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  1. #81
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZUPCB9533Y"][/YOUTUBE]
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #82
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Hehe, thanks for that!

  3. #83
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I would like to answer the op, but I am a big fan of INFJs not showing intrest in someone.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #84
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    But honestly, what's the difference between "date" and "hanging out"? Because, I don't understand (Other than the obvious, date implies that both parties are interested and each other, and there is sometimes physical intimacy). Or should that question be in it's own thread?

    If we ever actually go on a date, how different will it be from our Saturday night hangouts? From the INFJ perspective: What would you do differently? Would you actually straight-up label it a "date" or would you just assume that there is some sort of unspoken agreement?

    ETA: For the record, I do have a lot of guy friends. So I know what "hanging out" is in the context of hanging out in a group, hanging out with at least one other person there, hanging out/studying on a weekday night, etc. But not one-on-one dinner + activity + weekend night hanging out, so that's what I'm curious about. I usually only do that type of hanging out with a guy friend when he's gay (or when he's straight...but then he calls it a date).

    And I'm sorry if this seems like an obvious question but, I can be socially retarded at times :blushing: (as in, I don't know always know what the "rules" are in the social/dating realm or what certain social terminology "means" ) so I always feel the need to ask when in doubt.
    You are already dating! It's obvious! By coming up with the stay-in date, it seems like he's really trying to get closer to you. IMO stay-in dates are introverts' heaven, and I would only do it with someone I really, really like Because otherwise I'm usually very protective of my personal physical space, and I don't want just anyone inside.

    If I may ask, has he ever had a girlfriend before? If not, or if he is not very experienced, the idea of labeling something as "dating" might seem really awkward. I know if my boyfriend had used the word "date" when asking me out for the first time, I would have blushed like crazy and run away. I was "hanging out" one-on-one with him for a long time before we finally made it official.

    The signs are really good! Hope the date goes well!

  5. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    You are already dating! It's obvious! By coming up with the stay-in date, it seems like he's really trying to get closer to you. IMO stay-in dates are introverts' heaven, and I would only do it with someone I really, really like Because otherwise I'm usually very protective of my personal physical space, and I don't want just anyone inside.
    i agree with all of this

    It probably doesn't make a difference to him what you're calling it

  6. #86
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    You are already dating! It's obvious!
    ... ... Uh....

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    IMO stay-in dates are introverts' heaven, and I would only do it with someone I really, really like Because otherwise I'm usually very protective of my personal physical space, and I don't want just anyone inside.
    I'm the same way, I rarely ever even invite my closest friends over to my place. I usually just go to their places because I'm very private about my personal space.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    If I may ask, has he ever had a girlfriend before? If not, or if he is not very experienced, the idea of labeling something as "dating" might seem really awkward. I know if my boyfriend had used the word "date" when asking me out for the first time, I would have blushed like crazy and run away. I was "hanging out" one-on-one with him for a long time before we finally made it official.
    Aww (re: you and your boyfriend) that's so cute! How long was a "long time"?

    Yes, as far as I know, he's had a girlfriend before (in highschool, none yet in college though). Although, he said that he only dated girls within his circle of friends or something about how all the people in his circle just dated each other. Which just screamed "introvert/shy" to me, because that's what my circle of friends did in middle school (because asking someone outside the circle required more effort/initiative, confidence, and extroversion.)

    I'm not in the same "circle of friends" as him though (as in, we don't have any mutual friends who we hang out with together), so I could see why he might be more cautious than usual.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    The signs are really good! Hope the date goes well!
    Thanks I decided not to try and hang out this weekend though, because I don't want him to feel like I'm monopolizing his Saturday nights. Unfortunately, the following weekend I'll be out of town. And the weekend after that, he'll be out of town. So we probably won't have another "date(?)/hanging out night" until November because we're both so busy with classes and organizations/activities during the weekdays to do anything as well.

    QUESTION: Would it be too soon, if I inquired as to what his plans were this weekend? I really don't want to do it because, like I said, I don't want him to be annoyed or feel like I'm monopolizing his Saturday nights. But, if I don't, then we won't be able to do anything again till November...and I hate waiting.

    EDIT: Nevermind, I think I'll just wait, I don't want to bother him...
    EDIT 2: I just did my schedule for the weekend and I'm completely booked on both Friday & Saturday night , so I guess this weekend isn't ideal anyways (although, I could always make time )

    Quote Originally Posted by Requeim View Post
    It probably doesn't make a difference to him what you're calling it
    B-b-but I like things clearly and accurately labeled so that I can categorize them correctly in my mind for future reference.
    (Yes, my ISTJ is showing right now...)
    Last edited by AutumnReverie; 10-14-2009 at 12:57 PM.

  7. #87
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post

    Quote Originally Posted by 21%
    You are already dating! It's obvious!
    ... ... Uh....
    To me, if that's not dating I don't know what it is


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Aww (re: you and your boyfriend) that's so cute! How long was a "long time"?
    It was two or three months of hanging out one-on-one almost everyday, plus a couple of movies on and off campus. Luckily we are both low-energy people . Lots of talking, though.


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Yes, as far as I know, he's had a girlfriend before (in highschool, none yet in college though). Although, he said that he only dated girls within his circle of friends or something about how all the people in his circle just dated each other. Which just screamed "introvert/shy" to me, because that's what my circle of friends did in middle school (because asking someone outside the circle required more effort/initiative, confidence, and extroversion.)

    I'm not in the same "circle of friends" as him though (as in, we don't have any mutual friends who we hang out with together), so I could see why he might be more cautious than usual.
    I think this might be why he is more comfortable with a slow friend-to-girlfriend transition. From your post it seems that everyone he knows does it this way, so he might find it more natural to just let things develop. I also relate a lot to what other posters have said about the push-pull thing. At the beginning of my present relationship, I kept defining and redefining what our relationship was. I was always trying to figure out if I really liked him more than a friend, and to make sure that it was because I really liked him and not because of my own need to be with someone. I also had to make sure that he really liked me because of me and not because something he saw from the surface, like being nice and helpful. Also, there were issues of whether I was accommodating too much because I liked him and was therefore losing my own identity in the relationship. In short, the relationship was about figuring out who I was as much as who he was. I tried to take every possible factor into account, and this required a lot of processing time. There were times where I would choose not to hang out, even when I wanted to, because I felt my feelings were getting out of control and needed to redefine them. So if he doesn't seem to be making the extra effort to hang out with you, it could be that he needs alone time to think things through.


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    EDIT: Nevermind, I think I'll just wait, I don't want to bother him...
    EDIT 2: I just did my schedule for the weekend and I'm completely booked on both Friday & Saturday night , so I guess this weekend isn't ideal anyways (although, I could still do something in the early evening Sat. night )
    If I were him, I would really appreciate a text message during your 'tied-up' weekend. Extra points if it's sent in the middle of that something you are supposed to be doing (if he knows when exactly you're doing it). It doesn't have to be serious, but it shows that you are still thinking about him even when you are busy with your own stuff.

  8. #88
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    To me, if that's not dating I don't know what it is
    Well, I guess that's a good sign then (that it, at least, seems like dating)

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    It was two or three months of hanging out one-on-one almost everyday, plus a couple of movies on and off campus. Luckily we are both low-energy people . Lots of talking, though.
    That sounds great! I wish we still had a class together because, since we don't anymore, I don't see him at all during the week. =( And he's mentioned how completely full his class schedule is (and how he may have to drop a class) and how he's up till 3am doing homework. So I don't really feel comfortable suggesting any one-on-one get togethers during the weekdays. Plus, I'm pretty busy weeknights too (In fact when I told him about all my classwork + organization/committee stuff, he said that I sounded even busier than him! )

    I thought about maybe asking him where he hangs out for lunch because last semester we would always eat together (one-on-one) for lunch at the student union. Would it be okay if I asked...
    "Hey, do you still go to x for lunch?" (If he answers yes... "Oh well maybe we could meet up there sometime, like we used to?")

    Or does that seem a little stalkerish? I definitely don't want to seem that way (And if he said yes, I'd probably only meet him maybe once a week) I've had about 2/3 people (new friends/acquaintances) ask me where I hang out in between classes/for lunch, so I don't think it's a creepy question. But I'm not sure how to ask without making it awkward. Knowing me, I'd probably ask abruptly out-of-nowhere because I don't know how to smoothly bring it up and ask.

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    I think this might be why he is more comfortable with a slow friend-to-girlfriend transition. From your post it seems that everyone he knows does it this way, so he might find it more natural to just let things develop. I also relate a lot to what other posters have said about the push-pull thing. At the beginning of my present relationship, I kept defining and redefining what our relationship was. I was always trying to figure out if I really liked him more than a friend, and to make sure that it was because I really liked him and not because of my own need to be with someone. I also had to make sure that he really liked me because of me and not because something he saw from the surface, like being nice and helpful. Also, there were issues of whether I was accommodating too much because I liked him and was therefore losing my own identity in the relationship. In short, the relationship was about figuring out who I was as much as who he was. I tried to take every possible factor into account, and this required a lot of processing time. There were times where I would choose not to hang out, even when I wanted to, because I felt my feelings were getting out of control and needed to redefine them. So if he doesn't seem to be making the extra effort to hang out with you, it could be that he needs alone time to think things through.
    Thanks for this! This definitely helps me to understand better. I could see how maybe he does need more time to think things through. Although, at this rate, it seems like I may never find out if he really likes me until sometime next semester. Do you think it would scare him off if I ever broached the subject sooner than that?

    Quote Originally Posted by 21% View Post
    If I were him, I would really appreciate a text message during your 'tied-up' weekend. Extra points if it's sent in the middle of that something you are supposed to be doing (if he knows when exactly you're doing it). It doesn't have to be serious, but it shows that you are still thinking about him even when you are busy with your own stuff.
    I could do that! Thanks for the suggestion.

  9. #89
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    Initially: By not showing interest in them. By showing less interest in them than anyone else in the room.

  10. #90
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Yeah it would be a good idea to text him a good bit over the busy weekend as a way of saying "I wish I could hang out with you but I'm busy." Also bring up how you would like to hang out sometime. You're both Js, make some plans!
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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