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  1. #11
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    The reason that this is unexpected you were a security blanket of sorts that could be used for them to assert their own ego self in a way that deprived you of your ability to assert yourself. Now I'm not saying this is true per say just that you learn a habit or stay in a health state that is contributing to the reserved low key stylistion, that everyone expects and suddenly when you assert yourself people are shocked and assume this is aggressive almost when the truth is you are starting to become healthy and set boundaries that used to be trampled on.

    This tendency happens from our desire to be people pleasers and be harmonious with people of all walks of like which loses respect from some people who then love to trample on your boundary even more for being unassertive and test you to see what your limits are to establish their hidden rules for you. This is particular true for dominant personalities that love controls.

    When you are unyielding, have an opinion and are suddenly able to stand up and assert thy will of course there is going to be tension. They will find this behaviour disagreeable now because it confronts their insecurity and why they are friends in the first place. And when you do become assertive while people may disagree you will change your boundary to what you want and people will respect this without trampling on your boundaries.

    The trouble is the backward slope, lick a ricochet, you bounce from assertive to pleasing to assertive to back depending on your ability, health, attitude and comfort level.

  2. #12
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    It's called stop caring what they think about the perceived second person. They don't like it they can either make it so you don't have to activate Te like that or damn well deal with it. That's me though...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    Whenever I put my foot down with someone, I always hear: "You're like a completely different person! What happened to you? I want the old you back!"
    Do people really say bolded part to you? If so, you may want to question what it is that person really likes about you.

    And yes, I've actually been told the first part before. To compensate for it, I've learned to tell people when they are getting close to pushing me over the edge before it happens. That way, I don't blind side them with my brickwall side.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Do people really say bolded part to you? If so, you may want to question what it is that person really likes about you.

    And yes, I've actually been told the first part before. To compensate for it, I've learned to tell people when they are getting close to pushing me over the edge before it happens. That way, I don't blind side them with my brickwall side.
    Literally, I've heard things like: "you're not the person that I fell in love with" and "what happened to the old you? I want her back!" >_> Were these things said by manipulative people? Yes.

    Yeah, I guess I'd better start easing them into it instead of switching between hot and cold... I figured it would make a difference if I'm nice about it, but I guess not. >_>
    Everybody needs love.

  5. #15
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    I get intense when I assert myself, or so I'm told. If I "put my foot down", I find that others become defensive. I think that my assertiveness is perceived as aggression, or the threat thereof, because I usually don't assert myself. Not that I let people walk all over me(again with foot references), it's just that I'm normally not put into a position where I need to assert myself. I have seen pictures of myself at a party when I was assertively asserting my place in a keg line, I do look kind of hostile, but I didn't mean to and I didn't feel aggressive at the time.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  6. #16
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    Yeah, I guess I'd better start easing them into it instead of switching between hot and cold... I figured it would make a difference if I'm nice about it, but I guess not. >_>
    For many, it doesn't. But at least you warned them, and you can feel 100% justified in giving them the brick wall.

    Every once in awhile I get someone that listens and respects my request. Those people, I cherish and have learned to keep close.

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