As for ENFPs in relationships, I agree that we shy away from people the closer we get to them. Well, I do. If I really like someone, that's when I start to fade a little bit. If I can tell another person likes me, oh jeez, then I really back off. In that way, we don't exactly communicate what we feel in the beginning of a relationship, especially if our feelings are potentially serious. So yea, it's not necessarily a bad sign if an ENFP distances themselves from you a bit. You may have to spell it all out for them so that they trust your intentions.
Absolutely. Because I often "click" with all sorts of people, I might be worried that you're reading a lot into our "connection". I might be worried that you will want a whole lot more from the relationship than I was planning to give. I care about friends, but I love open possibilities. Committing to you is scary but necessary, because I firmly believe in playing for keeps and not messing you around.
So yes, withdrawal makes sense if an ENFP realizes you're interested. Give her a taste of your company and withdraw so she has time to miss you... and let her decide if she's willing to close a bunch of possibilities for the sake of being with you.
I would like to get as many inputs as possible from you guys.
Socionics states that duality is the most rewarding relationship because it satisfies both partners' needs for completeness. Stages in this relationship also vary from being shaky to unbreakable (ONLY if there are mutual attractions and both partners have the same goals in life). I've met some ESTJs throughout my life, but they just don't seem to notice my presence (the introvert dual is supposed to fade in the background).
Regarding the ENFP: I LOVE ENFPs. I adore ENFPs. It's been my dream to end up with one, be it friendship or family life. I wish there could be more. But the 2 ENFPs that I met seemed very....distant. I even showed them my sincere intention to be friends. But oh well, maybe other ENFPs can explain about this, not just for romantic relationships but friendships as well.
I can still see how loving ENFPs are. They think far ahead and use feelings when making decisions, which can be seen as irrational. However, those are what make them dedicated to their relationships.
Your comments are appreciated. Thanks!
Its easier for an introvert to notice their dual then it is for an extrovert to notice. Just keep yourself in front of them and let things happen. Thats the hardest part for an I is you have to be the one who keeps standing in front of them as life goes on. Despite how much or how little they know whats going on both parties do benefit along all levels of the relationship.
Take what I say with a grain of salt, because that's all it is compared to the ocean of complexity when it comes to actions and real life.
They say ENFPs "crack people open" as a kind of game, and that's kind of true for me. We'll share from our life eeeeasy, just to get the other person to do the same.
Sometimes I take a step back and think, girl do you realize how HUGE it is for this INFJ to share his intimate-est life stories and feelings with you?? And then I'm grateful that he counts me worthy (because we all know how picky you are INFJs). And I try to be as responsible with his heart as possible.
this kind of contextualizing is really big for me to in relationship situations. it helps me realize what is at stake in a way that is beyond my own thoughts, fears, anxieties, hopes, etc. i just sort of wake up and get my senses going again. it makes me more open and feel aware beyond my own foggy horizon.
i'll also use self-disclosure but nothing that is truly vulnerable. unless i am invested. i trust enfps and entps and intjs with my true weaknesses. but enfps get my feelings in the language of feeling more naturally and i don't have to shy away from it and downplay emotional experience.
I'm an INFJ girl in a relationship with an ENFP guy. I'm sort of surprised by how some people think of this combo as "explosive" or overly emotional, but I guess we're just more grounded than many NF types when it comes to romance. We're idealistic, but funnily enough, when it comes to romance we're very level-headed and realistic about things (we're actually even quite cynical in a sense, though it's directed at other couples and not ourselves).
I came into this relationship from odd circumstances, though. I had never even remotely dated before, didn't desire to, was (and still am) a virgin, never wanted to marry, planned on staying celibate for life... I was even toying with the idea of terming myself an "asexual" (I didn't because I wasn't quite clear on the definition). I had some justifiable reasons for all this, but I'll admit I was also influenced by observing disastrous relationships (including my parents').
My boyfriend is probably so level-headed when it comes to relationships because his last girlfriend was abusive. He was disillusioned, to say the least. So he also sort of vowed to himself that he would stay single (for the time being, at least). We ended up in a relationship together even though a relationship was the last, last, laaaast thing on our minds. Heh. So, that's my response to anyone who thinks NF-NF relationships are all melodramatic and naively idealistic.
Still, I would say that the word "transcendental" is apt, within realistic expectations. I get this with a lot of ENFPs (including my best friend of 8+ years—what I have with her is pure magic, can't wait until I get to know him that well too!). I see ENFPs as myself, but without inhibitions or a "randomness filter." This will often result in an ENFP spouting whatever nonsense pops into their head, prompting reactions from most, but reactions from me. I WISH I had the balls to do/say whatever I'm thinking like that! The things they say are often things that "click" with me too. I just want to say, "I know everyone thinks you're weird, but I GET you, man! You're awesome!" The problem is, if the ENFP doesn't feel that immediate connection with me and try to get to know me, I end up admiring from afar and never making a move. Fortunately, that wasn't the case with my boyfriend, and apparently I didn't completely botch things up when he started showing interest.
Originally Posted by LadyJaye
But, then they pounce without warning. It's always a surprise, and I'm never sure what I said or did that finally made them feel safe enough to jump on me. .
That's sort of what happened! I still can't believe it, I didn't know I had it in me. xD I was super cautious and reluctant when he asked me out on a date. I had every intention of taking things very slowly. Then, a couple of dates later, I kept doing little affectionate things impulsively (spontaneity is NOT how I operate!), and that ended up being the day that we became "official." Looking back, though, I think I might know what made me trust him enough to be so uncharacteristically forward. A couple of days before, he had told me in a very straightforward, sincere manner how he felt about me and why a relationship with me would be compatible with his values. It turned out his values were exactly the same as mine, and because I had been so guarded before, I knew that he was telling the truth. Not just telling me what I wanted to hear. That's when I knew he was as wonderful as he seemed to be. That's probably common for INFJs dating someone: being guarded, not divulging too many deep values at first for fear of being manipulated. But once the sincerity of the other's intentions is confirmed, we "pounce."