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Thread: INFJ Parents

  1. #11
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/infj.htm:

    "As parents, INFJs usually are fiercely devoted. A female INFJ, particularly, is linked to her children in a way different from the other types: with almost a psychic symbiosis. This deep bond can create an over-dependency that can be unhealthy for both mother and child. At the same time, INFJs tend to be good friends with their children, while firm in discipline. They usually are concerned about the comfort of a home and most especially the comfort, physical health, and emotional well-being of both mates and children."

    This sounds about right to me. I'm looking forward to hopefully one day being a parent, though hopefully I'll avoid the over-dependency stuff. I know raising a child will be a lot of work but from what I hear it is a connection like no other.

    I think INFJ parents would excel in appreciating their child for the person that they are, as opposed to the person that the parent wants the child to be.

  2. #12
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    if I imagine about my infj girl being a mother I see besides a great sum of good things a huge need for a more relaxed father figure . Not that I wont have her back on tough decisions, but good at balance she aint... yet
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #13
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mwv6r View Post
    http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/infj.htm:

    "As parents, INFJs usually are fiercely devoted. A female INFJ, particularly, is linked to her children in a way different from the other types: with almost a psychic symbiosis. This deep bond can create an over-dependency that can be unhealthy for both mother and child. At the same time, INFJs tend to be good friends with their children, while firm in discipline. They usually are concerned about the comfort of a home and most especially the comfort, physical health, and emotional well-being of both mates and children."

    This sounds about right to me. I'm looking forward to hopefully one day being a parent, though hopefully I'll avoid the over-dependency stuff. I know raising a child will be a lot of work but from what I hear it is a connection like no other.

    I think INFJ parents would excel in appreciating their child for the person that they are, as opposed to the person that the parent wants the child to be.
    First, thanks everybody for the feedback and links!!

    I have thought a lot about deep attachment and all of that, deep down I've always sort of felt that my job as a Mom would be to raise the child so he or she will be as prepared and well rounded as possible for when the day comes I have to let them go. I figure the 'letting go' process will start when they go to school for the first time and then continue on from there, lol.

    Ideally I would want to get through the tumultuous teenage period well so that when my son or daughter moved on to their own life that they still felt they had a place to come if they needed it. That sort of thing.

    One of the things that always pops into my head when I think about becoming a Mom is that 'ebb and flow' of life. How my own family dynamic and structure changed a lot over the years. I remember how it was when my older brother and I were little, how it was when we got a little older, how it was when he left for college, then when I moved out, and so on.

    Like all these different 'eras' that were constantly changing. If anything, I think a lot about my tendency to get too wigged out when there is that shift, feeling way too overly sentimental and emotional about it. These days I try to remember that there's always a new era about to start when one ends, and I try to go with that. I'd like to be able to keep pace with that fast pace of change involved as a child ages, and be able to let those different 'eras' end when they should so progress keeps going.

    I definitely relate to wanting my child to be who they are rather than who I want them to be. I never liked jocks, but if I had a kid that was a jock I would go to EVERY friggin' game and support it if they loved athletics. In a way that's one of the most exciting thoughts for me, to see how my children would progress and who they would grow into.

    I'm getting to be more of a laid back little entity. I hope to do more of this before I grow me some babies
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    First, thanks everybody for the feedback and links!!

    I have thought a lot about deep attachment and all of that, deep down I've always sort of felt that my job as a Mom would be to raise the child so he or she will be as prepared and well rounded as possible for when the day comes I have to let them go. I figure the 'letting go' process will start when they go to school for the first time and then continue on from there, lol.

    Ideally I would want to get through the tumultuous teenage period well so that when my son or daughter moved on to their own life that they still felt they had a place to come if they needed it. That sort of thing.

    One of the things that always pops into my head when I think about becoming a Mom is that 'ebb and flow' of life. How my own family dynamic and structure changed a lot over the years. I remember how it was when my older brother and I were little, how it was when we got a little older, how it was when he left for college, then when I moved out, and so on.

    Like all these different 'eras' that were constantly changing. If anything, I think a lot about my tendency to get too wigged out when there is that shift, feeling way too overly sentimental and emotional about it. These days I try to remember that there's always a new era about to start when one ends, and I try to go with that. I'd like to be able to keep pace with that fast pace of change involved as a child ages, and be able to let those different 'eras' end when they should so progress keeps going.

    I definitely relate to wanting my child to be who they are rather than who I want them to be. I never liked jocks, but if I had a kid that was a jock I would go to EVERY friggin' game and support it if they loved athletics. In a way that's one of the most exciting thoughts for me, to see how my children would progress and who they would grow into.

    I'm getting to be more of a laid back little entity. I hope to do more of this before I grow me some babies
    I definitely spent lots of time on gym benches, out on the soccer fields, getting up at 5AM to have everything ready for the swim meets, etc. My son wasn't that much of a jock but he wanted to participate with the other kids and I was all about supporting him. I think one of the advantages to being an INFJ and a parent is my ability to read body language and being alert to thought processes. It allowed me to tune in to their emotions and maybe monitor them a little better. I was much more likely to look at a situation from their point of view while their dad was likely to see things in terms of right and wrong. I loved watching them develop from one stage to another, each step they went through was a wonder to me and an opportunity for me to learn along with them.

    I think INFJ's make wonderful parents as long as they are prepared to adapt to raising children, it's an incredible experience and so, so, worth it but there's a certain amount of sacrifice involved which feels a bit like a splintering of one's self for the greater good. Also, I think it's very important that before deciding on starting a family that the future parents learn about each other's parenting styles and values.

  5. #15
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    You'll probably read every parenting book there is to try to be the best mother you can. You'll second guess every hard decision you make. You'll really struggle with the emotional stuff (both the good and the bad). You'll probably want to avoid the difficult stuff, but your strong sense of responsibility will make you tough it out and you'll be a better person for it in the long run. You'll have very, very close relationships to your children, but they will probably need to do quite a lot of rebelling in their teenage years, which is normal and the right thing to do. As an NF, you'll probably be intrigued by their rebellion and secretly supportive, although you'll probably feel hurt and angry, too. Things will be much better after that. Your kids will probably turn into really good friends that you will be very proud of as they mature. The most important thing you will need is someone to talk to -- a really supportive and patient husband would be great, and if not, your mom or a good friend. You'll need that person to work through all the draining emotional pros and cons of raising your children right. The second most important thing you'll need is a really good sense of humor -- if you've got that then everything else should be OK!

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post

    Ideally I would want to get through the tumultuous teenage period well so that when my son or daughter moved on to their own life that they still felt they had a place to come if they needed it. That sort of thing.
    Both my husband and I are INFJs, and we have two teenage daughters. The good news is that we have achieved exactly what you describe. We are on very good terms with both daughters. The older daughter is in college, but often comes home on the weekends to be with us. And the younger daughter is loving having us to herself now that our older daughter is away at college.

    So, it's completely possible for you! Parenting as an INFJ hasn't always been easy, but there certainly are many, many rewards. And I have felt, and still feel, that my NF personality makes me an excellent parent.

  7. #17
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    I haven't posted here in quite some time. But this thread caught my attention so I thought I would write some comments.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The rewards for me are seeing my child become indignant about someone else being treated unfairly, having them disagree with me on an ethical issue and sticking to their guns
    ^ This is the part I'm looking forward to! The one thing I want for my children (beyond basic necessities to sustain their lives ) is the ability to feel strongly about things that matter and to stand up for what they believe.... even if their opinions differ from my own.


    Quote Originally Posted by lillyofthevalley View Post
    I did know that it would be the biggest commitment of my life and I have to admit that I was pretty confident that I would be a good mother.
    Haha. This made me laugh. I feel the same way. Sometimes my friends and I joke about having a baby if we're not married by the time we're 35. I always tell them flat out "Parenting is serious business!" and "Psh... I know I'd be a good parent."
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