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  1. #151
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    My first big crush was my freshman year in college. He worked downstairs in the library and would monitor the listening rooms. I went there often to listen to recordings of music in part because I was a music major, but also to cross paths. It was never reciprocated, but it's just as well. I don't think my imagination and reality were especially well aligned at that point. He also liked bubbly girls. Most of my "dating" years consisted of crushes in which I thought I was communicating interest, but whether or not I succeeded, there was not a response. I think I had a bad combination of being dense when someone showed interest, and overly subtle in expressing interest.

    When older, I just took greater risks, and lucked out somehow.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  2. #152
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    My first big crush was my freshman year in college. He worked downstairs in the library and would monitor the listening rooms. I went there often to listen to recordings of music in part because I was a music major, but also to cross paths. It was never reciprocated, but it's just as well. I don't think my imagination and reality were especially well aligned at that point. He also liked bubbly girls. Most of my "dating" years consisted of crushes in which I thought I was communicating interest, but whether or not I succeeded, there was not a response. I think I had a bad combination of being dense when someone showed interest, and overly subtle in expressing interest.
    INFJ's are subtle.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  3. #153
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Relentless attention + aloofness.
    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I'm suspicious of people who like me if it came too easily.
    How do you be aloof while relentlessly attentive? And why suspicious?

  4. #154
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    How do you be aloof while relentlessly attentive? And why suspicious?
    That's easy. When they respond positively to your relentless attention you back off. People are problem solvers. When you behave in a seemingly irrational way it makes them curious. People are also averse to loss.

    Of course, none of this is done consciously. I sometimes become aloof because I am uncomfortable when people like me.

    As far as why I am suspicious if someone likes me too much...

    If someone likes you too easily, then they could have liked someone else just as easily. In other words, if they like you too quickly then there was nothing special since they could have likely liked someone else just as easy.

    Being suspicious doesn't mean uninterested.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  5. #155
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I see why INFJs are often such suckers for you folks - they are very curious and they are extremely adverse to loss. How long does this back and forth stuff usually go on for?

  6. #156
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I see why INFJs are often such suckers for you folks - they are very curious and they are extremely adverse to loss. How long does this back and forth stuff usually go on for?
    Forever.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  7. #157
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    That sounds horrid. And yet, they'd never leave till they got it all figured out why, then reconfirmed their observations, did everything in their power to rectify it and waited until the ENTP's attention was absorbed completely by something/one else before sadly slinking off and pining for a couple more years.

  8. #158
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    That sounds horrid. And yet, they'd never leave till they got it all figured out why, then reconfirmed their observations, did everything in their power to rectify it and waited until the ENTP's attention was absorbed completely by something/one else.
    I think the whole ENTP "wandering eye" thing is incorrect. I don't think ENTP's get bored in relationships, if they are in good relationships. So, I don't see what's so bad about it.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  9. #159
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    It doesn't have to be in a wandering eye sense. Just their attention being absorbed. Are they at enthusiastically honest about how much they like the perosn in the relentless pursuing phase of things?

  10. #160
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    It doesn't have to be in a wandering eye sense. Just their attention being absorbed. Are they at enthusiastically honest about how much they like the perosn in the relentless pursuing phase of things?
    In my case, yes. I am very expressive. (6000+ posts)
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

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