[NF] Sensitivity and fear of rejection in foruming. Anyone else?

[Edasich]

Any other NF's here feel the same way?

Yep. It's good to take a break from forums sometimes, just to get back in touch with things, lol... forums can be painful sometimes

 

[A Schnitzel]

Yes, an anonymous forum like this is supposed to be, well... anonymous.

No one knows who you are, you're just a random voice coming from somewhere that the readers couldn't really give a stuff about in their own real, personal life.

Yet I still sometimes feel insecure when I post something on here, or any forum. I feel nervous when someone comments after my own comment. I feel even more nervous when someone quotes me and/or replies to me directly. What if their response is slightly negative, I fret. Sure, they won't judge me as a human being, as they don't know me, but they might judge the character behind the writer of this comment, aka, me as a human being!

If the response is slightly negative, I begin to wish that I had stayed out of it, and not posted at all. Then the universe would be a better place, or something.

Any other NF's here feel the same way?

I have the opposite problem.
Do you want to trade?

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

I love hyperbole. I don't care if anyone here thinks less of my online character for posting something foolish or careless or genuinely stupid. Have a go at the xanax idea. might help. Sensitivity can be conquered, just take the sensitive bull by it's sensitive horns and ride it out or something, i don't know. don't worry, be happy, ramble ramble ramble, blah blah blah.

Hey, if you're so worried about people responding to your posts, why did you start a whole new thread?

 

[souffle]

Hey, if you're so worried about people responding to your posts, why did you start a whole new thread?

I've started threads before. It's not that I don't want people to respond, it's just that I have some insecure feelings about it, that I need to deal with. So I started this thread, to release my feelings about it, talk about it, and get others insight! It works!

I have the opposite problem.
Do you want to trade?

You mean you don't care, and then end up insulting people more? Or..?

lol call him an asshole, it doesn't hurt to be confrontational especially over the net. I think he was just trying to help you get over your fears.

Edgar, you're an asshole. You too, Ragingkatsuki.

(INTJ here, but I get to post if I can relate, right? )

Of course! I appreciate your insight.

Totally can relate. Nanouk and Toonia explained the process beautifully and handed you the solution, imo. It's something I came to realize myself, not too long ago

They sure did. I felt guilty that I couldn't think of anything to add to Nanook's observations. (hi Nanook! :hi

Thanks for the comments everyone, they're all great.

 

[LavaLucy]

Yes me too

 

[Pristinegirl]

Not really, but I try to be cautious
Due to past experiences I fear how the logical view and approach me.

Look into this:

Benzodiazepines are the devil!!

 

[Polaris]

I'm too tired to write much about this, but yes I do have this fear of rejection, both online and off. I don't really care if someone I dislike rejects me, but I'm terrified that someone I like (and I do like most people on some level, even complete strangers) will reject me. Because of this, I often withdraw from those I wish to get closer to, so that they think I dislike them. In some cases, especially when I'm really fond of someone, I'll even push that person away. I can remember one recent case where I had a crush on someone, and rather than treat them kindly, I went out of my way to belittle them. Luckily, I'm a lot more healthy than I was at that time, and would never do something like that again. I've learned that vulnerability, and those things which it brings, are precisely what makes a relationship worthwhile.

 

[Synarch]

Sometimes I feel nervous about posting. Because I don't want people to think that I'm weird or that I post too much or that I am dick or incoherent or whatever. But then part of my brain kicks in and says, "Fuck it." The more I say, the more opportunities I have to actually say something of value to someone else.

I can only be who I am and contribute what I can.

 

[Synarch]

Everyone has a few posts they wish they could take back. Hopefully mistakes you make here are mistakes you won't make irl (ie when it matters). If you run into some negativity just brush it off and try again. Most negativity here isn't serious anyway -- or so I tell myself.

+1

I'm too tired to write much about this, but yes I do have this fear of rejection, both online and off. I don't really care if someone I dislike rejects me, but I'm terrified that someone I like (and I do like most people on some level, even complete strangers) will reject me. Because of this, I often withdraw from those I wish to get closer to, so that they think I dislike them. In some cases, especially when I'm really fond of someone, I'll even push that person away. I can remember one recent case where I had a crush on someone, and rather than treat them kindly, I went out of my way to belittle them. Luckily, I'm a lot more healthy than I was at that time, and would never do something like that again. I've learned that vulnerability, and those things which it brings, are precisely what makes a relationship worthwhile.

I believe that by fearing the things we fear we create the circumstances that we hoped to avoid with our fear. In other words, the fears create the very situations we are afraid of! Do you know what I mean?

 

[Biaxident]

I believe that by fearing the things we fear we create the circumstances that we hoped to avoid with our fear. In other words, the fears create the very situations we are afraid of! Do you know what I mean?

 

[WoodsWoman]

Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).

 

[souffle]

Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).

Mmmm.. poetic!

I believe that by fearing the things we fear we create the circumstances that we hoped to avoid with our fear. In other words, the fears create the very situations we are afraid of! Do you know what I mean?

Good point there. I have a really silly example of this... I've had a couple of times where there's been a guy who I don't like (romantically), but something happens that gets me worrying about the idea of people thinking that I do. I therefore get all scared when I see the guy, think "Ok. Must not act in a way that would suggest that I like him." I act nervous and tense around them, stumble over my words when talking to them and refuse to look them in the eye, and this behaviour would make it look like I liked him more than anything else! Gah, overthinking and worrying makes life hard and complicated. I am working on improving on this.

 

[A window to the soul]

Yes, an anonymous forum like this is supposed to be, well... anonymous.

No one knows who you are, you're just a random voice coming from somewhere that the readers couldn't really give a stuff about in their own real, personal life.

Yet I still sometimes feel insecure when I post something on here, or any forum. I feel nervous when someone comments after my own comment. I feel even more nervous when someone quotes me and/or replies to me directly. What if their response is slightly negative, I fret. Sure, they won't judge me as a human being, as they don't know me, but they might judge the character behind the writer of this comment, aka, me as a human being!

If the response is slightly negative, I begin to wish that I had stayed out of it, and not posted at all. Then the universe would be a better place, or something.

Any other NF's here feel the same way?

Yeah sure, sometimes I'm insecure like that, but you won't know it. Also, I don't let the rudeness of others that I'm not friends with, bother me; for me, it's a no brainer understanding why people are rude. Although, I will say I have little patience for negative chit chat and will try to turn it around with my charming wit or just look for the nearest exit and sneak out. I don't like to hear people I don't really know very well... complain, bash other people, or act like life is hopeless. There's no need for such nonsense, when we live in such a beautiful world full of possibilities...

Life is what we make of it! ...and I think it's a rather wonderful life.

Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).

"perceived rejection hurts - intended or not." I'll just dismiss that bad feeling as fast as possible. Next, if I believe it's worth it, I'll observe the person/crowd that I perceive is rejecting me and I'll work my way in until they love me... this would be a genuine effort on my part; there's nothing fake about it. I'm losing focus at the moment, so don't ask me what I'd do after that. Every situation is unique in some way.

 

[Bubbles]

Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).

I like this mindset.

 

[Thalassa]

Life is full of positive and negative emotions, and both get expressed here. Some are negative. Some are merely in jest. Occasionally I might get offended if someone goes too far, but I'm kind of a hard-ass for an NF and have a snarky sense of humor, so Edgar's Xanax joke makes me laugh, not cry. I think once you get used to the forums you realize that some people love to argue about ideas and there will always be criticism there, but it isn't personal. If you really fear that sort of rejection I strongly advise you to stay out of the politics threads, and just select others where you see a more argumentative tone. You'll find your niche. There's something for almost everybody here.

 

[evilrobot]

so Edgar's Xanax joke makes me laugh, not cry.

You’re hot for Edgar. You like feeling those Putin biceps.

*

Look, I’ve been called names on boards that would make Howard Stern quiver. One time I cried for three whole days. No pain, no gain, is how I look at it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

 

[Thalassa]

You’re hot for Edgar. You like feeling those Putin biceps.

*

Look, I’ve been called names on boards that would make Howard Stern quiver. One time I cried for three whole days. No pain, no gain, is how I look at it. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

I'll give you something to cry about.

 

[disregard]

Yes, an anonymous forum like this is supposed to be, well... anonymous.

No one knows who you are, you're just a random voice coming from somewhere that the readers couldn't really give a stuff about in their own real, personal life.

Yet I still sometimes feel insecure when I post something on here, or any forum. I feel nervous when someone comments after my own comment. I feel even more nervous when someone quotes me and/or replies to me directly. What if their response is slightly negative, I fret. Sure, they won't judge me as a human being, as they don't know me, but they might judge the character behind the writer of this comment, aka, me as a human being!

If the response is slightly negative, I begin to wish that I had stayed out of it, and not posted at all. Then the universe would be a better place, or something.

Any other NF's here feel the same way?

I totally feel this way. You're still representing yourself, and when that representation is met with rejection, it's real rejection. It's anonymous insofar as it cannot interfere with your image in your real life, but it can certainly interfere with the image you have of yourself if you are not mature enough to deal with the hurtful comments in an effective manner.

 

[Totenkindly]

I believe that by fearing the things we fear we create the circumstances that we hoped to avoid with our fear. In other words, the fears create the very situations we are afraid of! Do you know what I mean?

Totally.

You're still driven by your fear and it forces a strong reaction if you give into it that contributes to the very circumstances you were trying to avoid. (Similar psychology is why kids who hate their parents sometimes grow up to be just like them or at least as screwed up as them... they overcompensate and either too strongly identify with the parents' methodology as a defense mechanism or they take too strong of an opposing strategy.)

I watch it happen here and elsewhere all the time, it just sucks... the inevitable train wreck. Sigh.

Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).

Beautiful post, I'm sorry I originally missed it.

In my 20's I had little sense of community or was afraid of it, but it has become much more palpable and desirable to me as I get older and I can't see it to be otherwise, really.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).

I agree with this and your word choice is expressive. This format seems as socially real to me as any, and I often feel concerned about hurting other people online and go back to edit my posts accordingly. Communication is almost always more effective when people are not distracted by being defensive.

There is some difference in the assumptions of social interaction online based on different age levels of posters. There is sometimes a kind of bravado online that only has its intended effect within a specific age range, I think. Some of the more direct insults I encountered a few years ago were the kinds of things I dealt with as an early teen, and it probably would have hurt my feelings then, but as an adult the same disrespect can be frustrating, but it is strange to think of it as hurtful especially if you have worked with children and teens as parent, teacher, etc.