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  1. #11
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    Don't use type when dating. Don't! It places people in boxes! Boxes bad!
    +1.

    Thank you.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  2. #12
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Depending on the people it can also gives another interesting thing to discuss. Nothing is that absolute, either way.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wild horses View Post
    This is interesting as very few people would regard ENFPs as aloof unless they are pursuing them romantically. It is my opinion that ENFPs that have deep feelings for someone may very well act colder and more aloof than usual! So be encouraged...
    i concur with wild horses! it's something i hate about myself but absolutely cannot control

  4. #14
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    INFJ's and ENFP's can have a super intoxicating dynamic. I appreciate how understood I feel, on a deep deep level, and it can be a very intense experience. I'm not sure if I get the "aloofness" comment about ENFP's, though I will say if I'm really interested in someone, I'll keep myself back a bit and circle them several times, to make sure that what I'm seeing is the real thing. A person will show up immediately on my radar, but I need time to assess them before I move in on their space, or let them move into mine. And, it has been my experience that INFJ's tend to keep their distance too - like they have to be sure I won't mangle them or something. But, then they pounce without warning. It's always a surprise, and I'm never sure what I said or did that finally made them feel safe enough to jump on me.

    The ESTJ thing - my mother is ESTJ and my father is INFJ. They had SO much trouble communicating, my mother being the practical, feet on the ground person, and my father is always a little in the clouds. It was a horrible, very short marriage. I just think the dynamic would be too much work for too little dividend.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    not sure have i met male INFJs (besides 20 years older guy, and we hated each other from beginning ), but with female INFJs I really have awful expiriences. i was even thinking about opening thread about that, because I heard from couple other ENFPs how they dont get along with INFJs. It's just that I feel they are my complete opposites, in a bad way, everything they do i would do differently and we usually fight about moral stuff, besides STJs worst match for me.

  6. #16
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    Quote:
    "Don't use type when dating. Don't! It places people in boxes! Boxes bad! But -

    Check out the personal chemistry. Who do you like better, who do you have more in common with? Common interests and goals, and good communication make a relationship work."

    Right. I'll keep that in mind.

    Quote:
    "eta: Oops, I don't know if you are female or male. I don't know much about male enfps or female infjs. :P"

    I'm a male btw.

    In the end, two healthy individuals of any type can have a successful relationship if both are willing to work on it.

  7. #17
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I like my INTP, but I think gender dynamics can make a difference. I have to be the extroverted one and handle most external conflict (like calling the phone company to straighten out a billing mistake, etc) it is worth it to me because he is quiet, low-maintenance, and laid back. Plus, somebody has to be calm around here and it ain't gonna be me!
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I like ENFPs but find that they have a habit of collecting more people than they have time to maintain friendships with. Every now and then they tend to clean house. They are very outwardly warm with acquaintances and friends, which can make you feel closer than you really are. Therefore they sometimes they have a tendancy to seem...fickle, even though I think they are sincere. They also do seem to like having some internal space that is private and to themselves - more than you might initially see. I also find the Fe (INFJ) vs Fi (ENFP) can sometimes be a challenge. However, I like them and think they're interesting, fun, great people.

    I dated an ESTJ for five years. There were some amazing qualities that worked well with my personality. I was good at long term, big picture vision and he was good at present and practical details. He was very protective, service oriented, responsible, creative, take chargey, a great host, socially popular, good at being organized and helping me to be, an adventurous cook, a huge reader, good at teaching new skills, very competent and capable and so on. However, I found that we had major differences in outlook and communication. ESTJs have a very hard time being vulnerable and have a tendancy to not state much of what is happening internally. They also are very competetive and can feel easily threatened. They don't like it when people challenge their point of view and don't adopt it themselves. They abhor any kind of incompetence. They are very hard on themselves. They generally aren't likely to flex much to meet you, even if you flex to meet them. (Read the Ask An ESTJ thread - extremely good and informative!). Overall, I wouldn't put my bets on an INFJ feeling fulfilled by the relationship in the longterm, although two mature people can make almost anything work if they are committed enough and willing to adjust. I still love and miss my ESTJ, but am very firmly convinced it would have been disastrous to make it a permanent relationship.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    Don't use type when dating. Don't! It places people in boxes! Boxes bad! But -

    Check out the personal chemistry. Who do you like better, who do you have more in common with? Common interests and goals, and good communication make a relationship work.
    Communication is where duality seems to shine from my experience.

  10. #20
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    INFJ's and ENFP's can have a super intoxicating dynamic. I appreciate how understood I feel, on a deep deep level, and it can be a very intense experience. I'm not sure if I get the "aloofness" comment about ENFP's, though I will say if I'm really interested in someone, I'll keep myself back a bit and circle them several times, to make sure that what I'm seeing is the real thing. A person will show up immediately on my radar, but I need time to assess them before I move in on their space, or let them move into mine. And, it has been my experience that INFJ's tend to keep their distance too - like they have to be sure I won't mangle them or something. But, then they pounce without warning. It's always a surprise, and I'm never sure what I said or did that finally made them feel safe enough to jump on me.
    I totally get the 'circling' bit! Watch and see, duck and weave, etc. It's actually an enjoyable part of the courtship/dating process to me and not stressful (or just stressful enough to make it interesting)

    I have only dated one confirmed INFJ but the chemistry was always there but it really took off *after* we broke up (like...the first 2 times?) and we both got to know each other in a more relaxed and natural context.

    I've heard that INFJs are very good at molding to expectations or putting on masks to please their partner and I think after we stopped dating and worked through some things and I thought I was no longer attracted to her - I think we both let our guards down and felt more comfortable and hence we found we both have an even stronger chemistry! I agree LadyJaye, the word 'intoxicating' is really apt!

    I think INFJ keep their distance much more so than ENFPs in a way because they are so strategic about courtship/relationships. It's not so much distance as it is being mindful? I think when an ENFP keeps distance it's because Fi is so overwhelming for us we need distance to keep it in check and figure out what it's telling us (and also so we don't get nutty, lol) and combined with Ne makes us curious and cautious.

    I also think I have inadvertently hurt or made INXJs feel that I have "blown them off" when that wasn't the case. Some INFJs are more vocal than others about their expectations of you and their emotional needs.

    I have also felt this easy instant chemistry with other INXJ's. And it is unlike the ego blurring whirlpool chemistry/sense of closeness I get with INFPs. There's no check with INFPs so it's easy to fall into each other and lose perspective, blur lines, etc. It's almost suffocating but it's also kinda addictive, like opium...omg, yes I just made a drug and romance metaphor. You can get really lost in an Fi haze with an INFP and lose perspective as well as yourself (especially if you're of the sexual/intimate variant for ennegram).

    But with an INFJ it's different, and I like how Ne/Ni and Fe/Fi balance. Or maybe it's not the cognitive functions balancing it's just great to have that chemistry and sense of "deep intimacy" but also a sense of balance, which really provides freedom and gives you space to grow.

    I feel like, in theory, it is easier to have a healthy relationship with an INFJ than it is an INFP. Checks and balances.

    Okay, that help answer your question at all?
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

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