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  1. #61
    Junior Member thats.mana's Avatar
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    If you have netflix watch "Tears of Black Tiger", It's a Thai spaghetti western love story. Ofcourse you have to go back to either yours or his place but it's worth it.

    But if you can't, try and find something introspective and be prepared to discuss it with him later. I hate to help with the emotional manipulation of a an infj but I feel your intentions are pure, haha.

  2. #62
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    I do have netflix! I actually have three foreign films checked out already that I haven't watched yet: "Love Songs" (French), "One Missed Call" (Japanese), and "Cold Prey" (Norwegian). But I'll definitely watch them before next weekend, so I can always exchange them for something else.

    Quote Originally Posted by thats.mana View Post
    If you have netflix watch "Tears of Black Tiger", It's a Thai spaghetti western love story. Ofcourse you have to go back to either yours or his place but it's worth it.
    Hmm, I'll check it out! Although, I'm not sure about a western...or a love story But I'll definitely look into it. Is there a trailer out on YT or anything? I'm thinking a comedy might be fun or a horror.

    Quote Originally Posted by thats.mana View Post
    But if you can't, try and find something introspective and be prepared to discuss it with him later. I hate to help with the emotional manipulation of a an infj but I feel your intentions are pure, haha.
    Oh haha, I definitely don't want to emotional manipulate anyone I would never do that nor do I know how. But yeah, I'm already prepared for discussion. I spent a decent chunk of my summer watching movies with a different INFJ friend of mine. And, no matter what the movie was, he always wanted to deeply discuss and analyze them for hours afterward. But it was fun discussing.

    EDIT:
    Apparently this is playing at the local foreign film theater next week...
    "A Woman in Berlin" (German)
    Set in 1945 during the Red Army invasion of Berlin. Women are victims; one of them is Anonyma, who had been a journalist and photographer. In her desperation, she decides to look for an officer who can protect her. She meets a Russian officer Andrej - an encounter which develops into a complex symbiotic relationship that forces them to remain enemies until the bitter end.

  3. #63
    Senior Member souffle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Apparently this is playing at the local foreign film theater next week...
    "A Woman in Berlin" (German)
    Set in 1945 during the Red Army invasion of Berlin. Women are victims; one of them is Anonyma, who had been a journalist and photographer. In her desperation, she decides to look for an officer who can protect her. She meets a Russian officer Andrej - an encounter which develops into a complex symbiotic relationship that forces them to remain enemies until the bitter end.
    Sounds like a unique, fascinating and intellectually stimulating choice. Perfect!

  4. #64
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    Where's our update?

  5. #65
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istina View Post
    Where's our update?
    Update? Well he didn't make back in town in time (I'm assuming since he never called to tell me that he had made it in time/he said he would call if he made it back in time) and he hasn't contacted me all weekend. So yeah...I'm not sure what to do. It's like on Wed. - Fri. he was being all attentive and assuring me that he likes talking to me/wants to spend more time with me. And then Sat. - Mon. comes and I never hear from him I don't know what to do ...I don't want to pursue someone who's not interested in me. But it's so hard to figure out what he's thinking. Especially for me, since I'm not an N, I don't "just know" things ...and I'm not an F, so I'm not really in-tune with people's "feelings" (although, I try! I feel like I've become more balanced with my F/T this year). I usually go on what I actually see and hear, which can be difficult to interpret as well (since I tend to over think :blushing.

    Oh well *sigh*...I'll just see how it goes. He said that he wanted to go see an int'l film together, so I'll just text/call him up on Thursday or something and ask if he still wants to do that. ...or maybe not call/text at all?

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    TO INFJs (preferably males, but females can answer as well):
    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    2. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    3. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    4. On a first date, how do you usually act?
    5. How would you like to be approached/asked out by an interested person?
    6. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    7. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    8. How often do you take the initiative/make the first move/ask someone out?
    9. What would be your ideal date (activity)?
    10. How should one go about pursuing you?

    ULTIMATE QUESTION: (if you'd rather just answer one instead of ten)
    How do you show interest in someone?

    Also if other types want to jump in that's fine too. My personal situation aside, I'm definitely interested in seeing how other types would answer these questions as well!

    Edited to add: Our ages (if it matters): I'm about to turn 21, he's about to turn 20.
    Hi, I'm a male INFJ. I will try to answer your questions and be as helpful as possible.

    1. I have trouble with this since I often seem to go unnoticed, especially by extroverted types. I guess the main thing I try to do is just go straight up and talk to the person, or plan out a way to "run into them by pure chance that was not at all planned." Maybe I would also just say hi, and give a compliment, although that more evolved and useful technique is rather new to me.

    2. Generally no. I don't take too many social risks, although I will do it if I feel it's the only way to get the attention of the person of my affection. I fear coming across as desperate or just socially clueless to a girl at any time. So I try to build something and then when I feel I'm getting somewhere I'll go for it. But, again, if I felt the only way I would go out with her was by just getting out of the blue and putting myself out there, I would do it. It's definitely not something that comes easily for me, though.

    3. My process of dating selection is a bit on the picky side, so chances are anyone I go with will probably be someone I'll want to see again. But, I'll go with the flow...I'm still learning, myself, so that's what I do.

    4. I try to keep a conversation going as much as comfortably possible...I hate awkward silence, but I don't force things. Otherwise I just try to present myself well and grease the wheels of social interaction as much as I can. Maybe I'm different from most INFJs in this respect, but I just really want to interact...I don't really care about "evaluating" the person. If necessary, I can always do that later, on my own time when I can think about it.

    5. I don't believe in girls asking guys out, but I love when a girl approaches me in a friendly way with a compliment indicating she's interested.

    6. Hmmm...Don't really have a set time for that. When it's right, it's right.

    7. That's a tough question for me to answer... I guess it depends on the situation, but usually I will do or say something very direct.

    8. I have to do it all the time, but I have trouble constantly putting myself out there...But maybe that's just my problem.

    9. Eating at a restaurant, maybe going to a movie.

    10. I want them to show interest and be friendly, so I know they won't reject me.

    Anyway, after reading this topic, I'm sorry to hear he's being a little unresponsive. He could either be really shy, or maybe just needs to work on his social skills (or both). Standing someone up is not cool. I hope everything works out for you, and this may help you out. Remember not to take it too personally, it probably has nothing to do with you. Keep working with him, maybe he will come out of his shell eventually.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  7. #67
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotsOfHeart View Post
    Hi, I'm a male INFJ. I will try to answer your questions and be as helpful as possible.
    Hi there! Thanks so much for answering my questions. Reading your answers definitely helps me better understand (the male INFJ). I'm going to read them over again and I'll post if I have any questions or things I'd like a little elaboration on.

    Quote Originally Posted by LotsOfHeart View Post
    Anyway, after reading this topic, I'm sorry to hear he's being a little unresponsive. He could either be really shy, or maybe just needs to work on his social skills (or both). Standing someone up is not cool. I hope everything works out for you, and this may help you out. Remember not to take it too personally, it probably has nothing to do with you. Keep working with him, maybe he will come out of his shell eventually.
    Yeah, I'm not quite sure what happened there. He's an incredibly nice guy (in fact, I was so surprised to find someone so genuinely nice that I actually told him how nice I thought he was one of the first times we really started having discussions --- and, as an ISTJ, I compliment people rarely...so I really meant it). So I'm definitely confused as to what happened this weekend. I already know, from him and his friends, that he barely uses his phone or texts but still...I would've expected a courtesy "It doesn't look like I'm going to make it back in time" or "Sorry we couldn't do something this weekend" text. I'm not mad or anything because I'm sure he was busy with what was going on with his family friend's mom (and I guess, technically, he said he would contact if he could make it but not if he couldn't make it )...but still, if he really liked me one would think that he'd still something.

    I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and won't take it personally, but I'm still confused. Apparently INFJs would only ask out, have one-on-one friday night dinners with, make time for (etc.) people they were interested in. So, he must be a little interested in me since that's what he's done with me in the past (and made plans to do in the future). But, maybe he's just not interested...enough?

    Aaah I'm sorry to rant! I'll just wait till we go out again (whenever that is) to evaluate what's going on.

  8. #68
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    Maybe talk to him about it a little bit too. Don't dwell on it and be careful how you say things, but maybe ask him, "what happened last time if you don't mind me asking? Was everything OK?" I'm surprised an INFJ would stand someone up, because that conflicts with the depth of caring they usually have. Something might've happened. But have a good time, that's the most important thing. We're all rooting for you here.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

  9. #69
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LotsOfHeart View Post
    Maybe talk to him about it a little bit too. Don't dwell on it and be careful how you say things, but maybe ask him, "what happened last time if you don't mind me asking? Was everything OK?" I'm surprised an INFJ would stand someone up, because that conflicts with the depth of caring they usually have. But have a good time, that's the most important thing. We're all rooting for you here.
    Hm, I mean it's not really "standing me up" since the plans were tentative. He said that he would call (and we would go together) if he made it back on time...which I guess he didn't. But still, it was weird for him not make a courtesy call because, like you said, it conflicts with the INFJs depth of caring (which I know he has -- in the past whenever we had definitive plans, even if he's going to be a couple minutes late he usually called and let me know). So maybe he just figured that it was a very "casual" plan (which it was since I almost even invited my friends to come along) and that my going was not dependent on him?

    Oh well, like I said, I'm not mad and wasn't even going to mention it to him (well, I may casually mention it/ask about it when we hang out again but not via text). Aw, thanks for the support! I do hope it was just a misunderstanding, because it just seems very out-of-character of him otherwise. I guess I'll just see how it goes. I probably won't contact him again till later on in the week though.

  10. #70
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    I agree that an INFJ would not just stand someone up intentionally, and that goes even for someone they might not be that interested in. Maybe there was some miscommunication/misunderstanding of the tentative plan "plan" between the 2 of you? Or, maybe there really was an urgent situation (such as family friend's mom being really sick, landing in the hospital, or something) that caused him to lose track of time or to forget about the possible meeting with you? Maybe his family was monopolizing all of his attention etc. Family gets prioritized over friends in the INFJ world and especially in an emergent situation, other things could escape our minds (always inadvertantly and only temporarily). Of course, if I did that to anyone, I would email/text as soon as I remembered and would be very remorseful and mortified that I must have hurt that person deeply. I'd actually never forgive myself for that (and would continue remembering such a situation for years with great guilt), and it's possible that I could retreat/withdraw in shame.

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