• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] P is for Perfectionism

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
I'm a fairly freewheeling P with the a serious perfectionist streak. I've realized that a lot of my spontaneity, a lot of my ideas, have been killed by a deeply ingrained fear of failure. It's sporadic though, I can't really find a pattern to it all. A lot of times(most of the time?), I do random things that may not make sense to most people in my life, but I approach the situation with confidence and optimism. Other times though, I hesitate and sit on something for months or even years for fear that I may make some horrible, irrevocable error. But situations almost always work out as I hope, so I'm not sure where the fear of failure originates.
Any other NPs suffer from random bouts of anxiety fueled perfectionism that prevent them from acting in a way that feels authentic?
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
Sounds exactly like me, although my fear of failure has become more extreme in the last year, to the point that I'm not even trying anymore. :(

Sometimes I believe I can write, that I'm gifted at spinning a fantasy world that people will want to vist, other times I feel I need lessons, professional advice, that I'm just good enough. It has to be perfect or it has to be nothing, and because of this I do seize up alot.

Other times leap in with no fear and come out on top, the newer the thing the better because I have yet to start seeing myself as not perfect enough, once I've tried it a few times I start to set the bar higher, to place perfectionism so far out of reach and I just let it go again.

I'm trying hard to overcome these moments, but then again the overcoming has to be perfect so of course I seize up on that too. :laugh:
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
Berbs, I can relate to your entire post. I talk myself out of so many things, and convince myself that I need more of everything in order to do something: time, money, space, people, excitement, information.

I mean, I actually do get a hell of a lot accomplished, but there's always something more that I want to do. Something bigger. And it's almost like it just takes me waking up one morning, not thinking at all, and just having some random burst of energy to accomplish it. It's like, the more I think about something, the less I know, and the less I do.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Other times leap in with no fear and come out on top, the newer the thing the better because I have yet to start seeing myself as not perfect enough, once I've tried it a few times I start to set the bar higher, to place perfectionism so far out of reach and I just let it go again.

This seems like a circle :(

I dont think Ps are types that can push through things as good as Js can. We tend to back off sooner.

My opposite of N is that I generally go in to everything without goals, I use my energy to push me until the desire is gone. I get obsessed and give it my all, but dont really have any goals to achieve. If my desire stays up there my energy seems to follow and I can keep pushing pretty hard, but still have no real goals as to what im pushing for. When my desire stops I have a real hard time pushing. I dont really think about goals, just trying to make the process fun.

I can still be a perfectionist even though I dont have goals. I want the quality to be there, but dont really have a goal.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
This is just like in job interviews when they ask you what is your weakness.

And the scripted answer is "I'm a perfectionist." Everyone's a perfectionist! It means nothing and anything at the same time, which is why it's such a great answer.

Ooh! I thought of something new to add to my resume!

"Promoted/Encouraged sales opportunities," aka I was ruthless, mercenary, and mowed other sales reps down when I thought I had a customer spending $200+ within my grasp.
 

Liminality

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2009
Messages
217
MBTI Type
ISFx
Enneagram
6w7
If it's not perfect, what's the point in starting? Is somewhat my philosophy.

There are so many possibilities, threads, open ends, and how are we to know which is correct? There are so many it can be a comfort to find something concrete and unchanging.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
This seems like a circle :(
I dont think Ps are types that can push through things as good as Js can. We tend to back off sooner.
I can still be a perfectionist even though I dont have goals. I want the quality to be there, but dont really have a goal.

I think we back off sooner, but we also pick up more, so there's more for us to leave behind, ya know? We want to experience so much, so we dabble in a million different things. Once I'm really into something and get that unexplainable and uncontrollable urge to act, like you said, it's like an obsession. I wont stop until I've done it. Sometimes I have stated goals, but other times I just see something that interest me, or think of something, and I push towards it. But the perfectionism is sometimes so severe that I will drop something, knowing I want it, simply because I stop believing that I can do it "right".
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I think we back off sooner, but we also pick up more, so there's more for us to leave behind, ya know? We want to experience so much, so we dabble in a million different things. Once I'm really into something, like you said, it's like an obsession. I wont stop until I've done it. Sometimes I have stated goals, but other times I just see something that interest me, or think of something, and I push towards it. But the perfectionism is sometimes so severe that I will drop something, knowing I want it, simply because I stop believing that I can do it "right".

:( I really like my dads company when I dont feel like I can do things "right". I feel like with him we can tackle any "job" whether it be handyman stuff, yard work, fixing cars, building things. Without him I question some of my abilities to do things right. To me thats what the people in our life are for. My dad calls me anytime he needs me to bounce ideas off of or just needs a hand. I think its because our functions and thought processes are so different. We are both T so we get stuck in F(female;)) things.

If it wasnt for the Father/Son thing I dont think a connection would have been created between us because we dont really hang out much and just talk about life. Our viewpoints are to different(P vs J), but when we have a job to get done, we can do anything together. Sometimes just having him there is help enough.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
If it's not perfect, what's the point in starting? Is somewhat my philosophy.

Huh. And I guess I tend to take it as a given that things/I will never be perfect. But I don't shy away from that fact...it's simply a truth that I accept, and I carry on with my life and don't let it stop me. The idea of not doing something perfectly has never stopped me in my tracks, I guess. Hopefully I improve over time with whatever I'm attempting to do, and if in the end I tire of it, or realize I will always royally suck at it and it's useless, then I tire of it and that's that. But that's my philosophy.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
:( I really like my dads company when I dont feel like I can do things "right".
Yea, I have a few people I can go to when I slow myself down. It's so important to have that.:yes: That's awesome your dad is that person. Good stuff.

If it's not perfect, what's the point in starting? Is somewhat my philosophy.
When I'm just vegging out, I'm guessing this is what's going through my head.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
pretty much...if i'm going to do something i want it to be done just right or i'll just put it off until i know i can do it better.
 

Clonester

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
480
MBTI Type
ENFP
I think most, if not all, ENFP's are perfectionists. Myself included.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i don't think people get that though...because the things we may be concerned with being right...are not necessarily the same things they are focusing on...you know?
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
i don't think people get that though...because the things we may be concerned with being right...are not necessarily the same things they are focusing on...you know?

Exactly! I was always told I was unmotivated and lazy, which was so far from the truth. My focus, intense at that, was just in places that the people around me rarely valued. So my desire to "achieve" went largely unnoticed.
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
i want it to be done just right or i'll just put it off until i know i can do it better.
I do not feel incapable of doing things, but I have trouble finding the time to devote to projects that I feel they deserve.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I do not feel incapable of doing things, but I have trouble finding the time to devote to projects that I feel they deserve.

well yeah...i partly mean that too...like damn i need to do this but don't want to rush it...so i'll wait because i can do it better when i have more time.
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
^ yeah that is exactly me, I was responding more to Fer's 'fear of failure', though now that I reread it looks due to lack of time/info, and not actual ability :)

information
I have recently started reading about the enneagram and I believe I am a 5; often I feel I need to do more research to be sure I am making the 'best' choice, to be sure I am getting into what I think I am getting into.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
is that a 5 thing? i am big on researching everything too so i know what all the options are...it is crazy how much time i can rationalize devoting to research to make a damn decision...but if i don't...i always worry i made the wrong one.
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
As I understand, fives seek to understand things, in hope that they can become more competent. Sevens seek to try lots of things, in hope that they will find what they really want.

Type seven is pretty common for the Ne and Se users, so it is possible I am mistaking myself for a five.
 

Sad Lounge

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
18
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
?
I think it needs to be pointed out that Perfection is an illusion. An impossible standard. A great way to drive yourself insane. I'm such a J, that I'm going to have a hard time understanding a lot of you "P"s. I thought Perfectionism was a J trait. J's usually are very goal oriented with very high standards. I know that I would get frustrated with myself if I thought I wasn't putting enough effort into something, because I set impossibly high standards for myself. I was the kind of kid who would get a 97% on a test and obsess about the 3 questions I got wrong instead of the 97 I got right. I wouldn't give myself enough credit.

I thought P's didn't care enough to be perfectionists. They seem so easy-going and flexible, that I could see them going "That's good enough."

I think the problem is that since P's aren't goal-oriented, they don't know what they want. They do know what they don't want or like, and that's where the perfectionism comes in. And since they can't motivate themselves the way J's can, they stop. They don't have the will-power to push themselves through to the end. Once the inspiration is gone, the action is gone, and they move on to something else, and the cycle repeats. This can also be attributed to their impulsivity.

Any thoughts?
 
Top