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  1. #31
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Requeim View Post
    actually, ESFP is way more plausible, i tried explaining mbti to her at one point, and she just kept laughing at me

    but thanks anyway
    Laughing at you about the mbti? Aw, well I hope you find another ESFP (if that's the type you like ) in the future, who actually appreciates you.

    Out of curiosity, did you ever take the initiative and ask her out? Are you going to just in case there's a chance?

    By the way, thanks so much to everyone for answering my questions (and talking about this) for me! I really appreciate it.
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  2. #32
    Senior Member Keps Mnemnosyne's Avatar
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    I'm glad to see that this thread blossomed and answered your questions. Report back to us about how it goes as I at least am interested.
    Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it.

    Peach yogurt is made of love. And gnome kidneys. - Domino

    I can cope and will cope without polluting my lungs. - Saslou

  3. #33
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    I, too, have a tendency to ignore people I'm attracted to. Its a terrible habit which is the cause of my lack of relationships. I'm sure they sometimes interpret it as me being an asshole or stuck up, but the truth is I just feel like I won't be good enough for them.

  4. #34
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    I'm glad to see that this thread blossomed and answered your questions. Report back to us about how it goes as I at least am interested.
    I'll definitely report back any new developments!

    Quote Originally Posted by firstjudge View Post
    I, too, have a tendency to ignore people I'm attracted to. Its a terrible habit which is the cause of my lack of relationships. I'm sure they sometimes interpret it as me being an asshole or stuck up, but the truth is I just feel like I won't be good enough for them.
    Hmm, at what point do you stop doing that? When she's shown a certain amount of interest in you? I'm sure that as long as you're not like that 60+% of the time, she just thinks you're confusing more than anything else.
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Laughing at you about the mbti? Aw, well I hope you find another ESFP (if that's the type you like ) in the future, who actually appreciates you.

    Out of curiosity, did you ever take the initiative and ask her out? Are you going to just in case there's a chance?

    By the way, thanks so much to everyone for answering my questions (and talking about this) for me! I really appreciate it.
    I don't like a specific type, i'm just not used to people being that flirty, so that kind of got to me

    i never "asked her out", you don't really do that here, and i wouldn't do it anyway as i'm way to scared of rejection etc. to even try

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by firstjudge View Post
    I, too, have a tendency to ignore people I'm attracted to. Its a terrible habit which is the cause of my lack of relationships. I'm sure they sometimes interpret it as me being an asshole or stuck up, but the truth is I just feel like I won't be good enough for them.
    I do that too. In part for the reason you mentioned, in part just because I get so nervous and shy.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Hm the "avoiding" bit has me intrigued, because at times I've felt like this was true (which is why I've been so confused when looking back on all our encounters as a whole). For example: Late in the spring semester, we had gotten into a routine of having lunch together about twice a week (after class). He's the one who initiated it and began walking with me somewhere to eat then eating together, instead of riding his bike back to his room like he usually did. However all of sudden for a week or two he just stopped and started riding his bike back to his room like normal. At this point I wasn't romantically interested in him yet, but it still really confused me. I figured that maybe he just didn't like me anymore or was busy. But it was still strange -- the avoidance. After about two weeks he started having lunch with me again, invited me to a lecture/discussion with him (he's into political science), and everything was "normal" again.
    . . .

    INFJs can be very confusing - subtle signals, attentiveness, avoidance, attentiveness again, etc.

    I'm glad I have you all to help me though!

    New Question: Are INFJs very indecisive/fickle when it comes to deciding on who they like? Or do they pretty much "know" and stick with that (barring any major complications/events/etc that would change their mind)?
    bold #1: that is so me when i am attracted to someone! And it's something I really can't control. Part of it is that I get so nervous that I freeze up and my mind goes blank (this only happens with guys I like that way, not in any other context), and then i realize I must have come off as a total ice queen, I feel so bad about it, and I go into my safe place, ponder, analyze, and come up with ideas to how to relate better--hence the "attentive" periods. But mostly I hope that the guy would recognize that it's me being shy, not me being cold, and just bear with me until I get used to the possibility of romance and until I am actually believing that the guy is interested in me (often I think I read too much into things or that I constructed this whole illusion of him being interested, so I dont believe it at first). So with INFJs I think it takes some persistence, patience, and recognizing what an INFJ acts like when they have a crush (like you're doing). I guess we're an unusual bunch.

    bold #2: I am picky about romantic interests, but once the spark is there, wow, it consumes me! ESPECIALLY if the object of my affect also shows some interest (or if I thought he did). My crushes can last for years. And during that time, I am very unlikely to be interested in anyone else, unless the crush blows me off in some rude way or if I sense he really is not interested. In which case I will be heartbroken, but will be ready to set my sights on someone else (which could take a while).

  8. #38
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Requeim View Post
    I don't like a specific type, i'm just not used to people being that flirty, so that kind of got to me

    i never "asked her out", you don't really do that here, and i wouldn't do it anyway as I'm way to scared of rejection etc. to even try
    Aw, I sympathize with you...I've never asked anyone out either. I'd much rather be the "responder" than the "initiator" (less chance for rejection/embarrassment that way) But I guess we all have to learn sometime...

    Quote Originally Posted by workaholicsanon View Post
    I do that too. In part for the reason you mentioned, in part just because I get so nervous and shy.
    Aw, well this is definitely helping me understand better. I knew that he was a bit shy, but I didn't know that that could be the cause for avoidance. Now I know though!

    Quote Originally Posted by workaholicsanon View Post
    bold #1: that is so me when i am attracted to someone! And it's something I really can't control. Part of it is that I get so nervous that I freeze up and my mind goes blank (this only happens with guys I like that way, not in any other context), and then i realize I must have come off as a total ice queen, I feel so bad about it, and I go into my safe place, ponder, analyze, and come up with ideas to how to relate better--hence the "attentive" periods. But mostly I hope that the guy would recognize that it's me being shy, not me being cold, and just bear with me until I get used to the possibility of romance and until I am actually believing that the guy is interested in me (often I think I read too much into things or that I constructed this whole illusion of him being interested, so I dont believe it at first). So with INFJs I think it takes some persistence, patience, and recognizing what an INFJ acts like when they have a crush (like you're doing). I guess we're an unusual bunch.
    Bold #1: Well, I feel like I'm being obvious that I'm interested, but since I'm introverted and shy as well...I can't be sure that my interest is coming across as obvious as I feel it is. For example: Last night, we were texting and I asked him if he was going to this meeting tomorrow (it's a club/organization meeting that he invited me to go with him to last semester). He said he would love to go, and asked what time it was. I told him and said that if he was going that I might go to (read: I will go ).

    For anyone who knows me really well, knows that I wouldn't say that unless I'm interested in that person romantically. However, to everyone else that could be interpreted as just a friendly gesture (i.e. One of my other friends -- a straight female with a boyfriend -- said that to me just two days ago: that she would go to this other event only if I was going).

    So I guess he'd only be able to see the "signs that I'm interested in him" if he interprets it that way. But I'll try to make it a bit clearer in the future (i.e. hug him the next time we go out). Although, once again, a hug could be interpreted as just friendly too...but anyone who knows me really well knows that I don't hug anyone unless I really mean it (read: I rarely hug people ever).

    Bold #2: Yes, I'm definitely learning patience And I'm glad you all are here to help me out, otherwise all these "unusual" INFJ actions would still have me confused.

    Quote Originally Posted by workaholicsanon View Post
    bold #2: I am picky about romantic interests, but once the spark is there, wow, it consumes me! ESPECIALLY if the object of my affect also shows some interest (or if I thought he did). My crushes can last for years. And during that time, I am very unlikely to be interested in anyone else, unless the crush blows me off in some rude way or if I sense he really is not interested. In which case I will be heartbroken, but will be ready to set my sights on someone else (which could take a while).
    That's good to know. So hypothetically speaking, if he likes me then it's not going away any time soon...but if he likes someone else already then there's probably little chance for me?

    He's never mentioned anyone else, so this is all just hypothetical, but I'm just putting it out there to understand better.
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Hmm, at what point do you stop doing that? When she's shown a certain amount of interest in you? I'm sure that as long as you're not like that 60+% of the time, she just thinks you're confusing more than anything else.
    I don't think I ever stop.

  10. #40
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    When I'm interested in someone, I have a bad habit of becoming friendly with him and outwardly only showing the "friends" interest. I'll talk to him, and make a specific effort to get to know him and figure out what he's like, but I'm terrible with overt verbal or physical flirtation. Usually it's for fear of rejection. I'm working to get better about that and becoming more confident in myself -- it's a process!

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