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  1. #161
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaybeLogic View Post
    If you're an icy bitch, he probably did what I do. I use my cuddly sex charms to lure in icy bitches and give them what they deserve. because I'm satan or something.
    Ok, heart broken, but the hormones are working just fine.

    REALLY???

    Treat me like a VERY BAD ANGEL

    Please?

  2. #162
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  3. #163
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Is there ANY way to know what I did wrong? If I knew that, I would feel so much better. Now, I'm just scared that I'm going to make the same mistakes over and over again.

    All I really need to know is that I just wasn't the person for him. I could accept that. Instead, I keep wondering what mistakes I made or how I could have changed my actions to not scare him, or whatever.

    Sad and tired. I suppose this sort of thing is supposed to go in cycles, right?

  4. #164
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Is there ANY way to know what I did wrong? If I knew that, I would feel so much better. Now, I'm just scared that I'm going to make the same mistakes over and over again.

    All I really need to know is that I just wasn't the person for him. I could accept that. Instead, I keep wondering what mistakes I made or how I could have changed my actions to not scare him, or whatever.

    Sad and tired. I suppose this sort of thing is supposed to go in cycles, right?
    Nope. Chances are that you were being yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. If you were to change the way that you reacted, you wouldn't have been being yourself, which is dishonest. Also, different people react in different ways. You can't assume that someone else won't do the same thing even if you act differently, and the only way to get something worth having is through honesty.

    The thing about life is that you don't know that you're not the right person for someone else till you've already moved on. So you can only know that in hindsight, not while you're grieving for the loss of possibility right now. You're still too close to what's happened.

    It does. I still hold by what I said earlier - find a distraction to help you through the extreme lows.

  5. #165
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    INFPs belong with ISxJs, not INTJs, IMO. The Si keeps them on the straight and narrow, and the Ne helps the SJ open up.
    SJs, I love you all, but...after my ISFJ friend and mom...and imagining that interaction romantically...and the arguments that just FRIENDSHIP spawned...

    Hell to the no for me, Athenian. Try again.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  6. #166
    Senior Member Two Point Two's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Is there ANY way to know what I did wrong? If I knew that, I would feel so much better. Now, I'm just scared that I'm going to make the same mistakes over and over again.

    All I really need to know is that I just wasn't the person for him. I could accept that. Instead, I keep wondering what mistakes I made or how I could have changed my actions to not scare him, or whatever.

    Sad and tired. I suppose this sort of thing is supposed to go in cycles, right?
    I haven't read the whole thread, but this is generally not a very helpful way to think about things. Unless you have a track record of every relationship going south in the same way, it's probably ok to assume at this stage that this was just a matter of people and things not working out, and that there's no underlying mistake that you made to cause it.

    And, sympathy. Have some.

  7. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cranky View Post
    Is there ANY way to know what I did wrong? If I knew that, I would feel so much better. Now, I'm just scared that I'm going to make the same mistakes over and over again.

    All I really need to know is that I just wasn't the person for him. I could accept that. Instead, I keep wondering what mistakes I made or how I could have changed my actions to not scare him, or whatever.

    Sad and tired. I suppose this sort of thing is supposed to go in cycles, right?
    You know, it's possible you didn't do anything wrong. You were just being yourself, and he wasn't communicating any issues he may have had.

    Also, from what I have read, you tried anything and everything to make him happy, at your own expense. Despite what some people think. you don't need to be slavishly obedient to every whim, and errant thought, that runs through your significant others head. I know it would drive me nuts to have someone falling all over themselves trying to make me happy. Sometimes you need to do what you want, at the expense of not being there when he gets a desire to do something he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself.

  8. #168
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I hesitate to ask this of an INTJ, but is it possible you came across as clingy and/or needy? INFPs can feel very easily suffocated, and run a mile. If you chase them, they'll run 4. If you corner them, they'll give you both barrels. I guess that's a pretty typical guy thing, but I don't think people expect it of INFPs. But an INFP with unrealistic spousal dreams and a pathological desire to keep options open is at least as likely to have commitment issues as anyone else. If your manifested personality changed dramatically from what he was initially attracted to then that could've started the rot.

    Not excusing him at all.

  9. #169
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    You were discussing mother issues a few pages back. I am a male infp and I've never had mother issues. She's a healthy, lovely ISFJ.

  10. #170
    Senior Member Cranky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biaxident View Post
    You know, it's possible you didn't do anything wrong. You were just being yourself, and he wasn't communicating any issues he may have had.

    Also, from what I have read, you tried anything and everything to make him happy, at your own expense. Despite what some people think. you don't need to be slavishly obedient to every whim, and errant thought, that runs through your significant others head. I know it would drive me nuts to have someone falling all over themselves trying to make me happy. Sometimes you need to do what you want, at the expense of not being there when he gets a desire to do something he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself.
    Hmm. I think it's possible that my visible personality shifted. I wasn't so much slavishly attempting to fulfill his every whim, as I was desperately trying to figure out what WORKED to make him smile.

    I don't think I was clingy; I probably came off as confused, though. I hadn't ever experienced this set of feelings, and I certainly am capable of doing TOO much when I don't know what to do.

    In the end, though, there's plenty of blame to go around. HE should have had the character to do what is right, and to tell me that it wasn't going to work. I think I treated him with courtesy and respect, and I don't believe I got the same back from him. While I would have forgiven him and worked with him to find a way for us to get along with both parties feeling respected and free, I think he simply didn't have the feelings necessary to make him want to try.

    If there is any quality I need in a man, it is the capacity to do what's right, regardless of the cost to oneself in inconvenience or personal lack of desire to see conflict. I need to see that, and I believed he possessed it; I just didn't see any of that character when I needed him to display it.

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