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  1. #11
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Hmmm...I guess with friends I'm more silly. With a romantic interest, it's more like giggly, girly laughter and smiles with wubbie eyes -->
    Haha now I'm imagining an INFJ guy being giggly with wubbie eyes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Other than that, I'll try to be in their presence more often, do nice things for them, etc. Just make it more obvious that I'm interested in them. I wouldn't ask someone out before I knew them very well, so this also helps in getting to know them.
    Ahh, this makes more sense. With most guys that are interested in me (as a friend or romantically) will make it known relatively fast and will be fairly obvious about their intent. But with this guy, the building of the relationship/friendship process has felt very slow in comparison. Even though a part of me is impatient and just wants to cut to the point (my ISTJ), a larger part of me actually likes that he takes so long to build his relationships with the people. I guess it shows just how much INFJs care.



    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    That's okay. You weren't actively pursuing him, so no harm, no foul.
    Yay!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    You two have been to dinner already? That's a good sign. He probably knows you're interested in him, and might be interested in you as well.
    Really? I hope that's the case! I was actually really surprised when he asked (since I know that he's definitely not normally an "initiator") Before he asked, I was thinking about maybe asking him to a Chinese restaurant for lunch on Wednesday or something...and instead, he asked me first to this really nice restaurant for dinner on Friday.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    INFJs don't go out of their way to engage people they're not interested in.
    He's really "nice" though...so that's why I'm so unsure as to whether he does stuff because he's interested in me or because he's just being nice. But your input definitely has me thinking.
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  2. #12
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Haha now I'm imagining an INFJ guy being giggly with wubbie eyes.
    You know, the two confirmed INFJ males I know did give their girlfriends wubbie eyes when they were first interested in them, and still do sometimes. There's just a little twinkle there and a dreamy grin. So that part might be applicable.


    Really? I hope that's the case! I was actually really surprised when he asked (since I know that he's definitely not normally an "initiator") Before he asked, I was thinking about maybe asking him to a Chinese restaurant for lunch on Wednesday or something...and instead, he asked me first to this really nice restaurant for dinner on Friday.

    He's really "nice" though...so that's why I'm so unsure as to whether he does stuff because he's interested in me or because he's just being nice.
    How does he act around others? Does he spend time with them? He could just be very nice, but I've never known it be an INFJ's way to ask someone out if they weren't interested in them; at least interested in being very good friends with them.

  3. #13
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    You know, the two confirmed INFJ males I know did give their girlfriends wubbie eyes when they were first interested in them, and still do sometimes. There's just a little twinkle there and a dreamy grin. So that part might be applicable.
    Aww, that's so cute!

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    How does he act around others? Does he spend time with them? He could just be very nice, but I've never known it be an INFJ's way to ask someone out if they weren't interested in them; at least interested in being very good friends with them.
    Hm well from what I've observed, around others he seems a bit more extroverted, sometimes louder, a bit less inhibited. When he's around me, he's definitely introverted, more soft-spoken, he still talks a good amount (there are never any awkward silences between & we talk for hours), but he seems to think more before he speaks (although that could just be because of the nature of the conversations and/or questions I ask), when we joke around/banter it's still lighthearted though.

    As for if he spends time with them...I'm not sure.

    One possible problem though:
    I usually go on Facebook about maybe 7 days a month (I don't like to go to often since it makes me feel slightly stalkerish ), but when I looked at his page I saw an oldish (Early Sept) message from his sister that said:

    "Guess who's coming to visit you? ME! And you'd better introduce me to a CERTAIN someone..."


    This makes me think that he may have someone else he likes. Which is part of why I'm only 50% sure this INFJ likes me. :sad: Am I misinterpreting his sister's message? Because usually "certain" someone refers to someone one is interested in, right? The week she sent this message was the same week we went out to dinner. Would an INFJ still go out to dinner on Friday night with a girl (even as just a "friend") if he/she was interested in someone else?
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  4. #14
    Senior Member Keps Mnemnosyne's Avatar
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    I am a male INFJ, but one that is young and inexperienced. I accidentally closed the tab, with only two questions left to go, so this is going to be a bit abridged as I don't want to write everything again. If you have questions feel free to ask.

    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person? I would talk, hang out and tease her.

    2. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you? In general, no.

    3. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow? Define.

    4. On a first date, how do you usually act? Overly talkative for me, still a good listener.

    5. How would you like to be approached/asked out by an interested person? Upfront and in private and this applies to being approached by or asking her.

    6. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively? Immediately.

    7. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? Talkative, and always trying to get her in a small group event with me or just us time.

    8. How often do you take the initiative/make the first move/ask someone out? Always, no woman has had the nerve to ask me out. Don't know why though. My best guess is they are like you unsure of whether I like them or not.

    9. What would be your ideal date (activity)? For me dinner+ hiking while talking about her life and ideas shared or contended between us.

    10. How should one go about pursuing you? OOH, I LIKE THIS QUESTION. If only more women thought like this. I think I would like her to spend time with me, so we could find out more about each other and whether we really like each other. Some playful teasing and then asked out.

    AutumnReverie, dinner on Friday to a nice restaurant sounds like a date; lunches are for friends, dinner is a date unless they have been good friends for a year(?) or I know the girl is interested in someone else.

    I've never known it be an INFJ's way to ask someone out if they weren't interested in them; at least interested in being very good friends with them. is very true.

    Also I like ISTJS. So good luck and report what happens on Friday please?
    Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it.

    Peach yogurt is made of love. And gnome kidneys. - Domino

    I can cope and will cope without polluting my lungs. - Saslou

  5. #15
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    I am a male INFJ, but one that is young and inexperienced. I accidentally closed the tab, with only two questions left to go, so this is going to be a bit abridged as I don't want to write everything again. If you have questions feel free to ask.
    A male INFJ? Yay! Thanks so much for answering these questions for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person? I would talk, hang out and tease her.
    Hmm there definitely was some teasing when we first started talking. Although, I think I teased him (with sarcasm) more than he teased me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    7. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody? Talkative, and always trying to get her in a small group event with me or just us time.
    Hmm well in the one class we had together last semester, we would always pair up together for assignments. He said he liked partnering with me because I was the smartest girl in class...which definitely was not true, my German is not that great (and he did most of the work on the projects because he was the better translator). But, again, he's very "nice" so the compliment could be taken either way.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    8. How often do you take the initiative/make the first move/ask someone out? Always, no woman has had the nerve to ask me out. Don't know why though. My best guess is they are like you unsure of whether I like them or not.
    Probably. It definitely takes a lot of guts to ask someone out when you're unsure of the response.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    9. What would be your ideal date (activity)? For me dinner+ hiking while talking about her life and ideas shared or contended between us.
    What about a picnic (outdoor + dinner)?

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    AutumnReverie, dinner on Friday to a nice restaurant sounds like a date; lunches are for friends, dinner is a date unless they have been good friends for a year(?) or I know the girl is interested in someone else.
    Oh well we haven't known each other that long so I wouldn't say we're really good friends. It's weird because we talk hours every time we get together, but he doesn't feel like a "friend" (we don't hang out in the same way I hang out with my other guy friends) but we're definitely more than acquaintances because we've had tons of long/personal conversations.

    I hope it wasn't a date...I would hate to have gone on a date without even realizing it He first suggested that we should "hang out" sometime soon. I said sure. Then he asked if I'd want to have dinner on Friday night. And I said yes, obviously. So I don't think it was a date, since "hanging out" is a friend thing, right? ...Oh, why do ISTJs have to be so socially dense? I honestly have no clue with these sort of things unless it's spelled out for me (as in: "I. like. you."), haha. Would an INFJ ever spell things out like that? Would you?

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    Also I like ISTJS. So good luck and report what happens on Friday please?
    Aw, really? Well the Friday dinner went really well. I was afraid that it'd be awkward because weekday lunches or so different from a Friday dinner, but it actually wasn't awkward at all. We ended up staying at the restaurant for at least 3 or so hours just talking (till closing). Then he walked me to the bus stop and waited with me till my bus came. As soon as I saw my bus though, I almost walked away really fast because I was afraid that it would leave without me (since it was night)...but he stopped me by saying that he liked spending time with me and had a good time, that we should do it again, and that he would call me. Me, being paranoid about my bus, hastily agreed and yelled "Sure, call me" as I was running toward the bus. :blushing:

    We have plans to "hang out" again next weekend (I'm the one who asked him this time)...but I'm not quite sure what activity we should do. I don't want to suggest anything with romantic implications in case he just likes me as a friend, because that would make him uncomfortable (and then we'd be awkward). So maybe, a picnic? Movie in the park? Art gallery? I don't know...anymore suggestions?
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  6. #16
    Senior Member Keps Mnemnosyne's Avatar
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    Yeah that sounds like it would be a first date for me...I should be embarrassed for being so passive, but oh well. A picnic sounds even better than dinner, but it is so much harder to do, plus it can potentially drive the other person away. Umm, you don't want to do anything with romantic implications? He has shown interest in you as at least as a good friend. I would suggest that you match his risk taking so he knows he isn't mistaking your signals...if he is like me then on a second date he would probably ask you if you know that he likes you (my need to define a relationship). For where to go, do something you both like...my specific suggestion might be a restaurant with German food if you can to be a subtle reminder of how you two spent a lot of time together?

    Thanks Fidelia for the suggestion of reading blogs as that may help me I hope.
    Love wouldn't exist without loneliness to inspire it.

    Peach yogurt is made of love. And gnome kidneys. - Domino

    I can cope and will cope without polluting my lungs. - Saslou

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    B]TO INFJs[/B] (preferably males, but females can answer as well):
    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    2. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    3. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    4. On a first date, how do you usually act?
    5. How would you like to be approached/asked out by an interested person?
    6. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    7. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    8. How often do you take the initiative/make the first move/ask someone out?
    9. What would be your ideal date (activity)?
    10. How should one go about pursuing you?
    1. look for eye contact at all times, smile a lot, ask personal questions, pop into the persons field of view randomly etc.
    2. never, and probably not even after they had showed interest, i just can't do it
    3. i can't say as i haven't been in a relationship yet
    4. haven't been on a date before, but i would be very very nervous i think, and scared of saying something wrong.
    5. it doesn't matter really, i'm not used to to people showing an interest in me romantically (or whatever) so any way would be fine by me
    6. i don't know what date exclusively means
    7. EVERYTHING.. Seriously if you notice anything subtle or small clues or hints in my body language i'm doing it for a reason, nothing is random. I do this all the time if i'm into somebody, but nobody has ever acted on it (or noticed it i guess) heavy flirting by my standards is hardly even flirting in "real" terms
    8. never :/
    9. just talking really, getting to know the other person. It would also be nice if they would ask me a bit about myself and seem like they care. I rarely get to talk about myself on ordinary days.
    10. just do something, if they are sure i'm into them as well it really doesn't matter.

  8. #18
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    Umm, you don't want to do anything with romantic implications? He has shown interest in you as at least as a good friend. I would suggest that you match his risk taking so he knows he isn't mistaking your signals...if he is like me then on a second date he would probably ask you if you know that he likes you (my need to define a relationship).
    Thanks for the advice! Yeah, I guess I should match his risk...as I wouldn't want him to think I was uninterested.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    For where to go, do something you both like...my specific suggestion might be a restaurant with German food if you can to be a subtle reminder of how you two spent a lot of time together?
    That sounds like a good idea! I'll look if I can find one in the area.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    Thanks Fidelia for the suggestion of reading blogs as that may help me I hope.
    I'll definitely be reading them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Requeim View Post
    7. EVERYTHING.. Seriously if you notice anything subtle or small clues or hints in my body language i'm doing it for a reason, nothing is random. I do this all the time if i'm into somebody, but nobody has ever acted on it (or noticed it i guess) heavy flirting by my standards is hardly even flirting in "real" terms.
    Hmm, what sort of subtle hints in your body language/flirting do you do? I usually don't notice flirting unless it's obvious (and if it's obvious, I'm usually turned off ...so it's a good thing I like an INFJ). But if I knew what specific things to look for, then I would definitely notice and pick up on them.

    Also, GENERAL QUESTION for the INFJs: How do you feel about touching/hugs?

    Like I mentioned before, my closest friend is also a male INFJ and he'll hug me when we haven't seen each other in awhile (we went to highschool together, but now both go to different colleges). But he's known me for awhile and I can't remember him doing that before we had actually known each other for at least a year. Probably because he knows that I'm an ISTJ and I'm not a "hugger" but I'll do it if I know it'll make the other person happy.

    So...the next time we go out, would giving him a hug be inappropriate/make him feel uncomfortable? I know he probably has a bunch of ENFP girl friends who do that all the time without any pause, but it might be different with me since he probably already knows that I'm shyer & not as touchy-feely. :blushing: But I just want to make sure he knows I'm interested in a more concrete way, since I've been told that I'm "hard to read" before when it comes to things like this. I usually tend to show my affection through tiny gestures like remembering a small detail about a person and applying that knowledge to do something nice for them related to that...but sometimes small things like that go unnoticed. I think though, if I were in a relationship with someone, I wouldn't mind being touchy (although in private, obviously )...but with friends and even family, I'm more hesitant.

    This probably seems like a stupid question to feelers (who this comes more naturally too, yes?) but I just thought I'd ask. I'm overthinking right now, I know...
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Are there any specific signs you look for to tell if someone's interested?
    Like I said previously, if someone is looking to spend one-on-one time with me, that's a pretty good indicator. The hard thing about being an INFJ, though, (at least for me) is that we analyze until there's just nothing left to analyze. Like you made a pro/con list, we're more likely to do that in our heads. For every pro, though, I can come up with a reason or two why whatever was said or done was perfectly normal and not a sign of interest. It's quite exhausting. I have a lot of sympathy for you because I'm in the same boat. ISFPs, come answer these questions.


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    The last time we hung out...I think that's how I was. Hopefully it wasn't a huge turn off though...
    Most likely, it wasn't. I love chatty people. It makes me less nervous. They're taking control of the conversation and it puts me more at ease until I'm finally comfortable and able to be myself.

    This wasn't directed to me, but I think it's a very, very, very good sign that he asked you out to dinner. As a general rule, I very rarely will ask someone to spend time with me. I wait to be asked. Only until I'm certain the other person likes being around me will I take the initiative. And this could be just a me thing, but I don't really hang out with a guy one-on-one unless I'm interested in him. I have guy friends that I'm not interested in romantically and we spend time together in a group with other of our close friends. I don't feel the need to seek them out one-on-one because nothing romantic will happen.

    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    Also, GENERAL QUESTION for the INFJs: How do you feel about touching/hugs?
    I love both, but I usually don't initiate. When I get to a point where I feel very close to someone, then I'll initiate and see what kind of response physically I get from them. I say hug 'im next time you hang out. It's subtle. I don't think it'll throw him over to the side of "Oh, she likes me!" because it's such a small gesture, but I think it'll tell him that you're comfortable with him, you appreciate spending time with him, and if he remembers you're not a huggy person, he'll feel good that you wanted to hug him.

    This isn't connected to anything, I was just musing: I really feel for someone trying to figure out if an INFJ is interested. For me, it's everything I normally do, just more so. I like looking in someone's eyes when I'm talking to them because it shows them I'm interested in what they have to say. I like knowing facts and personal information about someone. I usually remember details about someone that are seemingly unimportant. I like playing armchair psychologist for someone going through something or for someone that went through something in the past. None of that means I'm interested in someone romantically. It's just because I'm an INFJ. When I am interested romantically in someone, it's all of these things to a different degree. Like I said before, it's laser-sharp eye contact, it's following up on something someone said a week ago, it's remembering small details about them, etc. The shift is very much internal, not external. I always feel like I'm being extremely obvious, but that's only because something has shifted inside for me. So, I feel for you and anyone else trying to gauge interest from an INFJ. We're subtle creatures, perhaps too subtle.

  10. #20
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by istina View Post
    Like I said previously, if someone is looking to spend one-on-one time with me, that's a pretty good indicator. The hard thing about being an INFJ, though, (at least for me) is that we analyze until there's just nothing left to analyze. Like you made a pro/con list, we're more likely to do that in our heads. For every pro, though, I can come up with a reason or two why whatever was said or done was perfectly normal and not a sign of interest. It's quite exhausting. I have a lot of sympathy for you because I'm in the same boat. ISFPs, come answer these questions.
    Well it's good to know we're in the same boat! So maybe he's over analyzing my actions as much as I'm over analyzing his?

    Quote Originally Posted by istina View Post
    Most likely, it wasn't. I love chatty people. It makes me less nervous. They're taking control of the conversation and it puts me more at ease until I'm finally comfortable and able to be myself.
    Thanks, that makes me feel better! I was definitely worried about that before.

    Quote Originally Posted by istina View Post
    This wasn't directed to me, but I think it's a very, very, very good sign that he asked you out to dinner. As a general rule, I very rarely will ask someone to spend time with me. I wait to be asked. Only until I'm certain the other person likes being around me will I take the initiative. And this could be just a me thing, but I don't really hang out with a guy one-on-one unless I'm interested in him. I have guy friends that I'm not interested in romantically and we spend time together in a group with other of our close friends. I don't feel the need to seek them out one-on-one because nothing romantic will happen.
    True. I've had a lot of guy friends in the past but I'd avoid going to one-on-one dinner with them unless I was interested or they were gay.

    We made the general plans to "hang out" again this past Friday. So I'm thinking maybe around Wednesday(?) I'll send him a text that says something like:
    "Hey Did you still want to do something this weekend? If so, I was thinking...[insert activity or restaurant name]?"

    Does that sound okay?
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

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