[NF] NFs would you mind if I ask you something "personal" ?

[Lady_X]

Arghh, got carried away on trying to help with the conversation parts of your posts OP,.. to answer the original question.. about how i read a person or mood.. well, its not really a conscious thing.. i see the person, and straight away by their demeanour, and a sort of heavy, or light atmosphere around them, i discern wether they feel good or bad. Light mood feels energised, bad mood feels like heavy air, and a sense of sepression, fear,.. anger.. disappointment etc... whatever they are feeling sweeps over me too. All this happens in a second. Then i begin to consciously focus on the feeling they are emanating, and let my head start to whatever random visual imagery that comes into my mind about why they are feeling the way they ae feeling.
For eg,...I may experience images of their boyfreind shouting at them, or a symbol of a broken heart, or a broken wedding ring, which I associate with broken trust or broken relationship... again, this is all happening very quickly,.. and i'll then maybe start to direct the conversation round to how they are, that they dont look happy today.. is everything ok with them... is all ok with their them and their boyfreind etc etc... they can then either say everythings ok, or they can say its not, and talk to me about it if they choose to.
Its a vague descriptive, Im sorry, but its very hard to put into words... but maybe that helps a bit?
G. x

yeah...i know what ya mean...i get that too. the lightness or darkness...the tension or stress or sadness...you can feel it...it is a different weight. interesting...and yeah sometimes i do have flashes of someone yelling or crying...like maybe it was them earlier or something...i don't know what that is...weird.

 

[bronson]

Mmm its just like this vibe.

I guess, breaking it down:

1. Facial expression; their countenance and demeanour.
2. Intonation and vocal expression.
3. Physical positioning towards the other; even slight variations - they don't have to been huddled in a corner to know somethings wrong.
4. Eye contact - much is communicated here without being spoken.
5. Obviously what it is they're saying.
6. Your relation to the person - obviously the more intimately you know a person, the more specifically you can read them. So any changes can symbolise an inner emotion they are feeling.

Sometimes it is a somewhat instant revelation that meets their mood, feeling or experience. Other times a guessing game ensues, beginning with an awareness of something in that person that needs to be explored and understood.

In my experience the introverts succeed best in reading as they are less likely to 'bombard' a person with questions etc. and are perhaps more diplomatic in breaking to the centre of what the person is feeling; they're better at listening. I'm far more likely to read quickly and then try and explain to the person why they feel the way they do, haha, not so effective, and far more likely to miss the target.

I also do think there is a difference in the tactics used between INFJ's and INFP's. Not entirely sure what it is, but i think the INFJ's are more systematic perhaps.

And no, I wouldn't say there is some finite list of emotions you can learn to recognise.
They are interelated and complex. And multiple emotions can occur at once, whether in co-operation or paradoxically sitting side by side. I'd also think emotions are somewhat subjective, felt differently by different people - no one ever has the same experience of anything. You can only deal with each situation as it stands - our empathy is only the ability to imagine how the person is feeling so as to better identify where the person is at.

Hmm

 

[nolla]

How do you pick emotions of other people ?

1. Voice (I don't watch people in the eyes that much)
2. Face / Eyes
3. Posture / Tempo

I'd say that voice is much more important than the others, or at least that's the main channel for me.

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it takes a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)

By default. And even if I don't want to. Angry people often make me more tense even if I hear them from far away and they have nothing to do with me.

Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer ?

I'm not sure what this means. The emotions are like a scale. They are a tone. If you asked me how many colors I recognize I wouldn't know the answer either.

 

[Little Linguist]

I just know.

But only in real life. I cannot do that online, no way.

Here's the rub: I typically always know how a person feels, but I often misinterpret WHY that person feels that way because I internalize everything.

For example, my first tendency is to blame myself.

So the cues I look for is not revolving around the feeling but around why, and I'm bad at picking that up.

It also influences me. I get agitated in a room with negative energy...I know that sounds really weird or stupid or whatever, but yeah...

 

[Moiety]

I just know.

I sometimes wonder if I'm one of the few NFs that actually analyzes his own intuition and the whys. I think every N would benefit from exploring how holistic perception works.

 

[nynesneg]

It also influences me. I get agitated in a room with negative energy...I know that sounds really weird or stupid or whatever, but yeah...

Yes! This happens to me too. I quickly notice if an F is psychologically bruised or depressed. It's like a big black cloud of draining energy! While I feel bad for them, and feel a need to try to help, I have to keep a wall around myself. I tend to take on other people's feelings and too much responsibility/need to help their wellbeing. That's where the wonderful STPs come in! They can objectively bluntly tell the person to stop worrying and to have more confidence.

 

[weakshadeofblue]

Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that?

In some ways, yes I do understand - and feel - what someone is feeling right away. In church one day, an elderly man was our guest speaker and he was speaking about something close to his heart and obviously going through something very painful. As he teared up, I teared up. I wanted to go up to the front and hug him because I felt his pain so much. I was crying throughout the whole service.

A girl I barely know, but am friends with on Facebook, said on her profile that her bf was in a horrific accident and was in a coma. As I read her heartbreaking Facebook statuses and posts, I started tearing up in my Media Management class.

As far as just talking to someone and being able to tell how they're feeling (when it's not an obviously strong emotion such as pain or anger), I'm okay at that, but getting to know the person helps. But I think I'm pretty in tune with people's nonverbals.

 

[weakshadeofblue]

Here's the rub: I typically always know how a person feels, but I often misinterpret WHY that person feels that way because I internalize everything.

For example, my first tendency is to blame myself.

So the cues I look for is not revolving around the feeling but around why, and I'm bad at picking that up.

This is me, too! I think I'm pretty good at interpreting feelings... but the whys are where I mess up. Like you, I instantly wonder if it's something -I've- done. *shrug*

I wonder how one can develop their intuition more? I find it interesting.

 

[musttry]

I pull out a special ring and tap it 3 times to summon the other persons true feelings in written form.

Heh. No, but honestly it really doesn't seem to be a long process at all. It usually happens fairly quickly. One look at the other's face, can tell you a lot, instantly. Also, if you're on the phone, there's a general idea of what someone SHOULD be saying in a certain situation, and if they aren't saying that...or aren't saying it in a certain way...that's easy to pick up on to. But usually it happens quickly.

This sums it up for me. It's an instantaneous reading. You just "know" what the person is feeling and what their motivations are. Any other data confirms or doesn't confirm the first reading. To change my opinion, it takes a little longer but I'm flexible.

I think it's probably close to how INTJs know that they are right about a great many things and theories. In my case, I just know I'm right about people and what is going on inside. Sometimes I am surprised when new information comes in. At that point, I may feel very dumb for not having considered the new possibility.

 

[Arclight]

Reading the emotions in others is an empathic quality not exclusive to NF's
Nor is reading body language..

 

[Amargith]

Nobody said that :rolli:

It's just the thing NFs tend to focus on and enjoy discussing. Practise eventually makes (close to) perfect as with anything else.

 

[musttry]

Reading the emotions in others is an empathic quality not exclusive to NF's
Nor is reading body language..

+1

In fact, this sounds more like FeSi to me.

I then almost unconsciously and practically instantaneously go through a rolodex in my mind of every situation that I've ever known through my own experiences, those imparted to me, those I've read about, etc to see which are similar to what's going on, very quickly paring it down to a small group of comparative examples. That really happens without thought or effort. I might verbalize the similarities or ask questions to affirm or eliminate my comparisons. Were you scared? What did you do? If I need to ask questions, I don't usually need many. It is sort of like that children's game Guess Who?

 

[itwasniceknowingyou]

to answer this question I'm not really thinking about it. I don't go, okay let's see how their body language is..I just know. I kind of think with my body and not the mind. i think it's little to do with the mind and mostly a sensitive nervous system.

 

[Waffle]

How do you pick emotions of other people ?
-Body language
-The look in their eye
-The vibe they give off

In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or something like that ?

-I'm usually right on my first guess, and I usually keep pressing and they always tell me. I think everyone just wants someone to tell.

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it takes a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)

-I don't know I'm doing it. I'll be standing there and see someone and think "That person seems upset." even if they'll be smiling. And usually I go talk to them an am right. There's always a little crack in every facade.



Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer ?

-Sadness, anger, love, bliss, and depression. All the places I've been.

 

[sweavo]

I am well aware that I can't really hide it and to be honest I don't want to.
What I am actually asking if there is a way to slow down the "getting to know each other" process. Which is because if things happen too quickly there is a larger chance that I will come the wrong way.

All I would add is that my type is slow to judge, so coming across the wrong way isn't necessarily the end. INFP doesn't tend to believe in final answers so if you screw up, you can come again and we'll probably be curious to learn another side to you.

 

[Betty Blue]

How do you pick emotions of other people ?


In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

To be honest because i intuatively feel it, i don't usually think about it
I found and very much like this defination of intuition...

"Intuition is a combination of historical (empirical) data, deep and heightened observation and an ability to cut through the thickness of surface reality. Intuition is like a slow motion machine that captures data instantaneously and hits you like a ton of bricks. Intuition is a knowing, a sensing that is beyond the conscious understanding — a gut feeling. Intuition is not pseudo-science. - Abella Arthur"

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it taks a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)

I would rarely try, it would usualy just be there...however, sometimes i may feel there is more to a situation or person than i am understanding and i have a need to find out so i may stay longer than necessary or engage in conversation. I agree with the comment about a lightness or darkness...sometimes the feeling can be very physical too, like i'm experiencing it myself


Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer ?

Too many, there are variations... like colours



The reason why I am asking is because I am wondering about how to have a better dinamic with NFs in real life.

Ummm... just try to be accepting i think

 

[jtanSis1]

OK I'm going to cheat and tell you how NF's work. By focusing on emotions you also pick up others as well. Same for NT's and thoughts, it all just floats around you so you know what to look for in other people.

 

[Quiet]

For me, I'll be around someone and will be able to sense what's going on for them. I'll get a thought and a sensation along with it, and if I know them and ask, I'll often be correct.

 

[toast]

I get a kind of awareness, I wouldn't exactly call it a "feeling", its more detached then that, like intuition. Then I take this assumption & I naturally look for evidence to validate it. First, I empathize using history (what I know about the person based on experience / how they talk, move, etc.) then that either strengthens or weakens my theory & I use what current feedback I can get from them without feeling like I'm prying. Doing this again & again based on situations/experiences, usually very naturally, gives me an overall frame of reference for the person, and it becomes easier & easier to pick up on what they want, like, feel.

This, of course, gets jarred if the person is too walled off because I have no genuine feedback to work with. Also, if I know nothing about their history, I can't feel comfortable making any assumptions about my intuitions, so I usually wait to look for anything.

The benefit of this process is that lying doesn't get past it. I'm not looking for direct statements. I'm not looking for what the other person wants me to be looking for, so I need genuine connection. This is why some Ts throw me off, because they don't give anything unless they've analyzed that its completely useless to my understanding of who they are. So, while I don't really get manipulated, there are huge potential blindspots where I am too afraid to make judgments without meaningful facts.

 

[BlueScreen]

How do you pick emotions of other people ?

Look at them and empathise. It's not quite about feelings though. More like viewing reality as a different observer. Think what is the world like from where they are? What can I do to improve it? I'm guessing non-NFs do the same thing.

In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

I get a hunch when I first see them. Ne goes nuts and maps out all the details, and possibilities of what they might mean. There isn't really assumptions. Ideas get floated and tested. Things get labelled as "I don't know"s, or "80% sure"s, or "could be a few things", etc. I subconsciously attack the key unknowns or ones that hold the most potential in filling out the picture. This is done through just glancing around and taking in more details, seeing their reactions and changes in thinking during conversation, talking about random things to get a baseline. I sometimes think we could talk about the irrelevant and they could lie to me for two minutes and it would make little difference in reading them.

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it taks a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)

It is mainly subconscious in the sense that I don't need to control it. I am aware of its process and the reasons behind each conclusion though.

Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer?

Every feeling has its own context and essence. There are millions of different sads and millions of different happys. It's a bit like MBTi. We just refer to them with the same letters because they are similar.