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[NF] NFs would you mind if I ask you something "personal" ?

LEGERdeMAIN

New member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
2,516
Great question, antisocial one. Often times I'm the first one to recognize when something is up. Once I realize something is "up", I check facial expressions and eyes and determine who is involved in the "up". Once I figure out the players in our "up" dramedy, I deduce with sexually-fueled intuitive intuition what the "up" is. 9 times out of 10 I'm correct in determining what is going on, who is involved and even predicting the short-term outcomes of the "up".

something, something...blach balkhlbh
 

dani_elle

New member
Joined
Aug 18, 2009
Messages
82
MBTI Type
ENFP
How do you pick emotions of other people ?


In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

I notice small details and subtle cues about people which can give their emotions away, as well as their tone of voice, body language, so on.

Its pretty hard to explain these "cues" and how I start to notice them.
 

~~ENFJ~~

New member
Joined
Oct 2, 2009
Messages
24
MBTI Type
ENFJ
I get a general vibe from a person I'm paying attention to that creates a feeling of tension, recoil from, or a sort of physical draw towards a person based on his or her mood. I then first unconsciously assess the situation to apply a concept to it (happy, sad, excited, contemplative, determined) based on what I believe are numerous sources of concrete info that many people are not as finely attuned to as some of us like body posture, choice of words, facial markers, etc. I then consciously think through why the person could be feeling that way, assessing what I know of the person, what is being said, what the circumstances and context are, etc.

I then almost unconsciously and practically instantaneously go through a rolodex in my mind of every situation that I've ever known through my own experiences, those imparted to me, those I've read about, etc to see which are similar to what's going on, very quickly paring it down to a small group of comparative examples. That really happens without thought or effort. I might verbalize the similarities or ask questions to affirm or eliminate my comparisons. Were you scared? What did you do? If I need to ask questions, I don't usually need many. It is sort of like that children's game Guess Who?

The hardest people to read are those who are naturally monotone, expressionless, brief, and who don't share explanations or values or thoughts. There's nothing to work with. There's also little interest for me and a lot of potential for things to go wrong, so I generally steer clear from people I can't get a good feel for. If I'm thrown into a situation with them, I'll usually go to one extreme or the other--doing almost all of the talking or almost none of it--based on my mood that day and interest in the person. Either way, I'll probably feel tense and not walk away happy about the encounter.

Basically, what I would look for in a potential friend is type-appropriate enthusiasm about something (you know how moms feel suspicious of single men at a park but relax when they see the men came with children? I have a similar unease when I don't know what the person is passionate about), that we share basic values, that the person is stable, honest, and trustworthy, that the person is particularly respectful in speech and conduct, that the person is not personally offended or threatened by my thoughts or passions, and that the person just generally isn't annoying or a boor. Whatever else, I'm cool with it. I know what to expect and can adapt easily.
 

Silly_Siren

New member
Joined
Sep 14, 2009
Messages
102
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7
How do you pick emotions of other people ?


In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it taks a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)



Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer ?



The reason why I am asking is because I am wondering about how to have a better dinamic with NFs in real life. :yes:

A lot of it is just being people-conscious and engaging your F. Think about things from a person-centered-view. You may be a T but you're still human

I should also add that not everyone feels like mentally clashing to delve deeper into an issue and deconstruct arguments. Sometimes an "OMG you're so right!" would suffice :D
 

LEGERdeMAIN

New member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
2,516
A lot of it is just being people-conscious and engaging your F. Think about things from a person-centered-view. You may be a T but you're still human

I should also add that not everyone feels like mentally clashing to delve deeper into an issue and deconstruct arguments. Sometimes an "OMG you're so right!" would suffice :D

OMG, you're so right.
 

lost verses

New member
Joined
Apr 17, 2009
Messages
146
MBTI Type
AHH!
I pull out a special ring and tap it 3 times to summon the other persons true feelings in written form.

Heh. No, but honestly it really doesn't seem to be a long process at all. It usually happens fairly quickly. One look at the other's face, can tell you a lot, instantly. Also, if you're on the phone, there's a general idea of what someone SHOULD be saying in a certain situation, and if they aren't saying that...or aren't saying it in a certain way...that's easy to pick up on to. But usually it happens quickly.
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
How do you pick emotions of other people ?

In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works.

I'll try to explain it using a typological model, because I think that's a helpful way to describe these things.

But I hope you will keep in mind that I'm mostly explaining myself.

If other ENFPs read this, I hope they take it with a grain of salt.


I'm an ENFP, which is sometimes referred to as "The Psychologist."

I think this is an appropriate description, or at least one that describes me well.


I have basically spent my whole life analyzing myself and others.

I have been constructing, in my mind, a conceptual model of the human condition, based on some research and observation, but mostly experience and intuition.

I've been at this for 34 years now, and I will continue to build on it.

The model is very fluid, in the sense that is continuously developed and modified as I go through life.

At the same time, however, the model does not radically change with each new bit of research, experience, observation, or intuition.

The basic framework stays the same, but some of the variables or components will change from time to time--the same way many theories and conceptual models are apt to change.


On a very basic level, I "get where people are coming from."

This may include picking up on others' emotions, but I would extend it to include things like a sense of a person's general world-view, or a sense of the general feeling (or "zeitgeist") of a particular era.


Details are often helpful, but I generally focus on the "feel" of things.

Intuition, in the Jungian sense, does not not mean simply a guess.

And Feeling, in the Jungian sense, does NOT mean emotions.

The general "feel" I'm talking about is a form of genuine understanding.


Extraverted Intuition obtains information from the environment, which is then processed, in a rational way, by Introverted Feeling.

This, in itself, is a reliable way to operate in life.

Not everyone operates this way--there are different personality types.

People who assume it is unreliable simply do not understand it objectively.


Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

I do read facial expressions and notice body language, but my skill is not really in the physical realm.

My skill is interpreting what people say, and the deeper meanings behind their words.

Sensing may play a minor role in all of this, I am not really very focused on physical cues.

I'm not incredibly aware of the subtle cues that facial expressions and body language give away.

And I don't really focus on subtle changes in a person's voice.

I think Extraverted Sensors are much more attuned to these kinds of things.

I am more attuned to what is revealed in the content of what people say-- to the subtext, the undertones, or the overtones conclealed in the words.

My initial impressions will begin pretty broad, and they will tend to get more refined as I receive more information.

I do it mostly without effort, and it's generally pretty fast.

I can usually feel "where someone is coming from" within minutes of meeting them, or within a couple of minutes of hearing them speak.


I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it taks a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)

I determine these things in a mostly instinctive way, most of the time.

I don't usually analyze people in the form of an interior monologue, but in an active and spontaneous way, while interacting with them.

I learn in a largely "kinesthetic" way--meaning that I learn well by actively participating.

I take in information through direct experience, via Extraverted Intuition.

Since I'm dominant Ne, I tend to use Ne without effort.

I'm not really doing it consciously, it's just my general mode of existence.


Since Fi is my secondary function, it takes more conscious effort to use Fi.


Most of the time, I'm extremely perceptive about whatever it is people are feeling.

I do long stretches of Extraverted Perceiving before sifting through and applying judgement.

This enables me to perceive things that Introverted Judgement would partially obscure.

When I do start applying judgement, it's in the form others here have described.

Basically, I compare and contrast the interpersonal interactions I've had in the past, as well as interactions I've read about, or observed, with the one(s) I'm presently thinking about.

There are some fairly predictable patterns in interpersonal interactions, and some commonly used defense mechanisms and ways of interpreting them.

Being an Extravert, I'm constantly engaging in social interactions.
This gives me a broad perspective about the varieties of interpersonal communication.

I'm not merely speculating, I'm calculating probabilities based on experience.

Altogether it forms a kind of model for understanding the human psyche, but its difficult to explain the process in the space of a mere post.
 

wren

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2009
Messages
384
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
When I engage with T person I'm usually captivated fwiw. I'm always listening for any feeling they might possess. Usually in the form of words, but also nonverbal language. I listen for previous people experience they might have had in their lives because I'm always learning from people who aren't so well can't describe what that is, but I do gravitate towards thinking types.

One thing that turns me off of this type is when they test me by their inane catch phrases or such. I clearly believe this means they don't want me as a friend or anything else. By catch phrases I mean those used with a touch of sarcasm and pinch of tradition. This is a complete turn off for me. It's like the person has nothing genuine to say to a fellow being or something. Heart does matter.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
How do you pick emotions of other people ?


In theory this is something in what NFs are suppose to be great at. So I am wondering how this works. Do you understand what the person is feeling right away? (like you should in online tests)
Or it is more likely that you will slowly have to figure it out through a body language/voice or somethinng like that ?

I am wondering if you try to determine this piece of information by "default" or it taks a conscious action to do this ? (or it depends)



Also if someone asks you how many emotions do you recognize what would you say as an answer ?



The reason why I am asking is because I am wondering about how to have a better dinamic with NFs in real life. :yes:

it doesn't feel like it's analyzed...it just feels like knowing...the same way you do when you go outside and it's sunny and and the birds are chirpin and there's a nice breeze and the smell of honeysuckle and cut grass and you know it's a nice day. :D

haha...goofy enough for ya? :smile:

but yeah...somethin like that.
 

Moiety

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Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
5,996
MBTI Type
ISFJ
it doesn't feel like it's analyzed...it just feels like knowing...the same way you do when you go outside and it's sunny and and the birds are chirpin and there's a nice breeze and the smell of honeysuckle and cut grass and you know it's a nice day. :D

You know it's a nice day because all the elements were nice, evidently.

knowing : be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information


:dont:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
You know it's a nice day because all the elements were nice, evidently.

knowing : be aware of through observation, inquiry, or information


:dont:

oh..i see your point...well i guess mine was that it was instant.

do you wanna fight?! i'll fight you...shaking your head at me that way...you PUNK!
 

Chunes

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Sep 9, 2009
Messages
364
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Not all NFs are created equally. :)

Some seem to have this almost mystical ability to read emotions, but my strength is more of a lovingly-patient willingness to listen and understand.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Not all NFs are created equally. :)

Some seem to have this almost mystical ability to read emotions, but my strength is more of a lovingly-patient willingness to listen and understand.

I agree.

Anything I suspect on my own is just through observation of body language, tone of voice, statements, facial expression, etc. I don't pretend to know what they feel, I only imagine what it might be. I'm more likely to ask if someone feels a certain way than to assume. I get misinterpreted a lot because I am quiet, and so I try not to do that to others.

Of course, sometimes the signs are glaringly obvious, especially when you know someone well. As Lady X says, if you see the sun shining bright, then you know it's a sunny day. I'm not always observant enough though...my head is off in the clouds.
 

Lady_X

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Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
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MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
it's odd though...i know it sounds egotistical to say that you know...when obviously...you can't really. i'm just trying to be honest about how it feels to me though...i don't even feel like it comes from a place of being so caring...and involved in how someone feels...listening and being concerned...i feel like ...i get the big picture idea of what all that inner thought chit chatter sums up to...if that makes sense...not like...oh random person i'm so concerned tell me your woes...just...random person is upset...frustrated...feeling ignored...and a lil irritated that he has to wait....is trying to be nice...but wants to have a two yr old tantrum...know what i mean?...when really...it's just some dude sitting there...
 

Goodewitch

New member
Joined
Oct 4, 2009
Messages
55
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5w4
Ah, an NT:nerd:
The over riding thing here AO, is to try and not actually over think this, difficult, for you, I know. As other posters have stated, this is about giving up trying to control or direct meetings , or conversations for maximum success.
You'll find that an NF will probably not be as far removed from a thinking cousin as you imagine, and even though we can throw out Fe tenacles to haul in and examine your mood, emotions and atmospherics, it's retty much garunteed that any NT jokes, or speech patterns are likely to be very magnamimously viewed, because actually,... i think most feelers actually really like Thinkers.
We may not be thinkers, but we sort of 'get' them. Its only in relationships that are getting deeper where real F and T conflicts tend to rear their heads. In freindships, I think you'll find theres a lot of willingness to try and reach out on both sides.
If you're looking for a way to stop the NF from turning their laser beam eyeballs on you too soon, then a disraction technique you could use is to talk about a very weird or whacky or frine subject... aliens or something always does the trick, as some NF's especially INFJ's can be a bit reluctant to have the tables turned on them with questions about themselves, of a too probing nature.
Hope that helps.
G. x
 

Goodewitch

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Joined
Oct 4, 2009
Messages
55
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
5w4
Arghh, got carried away on trying to help with the conversation parts of your posts OP,.. to answer the original question.. about how i read a person or mood.. well, its not really a conscious thing.. i see the person, and straight away by their demeanour, and a sort of heavy, or light atmosphere around them, i discern wether they feel good or bad. Light mood feels energised, bad mood feels like heavy air, and a sense of sepression, fear,.. anger.. disappointment etc... whatever they are feeling sweeps over me too. All this happens in a second. Then i begin to consciously focus on the feeling they are emanating, and let my head start to whatever random visual imagery that comes into my mind about why they are feeling the way they ae feeling.
For eg,...I may experience images of their boyfreind shouting at them, or a symbol of a broken heart, or a broken wedding ring, which I associate with broken trust or broken relationship... again, this is all happening very quickly,.. and i'll then maybe start to direct the conversation round to how they are, that they dont look happy today.. is everything ok with them... is all ok with their them and their boyfreind etc etc... they can then either say everythings ok, or they can say its not, and talk to me about it if they choose to.
Its a vague descriptive, Im sorry, but its very hard to put into words... but maybe that helps a bit?
G. x
 

Shadow1969

New member
Joined
Aug 5, 2009
Messages
9
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2, 9
I feel like I have no control over knowing how other people feel. I walk into a room and I can feel an individuals emotions or the entire rooms emotion. I am very rarely wrong either, it's bizarre.

I've even noticed going for a walk outside, after the economy tanked, that the air is more heavy. People feel very stuck and worried now. It concerns me.
 
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