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  1. #1
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Default ENFP - Ne-tus Operandi (from an ENFJ)

    So, I've got this ENFP friend who's constantly inventing, or exaggerating storylines of our relationship (she's a friend, sort of a co-worker).

    The latest example:

    "It's sooo bad that you hate me, Fuzz. People are constantly going around now saying, 'We'd better pray for the prayer team, Bee and Fuzz are at it again," (we co-lead the prayer team for our church).

    It's actually pretty funny, so I laugh, but I just know she's probing to see how I'm feeling. The relationship we've established is such where I treat her professionally, yet caring, but in a distant way. Bee has expressed how guys have fallen for her before in ministry and how the only reason she even took this position was because I am about nine years her junior.

    I'm basically complying with her wishes by remaining emotionally distant. I wonder if she sees that...

    My main question is, is it typical for ENFPs to do the above sort of thing when trying to illicit an emotional response from someone, or is this Bee's own particular brand of manipulation?

    Bewildered,
    --Fuzz
    Love is the point.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    So, I've got this ENFP friend who's constantly inventing, or exaggerating storylines of our relationship (she's a friend, sort of a co-worker).

    The latest example:

    "It's sooo bad that you hate me, Fuzz. People are constantly going around now saying, 'We'd better pray for the prayer team, Bee and Fuzz are at it again," (we co-lead the prayer team for our church).

    It's actually pretty funny, so I laugh, but I just know she's probing to see how I'm feeling. The relationship we've established is such where I treat her professionally, yet caring, but in a distant way. Bee has expressed how guys have fallen for her before in ministry and how the only reason she even took this position was because I am about nine years her junior.

    I'm basically complying with her wishes by remaining emotionally distant. I wonder if she sees that...

    My main question is, is it typical for ENFPs to do the above sort of thing when trying to illicit an emotional response from someone, or is this Bee's own particular brand of manipulation?

    Bewildered,
    --Fuzz



    Try being straightforward and stop reading into everything they do. The tendency for ENFPs and ENFJs to improperly read into each other is ridiculous.

    Perhaps she is adapting to the ENFJ tendency to manipulate, because most ENFPs I know are more direct, and don't enjoy those tactics relative to the ENFJs.

    Tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels, get some REAL info, stop trying to figure it out on your own, get a REALITY CHECK! By doing this you also give her a reality check and you will both be better off.

  3. #3
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    There's a difference between silly, well-intentioned goading, and outright probing. Two different things. I couldn't say about the serious game playing because I'm pretty direct - I don't appreciate misunderstandings due to vaguery, so I try to be as honest as possible. Maybe she has developed feelings for you and she's feeling foolish about it? I think it's a fairly common behaviour for people to do things like that when they're having uncomfortable feelings and aren't sure how they can resolve it without embarrassing themselves.

  4. #4
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Thank you milady, I think she knows I see certain things with her and the insight might make her uncomfortable, but I'm going to keep an open mind.

    Do you know of any ENFP+ENFJ relationships? I haven't ever seen or heard of one.
    Love is the point.

  5. #5
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Thank you milady, I think she knows I see certain things with her and the insight might make her uncomfortable, but I'm going to keep an open mind.

    Do you know of any ENFP+ENFJ relationships? I haven't ever seen or heard of one.
    Not personally. I know an ENFJ guy who's married to an INFP - he's very extroverted and she's quite introverted, so I think that balances the relationship out. I think there are lovely attractive qualities about ENFJ's, but I don't know what the dynamic would be like. Probably pretty active.

  6. #6
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Mmm...cool.
    Love is the point.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Thank you milady, I think she knows I see certain things with her and the insight might make her uncomfortable.

    No offense, but that sounds a bit arrogant, think that could be upsetting her?

    What things are you seeing? We need more S details in here. Again, reality checking here is going to help you greatly, it is ok if you make a mistake.

    One thing I have noticed is that ENFJs can actually convince other people that their imaginings about them are real because they believe it so thoroughly, even when they are way off base. You guys/girls can be very convincing, because of the lack of self doubt, but this very thing can cause you to not see when you go wrong. Definitely keep an open mind, and give us the details. Also, ENFJs like to simplify things to their world view, and while these simplifications are generally accurate, they can also leave out crucial bits of the issue in favor of a more bias point of view.

  8. #8
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I know nothing about ENFXs beyond their highly combustible properties, but I do know you should refer to yourselves as "Buzz."



  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    she has developed feelings for you
    my first thought

  10. #10
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    *grumbles* I wish. I don't know.
    Love is the point.

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