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  1. #11
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Oh definately, and in some ways the Fi projection seems to be spot on, it is taken badly and they do react in the way we dread feeling ourselves, yet what is a person supposed to do?
    I know. I just always kept attempting to drive the same,"it's not going to work", message home and I would slowly disappear.

    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    I'm not great at commitment, I idealise things hugely and then get frustrated when reality sets in, and that's when I'm ready to fly the nest again.
    See I am actually good with commitment and I don't really idealize relationships that much; but my thing is, once I've been crossed a certain number of times...It's like I want to go back to what was, and I have a hard time from that point working with what is. It's at that point that I become the idealist, yearning for things past and all. I would hang on because of the prospect of things going back to what they used to be.

  2. #12
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    I'm sorry, I know it is hard for you, but you should at least show some respect by telling him in person. Relationships shouldn't be ended through a text message.
    I would honestly rather get dumped via a text message, email or letter tbh, I'm not into face to face awkward situations.

    That way if it impacts me badly ie I need to cry, I can do it where no one can see me.

    However that's just me, I'm aware of the social rule about not dumping via texts, and it being rude and all that, so I will go one better.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  3. #13
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    These things are never easy. It is your choice, but I think the best way to do this is to tell him you'll meet up and answer his questions. Allow him to ask questions, and take your time to formulate your answers! For that matter, ask your own questions as well. They might help you understand the situation and him better. Don't be afraid of emotional outbursts, they're bound to happen. And try to leave when both of you have gotten your answers, and when understanding is reached. You'll both feel no doubt blue after..but it's better than leaving when there's still confusion, unanswered questions and unresolved hurt feelings. If done properly, actually, you might have a dear friend in a couple of months, you remember fondly and in a bittersweet way and can count on and vice versa.
    I'm not sure I'm going to go with the face to face meeting, my ex was violent and although this guy probably isn't (you never know, we weren't together all that long), I am so not ready to take that kind of risk. What if like my ex, he gets violent when I try to explain myself because he needs to last out?

    I think a phone call is alright though, I would feel safer that way.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  4. #14
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    True, which means that since I can't send him a letter, nor email him I have only texts or phone calls to do the talk with, the texts can only be so long, which leaves only phone calls.

    Verbal dumping and hearing someone else's pain that I am responsible for? :horor: I am such a chicken.

    His texts say he really cares about me and doesn't want to lose me, which to me is a shock because I don't see how he could, how could our feelings be so different? there was no great bonding, there was just lots of sex, that's it, everything else felt empty to me, only the sex made me feel alive.

    What could he possibly be trying to hold on for?

    I will speak to him, don't really want to though, but I guess in light of the closure reminder you have given me, I'm going to have to.
    Ok I'm sorry but I just have to say...and this is not just to you but to anyone who would consider a text enough communication to break up with someone who you've been intimate with or had some kind of friendship with....

    Soooo unfair and yes you are a chicken if you can't buck up and just go talk to him. What happened to up front honesty. You owe it to him..and to yourself to speak to him in person. Totally unfair to do it by text or letter or phone if you have the ability to see him in person. The only excuse for not doing it in person is if you thought for a second he might get violent or something.

    I'm sorry it really is a me problem that people feel it's acceptable to conduct personal relationships thru texting and email...that is just immature. It's what is making our society more and more distant and cold.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  5. #15
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Littlelostnf View Post
    Ok I'm sorry but I just have to say...and this is not just to you but to anyone who would consider a text enough communication to break up with someone who you've been intimate with or had some kind of friendship with....

    Soooo unfair and yes you are a chicken if you can't buck up and just go talk to him. What happened to up front honesty. You owe it to him..and to yourself to speak to him in person. Totally unfair to do it by text or letter or phone if you have the ability to see him in person. The only excuse for not doing it in person is if you thought for a second he might get violent or something.

    I'm sorry it really is a me problem that people feel it's acceptable to conduct personal relationships thru texting and email...that is just immature. It's what is making our society more and more distant and cold.
    Please read the above post.

    Also the one where I say I would prefer it.

    To each their own on how they like to deal with things, I would rather the email/text dump, so not everyone thinks the way you do.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  6. #16
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    To each their own on how they like to deal with things, I would rather the email/text dump, so not everyone thinks the way you do.

  7. #17
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    You should do what you feel comfortable with, especially considering your past. Just make sure that when you call him, you explain to him that to you, this would be the preferred method, hence you used it that way, but you understand that he probably needs more than that and that you're willing to answer his questions. It'll take away at least some of his confusion and potential paranoia he's got build up after this shock.
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Please read the above post.

    Also the one where I say I would prefer it.

    To each their own on how they like to deal with things, I would rather the email/text dump, so not everyone thinks the way you do.
    Notice you're saying I would prefer...however, relationships are about two people and while you may prefer not doing an awkward face to face...what if that's what the other person needs for closure. Relationships are about two people and their needs not one persons. Even when breaking up, if the other person needs the face to face...if you're the one doing the breaking up don't you think that maybe they deserve that much consideration.

    Again if he's violent I can understand the keeping your distance...but if this is really "all about you" and your inability to commit, or just preferring the non face to face...try thinking about the fact that if he's still calling and wanting to talk to you while texting/emailing maybe enough for you it's not for him.

    No not everyone thinks the way I do, nor does everyone think the way you do and you did put this out there...

    And if you're worried about the persons self control. Take someone with you. If in the end the phone is all you can manage that is definitely better than a text.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  9. #19
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    I can understand breaking up that way, it's better than him convincing you to stay with him while breaking up and you regretting it. It's probably a good way to make a clean break rather than dragging things along like ENFPs are wont to do.

    Sorry your relationship didn't work out, I'm glad you enjoyed it while you had it. You seem to be progressing in a healthy manner.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Please read the above post.

    Also the one where I say I would prefer it.

    To each their own on how they like to deal with things, I would rather the email/text dump, so not everyone thinks the way you do.
    Have you ever been dumped? Via email/text?

    I agree with Littlelostnf and to tell you the truth the crying thing sounds kind of petty to me. And this is coming from a enneagram 8 guy. If you have a problem with your relationship I think discussing it face to face is very important before even deciding to split up. I think everyone needs to be given a chance to try and change something before getting dumped.

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