I was dumped by an INFJ woman 5 days ago and I am only now recovering from the shock. We had only been dating for two months, but everything seemed to be going great. It was not just my opinion: she kept telling me how much she liked me and that she was very optimistic about the relationship.
The last time that I saw her was 9 days ago and something seemed wrong, but she explained it away by saying that she was tired. I thought nothing of it. She did not return my calls for a few days afterwards and then called me to end it. I expressed my surprise in the call but not much else: I was totally blindsided. We have not spoken since then.
There was no "other woman" for me and I am certain that she did not leave for another guy. She explained that she had no feelings for me and so wanted to end it. She had told me several times, including during that call, that she lived with a guy for 9 years and it lasted years longer than it should have. She seems determined not to make the ame mistake again. But we didn't even last 9 weeks and she made no effort to communicate about things that could improve. Things went from absolute bliss to total rejection with no transition at all.
I have a hard time getting my head around the "no feelings" reason because, as an ISTP, I never have feelings for someone after a short time. But I understand that different types are different.
I plan to call her in a couple of days. I think that one week of thinking will prevent me from acting simply as a depressed, spurned lover. I really think that the relationship can work with a little effort. I think that she may be overcompensating to avoid previous mistakes.
I would like some advice on how to approach the phone call.
- Will she be open to discussing it or resent that I am re-opening what she thought was already closed?
- She said that it was absolutely not my fault. I did nothing wrong. (It's not you, it's me... yadda, yadda, yadda.) But can I draw out any real reasons or will she stick to her original story?
- Is there any hope for this?