[INFJ] How does an INFJ show interest in someone?

[Fidelia]

Well then, as long as there is feast in with the famine, I guess that would end up alright.

 

[Synarch]

Incidentally, this is probably why ENTP's can seem shady. I think about how to please and then I try to say pleasing things.

 

[Synarch]

Well then, as long as there is feast in with the famine, I guess that would end up alright.

I think it's a question of focus. Wherever I am focused is where I put my energies. But, my focus tends to shift wildly at times. So, it can appear as feast or famine. They say ENTP's can be hard to have as parents. I have noticed with friends if I am just not feeling like spending time with a certain person I can be very aloof with them and even avoid them. I think NTP's are some of the most selfish people out there. We basically have to simulate empathy by way of our understanding, I think. I have to constantly check my own selfishness. But, paradoxically, I think this helps make me considerate. Since I regularly try to work at it.

 

[Fidelia]

Do you think for the most part it takes time to mature into doing that, or were you always aware of that tendancy and therefore made efforts to compensate?

 

[Synarch]

Do you think for the most part it takes time to mature into doing that, or were you always aware of that tendancy and therefore made efforts to compensate?

I still suck at it. When meeting our Ego we need a whip. Sometimes as a goad. Sometimes as a scourge.

 

[Fidelia]

So what spurs you on to keep on it?

 

[Synarch]

So what spurs you on to keep on it?

Fear of being wrong. Failing to figure things out.

 

[Fidelia]

Like an unsolved puzzle that will explode like a time bomb if you don't diffuse it in time?

 

[Synarch]

Like an unsolved puzzle that will explode if you don't figure it out in time?

I guess life is like that. Except when time runs out everything goes black and cold for eternity. Your blink in the vast endless nothing.

 

[Fidelia]

And INFJs SOP after agressive availability?

 

[Synarch]

And INFJs SOP after agressive availability?

What are you asking? What else do they do?

 

[Fidelia]

Yep. Any distinguishing features? I don't know enough of them in real life other than myself to observe in action. I kind of wonder how other types perceive us that way.

 

[Synarch]

Yep.

Hmm...

For one, they are good at seeing what other people can't see. This makes you feel especially noticed.

 

[Fidelia]

Yes, certainly true, although I'm not too sure how other people wouldn't notice that stuff in someone they like.

 

[tess2008]

I am terrible at showing interest in people . I really want to, but I just freeze up.
I got asked out the other day by a guy I've been interested in for a long time, but it was a very strange.. strange situation that allowed him to see that I liked him.
I was with my crazy ENFP friend, who knew I liked him, and wanted to 'set us up' but is an UNCONTROLLABLE flirt, and ended up flirting with him while I was there, and hugging him and stroking his hair, and it made me super jealous, and forced me to come out of my shell and talk to him and smile and him and hug him etc, and it worked because he asked me out that night.
otherwise, I don't know if he would've picked up on any signals.
I smile a lot and try to catch the eye of people I am interested in, but I think most people think I'm just being friendly.

 

[21%]

Maybe male INFJs. Female ones just always "happen" to be in your path where they weren't before and then pretend like they didn't see you there unless you initiate conversation. I always thought it was awkwardly and painfully obvious.

Oh my god I used to do this all the time in high school. I would take a different "route" to my next class in order to just "happen" to pass by the object of my affections and whenever they said hello I'd act like me being there was a complete coincidence lol

I'm guilty of this, too

 

[Banana]

I am currently in a relationship with an INFJ. Her pattern with me may be typical, hope this helps:

I approached her, she has since explained this helped give her the confidence I was interested.

We spoke online for a few months before meeting. This helped both of us, we are IFs, etc.

She has explained she knew how she felt about me and what she wanted in her gut very quickly, formed an attachment, kept the intensity of her feelings to herself for fear of rejection. She did not actually keep anything to herself other than her words.

I considered breaking off the relationship early on because of the intensity which at the time was causing mucho conflict. She was not deterred by this though it scared her. In fact, she doubled her efforts, flew to see me dressed to the 9's, etc. Very passionate, determined person.

If an INFJ is interested in you and you express interest, I don't think there will be much confusion as to attraction. Takes a long time to get to know them, though. If they are politely avoiding you, take the hint (grin). These are lovely people who don't wish harm but will not tolerate emotional or physical intrusions that are unwanted.

Oh, and she has described the above behaviors. Running into people, making behind the scenes arra gements that result in oops! spending time together. Good stuff. Worked, from what I hear.

 

[simulatedworld]

I think it's a question of focus. Wherever I am focused is where I put my energies. But, my focus tends to shift wildly at times. So, it can appear as feast or famine. They say ENTP's can be hard to have as parents. I have noticed with friends if I am just not feeling like spending time with a certain person I can be very aloof with them and even avoid them. I think NTP's are some of the most selfish people out there. We basically have to simulate empathy by way of our understanding, I think. I have to constantly check my own selfishness. But, paradoxically, I think this helps make me considerate. Since I regularly try to work at it.

Bolded part is what I keep talking about with the functions imitating functions we don't naturally have.

I very much identify with this post though.

 

[the state i am in]

i think infjs are one of the worst types, when they have strong feelings and are extremely introverted/poorly practiced socially, of having any sense whatsoever of how others would take their signs and signals. they may luck out and have someone who just gets it right away, but it is unlikely.

not to mention infjs push-pull, the over-reactive retreat move as soon as they feel like they are too far exposed or have gestured too strongly, makes others question how they actually feel. it just ends up being skittish, highly anxious, and somewhat absurd. bizarre Fe projections is my new favorite descriptor.

my best awkward moments have been when i've had a crush on another infj. holy shit- two people should not have so many nerves. but overall, the infps, the enfps, the esfps- they all were mostly awkward too. surely i just looked crazy, being so intently focused at times but then pretending to not notice them, ignoring them, clearing expression and tightening my face, etc. i just didn't know how to hang in there and deal with my own feelings.

also, the amelie scene in which she is writing on the glass board is about right. and imagining the guy coming to her door from the street and only realizing it was the cat.

getting a bit more comfortable with the process, learning how to interact and get good information makes the whole process less degrading, humiliating, and valium needing.

 

[Billy]

i think infjs are one of the worst types, when they have strong feelings and are extremely introverted/poorly practiced socially, of having any sense whatsoever of how others would take their signs and signals. they may luck out and have someone who just gets it right away, but it is unlikely.

not to mention infjs push-pull, the over-reactive retreat move as soon as they feel like they are too far exposed or have gestured too strongly, makes others question how they actually feel. it just ends up being skittish, highly anxious, and somewhat absurd. bizarre Fe projections is my new favorite descriptor.

my best awkward moments have been when i've had a crush on another infj. holy shit- two people should not have so many nerves. but overall, the infps, the enfps, the esfps- they all were mostly awkward too. surely i just looked crazy, being so intently focused at times but then pretending to not notice them, ignoring them, clearing expression and tightening my face, etc. i just didn't know how to hang in there and deal with my own feelings.

also, the amelie scene in which she is writing on the glass board is about right. and imagining the guy coming to her door from the street and only realizing it was the cat.

getting a bit more comfortable with the process, learning how to interact and get good information makes the whole process less degrading, humiliating, and valium needing.

haha awesome description. I remember feeling exactly the same way, esp when I dated another INFJ. I have since had a wierd catharsis of sorts after a huge explosion and I have been reworking myself and somehow lately I dont feel guilty or embarrassed about myself so much so I have been able to project a sort of awesome confidence and its working out well and I am able to get over those old feelings which will always exist, but sort of now I can rise over them and play things like a game.. hard to explain.