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  1. #11
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    I knew this would happen.

    Do you know how many INTJs I've had to patch up after an INFP ruined them? I always want to pick up the lifeless, broken INTJ, put it under my arm, carry it down to the INFP, present it to them, and scream at them, "You idiot! You BROKE it! Is this your idea of fun, of personal growth, of playing around? Explain yourself!"

    They connect too well on the Fi level, and the INFP can make the INTJ all but useless for any practical purposes. Worst part is, they often aren't even loyal to them after reducing them to that state, leaving them to find their own way out. Bastards.

    Fi is...

  2. #12
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post


    It is the strangest thing when someone gets into your core like that, isn't it? I'm sorry they didn't understand what it means for an INTJ to let someone in like that.
    I actually made a FOOL of myself over this man. As in public display of twitterpatedness.

    The Evil Genius Society is never going to let me back in; they've rescinded my membership and cancelled my subscription to Muwahhaha Magazine.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    I knew this would happen.

    Do you know how many INTJs I've had to patch up after an INFP ruined them? I always want to pick up the lifeless, broken INTJ, put it under my arm, carry it down to the INFP, present it to them, and scream at them, "You idiot! You BROKE it! Is this your idea of fun, of personal growth, of playing around? Explain yourself!"
    Ok, bawling, but laughing at the same time.

    I mean, REALLY. I happen to be an excellent cook, and this particular man likes pie. Do you have ANY idea of how many pies I made for him? Every variety you could think of--and they were PERFECT pies. He likes pies and gadgets. I would have figured out how to make an iPhone-shaped pie for him eventually (I could have figured out how to pad aluminum foil in the pie pan and food coloring would have worked fine to paint on the SLIDE TO UNLOCK).

    I used to have a cat on the farm I grew up on. She caught mice, gophers, and moles, and would bring them to the back porch, and wait until one of us got up to open the door and let her in. At that exact moment, Cat would trail languidly up the back steps, eye us meaningfully as if to say "I just want you to know how AWESOME I am, even if I don't really care about your opinion," spit the gopher out on the porch at our feet, and turn around to traipse away (looking back once or twice out of the corner of her eye so as to fully appreciate the look of gratitude and awe on our faces at how neat she was to catch and kill gophers). Imagine me doing the exact same thing with a Dutch apple pie that was a total work of art, and you'll get the idea.

  4. #14
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    I knew this would happen.

    Do you know how many INTJs I've had to patch up after an INFP ruined them? I always want to pick up the lifeless, broken INTJ, put it under my arm, carry it down to the INFP, present it to them, and scream at them, "You idiot! You BROKE it! Is this your idea of fun, of personal growth, of playing around? Explain yourself!"

    They connect too well on the Fi level, and the INFP can make the INTJ all but useless for any practical purposes. Worst part is, they often aren't even loyal to them after reducing them to that state, leaving them to find their own way out. Bastards.

    Fi is...

    You're so sweet Ath.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    I actually made a FOOL of myself over this man. As in public display of twitterpatedness.

    The Evil Genius Society is never going to let me back in; they've rescinded my membership and cancelled my subscription to Muwahhaha Magazine.
    Ugh! I've done that before! An ISFP really put me through the wringer...He was a dreadful asshole about it when I finally burst and told him how wronged I felt...but he had the decency to stay friends with me, and we're still quite close (but I'll never fall for that shit again...).

    Don't worry, before long you'll be back in your lair, stroking a sinister-looking cat and laughing at the peasants.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  5. #15
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    I actually made a FOOL of myself over this man. As in public display of twitterpatedness.

    The Evil Genius Society is never going to let me back in; they've rescinded my membership and cancelled my subscription to Muwahhaha Magazine.
    Hmm... you know, that part actually makes me wonder if you're an INTJ. You could be, but there's a question you'll have to answer for me to confirm it.

    Are you still functional? I mean, are you still pretty much getting things done as well as you were before, despite the pain you're in? Or are you not able to get things done or keep obligations as well as you were before?

    The answer may not be the one you think it is...

    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Ok, bawling, but laughing at the same time.

    I mean, REALLY. I happen to be an excellent cook, and this particular man likes pie. Do you have ANY idea of how many pies I made for him? Every variety you could think of--and they were PERFECT pies. He likes pies and gadgets. I would have figured out how to make an iPhone-shaped pie for him eventually (I could have figured out how to pad aluminum foil in the pie pan and food coloring would have worked fine to paint on the SLIDE TO UNLOCK).

    I used to have a cat on the farm I grew up on. She caught mice, gophers, and moles, and would bring them to the back porch, and wait until one of us got up to open the door and let her in. At that exact moment, Cat would trail languidly up the back steps, eye us meaningfully as if to say "I just want you to know how AWESOME I am, even if I don't really care about your opinion," spit the gopher out on the porch at our feet, and turn around to traipse away (looking back once or twice out of the corner of her eye so as to fully appreciate the look of gratitude and awe on our faces at how neat she was to catch and kill gophers). Imagine me doing the exact same thing with a Dutch apple pie that was a total work of art, and you'll get the idea.
    Aww...

    I think I understand that. You wanted to impress, you worked so hard... and it failed. It just meant nothing all of sudden. Right?

  6. #16
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Hmm... you know, that part actually makes me wonder if you're an INTJ. You could be, but there's a question you'll have to answer for me to confirm it.

    Are you still functional? I mean, are you still pretty much getting things done as well as you were before, despite the pain you're in? Or are you not able to get things done or keep obligations as well as you were before?

    The answer may not be the one you think it is...



    Aww...

    I think I understand that. You wanted to impress, you worked so hard... and it failed. It just meant nothing all of sudden. Right?

    I really, really AM an INTJ; I'm just a little more humorously inclined than most of my INTJ-femme sistern.

    And the answer is that I can't think about anything but him and haven't been able to for months--it was disturbing even when things were going well. I can't concentrate on work, and my whole mental equilibrium has been upset. Now, I can FAKE being able to accomplish what I need to, but I keep tearing up and having to pretend I have a bug in the corner of my eye.

    The problem is that the chemical components of love are strikingly similar to the chemical components of OCD. As a result, he literally drives me crazy. It would have been fine if he had reciprocated my feelings, because I would have had my fix. In essence, I'm not just going through a grieving process, but withdrawal as well. Everyone who experiences the chemical rush of falling in love either has it fade away over time or loses the presence of that person...and experiences withdrawal.

    As for working so hard...absolutely I did. Imagine Oliver Twist with the anime eyes (like Puss in Boots in Shrek) holding out a pie, and saying "See? You like pie! I made you a pie! It's lemon! It is a PERFECT LEMON PIE. Love me, please??" Wow, I feel like an ass.

  7. #17
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your heart

    I confess I did something like this to an INTJ once. We dated for 2 months, and he starts dropping hints about meeting his mom and talking about being exclusive, and then I lose interest immediately and break it off. That was my longest relationship ever

    This may help you for the future. Some things people may not realize about INFPs (generalizations ahead - feel free to disagree INFPs):

    Myth: INFPs are desperate for love and will take what they can get. They latch onto just about anyone who glances in their direction.

    Truth: INFPs are picky, picky, picky.
    We are idealists - we often have really high standards. Many of us would rather die alone than settle for someone we feel only mediocre about. If I date you for a period and then cut out quickly, it's because I was giving you a chance, but deep down you weren't doing it for me. If an INFP seems attentive to just about anyone, well...see the next point below.

    Myth: This INFPs always listens intently to me and my problems. They hug me, smile at me, and give me their undivided attention. He/she must really care about me, and probably wants to date me.

    Truth: We are bleeding hearts, and solving emotional problems is a mental challenge we enjoy, like how an INTJ may like solving a math problem. I may not even like you, but I cannot help but let my sympathies be engaged, sometimes against my logical will. To an extreme, it's an ego trip for INFPs to help people. It can also be less about personal concern for you than fulfilling a greater sense of what is "right". You are just a symbol of something larger in that case. Also, while we will probably never brush off someone's problems, playing therapist tends to suck any romance out of the interaction.

    Personally, I've had too many guys latch onto me because I was nice and attentive towards them, and they saw this as romantic. I was not flirty (that takes effort and I genuinely have to like you), but the sheer quality of my attention can give the wrong impression. I would pity date these guys, because it felt too mean to reject them. Now I just reject from the get-go and save us all the trouble.

    Myth: INFPs are clingy and need a lot of attention in a relationship.

    Truth: INFPs are introverts who need a lot of space and time alone. We can also be very independent and need to feel unique, which means keeping a distinct and separate identity from someone we are dating. If the INFP starts to feel smothered or overwhelmed, they may just panic and run away. We need quality time, affection, and verbal confirmation, but if we feel caged or monopolized then we might rebel.

    Myth: INFPs are emotional, so they probably fall in love quickly.

    Truth: INFPs can be quite cautious when it comes to genuine love. We may fantasize and obsess over people when we're infatuated, but being so in touch with our feelings, we really know the difference between love and infatuation. I know that building a deep connection and warming up to people can actually take a lot of time for me. You may be head over heels after 2 months, but our idealistic infatuation is wearing off and we're not totally sold for the long term yet. Sometimes, I get stuck in Ne mode of not wanting to commit and lose my other options.

    If you express really strong feelings quickly, again, the INFP may be running for the door. We almost don't trust feelings that arise too quickly. We imagine we're hard creatures to understand, so we may feel that you like/love an idea of us, and not the real us. That's probably us looking at the world through our own subjective eyes - we fall in love with ideas, so we think other people do the same. I don't trust my own strong romantic feelings that arise quickly, so why should I trust yours?

    I've read several threads on MBTI forums and INFPgc where INFPs confess to getting freaked out when their fantasy relationship starts to become real, and so they bail. It's a combo of high ideals, needing independence, not being able to make a decision to commit, and being suspicious of strong feelings formed quickly.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  8. #18
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    And the answer is that I can't think about anything but him and haven't been able to for months--it was disturbing even when things were going well. I can't concentrate on work, and my whole mental equilibrium has been upset. Now, I can FAKE being able to accomplish what I need to, but I keep tearing up and having to pretend I have a bug in the corner of my eye.

    The problem is that the chemical components of love are strikingly similar to the chemical components of OCD. As a result, he literally drives me crazy. It would have been fine if he had reciprocated my feelings, because I would have had my fix. In essence, I'm not just going through a grieving process, but withdrawal as well. Everyone who experiences the chemical rush of falling in love either has it fade away over time or loses the presence of that person...and experiences withdrawal.
    Yeah, you're an INTJ alright. That was the answer I was looking for. Not many other types break in quite that way after an INFP is done with them. It's actually very specific to INTJs. The OCD and pain stuff is very universal, but losing the ability to focus in that specific way is very INTJ. Some types would shut down emotionally, some would throw themselves into their work, etc. But that not being able to stop thinking about it and having it slow them down is very INTJ. Everyone responds to the pain, but not always in the same way.
    As for working so hard...absolutely I did. Imagine Oliver Twist with the anime eyes (like Puss in Boots in Shrek) holding out a pie, and saying "See? You like pie! I made you a pie! It's lemon! It is a PERFECT LEMON PIE. Love me, please??" Wow, I feel like an ass.
    It's kind of sad and sweet. I mean, you clearly care a lot, but all you can do to show it is... make some object and present it. Trying to channel your feelings into what you make sounds hard.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post

    It's kind of sad and sweet. I mean, you clearly care a lot, but all you can do to show it is... make some object and present it. Trying to channel your feelings into what you make sounds hard.
    No, I actually managed to tell him how I felt. It was way too late, but at least I got it out of my face.

    I'm interested in your reaction; something about INFPs breaking INTJs and a very specific response from us when it happens. Is this a common pattern? Why does it happen? How can I keep it from happening again even though I still like me some INFP cuddles?

  10. #20
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    No, I actually managed to tell him how I felt. It was way too late, but at least I got it out of my face.
    That took a lot of courage for an INTJ. I'm proud of you, really. It probably helped you keep going to some extent later on, knowing you'd at least tried that.
    I'm interested in your reaction; something about INFPs breaking INTJs and a very specific response from us when it happens. Is this a common pattern? Why does it happen? How can I keep it from happening again even though I still like me some INFP cuddles?
    Ah, yes. I was hoping you'd ask me that.

    It's called an Ni-Fi loop. Basically, the INFP gets under your Te defenses. As long as they don't damage anything while they're in there, everything is ok. But then when they do... ouch. Your energy source is cut off, and you can't stay in Te mode because you keep getting sucked back into your inner world to lick your wounds. A vicious cycle if I ever saw one, I can safely say that Fi is the major weakness in the INTJ design. INTJs are quite unbalanced... they're very tough everywhere else, but that one spot is EXTREMELY weak. Many other types have their weaknesses spread out more, don't have a single failure point. But INTJs aren't that lucky.

    An ISTJ would likely find solace in continuing their routine, possibly even continuing to do the things they'd done before regardless of the fact that there was no one to do them for anymore, for a while. An INFJ might become very cold and distant from the people around them, do only the bare minimum to get by, and possibly lose themselves in some kind of video game, books, intense daydreaming, self-analysis, or (if they're open to it) astrology and tarot. But yours is the INTJ response.

    It happens because INFPs SEEM to know what they're doing, and they do, on the Fi level. But they don't seem to understand that it's not your core, and they end up turning your Fi against your Ni because they don't know any better (being tertiary Si users and making assumptions that don't hold for you), thinking they're helping you.

    The only way to avoid it, is to draw boundaries with the INFP. Play with their Ne, but make sure they keep their hands off the Fi. Protect it.

    Of course, if you actually fall in love with the INFP, you'll just have to risk going through this all over again. No getting around it.

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