Do any other male INFPs find that their E or S friends are much more outspoken about women?
For instance, if a group of construction workers start whistling and howling at an attractive woman like a pack of animals, I tend to think they are shallow. Even in real life, I feel that many of my friends just go crazy for good looking women, but they don't think beyond that.
I believe that beauty is skin deep. I'm not trying to be preachy, I just can't understand why other people have to be so outspoken about physical beauty.
Can anyone relate to this?
don't take any of this very seriously. it is still early for me and i am bad at organizing these types of thoughts on forums (am i even really putting this in the right place?) without spending hours on each post. because of this, until yesterday, i've been a life-long lurker in almost all aspects of my life. i like to watch and see what happens. most people say what i wanna say, anyway. but i'd like to get better. help me out by not being too critical. i'm trying to do this quickly and without thinking too, too much.
i am always meeting women (and men, really) who think that they understand me and then devalue me based on that understanding. they are often very wrong about me, but i think i understand why. i think that everything i write here will support your point about INFP men kind of being just normal guys who *think* that they aren't normal guys... haha, but, perhaps i will say something in defense that actually has substance. we'll see.
in my experience, INFP boys relate more easily to softer, more feminine personalities and are often themselves more feminine than most men (conflict avoidance). and--- and this is important--- some women! this more feminine sensibility is contrasted by an emotional intensity that begs for solitude because of our distaste for conflict. the problem is usually that we want to say something objectively while still maintaining personal closeness. most people can't digest these experiences, and so we try not to ask for it after awhile. we often speak of paradox that destroys others' sense of our internal consistency. since we are always relatively fluid on the inside, we wish-wash around sometimes, doing what is most pleasing to those that we wish to please. even if it isn't "us" or what we'd do if we were alone. it's easy to spot an INFP. they have no clue who they are. and they think this is awesome.
anyway, i think about this nice boy topic a lot, myself. i *am* very different from those construction worker types. anyone can see that almost instantly. but am i different from your average boy? go watch adventureland. the geek boy character is so cute. everyone loves that shit now. everyone loves boys that cry. emo and all that. it is aggravating since i *am* the boy who *actually* relates to women more easily than men. i am the boy baking brownies and cuddling with my 24 year old security blanket. even typing these things now --- you can feel the cliche just burning right through it. but is that *my* fault? not really. the media has done what women have been asking them to do forever. turned all guys into whiny puddles of tears and semen. but not truly. they are just channeling the george michael 'arrested development' character.
the thing about INFP men seeming like ordinary guys, is that the real nice guy thing isn't what lots of these women/people want. they're afraid of real feelings and real reasons for being certain ways.the real difference between INFP boys and other boys is that most of us came up with the more feminine habits on our own . we weren't even fucking paying attention to other kids while growing up. personally, my fem influence comes from my sister. i grew up with a sister two years younger than i, and we played barbies til i was at least 16. we played games where our dad's collectible 12" GI Joe dolls killed Ken, commandeered his brothel, scalped him, and then Grunt wiped his butt with Ken's "life-like" hair. we had pretty sweet imaginations... but the thing that we were really doing while playing like that was that we were mocking the stoic GI JOE type male. our parents were very openly loving to one another. not disgusting. but we had decent examples of parental and familial love. my dad called me "cupcake" as a kid. often. i've always had a strong dislike for sports, machoism, and other male lies.
here's an example of why people don't actually like nice guys even when they think they do: it's like --- it's like finding out that they buddy you've been playing evening HALO tournaments with is actually a video game addict, and that he hasn't logged off for 42 hours straight. you might like HALO every once in awhile, but you aren't gonna wanna be around that guy too much. he's too intense. and he might turn you into his next sofa cushion. so, *some* INFPs (being generally talented (and eager to please) chameleons) start "replacing" their real values in order to adopt "new", less intense, more effective ways of getting what they need from women/people. often we feel bad about this in the earlier stages of social development. but, yeah. gotta do what works. or not. so, i think that you will find at least two distinctly opposite, yet paradoxically congruent kinds of INFPs. it's really all about the principles. don't confuse those with ethics or morals. there is a vast difference.
for an example of someone who is highly intuitive and sensitive, but chooses to use this to manipulate for personal gain, i think that the heath ledger joker is an extreme, disgruntled, and decisively non-humanist INFP. again, this is only my opinion. i have more details on why i think this, if you are interested. if INFP boys never get any, they are at risk of becoming ruthlessly flexible manipulators. haha. i think i just said that INFPs are creepy serial killer types waiting to happen... haha!
it boils down to this: competition is for pigs. boy pigs. girl pigs. pig pigs. schwhatever.
~d
