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  1. #11
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    *shrug* I'd move on pretty quickly, I gotta be honest here, I really doubt I'd notice in the first place unless the door slammer explained they were slamming the door, at that time I'd usually stop caring. If they wanted to unslam later that's cool too, do your thang.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default Ditto!

    Quote Originally Posted by firstjudge View Post
    I'm definitely guilty of doing this. I do it mostly out of self-defense - people can be so aggressive and controlling at times without even realizing it. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed by people who keep expecting and wanting something from you, something you can't or no longer wish to offer. The harder they try, the more I pull away. If someone is having negative effects on my state of mind, or is trying to take away my independence (whether intentionally or not), then I have to put an end to it.

    It's nothing personal, though I understand it's often taken that way.
    Oh my gosh yes I am giulty of this too. I am an ENFJ so I have the same top two functions as INFJ so maybe that is the similarity.

    I do it because the person was a drain and I can't be sucked dry by them. I also resent them and pull away because in conflicting situations is my weak point and I become emotional/reactive. That means if you hit the hot point or act in the way that is the problem I will not be the composed and appropriate loving person and I cannot have that happen. Self-preservation and I don't like the me I become when I have had bad boundaries or unreturned relationships. I cut them off because I want to like myself and I don't trust the other person anymore.

    And for me it was with an INFP where this was worst. They can't handle the shut off, maybe it is the FP?

    Feedback please? Cause this is something that I think I need to work on but when I get to the end I put myself first = (after always putting others first all the time) and it is too late so I am trying to be aware sooner but I cannot seem to make myself aware somehow?
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    Oh my gosh yes I am giulty of this too. I am an ENFJ so I have the same top two functions as INFJ so maybe that is the similarity.

    I do it because the person was a drain and I can't be sucked dry by them. I also resent them and pull away because in conflicting situations is my weak point and I become emotional/reactive. That means if you hit the hot point or act in the way that is the problem I will not be the composed and appropriate loving person and I cannot have that happen. Self-preservation and I don't like the me I become when I have had bad boundaries or unreturned relationships. I cut them off because I want to like myself and I don't trust the other person anymore.

    And for me it was with an INFP where this was worst. They can't handle the shut off, maybe it is the FP?

    Feedback please? Cause this is something that I think I need to work on but when I get to the end I put myself first = (after always putting others first all the time) and it is too late so I am trying to be aware sooner but I cannot seem to make myself aware somehow?
    I don't think there is anything wrong with acts of self-preservation. All living creatures switch to survival mode in the face of danger - we're no different. The tough part is, of course, hurting those affected by this behavior. It may seem sudden to them, but for me it never is. The decision to door slam is usually the result of careful consideration. I do it because I need to, not because I want to. I believe, at least I hope, that the decision is for the best for all parties, even if some hurt feelings may result from it. Sometimes people just need to move on with their life and start anew.

    With that said, however, I think doorslamming too often is definitely unhealthy. I used to do a lot when I was younger as a way to avoid confronting people to work things out. I've lost many friends this way. My depression and anxiety - both of which have been with me for as long as I can remember - also contributed to my tendency to shrink away. Sometimes I still think about the people I've cut off in the past and feel a sense of longing and unresolve...

  4. #14
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
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    I've only done this to people who never want to talk to me again anyways, so I'm sure they didn't care one bit.
    Enneagram 9w1 sp/so
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  5. #15
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    *shrug* I'd move on pretty quickly, I gotta be honest here, I really doubt I'd notice in the first place unless the door slammer explained they were slamming the door, at that time I'd usually stop caring. If they wanted to unslam later that's cool too, do your thang.
    this. depending on how much time has passed between the slam/unslam i might not be on the other side

  6. #16
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Yeah, I do the INFP door slam on the rare occasion when it's necessary to extract harmful people from my life. Not sure if I've ever been on the receiving end of it. Generally, friendships have ended more gradually for me (died a natural death), or I was the one who cut contact.

    My childhood best friend (ENFP) kind of cut me off when we got to our teens, but we had been slowly growing apart, and I was fed up with her also (she was engaging in drug use and other things I was not into). I don't remember going into any denial, but I felt a bit abandoned and resentful. I remember being more sad that I didn't find a close friend to replace her; it was less about losing her as an individual, since I had grown to dislike things about her anyway.

    Funny thing is, she invited me to her wedding years later and I went because my mom was friends with her mom and was going. It turned out that it meant a lot to her that I showed up, and yet, I showed up because she means nothing to me now.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #17
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Only met one so far in my life. Maybe two if I include the people on this forum.

    Besides that, how you think it feels ? Good ?
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  8. #18
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
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    I do this myself. It gets to a certain point with someone where my patience runs out (like fidelia said, it takes a lot for that to happen). This part of Lenore Thompsonís INFJ description has always resonated with me, in regard to this tendency (though Iím not entirely certain itís exactly what Thompson meant when she wrote it):

    ďSome INFJs work to develop their Extroverted Thinking function, attempting to bring order to their Intuitions, but they usually end up using their Judgment defensively- to assert their right to feel exactly what theyíre feeling as theyíre feeling it. Such types are quite articulate in their resistance to othersí analysis of them, but theyíre also wounded by the criticism and may hesitate to reveal themselves againĒ
    When I think about it, every time I have Ďshut the doorí on someone itís invariably because it seems like Iím not allowed to feel what Iím actually feeling. Iím a reasonable person, and Iím careful about the extent to which my feelings might be an imposition on other people (which is something I think a lot of INFxs do without voicing the extent to which they do it, but anyway); when someone consistently takes that for granted and gets critical of the little bit of feeling that actually makes it through that screening process- I eventually lose patience with them. Itís too much work to spend effort justifying my feelings to someone whoís demonstrated an unwillingness to listen or to give me credit for only saying things Iíve thought about first.

    I realize part of the problem is that anyone who doesnít put their own feelings through that same screening process isnít going to recognize it happening in someone else, because it isnít familiar to them. I donít think many people realize that if Iím actually saying something it means Iíve already reached my boiling point; whereas the other person is accustomed to saying something right away, when the Ďboiling pointí is a long way off. And if Iím close to someone, Iíll try explaining this- that I canít stand saying something over and over, I need to be listened to the first couple times I complain. But there have been a couple of times that the other person just wasnít willing or able to hear it.

    The one aspect of this tendency that I really donít like is: when that door shuts, it shuts for good. I havenít been able to figure out how to open it again, to give the person another chance- even when I honestly want to.

    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    As an INFJ, do you find it harder to give the super cold shoulder to family members?
    I have no problem giving the super cold shoulder to family members, but I do have a really hard time writing off people who have been really good to me in the past. I'll put up with a lot of shit, probably too much, with someone who has made it to my A-list.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  9. #19
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    *shrug* I'd move on pretty quickly, I gotta be honest here, I really doubt I'd notice in the first place unless the door slammer explained they were slamming the door, at that time I'd usually stop caring. If they wanted to unslam later that's cool too, do your thang.

    This sums up my opinion well.


    I'd rather have a doorslam than months of being put through the wringer.

  10. #20
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    *doorslams all ENTPs*

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