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  1. #1
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Default Is Fe More Powerful in Reserve?

    So I have two ENFJ friends--one that is very expressive in his emotions, and one that isn't.

    I like the friend who is expressive (Solomon, 65, ENFJ); he's entertaining and reminds me of myself on some of my more outgoing days. He isn't ashamed to get in your face and let you know where you could improve as a person. Social nicities mean everything to him, but aside from that, he's no respecter of men, and other conventions don't hold as much weight. He's an unmarried elder at my church (pretty sure he's straight, got jilted at the alter a long time ago, committed himself to God)--someone the F men look up to as a mentor and a guide.

    My second friend holds his emotions in reserve (Daniel, 21, ENFJ). He's very much an ENFJ, Fe is primary and he thinks in basically the same manner as I did at his age (he's 21, believe it or not, three years can make a difference). This ENFJ has no issues dating, takes competition seriously, is much more of what I would like to be--a man's man. His secret? He isn't expressive with everything he does. People have to be paying attention to get his feel on things. He holds power in reserve.

    What I want to know, from those of you who either are, or have experienced Fe-primary in a significant way, is how do you (or how have you seen people) handle Fe? What is the real next step in Fe maturity and growth? (what did your growth look like when you were my age?) What have you seen, married ENFJ men (if there are any on here), of this power of Fe? Were you always pretty volitile, or did you hold it in reserve before you found the right one?

    I'm trying to figure out what my next step is in maturity and growth. I've realized most girls (that's important to me, btw, how girls see me) respond a lot better when the emo-gradient is less extreme...less revealing...creates more mystery.

    Are ENFJs really supposed to be the most "introverted of all the extraverted types"?

    --Fuzz
    Love is the point.

  2. #2
    Senior Member BlahBlahNounBlah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Are ENFJs really supposed to be the most "introverted of all the extraverted types"?

    No. All four extroverted intuitive types have made the same claim.

  3. #3
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Are ENFJs really supposed to be the most "introverted of all the extraverted types"?
    Quote Originally Posted by BlahBlahNounBlah View Post
    No. All four extroverted intuitive types have made the same claim.
    True. I've heard it before from them all.

    I think it helps me with ENFJ to remember that, although there is an "E" there in front, they're the extroverted kin to INFJ, and INFJs are very self-protective by nature... engaging through Fe very strongly but there is always something underneath that is very very protected and that only the proven trustworthy get to see.

    Being primary Fe might distract others from that reality but it's still there underneath.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I think that this is because male EXFJs tend to not really... ah... "fit in", especially not male ENFJs. Male F's just don't live up to society's image of a typical male (same with female T's), and it seems that gender values make male F's suppress this side of them.

    And ENTPs are probably the most "introverted" (not needing people) extrovert. They lead with Ne, which is entirely an internal process, and they are T's, so they don't really need people as much.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    I'm simply answering the title:

    Yes, it is, and it's one of the biggest bitches when trying to be honest with someone.

    In response to your question:

    I don't think you can just focus on one function and try to mature; other functions have to play a role in doing so. If you're trying to mature Fe, try out Ti?
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  6. #6
    Senior Member Drezoryx's Avatar
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    Default

    here is an interesting link for enfj EIE male and female - Wikisocion

    the 65 year old guy is probably keeping a facade of niceties going on and turned his anger inwards as a cover on the real intense emotions because not everyone can handle the intensity of an enfj. Same with the 21 year old guy who is quiet, when he integrates better socially the niceties will come in his behaviour too, let the facade evolve.

    theres a catch though the extroversion is so powerful, when it comes, specially when supported with deep knowledge, that it can be very difficult an act to follow up even for ourselves :P so we just tend to slip into introversion professionally more easily than take on extroverted tasks.

    people are fragile. our facade (which becomes second nature with time) of introversion is best for others and ourselves eventually.

  7. #7
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    ^I use Ti on a frequent basis, though it's clear to me that I'm no where near as good at it as someone who was born using it. When I talk to a Ti, I lay down the general perception and they elaborate.

    I'm noticing that my primary function might need to be weilded differently in order to acheive results in areas of my life that are important to me. How others see me, for instance, is of grave importance--I need to be socially perfect; razor sharp to get things done. This sounds like a neurosis to most Fi's, but I find that a little sharpening/tuning of my Fe helps me to do great things. It's a stubborn function though, almost metal in composition--the easiest times of personal change for me are during times when the heat is on...when the metal is molten is the best time to reshape it.
    Love is the point.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Happyman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slumdogtrillionaire View Post
    here is an interesting link for enfj EIE male and female - Wikisocion
    That's so accurate, it's scary.
    Thanks for the link!
    "Act as though it was impossible to fail."
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    I started a real blog!

  9. #9
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by slumdogtrillionaire View Post
    here is an interesting link for enfj EIE male and female - Wikisocion

    the 65 year old guy is probably keeping a facade of niceties going on and turned his anger inwards as a cover on the real intense emotions because not everyone can handle the intensity of an enfj. Same with the 21 year old guy who is quiet, when he integrates better socially the niceties will come in his behaviour too, let the facade evolve.

    theres a catch though the extroversion is so powerful, when it comes, specially when supported with deep knowledge, that it can be very difficult an act to follow up even for ourselves :P so we just tend to slip into introversion professionally more easily than take on extroverted tasks.

    people are fragile. our facade (which becomes second nature with time) of introversion is best for others and ourselves eventually.
    Do you think it's safe to adopt this now? I'm very good at facades...I used to think that it was wrong to "become something I'm not", but now I just realize that the facades are optional aspects--pieces of the eight functions that I can choose to adopt, or not for an extended period of time. My father's Te preference for instance--for a period of time, I am capible of becoming mean and enjoying the suffering of others who "deserve it", and I occasionally want to conquer Canada "for the hell of it", and then go out to hunt down Osama Bin Laden and hang him in Times Square, but I don't choose to keep that mask on, as it's of no use to me except with other Te's.

    The problem is, I don't know what to call this new grounded persona yet.
    Love is the point.

  10. #10
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Default

    I'd probably find the more reserved one more attractive. There's something hot about knowing it's in there, but only you get to see it. *shrugs*

    I don't care for people who "tell it like it is," in the sense of telling you what you need to do with your life, unsolicited.
    Something Witty

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