[INFJ] How does an INFJ show interest in someone?

[Fidelia]

How does an INFJ show interest in someone?

Very subtly.

Maybe male INFJs. Female ones just always "happen" to be in your path where they weren't before and then pretend like they didn't see you there unless you initiate conversation. I always thought it was awkwardly and painfully obvious.

 

[Synarch]

Maybe male INFJs. Female ones just always "happen" to be in your path where they weren't before and then pretend like they didn't see you there unless you initiate conversation. I always thought it was awkwardly and painfully obvious.

I call it "aggressive availability". It's SOP for INFJ's.

 

[Fidelia]

I hate it when I do that and yet can't seem to stop it! What's SOP?

 

[Synarch]

Standard operating procedure.

 

[Fidelia]

Oh!

Yeah, I guess that method works less well for guys though... For women, it usually is fairly effective as long as the other party is looking for them and engages them in conversation.

 

[Synarch]

Oh!

Yeah, I guess that method works less well for guys though... For women, it usually is fairly effective as long as the other party is looking for them and engages them in conversation.

Yea. I would imagine it works better for women. Men are always hanging about. Orbiting. If women orbit, it's only because they've failed to be noticed. Or, the man in question is aloof or oblivious.

I think if a man wants to take a passive route and elicit some response it is better for him to be carefree and oblivious to the attentions of the woman in question.

 

[Fidelia]

What do ENTPs do?

 

[Synarch]

What do ENTPs do?

Relentless attention + aloofness.

 

[Synarch]

I'm suspicious of people who like me if it came too easily.

 

[lost verses]

Maybe male INFJs. Female ones just always "happen" to be in your path where they weren't before and then pretend like they didn't see you there unless you initiate conversation. I always thought it was awkwardly and painfully obvious.

Oh my god I used to do this all the time in high school. I would take a different "route" to my next class in order to just "happen" to pass by the object of my affections and whenever they said hello I'd act like me being there was a complete coincidence lol

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

My first big crush was my freshman year in college. He worked downstairs in the library and would monitor the listening rooms. I went there often to listen to recordings of music in part because I was a music major, but also to cross paths. It was never reciprocated, but it's just as well. I don't think my imagination and reality were especially well aligned at that point. He also liked bubbly girls. Most of my "dating" years consisted of crushes in which I thought I was communicating interest, but whether or not I succeeded, there was not a response. I think I had a bad combination of being dense when someone showed interest, and overly subtle in expressing interest.

When older, I just took greater risks, and lucked out somehow.

 

[Synarch]

My first big crush was my freshman year in college. He worked downstairs in the library and would monitor the listening rooms. I went there often to listen to recordings of music in part because I was a music major, but also to cross paths. It was never reciprocated, but it's just as well. I don't think my imagination and reality were especially well aligned at that point. He also liked bubbly girls. Most of my "dating" years consisted of crushes in which I thought I was communicating interest, but whether or not I succeeded, there was not a response. I think I had a bad combination of being dense when someone showed interest, and overly subtle in expressing interest.

INFJ's are subtle.

 

[Fidelia]

Relentless attention + aloofness.

I'm suspicious of people who like me if it came too easily.

How do you be aloof while relentlessly attentive? And why suspicious?

 

[Synarch]

How do you be aloof while relentlessly attentive? And why suspicious?

That's easy. When they respond positively to your relentless attention you back off. People are problem solvers. When you behave in a seemingly irrational way it makes them curious. People are also averse to loss.

Of course, none of this is done consciously. I sometimes become aloof because I am uncomfortable when people like me.

As far as why I am suspicious if someone likes me too much...

If someone likes you too easily, then they could have liked someone else just as easily. In other words, if they like you too quickly then there was nothing special since they could have likely liked someone else just as easy.

Being suspicious doesn't mean uninterested.

 

[Fidelia]

I see why INFJs are often such suckers for you folks - they are very curious and they are extremely adverse to loss. How long does this back and forth stuff usually go on for?

 

[Synarch]

I see why INFJs are often such suckers for you folks - they are very curious and they are extremely adverse to loss. How long does this back and forth stuff usually go on for?

Forever.

 

[Fidelia]

That sounds horrid. And yet, they'd never leave till they got it all figured out why, then reconfirmed their observations, did everything in their power to rectify it and waited until the ENTP's attention was absorbed completely by something/one else before sadly slinking off and pining for a couple more years.

 

[Synarch]

That sounds horrid. And yet, they'd never leave till they got it all figured out why, then reconfirmed their observations, did everything in their power to rectify it and waited until the ENTP's attention was absorbed completely by something/one else.

I think the whole ENTP "wandering eye" thing is incorrect. I don't think ENTP's get bored in relationships, if they are in good relationships. So, I don't see what's so bad about it.

 

[Fidelia]

It doesn't have to be in a wandering eye sense. Just their attention being absorbed. Are they at enthusiastically honest about how much they like the perosn in the relentless pursuing phase of things?

 

[Synarch]

It doesn't have to be in a wandering eye sense. Just their attention being absorbed. Are they at enthusiastically honest about how much they like the perosn in the relentless pursuing phase of things?

In my case, yes. I am very expressive. (6000+ posts)