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  1. #1
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Default ENFP's and dumping people?

    Any other ENFP's find it hard to dump someone they no longer want to be with?

    I find it really hard, honestly don't want to hurt anyones feelings, and I tend to take all the blame on to me when I do, ie "it's not you, it's me, I'm just screwed up, I'm doing you a favour" etc etc, even when I feel that I am not totally to blame for the way my interest has dwindled.

    I just broke up with the guy I was seeing, and suffice to say I snuck off in the middle of the night when he was sleeping and sent him a text (after ignoring numerous phone calls and texts off of him) later on the next day ending it by text. It was a long text, it wasn't bad, the usual it's my fault, I'm not ready, thanks for a good time and I hope we can remain friends.

    Oh I am such a coward lol I'm not proud of the way I've done this, I haven't answered any of his calls today, nor his texts pleading with me for more explanations, or to give him another chance to make good.

    I did tell him it was all on me and that he hasn't done anything wrong, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. I'm just not emotionally ready to commit to anyone, and good sex can only go so far, so I'm pretty stressed out that he feels he needs to offer to change when I have made my decision already.

    I don't want to have to explain it again, it was hard enough sending that text as it was. Roll back 10yrs and you wouldn't even have known you were dumped until you added up the complete lack of communication on my part, to get your answer from that.

    Any other enfp's cringe at the dumping stage?
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

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  2. #2
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Any other ENFP's find it hard to dump someone they no longer want to be with?
    Hell.
    YES!

    And yet, I always ended up being the dumper. I would have much rather have been dumped.

  3. #3
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Hell.
    YES!

    And yet, I always ended up being the dumper. I would have much rather have been dumped.
    Same here. It always makes me feel like crap, and there were times in my life where I would cave and stay with the person because they took the dumping really badly. The whole time I would be miserable because I just wanted out, but couldn't bear the tears again.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  4. #4
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Same here. It always makes me feel like crap, and there were times in my life where I would cave and stay with the person because they took the dumping really badly. The whole time I would be miserable because I just wanted out, but couldn't bear the tears again.
    Same here. I also found that I'd be upfront and honest about how I felt(i.e,"This is not going to work out".), and they'd still stick around.
    Dumping someone feels like an all out rejection of them. I think lots of us NFPs wanting to be inclusive and all, and likely fearing rejection ourselves, don't want to be the ones to make someone else feel that way.

  5. #5
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Write him a letter. Pour out your heart. He deserves that much
    Tell him everything you've told us here.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  6. #6
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Same here. I also found that I'd be upfront and honest about how I felt(i.e,"This is not going to work out".), and they'd still stick around.
    Dumping someone feels like an all out rejection of them. I think lots of us NFPs wanting to be inclusive and all, and likely fearing rejection ourselves, don't want to be the ones to make someone else feel that way.
    Oh definately, and in some ways the Fi projection seems to be spot on, it is taken badly and they do react in the way we dread feeling ourselves, yet what is a person supposed to do?

    I find myself of late wondering if the only reason I stayed married for so long was simply because he wouldn't physically let me go, he harrassed and hounded me, kept me isolated and I think maybe that's the only reason I stayed for so long because in all honesty I was trying to break up with within the first year of being with him.

    I'm not great at commitment, I idealise things hugely and then get frustrated when reality sets in, and that's when I'm ready to fly the nest again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Write him a letter. Pour out your heart. He deserves that much
    Tell him everything you've told us here.
    My text was a long ass text lol and I couldn't remember his postal code for the life of me, so how would I get the letter to him?

    I did consider it, if he had an email I would have done it via email, but he is one of those who hasn't upgraded his communication means just yet.

    I mean for myself if I was ever dumped I would, and have, just left it immediately. I haven't pleaded for more information, I haven't offered to change, I haven't tried to fix it or get it back, I'll just let it go. Far too much shameful pride to put myself out there like that, in that vunerable pleading place.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Some people need that info for closure. And from what you've said he did care for you a lot. I doubt he really knew how you truly felt though, so this was probably a shock for him as he didn't see it coming. I understand how you feel, how you cringe at the thought of having to weather that emotional storm. And how you'd like to just run away from it. He's hurting however...and your words might make it easier for him to digest that pain
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  8. #8
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Some people need that info for closure. And from what you've said he did care for you a lot. I doubt he really knew how you truly felt though, so this was probably a shock for him as he didn't see it coming. I understand how you feel, how you cringe at the thought of having to weather that emotional storm. And how you'd like to just run away from it. He's hurting however...and your words might make it easier for him to digest that pain
    True, which means that since I can't send him a letter, nor email him I have only texts or phone calls to do the talk with, the texts can only be so long, which leaves only phone calls.

    Verbal dumping and hearing someone else's pain that I am responsible for? :horor: I am such a chicken.

    His texts say he really cares about me and doesn't want to lose me, which to me is a shock because I don't see how he could, how could our feelings be so different? there was no great bonding, there was just lots of sex, that's it, everything else felt empty to me, only the sex made me feel alive.

    What could he possibly be trying to hold on for?

    I will speak to him, don't really want to though, but I guess in light of the closure reminder you have given me, I'm going to have to.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  9. #9
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I'm sorry, I know it is hard for you, but you should at least show some respect by telling him in person. Relationships shouldn't be ended through a text message.

  10. #10
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    True, which means that since I can't send him a letter, nor email him I have only texts or phone calls to do the talk with, the texts can only be so long, which leaves only phone calls.

    Verbal dumping and hearing someone else's pain that I am responsible for? :horor: I am such a chicken.

    His texts say he really cares about me and doesn't want to lose me, which to me is a shock because I don't see how he could, how could our feelings be so different? there was no great bonding, there was just lots of sex, that's it, everything else felt empty to me, only the sex made me feel alive.

    What could he possibly be trying to hold on for?

    I will speak to him, don't really want to though, but I guess in light of the closure reminder you have given me, I'm going to have to.
    These things are never easy. It is your choice, but I think the best way to do this is to tell him you'll meet up and answer his questions. Allow him to ask questions, and take your time to formulate your answers! For that matter, ask your own questions as well. They might help you understand the situation and him better. Don't be afraid of emotional outbursts, they're bound to happen. And try to leave when both of you have gotten your answers, and when understanding is reached. You'll both feel no doubt blue after..but it's better than leaving when there's still confusion, unanswered questions and unresolved hurt feelings. If done properly, actually, you might have a dear friend in a couple of months, you remember fondly and in a bittersweet way and can count on and vice versa.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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