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  1. #51
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).

  2. #52
    Senior Member souffle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WoodsWoman View Post
    Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).
    Mmmm.. poetic!

    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch
    I believe that by fearing the things we fear we create the circumstances that we hoped to avoid with our fear. In other words, the fears create the very situations we are afraid of! Do you know what I mean?
    Good point there. I have a really silly example of this... I've had a couple of times where there's been a guy who I don't like (romantically), but something happens that gets me worrying about the idea of people thinking that I do. I therefore get all scared when I see the guy, think "Ok. Must not act in a way that would suggest that I like him." I act nervous and tense around them, stumble over my words when talking to them and refuse to look them in the eye, and this behaviour would make it look like I liked him more than anything else! Gah, overthinking and worrying makes life hard and complicated. I am working on improving on this.

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by souffle View Post
    Yes, an anonymous forum like this is supposed to be, well... anonymous.

    No one knows who you are, you're just a random voice coming from somewhere that the readers couldn't really give a stuff about in their own real, personal life.

    Yet I still sometimes feel insecure when I post something on here, or any forum. I feel nervous when someone comments after my own comment. I feel even more nervous when someone quotes me and/or replies to me directly. What if their response is slightly negative, I fret. Sure, they won't judge me as a human being, as they don't know me, but they might judge the character behind the writer of this comment, aka, me as a human being!

    If the response is slightly negative, I begin to wish that I had stayed out of it, and not posted at all. Then the universe would be a better place, or something.

    Any other NF's here feel the same way?
    Yeah sure, sometimes I'm insecure like that, but you won't know it. Also, I don't let the rudeness of others that I'm not friends with, bother me; for me, it's a no brainer understanding why people are rude. Although, I will say I have little patience for negative chit chat and will try to turn it around with my charming wit or just look for the nearest exit and sneak out. I don't like to hear people I don't really know very well... complain, bash other people, or act like life is hopeless. There's no need for such nonsense, when we live in such a beautiful world full of possibilities...

    Life is what we make of it! ...and I think it's a rather wonderful life.

    Quote Originally Posted by WoodsWoman View Post
    Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).
    "perceived rejection hurts - intended or not." I'll just dismiss that bad feeling as fast as possible. Next, if I believe it's worth it, I'll observe the person/crowd that I perceive is rejecting me and I'll work my way in until they love me... this would be a genuine effort on my part; there's nothing fake about it. I'm losing focus at the moment, so don't ask me what I'd do after that. Every situation is unique in some way.
    Last edited by A window to the soul; 12-12-2009 at 10:06 PM.

  4. #54
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WoodsWoman View Post
    Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).
    I like this mindset.
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  5. #55
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    Life is full of positive and negative emotions, and both get expressed here. Some are negative. Some are merely in jest. Occasionally I might get offended if someone goes too far, but I'm kind of a hard-ass for an NF and have a snarky sense of humor, so Edgar's Xanax joke makes me laugh, not cry. I think once you get used to the forums you realize that some people love to argue about ideas and there will always be criticism there, but it isn't personal. If you really fear that sort of rejection I strongly advise you to stay out of the politics threads, and just select others where you see a more argumentative tone. You'll find your niche. There's something for almost everybody here.

  6. #56
    Senior Member evilrobot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    so Edgar's Xanax joke makes me laugh, not cry.
    Youíre hot for Edgar. You like feeling those Putin biceps.

    *

    Look, Iíve been called names on boards that would make Howard Stern quiver. One time I cried for three whole days. No pain, no gain, is how I look at it. What doesnít kill you makes you stronger.
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    If things are not what they seem, and we are forever reminded that this is the caseóthen it must also be observed that enough of us ignore this truth to keep the world from collapsing. ĖThomas Ligotti, The Mystics of Muelenberg

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by evilrobot View Post
    Youíre hot for Edgar. You like feeling those Putin biceps.

    *

    Look, Iíve been called names on boards that would make Howard Stern quiver. One time I cried for three whole days. No pain, no gain, is how I look at it. What doesnít kill you makes you stronger.
    I'll give you something to cry about.

  8. #58
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by souffle View Post
    Yes, an anonymous forum like this is supposed to be, well... anonymous.

    No one knows who you are, you're just a random voice coming from somewhere that the readers couldn't really give a stuff about in their own real, personal life.

    Yet I still sometimes feel insecure when I post something on here, or any forum. I feel nervous when someone comments after my own comment. I feel even more nervous when someone quotes me and/or replies to me directly. What if their response is slightly negative, I fret. Sure, they won't judge me as a human being, as they don't know me, but they might judge the character behind the writer of this comment, aka, me as a human being!

    If the response is slightly negative, I begin to wish that I had stayed out of it, and not posted at all. Then the universe would be a better place, or something.

    Any other NF's here feel the same way?
    I totally feel this way. You're still representing yourself, and when that representation is met with rejection, it's real rejection. It's anonymous insofar as it cannot interfere with your image in your real life, but it can certainly interfere with the image you have of yourself if you are not mature enough to deal with the hurtful comments in an effective manner.

  9. #59
    @.~*virinańČo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I believe that by fearing the things we fear we create the circumstances that we hoped to avoid with our fear. In other words, the fears create the very situations we are afraid of! Do you know what I mean?
    Totally.

    You're still driven by your fear and it forces a strong reaction if you give into it that contributes to the very circumstances you were trying to avoid. (Similar psychology is why kids who hate their parents sometimes grow up to be just like them or at least as screwed up as them... they overcompensate and either too strongly identify with the parents' methodology as a defense mechanism or they take too strong of an opposing strategy.)

    I watch it happen here and elsewhere all the time, it just sucks... the inevitable train wreck. Sigh.

    Quote Originally Posted by WoodsWoman View Post
    Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).
    Beautiful post, I'm sorry I originally missed it.

    In my 20's I had little sense of community or was afraid of it, but it has become much more palpable and desirable to me as I get older and I can't see it to be otherwise, really.
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    ‚ÄúPleasure to me is wonder‚ÄĒthe unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.‚ÄĚ ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #60
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WoodsWoman View Post
    Perhaps it has more to do with being older - no idea - but I have difficulty NOT seeing forums as invitations to gatherings of people who have some point of shared interest... individuals with thoughts and feelings myriad as rainbows from a crystal - beautiful, sharp and (in many cases) fragile (perceived rejection hurts - intended or not).
    I agree with this and your word choice is expressive. This format seems as socially real to me as any, and I often feel concerned about hurting other people online and go back to edit my posts accordingly. Communication is almost always more effective when people are not distracted by being defensive.

    There is some difference in the assumptions of social interaction online based on different age levels of posters. There is sometimes a kind of bravado online that only has its intended effect within a specific age range, I think. Some of the more direct insults I encountered a few years ago were the kinds of things I dealt with as an early teen, and it probably would have hurt my feelings then, but as an adult the same disrespect can be frustrating, but it is strange to think of it as hurtful especially if you have worked with children and teens as parent, teacher, etc.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
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