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  1. #171
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Hmm. I think it's possible that my visible personality shifted. I wasn't so much slavishly attempting to fulfill his every whim, as I was desperately trying to figure out what WORKED to make him smile.

    I don't think I was clingy; I probably came off as confused, though. I hadn't ever experienced this set of feelings, and I certainly am capable of doing TOO much when I don't know what to do.

    In the end, though, there's plenty of blame to go around. HE should have had the character to do what is right, and to tell me that it wasn't going to work. I think I treated him with courtesy and respect, and I don't believe I got the same back from him. While I would have forgiven him and worked with him to find a way for us to get along with both parties feeling respected and free, I think he simply didn't have the feelings necessary to make him want to try.

    If there is any quality I need in a man, it is the capacity to do what's right, regardless of the cost to oneself in inconvenience or personal lack of desire to see conflict. I need to see that, and I believed he possessed it; I just didn't see any of that character when I needed him to display it.
    I understand.

    Off to the coal mines for me.

  2. #172
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    If your manifested personality changed dramatically from what he was initially attracted to then that could've started the rot.
    Yeah, the contrast is huge (it necessarily is for any INT in LOVE) and apparently frightens off a lot of people. The only time this dynamic wasn't in play for me was with a fellow INTJ. A lot of the others were indeed NFP.

    I've done the experiment (without realising it at first), they like your (standoffish) personality, you spend some romantic time together

    a) --> you don't initiate contact...they do after a while and seem to fall harder...until...
    b) --> you show them how you feel, initiate contact and are enthusiastic...then it fizzles out...they're done with you

    If you go straight to b), it just doesn't take as long. I suppose it's somehow logical, but it's also very frustrating and I really don't want anyone that only wants me when I pretend not to want them and rather deals with the superficial stereotype they have in their head than with the whole of me. Almost every time I show attachment, affection and interest, they lose attachment, affection and interest. WTF. It's not exactly encouraging.

    Playing hard to get and all the powerpolitics. :thumbsdown:

  3. #173
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Mine was more lack of maturity and understanding. I'd very nearly kill to get that chance again and hold on, this time, when the roller coster starts instead of jumping off (and hitting a very heavy beam on the way out ).
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #174
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post

    Playing hard to get and all the powerpolitics. :thumbsdown:
    I understand the value of the "dating games" in a sense of using it as a social filter.
    But a lot of people take that shit to a whole different level and waste everyone's time in the process.

    (Did that sound a bit too INTJ?)
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  5. #175
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    I understand the value of the "dating games" in a sense of using it as a social filter.
    But a lot of people take that shit to a whole different level and waste everyone's time in the process.

    (Did that sound a bit too INTJ?)
    No, just reasonable. Then again, I'm a freak...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #176
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Yeah, the contrast is huge (it necessarily is for any INT in LOVE) and apparently frightens off a lot of people. The only time this dynamic wasn't in play for me was with a fellow INTJ. A lot of the others were indeed NFP.

    I've done the experiment (without realising it at first), they like your (standoffish) personality, you spend some romantic time together

    a) --> you don't initiate contact...they do after a while and seem to fall harder...until...
    b) --> you show them how you feel, initiate contact and are enthusiastic...then it fizzles out...they're done with you

    If you go straight to b), it just doesn't take as long. I suppose it's somehow logical, but it's also very frustrating and I really don't want anyone that only wants me when I pretend not to want them and rather deals with the superficial stereotype they have in their head than with the whole of me. Almost every time I show attachment, affection and interest, they lose attachment, affection and interest. WTF. It's not exactly encouraging.

    Playing hard to get and all the powerpolitics. :thumbsdown:
    If it's any consolation, when robotic companions become widely available and reasonably inconspicuous all evidence points to INFPs ceasing to reproduce.

  7. #177
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Ok, heart broken, but the hormones are working just fine.

    REALLY???

    Treat me like a VERY BAD ANGEL

    Please?
    bad angel? do you have the costume?
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  8. #178
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaybeLogic View Post
    bad angel? do you have the costume?
    I do costuming, so I'm thinking it would be pretty easy.




  9. #179
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    I understand.

    Off to the coal mines for me.
    What do you mean, coal mines?

  10. #180
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    What do you mean, coal mines?
    I was waxing lyrical...

    It sounds much better than "I'm going to work now".

    Of course I could have said, "I'm going to work to get the evil eye and nasty comments from policy holder's". But that was too long, and not very mysterious.

    Possibly, I could have said "I'm going to go earn some money so I can buy a case of beer, and chips, for the weekend..."


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