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[INFJ] INFJ + ENFP = Transcendental Romance. INFJ + ESTJ = Duality. Any thoughts?

finalfantasy

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Joined
Dec 16, 2008
Messages
6
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
ESTJs can be very blunt, but they make amazing leaders. They aren't as cold as they appear. Deep down, they value emotions (especially the mature ones) since Introverted Feeling is their weakest function.

True, the romance between an INFJ and ENFP can be unfathomable yet incredibly rejuvenating. This is what happens when 2 NFs share their intuition & feelings: joyful moments.

And the best part of any NF relationships is that both partners take their commitments very seriously (most of them :) ), which is something incredibly hard to find these days.
 

Grace

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Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
Just a different sense of humor.

It seems like INFs don't like mean or crass humor as much as ENFs, but I really don't know---it probably depends.

It's not something I've put a lot of thought into, just a half-assed guess as to why I've personally clashed with INFJs.

The thing I like best about ENFPs is their senses of humor. I've dated an ENFP and it pretty much convinced me that I never want to be in an NF-NF relationship ever again, BUT he was really funny and that was one of the main reasons why I started dating him in the first place.

I only know female ESTJs and I love them all. They all seem to think I'm a cutie and want to take care of me (maybe because my mom is an ESTJ so I adopt a child-like role around ESTJs). Never met a male (that I know of) so I don't know if it would be good relationship wise. I'm thinking no just because it seems like an ESTJ might try to be the boss of me all the time which is not what I look for in relationships.

Try NTPs. (Although since we are opposite gender INFJs, it might be different for us).
 

workaholicsanon

New member
Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Messages
39
MBTI Type
INFJ
ESTJs in my experience are very unpleasant people who just dont understand INFJs, nor do they care to understand INFJs. INFJ (which often translates to socionics INFp with Ni Fe functions) is NOT ESTj's dual. It's a conflictor relationship, and it sure feels like it. I AVOID ESTJs like the plague, but sometimes i'm forced to work with them. When they are my supervisor, i'm in for a miserable time--been there a few times.

Those of you who are INFJ and like ESTJs must have a different socionics type. MBTI shouldn't be used for intertype relation pairing.
 

LotsOfHeart

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2009
Messages
298
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
To be honest, some of the only people I truly could not stand were ESxJs. I think the thing those types need to watch out for is disliking others because they are different without giving them a chance. Different does not necessarily equal bad. Then again, maybe I just haven't met the right people, because I'm pretty good friends with one ESTJ (tested + confirmed), and he is not like that at all. He is interested in enforcing rules, but he rarely if ever imposed himself on anyone who didn't ask for it. He was generally pretty easy to get along with, although you would want to stay out of his way. I think he is an example of a good ESTJ. Also, the ESTJ lady on this site, her name is failing me now (sorry), is very cool.

I'm not sure if I've ever heard of INFJs and ESTJs dating... I think it could happen, but there would probably be roadblocks and the personalities would have to be well developed and mature on both sides (not that it's not important in any relationship). ESTJs typically follow the existing rules and conventions (which they are extremely good at); INFJs are complex idealists. ESTJs are likely to be confused by why INFJs can't simply accept the world as it is and function within it without causing friction. INFJs will need to understand that the ESTJ's values operate within the existing world.

That said, ENFP and ESTJ are extremely different types. Aside from extroversion, they do not share any common traits. ENFPs are easy-going and reflective, while ESTJs more strict and traditional. ENFPs definitely NATURALLY complement the INFJ romantically because IxxJs and ExxPs already will have a natural attraction as it is in many cases...plus the middle two letters are the same.

That said, it's up to the individual. A healthy INFJ and ESTJ couple will probably do better than an unhealthy INFJ ENFP couple, imo.
 

harmonyizmine

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Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
25
I married an ENFP. :)

Best decision I ever made.

The connection is definitely "transcendental romance." There is such a deep level of understanding/relationship that it's indescribable.

However, in day to day non-deep conversations, we are always miscommunicating!:doh: it takes a lot of work to go over a conversation and realize where it went wrong. I'm just glad that we both know that we would never intentionally hurt each other, and usually figure out that it was a tone or the stress of a word.

We are re-learning how to communicate with each other.

I'm also learning how to not be such a tight-A$$ and have fun! That takes work too:)

So to sum it up: INFJ + ENFP = transcendental romance if you are willing to work for it.
 

cantante44

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2009
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2
ESTJs can be very blunt, but they make amazing leaders. They aren't as cold as they appear. Deep down, they value emotions (especially the mature ones) since Introverted Feeling is their weakest function.

True, the romance between an INFJ and ENFP can be unfathomable yet incredibly rejuvenating. This is what happens when 2 NFs share their intuition & feelings: joyful moments.

And the best part of any NF relationships is that both partners take their commitments very seriously (most of them :) ), which is something incredibly hard to find these days.

Well, if I may weigh in, I must admit that my relationship with my INFJ is beyond expectations. However, I do believe that if we had met, say, 6 or 7 years ago, it wouldn't have gone well. We are much more mature and understand ourselves well enough, that we both know how to maximize are strengths and face our weaknesses with strength and humour. We are both ready to forge a commitment, and have enough in common to not think twice on whether it'll work or not.

It's difficult when dealing with typology as there is so much variation in everyone's personality (for instance, I can exhibit ENFP characteristics most of the time, but in certain situations I lean TOWARDS INFJ). Also, what people DO with their personality type is just as important. Some use it as a crutch, while others use it to inform their attitudes and actions so that they might grow and develop as human beings. Typology is a base and doesn't allow for all kind of different factors (i.e. background, education, formation etc.).

I must say though, that this particular personality mix is FANTASTIC and is like living a slice of heaven. It helps that we also have the same values, similar types of intelligence and can talk about everything under the sun at the level we both crave and desire.

For me... it's is in fact a transcendental romance. =)
 

cantante44

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Oct 26, 2009
Messages
2
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2
I married an ENFP. :)

Best decision I ever made.

The connection is definitely "transcendental romance." There is such a deep level of understanding/relationship that it's indescribable.

However, in day to day non-deep conversations, we are always miscommunicating!:doh: it takes a lot of work to go over a conversation and realize where it went wrong. I'm just glad that we both know that we would never intentionally hurt each other, and usually figure out that it was a tone or the stress of a word.

We are re-learning how to communicate with each other.

I'm also learning how to not be such a tight-A$$ and have fun! That takes work too:)

So to sum it up: INFJ + ENFP = transcendental romance if you are willing to work for it.


HAH... that's hysterical. So so so true. Practical stuff, ... yes, my infj and I tend to miscommunicate, but we love each other enough to piece through it, and come out smelling more rosey than before!!! Nothing quite like it!!
 

Tofu562

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Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
90
MBTI Type
ENFP
im jealous of you guys! i'm kind of interested in an INFJ... but she's basically celibate. and i have no idea how to proceed.
 

workaholicsanon

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Joined
Jun 19, 2009
Messages
39
MBTI Type
INFJ
im jealous of you guys! i'm kind of interested in an INFJ... but she's basically celibate. and i have no idea how to proceed.

what do you mean, celibate?

maybe she's waiting for someone to make a move, finally! we are not the best at flirting and freeze up when around the object of affection. And we look for love so that makes for prolonged celibacy. Doesn't mean she's not interested. She may be VERY interested.
 

the state i am in

Active member
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Feb 12, 2009
Messages
2,475
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
infjs are that perfect balance between totally desperate/craving affection and attention and being impossibly picky, fickle, "idealistic" (which only means rigid), etc.

we can consider anything but we find it very difficult to accept the world, life, potential partners flaws and all. (e5s might be even worse than 4s, who need to be loved more than all else and feel extra special, before they start moving into 5ness and getting all up-in-arms hot and cold)

anyone who can catalyze us/our feelings/our potential/pry us open and deal with our growing pains in a sensitive and iNtutive manner (we loooove being recognized, we love intersecting visions and relating perceptions, getting into the nuts and bolts, becoming concretized via Ne or having a crazy contest with other Ni engineering types a la rubix cube breakdances, etc), has a damn good chance at making us realize this situation (and the person responsible for it) is a keeper

otherwise it just kind of feels like business partners and kafkan absurdity, and either relies on christian values or some other set of pre-packaged knowings to give us our place and purpose (which greatly limits our potential) and helps us get by without transmorgifying into the spaceman spiff internally we've been waiting to set free. it's like the meekness of emily dickinson as a representable piece on life's gameboard vs how big she has been swelling up to internally ready to detonate like a nuclear bomb with huge huge rilkean dostoeyevsky presence floating around out there in the world's ether (the myst feels good!)
 

cascadeco

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sp/sx
anyone who can catalyze us/our feelings/our potential/pry us open and deal with our growing pains in a sensitive and iNtutive manner (we loooove being recognized, we love intersecting visions and relating perceptions, getting into the nuts and bolts, becoming concretized via Ne or having a crazy contest with other Ni engineering types a la rubix cube breakdances, etc), has a damn good chance at making us realize this situation (and the person responsible for it) is a keeper

:yes: Relate very much to this. I've always said (and my friends have said of me) that I need someone who's gonna crack me open, and *knows how to* - usually Ni/Ne topics/approaches. Usually this requires an Ne-dom (for it to move ahead faster and most spontaneously and naturally), otherwise it might take a long time or simply never go anywhere, in the case of those who aren't terribly Ne/Ni-based.
 

MonkeyGrass

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Jun 13, 2009
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877
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infj
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7
I have a dear ENFP friend from college that I was somewhat interested in romantically, and we clicked for all the reasons mentioned. We intuitively understood emotional experiences (though he had a tenancy to jump to some off-base conclusions about my emotional reactions sometimes), and I really enjoyed his company. At the end of the day, though, he wore me out with his boundless emotional enthusiasm, especially when I was feeling reclusive. An introvert, and one that didn't feel quite as much as I did all the time, was a better fit. <shrug>

Two emotional intuitives is a lot of emotional "noise" for me in a relationship. :shock::blush:
 

cascadeco

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I have a dear ENFP friend from college that I was somewhat interested in romantically, and we clicked for all the reasons mentioned. We intuitively understood emotional experiences (though he had a tenancy to jump to some off-base conclusions about my emotional reactions sometimes), and I really enjoyed his company. At the end of the day, though, he wore me out with his boundless emotional enthusiasm, especially when I was feeling reclusive. An introvert, and one that didn't feel quite as much as I did all the time, was a better fit. <shrug>

Two emotional intuitives is a lot of emotional "noise" for me in a relationship. :shock::blush:

I agree...for a relationship, I prefer NT's, and ENTP's have the biggest draw. But for friendships, ENFP's are excellent!
 

Billy

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Oct 20, 2009
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1,192
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INFJ
I've been seeing an ENFP girl for a few weeks and so far its been really good, we have an amazing time together, we're both intelligent and intuitive so we "get" each other pretty well. One of my best friends is also an ENFP and when I hang out with him I have the best time.
 

the state i am in

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I agree...for a relationship, I prefer NT's, and ENTP's have the biggest draw. But for friendships, ENFP's are excellent!

i am still not as adamant about NTs as NFs as you are, but i will admit that, possibly for e5s, so much emotional noise can be not only distracting but debilitating. i think e5s tend to turn emotional experience into intense thought, so we can just overthink ourselves into mental frenzy. which is awful for our sense of clarity, centeredness, accuracy, etc. F types tend to misunderstand each other easier bc they are less focused on the specific relationship and that alllows the transmission to more easily get corrupted by mood, projections, wants/desires, and subjective expressions that can be difficult to grasp (misheard like homonyms) or highly ambiguous.

edited to add: but hot damn, does it feel so good when another f type does get you buzzing! the question of sustainability is relevant, nonetheless.
 

cascadeco

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i am still not as adamant about NTs as NFs as you are, but i will admit that, possibly for e5s, so much emotional noise can be not only distracting but debilitating. i think e5s tend to turn emotional experience into intense thought, so we can just overthink ourselves into mental frenzy. which is awful for our sense of clarity, centeredness, accuracy, etc. F types tend to misunderstand each other easier bc they are less focused on the specific relationship and that alllows the transmission to more easily get corrupted by mood, projections, wants/desires, and subjective expressions that can be difficult to grasp (misheard like homonyms) or highly ambiguous.

edited to add: but hot damn, does it feel so good when another f type does get you buzzing! the question of sustainability is relevant, nonetheless.

Oh, I'm just adamant because I've always desired more of a balance, and chemistry-wise the allure is there. I find myself more easily annoyed with another feeler in a romantic relationship - too much, I prefer more of a contrast and different strengths/weaknesses, with different viewpoints.

I haven't had ultimate 'Success' in this arena, though - my romances are few and far between, I'm always in a desert - so maybe if anything ever happens it'll be a total surprise and my preferences will be moot.

But yes, I *always* overthink things - pretty much everything - and relate to the 'frenzy' aspect. I tend to think NT's can 'ground' me a bit better when it comes to that - NF's are *awesome* when it comes to relating and empathizing, but I often desire more of a kick, more clarity as you say. A lathering of objectivity, a fresh, different perspective from that that I would come up with, to stimulate me and shake things up in my mind. :)
 
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