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  1. #41
    Junior Member feckn_eejit's Avatar
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    oooo i could write a tome on this but need to start getting ready for a gig tonight!

    cliff notes:
    -can't do anything about my genetic programming, it is what it is...
    -don't find it satisfying to be, for lack of a better word, "crass" when talking with men about women
    -looks part of the equation but general vibe/aura/feeling i get from someone is what i find beautiful and amazing and attractive
    -any sort of optional physical "enhancement" an instant disqualifier... anyone can be/feel beautiful in their natural shape, i think
    -love the sensations of sex/being with someone but it is way more about the spiritual/emotional connect and transferring/sharing of energy
    -can see value in "casual" sex, but more about random exchanges of chemistry/energy rather than "getting a piece"
    -not very good at casual flirtation... but can see the value in order to get to deeper stuff
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by feckn_eejit View Post
    oooo i could write a tome on this but need to start getting ready for a gig tonight!
    Have fun...

  3. #43
    Junior Member feckn_eejit's Avatar
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    thanks, i will! almost impossible not to really! yet still i've been procrastinating for an hour already!
    cheers
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by feckn_eejit View Post
    thanks, i will! almost impossible not to really! yet still i've been procrastinating for an hour already!
    cheers
    Crack your knuckles. Take a deep breath. And get off your ass.

  5. #45
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    When I really focus and concentrate on my confidence, I come across as a ENFJ, but keeping it takes practice. Since INFP's are usually outcasts, we dont get much experience on intereacting, so no confidence. Just learn to be a little shallow and realize that most of it is a game to get comfortable with someone before getting serious. We dont have to be serious and mature all the time, we can also relax and show some of who we are.

  6. #46

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    Do any other male INFPs find that their E or S friends are much more outspoken about women?

    For instance, if a group of construction workers start whistling and howling at an attractive woman like a pack of animals, I tend to think they are shallow. Even in real life, I feel that many of my friends just go crazy for good looking women, but they don't think beyond that.

    I believe that beauty is skin deep. I'm not trying to be preachy, I just can't understand why other people have to be so outspoken about physical beauty.

    Can anyone relate to this?
    don't take any of this very seriously. it is still early for me and i am bad at organizing these types of thoughts on forums (am i even really putting this in the right place?) without spending hours on each post. because of this, until yesterday, i've been a life-long lurker in almost all aspects of my life. i like to watch and see what happens. most people say what i wanna say, anyway. but i'd like to get better. help me out by not being too critical. i'm trying to do this quickly and without thinking too, too much.

    i am always meeting women (and men, really) who think that they understand me and then devalue me based on that understanding. they are often very wrong about me, but i think i understand why. i think that everything i write here will support your point about INFP men kind of being just normal guys who *think* that they aren't normal guys... haha, but, perhaps i will say something in defense that actually has substance. we'll see.

    in my experience, INFP boys relate more easily to softer, more feminine personalities and are often themselves more feminine than most men (conflict avoidance). and--- and this is important--- some women! this more feminine sensibility is contrasted by an emotional intensity that begs for solitude because of our distaste for conflict. the problem is usually that we want to say something objectively while still maintaining personal closeness. most people can't digest these experiences, and so we try not to ask for it after awhile. we often speak of paradox that destroys others' sense of our internal consistency. since we are always relatively fluid on the inside, we wish-wash around sometimes, doing what is most pleasing to those that we wish to please. even if it isn't "us" or what we'd do if we were alone. it's easy to spot an INFP. they have no clue who they are. and they think this is awesome.

    anyway, i think about this nice boy topic a lot, myself. i *am* very different from those construction worker types. anyone can see that almost instantly. but am i different from your average boy? go watch adventureland. the geek boy character is so cute. everyone loves that shit now. everyone loves boys that cry. emo and all that. it is aggravating since i *am* the boy who *actually* relates to women more easily than men. i am the boy baking brownies and cuddling with my 24 year old security blanket. even typing these things now --- you can feel the cliche just burning right through it. but is that *my* fault? not really. the media has done what women have been asking them to do forever. turned all guys into whiny puddles of tears and semen. but not truly. they are just channeling the george michael 'arrested development' character.

    the thing about INFP men seeming like ordinary guys, is that the real nice guy thing isn't what lots of these women/people want. they're afraid of real feelings and real reasons for being certain ways.the real difference between INFP boys and other boys is that most of us came up with the more feminine habits on our own . we weren't even fucking paying attention to other kids while growing up. personally, my fem influence comes from my sister. i grew up with a sister two years younger than i, and we played barbies til i was at least 16. we played games where our dad's collectible 12" GI Joe dolls killed Ken, commandeered his brothel, scalped him, and then Grunt wiped his butt with Ken's "life-like" hair. we had pretty sweet imaginations... but the thing that we were really doing while playing like that was that we were mocking the stoic GI JOE type male. our parents were very openly loving to one another. not disgusting. but we had decent examples of parental and familial love. my dad called me "cupcake" as a kid. often. i've always had a strong dislike for sports, machoism, and other male lies.

    here's an example of why people don't actually like nice guys even when they think they do: it's like --- it's like finding out that they buddy you've been playing evening HALO tournaments with is actually a video game addict, and that he hasn't logged off for 42 hours straight. you might like HALO every once in awhile, but you aren't gonna wanna be around that guy too much. he's too intense. and he might turn you into his next sofa cushion. so, *some* INFPs (being generally talented (and eager to please) chameleons) start "replacing" their real values in order to adopt "new", less intense, more effective ways of getting what they need from women/people. often we feel bad about this in the earlier stages of social development. but, yeah. gotta do what works. or not. so, i think that you will find at least two distinctly opposite, yet paradoxically congruent kinds of INFPs. it's really all about the principles. don't confuse those with ethics or morals. there is a vast difference.


    for an example of someone who is highly intuitive and sensitive, but chooses to use this to manipulate for personal gain, i think that the heath ledger joker is an extreme, disgruntled, and decisively non-humanist INFP. again, this is only my opinion. i have more details on why i think this, if you are interested. if INFP boys never get any, they are at risk of becoming ruthlessly flexible manipulators. haha. i think i just said that INFPs are creepy serial killer types waiting to happen... haha!

    it boils down to this: competition is for pigs. boy pigs. girl pigs. pig pigs. schwhatever.

    ~d
    existence is endlessly wonderful.

  7. #47

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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I avoid verbalizing how I feel when I see pretties; as a result I have yet to be arrested for harassment. If I verbalized maybe 10% of what I thought I'd probably be in jail by now. I am, however, tempted to start saying more of these things to a girlfriend when they pertain to her. Nothing extreme, but start at about 1% and raise the dial as comfort allows. Maybe I'll manage to keep one longer than a month with that...
    read my super long post. it is somewhere. um. yeah. i agree. most girls can't handle the real deal, so you dish 'em something "palatable" and they often complain that we are just like all the other jerks. it's more than difficult to actually *have* what people want, only to find that they just aren't ready for it. it seems to be about finding the right type of person in the right stage of self-awareness. so... for INFPs, it seems to be about the reps. gotta shuffle through as many people as you can just to possibly see a glimpse of the next plausible candidate. makes me feel like i have no ability whatsoever to actually read people.
    existence is endlessly wonderful.

  8. #48

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    Quote Originally Posted by Silence11 View Post
    Well, as an INFP, I'd say that physical attractiveness is probably the first thing that draws me to a girl. Maybe that makes me shallow... that's fine. I want her to more than just physically attractive for anything serious to happen, though. But yeah... I'd expect to be at least physically attracted to a girl that I wanted to get to know more seriously.
    there is more than just *something* to be said about how a person's physical appearance shapes their personality, as well.
    existence is endlessly wonderful.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by dcmicrowave View Post
    there is more than just *something* to be said about how a person's physical appearance shapes their personality, as well.
    Nah...that's just not true...couldn't be...



    <---

  10. #50
    Senior Member Chunes's Avatar
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    As for the "whistling at women at a construction site" thing, I find it repulsive. It lessens my respect for anyone doing it, and it embarasses me. I feel like walking up to the woman and apologizing for the brutes. I'm dead serious. If most INFP men are like other men, then I'm not like most INFP men, I guess.

    I find I'm reallly hot/cold with women. Looks aren't all that much of a deal cincher, although once a true relationship is established they can be a great boon. If we connect on an emotional level, it's like all this bottled up affection comes pouring out immediately. It's so different than what I'm usually used to. You might think me an entirely different person in a relationship (but then, who isn't?).
    "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see."
    Thoreau

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