Well, I'm not an INFJ but I am pretty close to two male INFJs (I'm female) and I gotta say,they DO initiate contact when interested!! Unless the INFJs I know are weird, that is (btw one is Enneagram 3, the other is Enneagram 2).
"How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry. "I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect." ~ Oscar Wilde - The picture of Dorian Gray
I doubt it'll be much help to you, but as an INFJ female I can tell you it took quite a long time of dancing around before I finally got with my INTJ. We tended to flirt and joke around a lot but it was a gradual thing that slowly built up over the course of about a year. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore I cracked and asked him out right, but it was only when I was nearly 100% sure he had an interest in me despite the fact our lovey behaviour prior to that would be evidence enough for anyone else. Initially he persued me and not vice versa until I felt secure enough to respond and initiate things myself. Ultimately he didn't have the courage to bring facts we were both aware of out into the open though, so it was me that went crazy enough to take the plunge and do that in the end.
At any rate, good luck with your INFJ. I think we're a hard bunch to figure out when it comes to these sort of things. We're not usually very open about it until we feel safe, so if he has an interest in you or not I cannot say. From what I've read it sounds quite likely though.
New here, and interesting thread. I'm an INFP, though I've got some J in there as well.
Faine--I can relate to this. This sounds much like the relationship I'm in now. I think my friend is an INFP, with ability to be extroverted when need be (like me). We also flirt and joke around but the chemistry must be evident to everyone who sees us together. Incredible chemistry. Completely on the same page, almost finish each other's thoughts. (I've seen some expressions from those around us, so I know others can plainly see the attraction).
It's heartening to me to read that someone else has gone through this. I keep thinking: why doesn't one of us just say something? I feel like your partner--I haven't had the courage to do it, and neither has he. As an INFP I can confirm without a doubt that we're not open until we feel safe. My friend has tried to make me feel safe, I think, and I have made it pretty obvious I'm interested. Obvious for an INFP, I know, but still...since we're both NF I think he knows. Some touching and complete comfort in each other's close body space. Perhaps we both are afraid of taking too big a step and losing the other? INFPs feel others can read our minds, that we are transparent. One day, finally, I told him the shirt he was wearing looked nice on him (with corresponding looks at his body), and I know he got that message. Still, we haven't brought it out into the open. At this point I think I would need him to say or do something, if he wants to.
When I'm interested in someone, I have a bad habit of becoming friendly with him and outwardly only showing the "friends" interest. I'll talk to him, and make a specific effort to get to know him and figure out what he's like, but I'm terrible with overt verbal or physical flirtation. Usually it's for fear of rejection. I'm working to get better about that and becoming more confident in myself -- it's a process!
I am endlessly nervous, and connection happens by strange chance. I am highly concealed, cryptic, and often feel like there's just a ghost in me, whispering, when I'm with another. I am prone to silly romance. Examples:
I felt something for a boy at a party. He walked in when I was making coffee in the kitchen. Scared, I dropped my full cup, shattering it. He had scared me by asking, "What are you doing in here?". I nervously (yet appropriately) responded with, "Having a coffee break". He laughed. His laugh made it okay. Suddenly we could speak. Weird, huh? Around people I'm attracted to, I experience this pellucid echo behind my eyes like cold water poured.
Ways to make me fall in love:
Ask me to do something ridiculously cute. Take me on a picnic, put me in the sidecar of your motorcycle, draw a wedding ring in sharpie around my finger.
I will try to answer your questions when I have more time - but I wanted to explain one thing about INFJ's that I have noticed.
This is what we do when we like someone:
1) Act all interested and put ourselves out there
2) Think about how we acted later and feel horrified that we put ourselves out there
3) Try to avoid the person we like because they might show signs that they don't like us
4) Realize that the person has not rejected us.
5) Repeat all the above steps, over and over again until we are sure the other person likes or doesn't like us.
It would really help us as INFJ's if the other person would make a move. We would never be upset that someone liked us too much, even if we didn't like them back. We would take it as a compliment, even if we weren't interested and it would help us out a lot.