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[MBTI General] Any Other INFJ's or Anyone Face This Problem?

Ever found yourself weird compared to others, but caused by personality?

  • Yes

    Votes: 17 81.0%
  • No

    Votes: 1 4.8%
  • Yes, but not because of my personality type. :P

    Votes: 3 14.3%

  • Total voters
    21
  • Poll closed .

shadowstormz

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2007
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFJ
I was wondering if any ever experienced trying to 'step out and away' from their initial personality type?

The first time I took the MBTI test, I came off as an ENFJ, but I worked so hard to make myself an extrovert rather than an introvert. As an INFJ, I always thought myself strange in comparison to others. Perhaps my Enneagram 4 kicked in, but I always found myself depressed over the fact that I needed to 'recharge' and just get away from social situations because I didn't find it normal. In a way, getting to know my real personality type has made me understand myself better.

So, back to the question. Is this common to INFJ's? Perhaps because we're so few in 'real-life'? Or was that I phase I just went through? :cry:
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I was wondering if any ever experienced trying to 'step out and away' from their initial personality type?

The first time I took the MBTI test, I came off as an ENFJ, but I worked so hard to make myself an extrovert rather than an introvert. As an INFJ, I always thought myself strange in comparison to others. Perhaps my Enneagram 4 kicked in, but I always found myself depressed over the fact that I needed to 'recharge' and just get away from social situations because I didn't find it normal. In a way, getting to know my real personality type has made me understand myself better.

So, back to the question. Is this common to INFJ's? Perhaps because we're so few in 'real-life'? Or was that I phase I just went through? :cry:

I don't understand exactly what you're trying to say, but I will say that I feel different from most people, because I don't seek social interaction at all, but only deal with it when it comes to me. I probably don't seem strange in casual contact, but I probably do seem unusual to people who deal with me on a regular basis (although they usually don't seem to think that's a bad thing).

Another way I seem to be different is that I'm kind of precise about things. I seem to know all sorts of trivia about various subjects, sometimes enough to discuss them semi-intelligently. Especially if it's related to language, history, psychology, or technology. I also seem to need more things explained to me before I understand/deal with them, things most people would feel comfortable making assumptions about, or even just completely ignoring and allowing someone else to handle.

I'm usually considered a 4w5. Do you consider yourself to be a wingless 4, 4w3, 4w5, or another type entirely?
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
The weird hasn't really bothered me much, but being bad at keeping up with my responsibilities has. I tried to be an ISFJ for many years and beat myself up for not being able to do it.

It's so hard to stay focused on concrete, repetitive tasks and to remember all the details I need to remember in order to do a good job. It makes me very inefficient which, with my perfectionism and low energy levels is not a good combination. One of the best things I ever did was lower some of my standards and expectations for myself.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,192
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I cannot speak for INFJs; but everyone struggles with an "ideal image" that they hold up for themselves and eventually learning to accept themselves as they are, if they're to grow and thrive.

S's who want to be N's; NF's who want to be more detail oriented; T's who want to be more empathetic or people-friendly; the list goes on and on.
 

faith

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
408
MBTI Type
INFJ
Oh, sure. I've often felt weird and like it was wrong to be how I am. Not so much any more, but when I was in high school and college--and even after that. I always thought I should be an ESTJ, though I could never manage it.

I think it took my turning 30 before I began to appreciate myself for who I am. That, and having real friends who like me for myself.

Even now I sometimes get into a twisted state of mind in which I 'know' I ought to be different, but I can't quite manage it. That's when I have to quit brooding so much all alone and be with people who will help give me perspective.
 

Sahara

New member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
927
MBTI Type
INFP
You are describing my every day feelings and I'm an infp. I beat myself up all the time for being dysfunctional, disorgansied, procrastinator, unsociable, spaced out, low energy levels, pretty much everything.

Tried so often to be better than what I am, but I fail of course.

It's cool though lol I'm giving up on trying to change and just learing to accept who I am.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
The first time I ever took the test it told me I was INTP. After spending some considerable time with INTPs on that other forum, I kept getting told I was an NF and I honestly didn't feel like an INTP. So I took a lot of time off, reread the descriptions, and came back as an INFP, where I was then repeatedly told that my F sounded "strained".

I always had a dislike for the INFJ descriptions even when other tests typed me as such because I didn't consider myself "psychic" or "mystic" so I kept trying to be something else. After talking to some of the INFJs on that other forum, I realized they had some creepy similarities to me, so I came over here. So far, the INFJ description has suited me best because I can usually relate to what the other INFJs here are saying. Although athenian and toonia seem to be a lot more analytical than me, cafe and others even seem to think the same way I do. Someone suggested there might be a spectrum for INFJs, and I believe that could be very true, and as such I think a lot of INFJs can mistype and then try to fit the type.
 

shimsham

New member
Joined
Oct 15, 2007
Messages
94
MBTI Type
infj
I tested as INTJ the first time I took the test. When I read the description, my response to about 50% of the traits was "eh, not really." So I was a bit confused about that for awhile. I checked out a message board on some other site for INTJs, and just found their way of approaching discussions to be drastically different from mine. They were all incredibly intelligent, which I appreciate in people, but also fairly immodest, which I just couldn't see in myself (no offense to the INTJs out there- I think it was more the message board I was on than any inherent INTJ-ness).

Lately, I've been typing as INFJ, the description of which I find almost eerily applicable to myself (except for psychic abilities, can't really say I have those). I like being able to attribute some of my quirkiness to my personality type, but I'm also wary of using my type as a crutch. I think that there are some things about the INFJ personality that I see in myself that I want to work on (a tendency to take things personally, for example). I also often wish that I could fare better with small talk at parties, not because I find small talk interesting, but because it would make those social situations a bit less of a strain.

Basically, I think INFJ is the way to be. We're a bit strange, but also quite lovable. We're quiet and have anti-social tendencies, but also have a deep appreciation for relationships with people we care about. And there's always something exciting about suddenly "knowing" the answer to something, just really pulling it out of your mental ether, if you will.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,192
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Someone suggested there might be a spectrum for INFJs, and I believe that could be very true, and as such I think a lot of INFJs can mistype and then try to fit the type.

Yes, there's a spectrum for each type, I think... depending on a number of things:

1. Whether the primary or the secondary is emphasized.
2. Childhood experiences and especially "survival circumstances".
3. Gender roles/thinking.
4. Workplace environment / job demands.
5. Standard personal flux in a personality type.

I have been pondering putting together each type with a few "typical archetypes." I have not done it yet though.
 

xNFJiminy

New member
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
108
MBTI Type
xNFJ
Other people tell me I'm weird. Even my own mum. :cry: Haha, but not nastily. Definitely, I hear this less when in extrovert mode than when in introvert mode. As to whether I feel weird, I don't know, what does weird feel like? Or is it more a thought-out belief that you are different to most people in a significant way? If the latter, I've thought that sometimes, and sometimes it makes it hard to know how to communicate about things others see so differently, but it doesn't make me want to change my type or myself in any way. Makes me want to change everyone else. :devil:
 

GZA

Resident Snot-Nose
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
1,771
MBTI Type
infp
I'm INFP, but I'm going to answer anyway... hope thats ok, sorry if it isn't.

I used to feel weird about who I was and what I naturally tend to do, but that was back when I was maybe 10... that probably went on untill I was 14. At that point, I began getting a lot more comfortable with myself, and now, two years later, I'm generally very comfortable with myself. My only worries (that relate to this, anyway) or how I can use my naturally tendancies to my advantage. I think there is a lot of friction between who I want to be/should be/am and what I'm suppose to be from the outside. I'm fine with who I am, and although I'm not even sure if I have any ambitions or anything, I think that the ones I probably have deep down wouldn't neccasarily be encouraged by my oh-to-practical parents. What I want to do and tend to do doesn't always agree with what I'm told to do... in a sense. I'm not saying I'm a rebellious person or anything, but I don't think I neccasarily would do well if I did what I'm encouraged to do (which is pretty much study business, or history, or become an architect, or a lawyer. I have no problem studying history, but those other things? Blah). I don't really know what it is I really want to do though, maybe be a writer or musician... but I'm still not sure.

I'm told I'm weird on a regular basis, but I'm fine with that... I think people find me weird in a charming sort of way, because people never stop talking to me for being weird. I get way weirder when in "extravert" mode, too.
 

INTJMom

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2007
Messages
5,413
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I am an INTJ/INFJ combination. Before reading the comments here from other INFJs on this board, I had no idea how INFJ I really was. (I enjoy the NF board much more then the NT board, too.)

From the day I discovered that there were other people out in the world just like me, I have not felt weird or defective. I have just as much right to exist as anybody else. I am just as "normal" as the next person.

I have never considered "I" as "anti-social". That's so negative. It is just as valid to be an "I" as to be an "E". Being "I" isn't bad or wrong. It is a normal way some people function. All the MBTI preferences are normal. We should learn to appreciate all the differences for what they are. Every strength has a weakness. Is are good at some things that Es would never be good at. Es are good at some things that Is would never be good at. Both are equally good and necessary.
 

shadowstormz

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2007
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFJ
Reading all of your replies (and I mean all) makes me feel a bit better. As an INFJ, I don't reveal my inner thoughts to just anyone, just those close to me. But being away from home in university, I haven't been able to find anyone close enough to me to share things with. I'm glad that I'm not the only one who's gone through this. :yes:

I appreciate all of your sincere feedback. Sorry if I wasn't so clear on the point I was trying to make in the first post. It was a late night and I think my fingers were doing more typing than my brain was.

I guess we're all weird to an extend because we're all unique. I'm happy to hear that most of you have gotten over your personal dilemmas. :)


Jennifer said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
Someone suggested there might be a spectrum for INFJs, and I believe that could be very true, and as such I think a lot of INFJs can mistype and then try to fit the type.
Yes, there's a spectrum for each type, I think... depending on a number of things:

And I agree with Kiddo and Jennifer. I believe there is a spectrum of each personality type. (If there wasn't, we'd all be quite predictable or even the same.:huh:)

:blush: Well, I'm running out of ideas to type..

All this sharing is making me mushy. Anyone need a hug? :hug:
 

shadowstormz

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2007
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFJ
From the day I discovered that there were other people out in the world just like me, I have not felt weird or defective. I have just as much right to exist as anybody else. I am just as "normal" as the next person.

Sorry for double posting, but this came up while I was posting and I wanted to just comment on this.

I agree with this exactly. The day I discovered that I was an INFJ and that there ARE other people out there like me, it settled me. Especially to all the personality types that aren't the majority of the population and probably even more so for the introverts, I think it means a lot to meet people with the same quirks, same experiences, and the same personality as themselves. So I guess this is a thank-you to this board, its creator, and all of its members!!
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
I am an INTJ/INFJ combination. Before reading the comments here from other INFJs on this board, I had no idea how INFJ I really was. (I enjoy the NF board much more then the NT board, too.)
Welcome to the dark side. :vader1:
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
496
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
So, back to the question. Is this common to INFJ's? Perhaps because we're so few in 'real-life'? Or was that I phase I just went through? :cry:
I have always felt out of step with people. I can smile and greet people and sort of go with the flow, but there is something more fundamental that just doesn't often connect. I don't mean this in the romanticized misunderstood artist kind of way. It isn't pleasant or colorful. It typically hurts. For me it is exacerbated by the fact that i moved around a lot as a kid and didn't form lasting bonds. It often hurts to be around people even though i like them. Being alone in nature feels soothing to me. People always seem very far away to me.
 

Schizm

New member
Joined
Sep 10, 2007
Messages
134
MBTI Type
INTP
You are describing my every day feelings and I'm an infp. I beat myself up all the time for being dysfunctional, disorgansied, procrastinator, unsociable, spaced out, low energy levels, pretty much everything.

Tried so often to be better than what I am, but I fail of course.

It's cool though lol I'm giving up on trying to change and just learing to accept who I am.

Same here. I wonder why the INFP is pinned as the "optimists". INFP's thrive at times in the dark side.
 

quietgirl

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2007
Messages
401
MBTI Type
INFJ
I have always felt out of step with people. I can smile and greet people and sort of go with the flow, but there is something more fundamental that just doesn't often connect. I don't mean this in the romanticized misunderstood artist kind of way. It isn't pleasant or colorful. It typically hurts. For me it is exacerbated by the fact that i moved around a lot as a kid and didn't form lasting bonds. It often hurts to be around people even though i like them. Being alone in nature feels soothing to me. People always seem very far away to me.

I have this issue, too. I'm also constantly conflicted because I have a need to connect with those around me, but it's very rare that I actually do. When I was younger, I was convinced that I lived in a different world than everyone else because I felt so far removed. I'm a little less dramatic about it now that I'm older, but I frequently get that same removed feeling.
 

ygolo

My termites win
Joined
Aug 6, 2007
Messages
5,988
People always seem very far away to me.

I have a feeling I describe that way too. I wonder if we are talking about the same thing.

For me, even people I like and like me, it feels like our perspectives are so vastly different that there is no way of understanding what (s)he thinks/feels and no way to get her/him to understand I how I think/feel.

We can relate experiences, we can relate beliefs, but everytime I try to probe into how people think and feel at a deeper level they recoil. When I try to express how I think and feel at a deeper level, many get scared, and at best changes the topic.

Is this what you mean, too?
 

shadowstormz

New member
Joined
Oct 16, 2007
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFJ
I have always felt out of step with people. I can smile and greet people and sort of go with the flow, but there is something more fundamental that just doesn't often connect. I don't mean this in the romanticized misunderstood artist kind of way. It isn't pleasant or colorful. It typically hurts. For me it is exacerbated by the fact that i moved around a lot as a kid and didn't form lasting bonds. It often hurts to be around people even though i like them. Being alone in nature feels soothing to me. People always seem very far away to me.

Yes! This is exactly what I'm talking about. I, too, as a child, moved around quite a fair bit. I couldn't have explained it better than you just have.

I have this issue, too. I'm also constantly conflicted because I have a need to connect with those around me, but it's very rare that I actually do. When I was younger, I was convinced that I lived in a different world than everyone else because I felt so far removed. I'm a little less dramatic about it now that I'm older, but I frequently get that same removed feeling.

In my childhood, I often tried to always look for one friend that I could trust and confide in that person greatly. But when high school rolled around, I somewhat lost a person I can confide in soley and also find it difficult to connect with others. Don't get me wrong, but I had friends and I'm sure quietgirl and toonia had friends, too, but the depth of connection was probably not achieved to the point where the INFJ in us let us talk freely about our feelings and thoughts. We probably just didn't feel we had enough connect to just blurt it out. In my case, I just felt that I would be misunderstood or just partially understood. I guess it takes months or even years to build a relationship with the person you wish to confide in before an INFJ will finally share his or her feelings. I've found a person lately, but even so, I don't feel as though my thoughts were received fully or the way I've wanted to have them received. I guess that's the reason why I've always kept it to myself and perhaps the reason INFJ's are so hard to get to know in real-life.
 
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