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[INFJ] INFJ + ENFP = Transcendental Romance. INFJ + ESTJ = Duality. Any thoughts?

Wild horses

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Oct 25, 2008
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1,916
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ENFP
I bet ENFP; INFJ romance would be intense experience... aren' they like the most compatible combo!?
 

sgman

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Jul 24, 2009
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24
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INFP
Yeah, don't try too hard to be "cute" or "girly" etc. You know, the squeaky girly voices. I'm an INFP, but I suspect ENFPs hold the same distaste for that kind of contrived try-hardry. He'll probably like you on account of your ability to understand his Ne jokes and references, and your Fe caring for his soft Fi side.

That sounded ridiculous lol. Forget type; if you guys like each other, then go out.
 

workaholicsanon

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Jun 19, 2009
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39
MBTI Type
INFJ
all i want to know is how to hit on an INFJ :smoke:

That is a great question, because it can be a very tricky thing. I'm not even sure I know the answer to that question, myself.

I supposed just pay attention to her, talk to her, be flirty but not too raunchy because INFJ will not immediately get it, or will get turned off by the raunch if too much. Like, tease but in a good way. Be understanding and patient though if she retreats, and try to read body language more than anything. if someone hits on me, and if i like them back, I may get extremely, extremely nervous and shy.

Or if you think you can't do the teasing thing well, just invite her to go out (but make sure you pay a lot of attention to her when you're out like say if you go with a group of friends she doesn't know, or if you go to some kind of gathering, because INFJs can freak out in such settings).
 

Hotherym

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Dec 7, 2007
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INFU
weeeeeeeeellll.... if there's any ENFP guys out there that snagged an INFJ girl, want to discuss some strategy? :)

My boyfriend's approach: appear in my dreams and ask me out in really awkward ways without my knowing he exists in reality. It actually worked, too, even though I rejected him rather cruelly, if hilariously, in the second dream (as you can see here in a doodle I made well before I saw him). I was a self proclaimed celibate asexual before I was with him. It took a couple years but it finally happened, since I eventually fell for him in dreams to such an extent that I documented every somnolent encounter. You can imagine I practically soiled my drawers when I saw him for the first time, thinking he'd been some personal concoction. Actually, I have to admit it was disappointing--dream relationships don't come with all the same problems that happen in waking reality.

I'm mostly joking, of course. Not only would I discourage starting a relationship through telepathic dreams, I think it's probably pretty obvious it wouldn't happen in most cases. But there is something to be garnered from my experience, I think. My boyfriend had a genuine interest in me for a long time despite being largely homosexual and, though I didn't know who he was at all, some part of my brain was apparently aware of this. If your interest is intense and legitimate, rather than just infatuation with her more external attributes, there's probably a chance some part of her is going to feel it and she's going to react, for better or worse. Assuming she's fairly aware of her subconscious, you may very well get through. On the surface, I think the suggestions and advice that have already been given are great.

I've found that every time I've had any sort of very intense telepathic experiences with someone they're always NFPs. And yes, this sort of communication does go beyond Ni. Whether all of this is just a personal quirk of mine rather than something you'll find amongst many INFJs who experience strongly cryptaesthetic events, I don't honestly know. "Transcendental relationship" is definitely an apt term, though. If nothing else, I always find NFPs adorable. Seriously, stop being so damn cute, it's annoying. ;)
 

Rud

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Nov 23, 2009
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2
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ENFP
I am from the ENFP, the fact WE can say THAT I AM represent the raw material for the ENFP, by nature, always attracted to persons of a pattern of INFJ before I know THAT so well, but so far did not succeed ANY ONE WHITH ME YET,HOOOOH ,IN the fact that my aspiration ENFP and INFJ ARE SO IDOL TOGOTHER, two characters in my opinion ARE very Mtnasagtin and I tend to them Personally strongly and spontaneously spontaneous being of the ENFP, greetings to you all
 

blomiki

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Sep 28, 2009
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ENFP
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-
HAH... that's hysterical. So so so true. Practical stuff, ... yes, my infj and I tend to miscommunicate, but we love each other enough to piece through it, and come out smelling more rosey than before!!! Nothing quite like it!!

HAHAHA! Yes, the misunderstandings were outrageous, never happens in our relationships with other people the way it happened between us. Silly things... where we're going to meet each other, what time something is going to happen...

Also, we used to get into an "awkwardness loop" - he's quiet, then I get nervous and say stupid things or talk too much, then he's quieter as we both assess how silly I'm being, then things get more awkward...

But it feels like it happens less and less as we fall in sync emotionally.
 

blomiki

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Sep 28, 2009
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ENFP
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-
:yes: Relate very much to this. I've always said (and my friends have said of me) that I need someone who's gonna crack me open, and *knows how to* - usually Ni/Ne topics/approaches. Usually this requires an Ne-dom (for it to move ahead faster and most spontaneously and naturally), otherwise it might take a long time or simply never go anywhere, in the case of those who aren't terribly Ne/Ni-based.

They say ENFPs "crack people open" as a kind of game, and that's kind of true for me. We'll share from our life eeeeasy, just to get the other person to do the same.

Sometimes I take a step back and think, girl do you realize how HUGE it is for this INFJ to share his intimate-est life stories and feelings with you?? And then I'm grateful that he counts me worthy (because we all know how picky you are INFJs). And I try to be as responsible with his heart as possible.
 

blomiki

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Sep 28, 2009
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As for ENFPs in relationships, I agree that we shy away from people the closer we get to them. Well, I do. If I really like someone, that's when I start to fade a little bit. If I can tell another person likes me, oh jeez, then I really back off. In that way, we don't exactly communicate what we feel in the beginning of a relationship, especially if our feelings are potentially serious. So yea, it's not necessarily a bad sign if an ENFP distances themselves from you a bit. You may have to spell it all out for them so that they trust your intentions.

Absolutely. Because I often "click" with all sorts of people, I might be worried that you're reading a lot into our "connection". I might be worried that you will want a whole lot more from the relationship than I was planning to give. I care about friends, but I love open possibilities. Committing to you is scary but necessary, because I firmly believe in playing for keeps and not messing you around.

So yes, withdrawal makes sense if an ENFP realizes you're interested. Give her a taste of your company and withdraw so she has time to miss you... and let her decide if she's willing to close a bunch of possibilities for the sake of being with you.
 

Poki

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Dec 4, 2008
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10,436
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STP
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sx/so
I would like to get as many inputs as possible from you guys.

Socionics states that duality is the most rewarding relationship because it satisfies both partners' needs for completeness. Stages in this relationship also vary from being shaky to unbreakable (ONLY if there are mutual attractions and both partners have the same goals in life). I've met some ESTJs throughout my life, but they just don't seem to notice my presence (the introvert dual is supposed to fade in the background).

Regarding the ENFP: I LOVE ENFPs:wubbie:. I adore ENFPs:wubbie:. It's been my dream to end up with one, be it friendship or family life:yes:. I wish there could be more. But the 2 ENFPs that I met seemed very....distant. I even showed them my sincere intention to be friends. But oh well, maybe other ENFPs can explain about this, not just for romantic relationships but friendships as well:hug:.
I can still see how loving ENFPs are. They think far ahead and use feelings when making decisions, which can be seen as irrational. However, those are what make them dedicated to their relationships.

Your comments are appreciated. Thanks! :hug::)

Its easier for an introvert to notice their dual then it is for an extrovert to notice. Just keep yourself in front of them and let things happen. Thats the hardest part for an I is you have to be the one who keeps standing in front of them as life goes on. Despite how much or how little they know whats going on both parties do benefit along all levels of the relationship.
 

the state i am in

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Feb 12, 2009
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infj
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5w4
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sx/sp
They say ENFPs "crack people open" as a kind of game, and that's kind of true for me. We'll share from our life eeeeasy, just to get the other person to do the same.

Sometimes I take a step back and think, girl do you realize how HUGE it is for this INFJ to share his intimate-est life stories and feelings with you?? And then I'm grateful that he counts me worthy (because we all know how picky you are INFJs). And I try to be as responsible with his heart as possible.

this kind of contextualizing is really big for me to in relationship situations. it helps me realize what is at stake in a way that is beyond my own thoughts, fears, anxieties, hopes, etc. i just sort of wake up and get my senses going again. it makes me more open and feel aware beyond my own foggy horizon.

i'll also use self-disclosure but nothing that is truly vulnerable. unless i am invested. i trust enfps and entps and intjs with my true weaknesses. but enfps get my feelings in the language of feeling more naturally and i don't have to shy away from it and downplay emotional experience.
 

Seraphim

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May 18, 2010
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4w5
I'm an INFJ girl in a relationship with an ENFP guy. I'm sort of surprised by how some people think of this combo as "explosive" or overly emotional, but I guess we're just more grounded than many NF types when it comes to romance. We're idealistic, but funnily enough, when it comes to romance we're very level-headed and realistic about things (we're actually even quite cynical in a sense, though it's directed at other couples and not ourselves).

I came into this relationship from odd circumstances, though. I had never even remotely dated before, didn't desire to, was (and still am) a virgin, never wanted to marry, planned on staying celibate for life... I was even toying with the idea of terming myself an "asexual" (I didn't because I wasn't quite clear on the definition). I had some justifiable reasons for all this, but I'll admit I was also influenced by observing disastrous relationships (including my parents').

My boyfriend is probably so level-headed when it comes to relationships because his last girlfriend was abusive. He was disillusioned, to say the least. So he also sort of vowed to himself that he would stay single (for the time being, at least). We ended up in a relationship together even though a relationship was the last, last, laaaast thing on our minds. Heh. So, that's my response to anyone who thinks NF-NF relationships are all melodramatic and naively idealistic.

Still, I would say that the word "transcendental" is apt, within realistic expectations. I get this with a lot of ENFPs (including my best friend of 8+ years—what I have with her is pure magic, can't wait until I get to know him that well too!). I see ENFPs as myself, but without inhibitions or a "randomness filter." This will often result in an ENFP spouting whatever nonsense pops into their head, prompting :huh: reactions from most, but :wubbie: reactions from me. I WISH I had the balls to do/say whatever I'm thinking like that! The things they say are often things that "click" with me too. I just want to say, "I know everyone thinks you're weird, but I GET you, man! You're awesome!" The problem is, if the ENFP doesn't feel that immediate connection with me and try to get to know me, I end up admiring from afar and never making a move. Fortunately, that wasn't the case with my boyfriend, and apparently I didn't completely botch things up when he started showing interest.

But, then they pounce without warning. It's always a surprise, and I'm never sure what I said or did that finally made them feel safe enough to jump on me. :D.

That's sort of what happened! I still can't believe it, I didn't know I had it in me. xD I was super cautious and reluctant when he asked me out on a date. I had every intention of taking things very slowly. Then, a couple of dates later, I kept doing little affectionate things impulsively (spontaneity is NOT how I operate!), and that ended up being the day that we became "official." Looking back, though, I think I might know what made me trust him enough to be so uncharacteristically forward. A couple of days before, he had told me in a very straightforward, sincere manner how he felt about me and why a relationship with me would be compatible with his values. It turned out his values were exactly the same as mine, and because I had been so guarded before, I knew that he was telling the truth. Not just telling me what I wanted to hear. That's when I knew he was as wonderful as he seemed to be. That's probably common for INFJs dating someone: being guarded, not divulging too many deep values at first for fear of being manipulated. But once the sincerity of the other's intentions is confirmed, we "pounce." ;)
 

Tofu562

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Nov 5, 2009
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90
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ENFP
dammit! there needs to be some sort of chemical spray that can encourage INFJ pouncing
 

Seraphim

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INFJ
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If you ask me, ENFPs already have a natural chemical property that encourages INFJ pouncing.
 

blomiki

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Sep 28, 2009
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dammit! there needs to be some sort of chemical spray that can encourage INFJ pouncing

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I laughed so loud now.... that's how I've often felt with INFJ boyfriend too!!! Arrgh! I know he loves me, why is he so cautious all the flipping time? POUNCE already!
 

Quay

Peaced
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Feb 17, 2010
Messages
271
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INFJ
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6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
If you ask me, ENFPs already have a natural chemical property that encourages INFJ pouncing.

True. I pounced in a passive way. 8 years and 2 kids later.... hee
 
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