'm not, but i can see the tendency within to try to go there and blame others rather than take full responsibility for your actions w/o also blaming yourself for anything and everything. finding a balance in this regard is a skill that INFPs need to work on.


  8. #318
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    Quote Originally Posted by will5250 View Post
    Not me. Do you tend to play the victim?
    This one makes me chuckle.
    My boyfriend (don't know his MBTI) is very good at a victim play when he senses I'm pissed at him. He's awesome good at duck and dodge. You'll hear: Oh, do you hate me now? Or I was just trying to help you out, how can I have screwed it up, I thought I was doing a good thing? He acts misunderstood, not realizing I know what he's doing. The problem is that he stands his ground and appologizes early to keep the wolf at bay. I have to just back off since it's pointless to keep going. It's really ingenious how he does this and I'm amazed at how fast he is at it.

  9. #319
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    Quote Originally Posted by luminous beam View Post
    a lot of INFPs can be a bit delusional and overly sensitive. if you're not one of those, congrats. i'm not, but i can see the tendency within to try to go there and blame others rather than take full responsibility for your actions w/o also blaming yourself for anything and everything. finding a balance in this regard is a skill that INFPs need to work on.
    In all fairness, many years ago, I considered myself to be broken and I a victim of my own self, especially for a few years after enduring four years of being bullied in high school on top of being unable to excel scholastically because of learning disabilities that I didn't know I had, but I've managed to out grow all that now, and discovering what I do well didn't hurt the process any.

    But this is different I think than playing the victim, or victim attitude, or maybe not. These days I have little patience for victim attitude, even though I once considered myself one. Actually it was also my spending a few months hanging out on an INTJ forum that contributed a lot to my unloading that attitude about myself along with taking things personally, and a few other undesirable qualities.

  10. #320
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    Quote Originally Posted by lillyofthevalley View Post
    This one makes me chuckle.
    My boyfriend (don't know his MBTI) is very good at a victim play when he senses I'm pissed at him. He's awesome good at duck and dodge. You'll hear: Oh, do you hate me now? Or I was just trying to help you out, how can I have screwed it up, I thought I was doing a good thing? He acts misunderstood, not realizing I know what he's doing. The problem is that he stands his ground and appologizes early to keep the wolf at bay. I have to just back off since it's pointless to keep going. It's really ingenious how he does this and I'm amazed at how fast he is at it.
    I am tutoring a 3'rd grader who prides himself on his skills in being able to get out of things, instead of learning to work through them instead. At least in my student, I have caught it much earlier. Maybe by the time he reaches the age of your boyfriend he will already have moved past that childish stage.

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