It seems to me that all (/almost) ENFJs I know have some kinds of miseries in their childhood that lead to their adulthood's insecurity which is masked by a friendly and understanding surface. They're fun and mysterious as acquaintances. But when they start trusting you and revealing to you the deeper and darker side of them, it's like being involved in a real-life tragedy.
No matter how you say it or try to lighten them up, their fears and insecurity are always (i mean literally ALWAYS) there. That's why they never say anything directly or bluntly. Always a question or irrelevant statement that makes you speak out the things they wanted to hear.
ENFJs' obscured insecurity makes them desperate perfectionists. They expect hell of a lot from their close friends or partners. When they see some kind of deviations from their expectations, they try best to manipulate the situation or the person. If they could not, oh my god! They're miserable with their impaired and handicapped analytical skill to solve and reason their confusions and depressions.
So.... I have this female ENFJ bff that I currently cannot deal with. She is trying to move on from a tragical romantic drama which drastically damaged her pride and confidence couple of months ago.
There is this ENTP guy interested in my friend now. I thought he was honest and had strong feelings for her. She really likes him, yet she finds so many methods to question his feelings and honesty. She always tries to tell him they're not going anywhere and tell him not to see her anymore (as her bff, I really interpret it as "she is trying to make him prove his love to her no matter how bitchy she is").
She told me she felt that he's kind of pulling himself away, so she's upset, miserable, and keep going on again about her fears, childhood and recent unpleasant memories (which I've heard and known quite a few times already). No matter how I explain to her how ENTPs might think and react in this situation by their rationales (to me, even tho he really likes her, as a thinker, he might not pursue it when he sees no possibilities that she might change her negative perspectives bout his intention). She kept looking for me for some answers and solution to her situation; yet no matter how much I tried, she kept being stubborn saying she could never get rid of her fears and just want to play it safe.
What should I tell my ENFJ friend to help regain her confidence and get rid of her insecurities and fear?