Ah, where to start. Disclaimer: Skip to the end if you don't want to read all of this An ENFP friend that I care very much for is going through a difficult time. I went to visit him and some other friends in Austin this past weekend and we spent a lot of time catching up. To give a bit of background on his issues... he broke up with a very long term girlfriend about a year and a half ago and has had trouble letting go of it ever since (even though -he- broke up with -her-). In addition to that, he just started grad school after having been out of undergrad for two years and it's been a struggle to deal with that much change and being so structured. In May, he took a trip to southeast Asia and Australia for 2.5 months before he began school again, so I didn't see him for a while.
This past weekend, he finally confided in me a little more then he had been since he got back. He told me he had been looking into Buddhism these past few months, and it was really incredible. Anyways, from what he's told me, Buddhism seems to have very “live in the moment” and enjoy life for what it is kind of ideas. He talked to me about it excitedly and started probing me because he felt that I seemed to be a living example of these beliefs... or at least the way I thought and viewed things (Note: I am not Buddhist, but have always agreed with what I hear about it). All in all, it was a great trip because we spent the entire weekend together and he came downtown with me and my primary group of friends in Austin...even though he's only briefly met them and he doesn't drink anymore (mostly due to he feels he is unstable at the moment). In the previous weekends since that I've seen him since he's been back, he always made a point to come out anyways even though he appeared to be very uncomfortable with the situation. He almost looked INFJish (not in a bad way... just looked like how an ENFP might look if trying to act like an INFJ). But this past weekend, he was very friendly with everyone, and looked less uncomfortable. So everything was wonderful till Saturday night. I was staying at his place and we were having a good ol' time [Discard TMI here ] when all that anxiety came flooding out. For the majority of the two years I've known him, he always calls and confides in me when he's struggling with something. And a recurring theme is that ex of his. He claimed there are other things going on in his head this time, but I couldn't help but zero in on that as the issue. In May, he went to lunch with her just before his trip in attempt to find closure again... he hadn't talked to her for some time. So anyways, he felt that the lunch went well, and he had successfully found his closure when she admitted she was finally seeing someone. It crushed him. That night he started drinking to help himself sleep and guess who he called to try to figure out what was in his head? (The things I do for him...despite it not being easy for me =/) I stayed up pretty late talking him down. The next day he called me up to go to dinner. He looked very, very happy... he expressed appreciation for me being his friend, and he finally felt like “himself” for the first time in a long time. I was very inclined to believe him, but I have an ENFP sister and I've kinda learned how to spot the “permanent” life-changing moments. But I still went with it. Fast forward to Saturday night again. Nope, he's still haunted by this girl. He has very frequent dreams about her... that either involves them making love or some kind of apology. We talked for several hours before we went to sleep. Although I tried to encourage him and give him advice as best as I could, much to my feeling helpless, I didn't feel like he came to any kind of conclusion. It's devastating to see him so confused and feel hopeless.
So I have a tendency to ramble so that I can include a lot of details (or I'm just inappropriately venting). Sorry about that. :P I guess I'm just looking for ENFP advice to give an ENFP. For as long as I've known him, he's been struggling with something, but he's expressed this past month has been the hardest for him in a long time. So what is everyone's ideas about what could happen to an ENFP that tries to live in the moment and in reality (increase Se)? From the ideas he's expressed, it's like he wants to live entirely in this Se and give up on Ne and Fi. That can't be good, right? How in the world do I communicate this to him? And what's more... have any of you struggled with an ex that -you- ended it with? How in the world do you get past that? It seems that she constantly contaminates his mind, and he's constantly trying to weigh whether he loves her or not.