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[NF] NFs would you mind if I ask you something "personal" ?

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
How do you pick emotions of other people ?


In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it taks a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)



Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer ?



The reason why I am asking is because I am wondering about how to have a better dinamic with NFs in real life. :yes:
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
1. Body language
2. Tone of voice
3. Words being used
4. Previous experience with the person and their reactions
5. Previous experience with someone similar and the other person's reactions compared.

If you are trying to get people to accept you for who you are you need to address a few questions.

a. Are you sure they are NF?
b. Are they willing to take your information into account if you explain it? Or are they determined that they are "right" about you?
c. Have you changed and they are going on earlier data?
d. What weakness do they have built in that might be hurting their reading of you?

The best way to change my absorbed beliefs about you is to have you explain to me exactly what you think is going on and let me stew on it. I will not accept your explanation without taking time to analyze and see if it actually fits your (and my) reactions.

As an ENFP I am better at figuring out relationships I'm not involved in. When they get close to me I have more trouble seeing the truth in the situation. I think that might be the Ne, Fi difference kicking in. (not sure, just a theory, don't know much about functions)

The people who are analyzing you might be having a similar issue depending on what NF they are. I'm not sure where the water gets muddied for other NFs.

eta: We just absorb it. It gets better over years of correctly or incorrectly absorbing data and changing the people model. It reminds me of algebra. Would you think twice to answer x + 3 = 7 as x = 4? Of course not. Even if it takes some thought it's just so built in it just happens.

I do have to be focused on a person to be able to do it. If I don't notice a situation develop I can miss things I should have included in my person calculation.

How many emotions do I recognize? It's not about a number, it's about what someone is like. Cause and effect. It's bigger than just "that person is scared" - I need more data. Also, the interesting part isn't that they are scared or uncomfortable. It's why they are scared. Knowing someone is scared is just data, the interpretation is the fun stuff.
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
It's like picking a lock. You can't just will it open, you must take your time.

I get a feeling straight away that something is going on and then look for certain clues in body language, tone of voice and things like that. So, the detection of emotions involves both the feeling and a later conscious action to find out the nuances.

It also depends on how close I am to the person. The more closer, the easier and quicker it is to detect certain emotions and the more accurate it is. With strangers or people I'm not that close to, it might take some time to figure out but the initial feeling that something is up is still there in the beginning.

How many emotions am I able to recognize? I don't know. How many are there? :D Haven't thought about it in such detail. I just feel it.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
To be honest I have nothing in particular.
Well I have managed to look as something other than machine lately but beneath the skin I am still good old AO you are familiar with. So it look to me that now is probaby even likely that I will come as a sociopath. Since in this case it could look like I am hidding something.


The reason why I am opening all those threads is because I am drav to things I don't understand. (like people who relly much on their emotions)



It is simply the fact that the only people I have been alble to relate during my life are Ts. At this point I can say that i have 4-6 friends. However all of them are guys and only for one I am doubting that he could be unexpressed NF.
Creating a deep connection with an SF is not that much likely. But I think that I could start "expanding" to NFs. However NFs tend to be females what changes entire dinamic.



So the reason why I am posting so many threads about this is because I want to understand how you work on the inside.
But since I jet have to meet potencial NFs friends I think that it would be wise not to show too much things about my past or inner life. So the real thing I am wondering is how to "survive" emotional probing without looking as a potencial threat.
The chances are not 100% that I will turn out that way but the chance is still realistic.


Especially since she (or he) would probably want to understand how I operate on the inside.
 

Happyman

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
261
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
1. Body language
2. Tone of voice
3. Words being used
4. Previous experience with the person and their reactions
5. Previous experience with someone similar and the other person's reactions compared.

Wow, that's interesting! I mean really, because that's absolutely not the way it happens with me. I barely look at things like that. It just hits me, must be some unconscious process. (Did I understand you properly, you look for these consciously? Must be Fe/Ne difference :) ).
I see a person and I.. somehow unconsciously copy them. If they're tensed I suddenly feel tension, i.e. in my arms. If they're happy, I feel it filling me.
I'd call it intuitive NLP.

As for number emotions... For me it's like: how many colours are there? Well, I give them some names, but there's more to it, like shades, brightness etc. So infinite number, but grouped around some words.

I hope this is of any help. There's a great book called 'Social intelligence' by Daniel Goleman (author of 'Emotional intelligence'), it explains most of the things you're asking. The concept of 'mirror neurons' is great. Oh, look here: Mirror neuron - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
Wow, that's interesting! I mean really, because that's absolutely not the way it happens with me. I barely look at things like that. It just hits me, must be some unconscious process. (Did I understand you properly, you look for these consciously? Must be Fe/Ne difference :) ).
I see a person and I.. somehow unconsciously copy them. If they're tensed I suddenly feel tension, i.e. in my arms. If they're happy, I feel it filling me.
I'd call it intuitive NLP.

As for number emotions... For me it's like: how many colours are there? Well, I give them some names, but there's more to it, like shades, brightness etc. So infinite number, but grouped around some words.

I hope this is of any help. There's a great book called 'Social intelligence' by Daniel Goleman (author of 'Emotional intelligence'), it explains most of the things you're asking. The concept of 'mirror neurons' is great. Oh, look here: Mirror neuron - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


I have expected to see NFP/NFJ difference here.


To be honest I can pick up peoples emotions but I have to invest energy and effort to figure something out on this field. Not to mention that to me it is fairly normal not to pay attention to them. So I presumume that I can cause discomfort even if I don't want to.


but I must admit that it is true that smile can really help in this kinds of situation. (if it is not overdone)
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
It's like picking a lock. You can't just will it open, you must take your time.

I get a feeling straight away that something is going on and then look for certain clues in body language, tone of voice and things like that. So, the detection of emotions involves both the feeling and a later conscious action to find out the nuances.

It also depends on how close I am to the person. The more closer, the easier and quicker it is to detect certain emotions and the more accurate it is. With strangers or people I'm not that close to, it might take some time to figure out but the initial feeling that something is up is still there in the beginning.

How many emotions am I able to recognize? I don't know. How many are there? :D Haven't thought about it in such detail. I just feel it.


Same here. I get a feeling about the persons mood, and after I get that feeling, that's when I start to look for other confirmation of my gut feeling.

I have even phoned my friends knowing that something was up with them, without having spoken to them. Just a gut feeling that they needed me, and I have phoned and been spot on because they have been upset and have needed me. So the feeling I get isn't based off of anything I can see, it just comes to me.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
MBTI Type
N/A
Enneagram
N/A
But since I jet have to meet potencial NFs friends I think that it would be wise not to show too much things about my past or inner life. So the real thing I am wondering is how to "survive" emotional probing without looking as a potencial threat.

I get a feeling from almost everyone I meet; sometimes I don't want to pay attention to it, but it's there, simmering in the background. So it's quite impossible to really shield yourself from a very intuitive intuitive picking up on your subtleties. We can't help it.

So you should just be yourself AO. Really. You will intrigue an NF at some point and they will take the time to dig deeper into you.
 

The Outsider

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
2,418
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
I just get a feeling. Not a conscious process.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
I get a feeling from almost everyone I meet; sometimes I don't want to pay attention to it, but it's there, simmering in the background. So it's quite impossible to really shield yourself from a very intuitive intuitive picking up on your subtleties. We can't help it.

So you should just be yourself AO. Really. You will intrigue an NF at some point and they will take the time to dig deeper into you.


I am well aware that I can't really hide it and to be honest I don't want to.
What I am actually asking if there is a way to slow down the "getting to know each other" process. Which is because if things happen too quickly there is a larger chance that I will come the wrong way.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
Joined
Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
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N/A
Enneagram
N/A
Hmmm I see. I would resort to the time-honored technique of asking the other person questions about themselves; that should provide you with a bit of distraction time and show your interest in them as a person. Which may offset what you perceive as your cold demeanor.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Don't worry about that, INTJs tend to be turtles anyways emotionally, pacing the process automatically. Just be you, you do fine that way.
 

Virtual ghost

Complex paradigm
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
19,769
Don't worry about that, INTJs tend to be turtles anyways emotionally, pacing the process automatically. Just be you, you do fine that way.

I know that I have to be me, otherwise I have nothing.
However I thnk that I could be wise to control my "sense of humor" at the beginning when it comes to NFs.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
How do you pick emotions of other people ?


In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it taks a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)



Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer ?



The reason why I am asking is because I am wondering about how to have a better dinamic with NFs in real life. :yes:

With my close friends and family, all it takes is hearing their voice on the other end of the phone to pick up on how they are feeling. With strangers, just a few conversations can get me into the groove of the person's disposition, and I can strongly read any emotional deviations. Some people are easier to read than others. It's harder for me to read people in person.

I don't try to determine how someone is feeling intentionally. Many times, I'd rather not know. No matter how brief the feeling, some people harbor very intense, negative, or anxious, emotions that have the effect of making me feel horribly uneasy.

If someone's emotions become too much for me, I will unplug somehow. It's a little disturbing to me if I can feel someone's negative vibes but I can't place the reason for them, so usually go back for more.:D

I don't necessarily trust my intuition about people though. I'd prefer things spelled out for me.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
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4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I know that I have to be me, otherwise I have nothing.
However I thnk that I could be wise to control my "sense of humor" at the beginning when it comes to NFs.

True :)
Show her what you are like first, so she has the context of your personality to relate to your jokes :)
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
What exactly means " Show her what you are like first" ?

It's where you share what you like, dislike, what you seek in life, how you view the world (in small doses!), what you hold dear. Then you find out the same about her, seek common ground, and once found you go deeper in on that, as it promotes building a connection. If you then joke, and the joke is a bit crude, she'll know that a) you don't mean it that way and know exactly how you do feel about it and b) she'll be able to appreciate the joke better as she has the inside info on what that comment really means to you.
 

Prototype

THREADKILLER
Joined
Apr 17, 2008
Messages
855
MBTI Type
Why?
1. Body language
2. Tone of voice
3. Words being used
4. Previous experience with the person and their reactions
5. Previous experience with someone similar and the other person's reactions compared.

^... I know this is part of body language, but an individuals eyes can tell you a lot too!... Eye contact is a must for me, everything else falls into place after that.
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
However I thnk that I could be wise to control my "sense of humor" at the beginning when it comes to NFs.

That's like trying to control your bladder. Painful, exhausting and you'll eventually explode.

IME, NFs can appriciate the NTJ sense of humor. I get the sense they admire it, in some way. SFs are a different story, though. Careful with that.

I like to hit'em hard. If they say something funny, I react like I'd normally react, see what happens. If they can't handle my sense of humor, how fun is it going to be for me to date them, if I can't ever express joy the way I naturally do? Controlling your sense of humor, would lead them on under false pretenses, a bit. And how do you know they won't love you sense of humor? Maybe that's what makes you separate from other men? If you control your sense of humor, maybe that becomes you fall. But if they end up hating your sense of humor, at least you were true to yourself which makes it easier to live with failure.

Edit: I just realized I'm an Extrovert and when I perceive someone as friendly and a decent human being, I have a hard time holding back bits of myself. And if I like that person, boy, somebody sedate me.
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Wow, that's interesting! I mean really, because that's absolutely not the way it happens with me. I barely look at things like that. It just hits me, must be some unconscious process. (Did I understand you properly, you look for these consciously? Must be Fe/Ne difference :) ).

No, I don't have to look conciously although I do analyze conciously. Someone once told me "you are the only person that doesn't know why they feel things" because I analyze motives and they didn't get it.

I was trying to be concrete for him, since I thought that the flitting around with metaphors might be a bit too NF for him.
 
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