• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[MBTI General] What do other types think of INFP's

Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
^^^ Introduce her to MBTI perhaps(that's what worked for me..seeing that it *was* ok to be me and there *were* others weird like me in this world and they could be appreciated, as could I, for who we are by others) and show her that her preferences are perfectly ok and she's not harming anyone by being herself. Takes a while for that to sink in as the value of 'being true to yourself' constantly fights the value of 'valuing everyone's input'. Finding that balance is..extremely taxing and a lot of work. Also, never judge her if she *does* voice an opinion. Acknowledge that it has value, even if you disagree with it (which you then can exlpain as your pov later on).

She has a long road ahead of her, but it's well worth the journey. Just get her to break the loop of self-doubt, rebellion and guilt she's stuck in.

Thanks, Am. You gave some good advice! It took me a while to realize she's different from me. I used to write her off as weak and immature, due to some poor decisions and childish behavior. But now I understand her better, and I accept her for who she is, which makes me appreciate her more. She's got a lot of depth.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Funny you should say this. I'm talking to my INFP friend on IM. I asked what she was doing, and she said she was writing a list of things that bug her so she can easier address them. Then she started saying she's not structured enough or organized enough and that she think it's hard that she hasn't developed these traits yet. She's 23. Then she said something about that she didn't feel like she was living her own life, rather that she was living someone else's life. I get the sense that her family's constantly trying to change and mold her into being more like them; all hard Js and very conformal. So she feels like she does not fit in at home, that they don't understand her and that they have nothing in common, but that she has gotten used to it. She seems confused about her priorities and her wants.

Is she depressed or just in a rut/bad phase? How can I help? She's a brilliant woman. I told her to accept that her family is just a bunch of individuals she didn't choose to know and live with. That she didn't have to feel obligated to understand and "belong" to them. I also gave her an escape rout: told her she could come stay at my apartment if she needed to get away. But I can't seem to comfort her or make her stop feeling bad. When I ask about one thing, 20 other things seem to come up.

You're probably helping more than her family in that respect. Problem is these things move slowly and the difference between depression and "just a rut" is a wide field of grey, at least for me. Then again, due to growing up in an unhealthy P environment I had to start taking my own life into my own hands as early as 9 years old. It's been a long road and the solid goals that I did have I had completed mostly by the time I turned 20. Last year through to this year I had reaped the fruits of fully realizing them. However, since four years ago I've been sitting in an emptiness of "where the hell do I go from here. I went at these things almost as if a method of vengeance.

Right now I'm biding my time for another possible change in my life. The direction partially dependant on external forces while the decision to act will still be mine. That with out anyone to understand how this feels to talk to, I suppose, is driving me a little crazy. Anyway, there's the 20 other things, but they all relate to a core frustration and that may be similar to where your friend is at.
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I think she has a innate feeling of not being good enough. She doubts herself and her abilities, a lot. Feeling not smart enough to study physics, not motivated enough to keep up. She eventually falls behind in her studies and the negative circle of selfdoubt starts.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I think she has a innate feeling of not being good enough. She doubts herself and her abilities, a lot. Feeling not smart enough to study physics, not motivated enough to keep up. She eventually falls behind in her studies and the negative circle of selfdoubt starts.

Ah, I keep forgetting how I get out of those. Something happens that breaks it, either I cause it or someone else does. Either that or I'm better at last minute self motivation than I thought...
 

file cabinet

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
411
IME, INFPs, like the INTP, get stuck in a rut a lot. I get the sense that they get overwhelmed a lot and feels unhappy with their situation. Many INFPs I've talked to have also experienced outer pressure of changing themselves, feeling different and not fitting in. Do you relate?

I tend to have a need to find something I can control in my life, and following some kind of directed purpose. Following a directed purpose means I can put things in place to support whatever the purpose may be (like... going to school, going dancing, doing some-far-off-distant-thing) and give me a reason to keep on living.

Is she depressed or just in a rut/bad phase? How can I help? She's a brilliant woman. I told her to accept that her family is just a bunch of individuals she didn't choose to know and live with. That she didn't have to feel obligated to understand and "belong" to them. I also gave her an escape rout: told her she could come stay at my apartment if she needed to get away. But I can't seem to comfort her or make her stop feeling bad. When I ask about one thing, 20 other things seem to come up.
I see her as being in a rut. I don't know how she could live at home. I'd imagine she'd feel better if she separated herself from them so she could figure herself out internally rather then feeling like she is abnormal. her external & internal view of the world don't seem to match but forcing one's internal needs to match those of external forces seems wholly unpleasant and unrealistic. if she has any bigger or broader goals, she should look at those rather then addressing any of her present issues since it may be easier for to her forge ahead if she knows what her directed purpose is.
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Ah, I keep forgetting how I get out of those. Something happens that breaks it, either I cause it or someone else does. Either that or I'm better at last minute self motivation than I thought...

From what I have seen, a new love interest usually changes her entire "glow", from a shade of grey to that "pregnant glow" with pink clouds surrounding her. I think love or a partner might be very important to her and her sense of self. It's like she's not really there, when she's single. If that makes any sense. Maybe she feels lost without a boyfriend? I don't know. I have never been able to break her negative cycle for a longer period of time and as far as I know, she hasn't either.
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
I don't know how she could live at home. I'd imagine she'd feel better if she separated herself from them so she could figure herself out internally rather then feeling like she is abnormal. her external & internal view of the world don't seem to match but forcing one's internal needs to match those of external forces seems wholly unpleasant and unrealistic. if she has any bigger or broader goals, she should look at those rather then addressing any of her present issues since it may be easier for to her forge ahead if she knows what her directed purpose is.

Yes, she's been wanting to move out for a long time. But due to financial difficulties, lack of trying and her mom telling her it's a bad idea, she hasn't gotten to it. I don't understand why. There are student loan for her financial needs, if the motivation to move out is there - trying shouldn't be a problem and listening to her mom is just a bad habit. Frustrating.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Pipe down, INFPs. Let the non-INFPs speak.

This thread sort of explains why I have to constantly tell people here that they can be honest with me - that I won't explode on them.

Yes, she's been wanting to move out for a long time. But due to financial difficulties, lack of trying and her mom telling her it's a bad idea, she hasn't gotten to it. I don't understand why. There are student loan for her financial needs, if the motivation to move out is there - trying shouldn't be a problem and listening to her mom is just a bad habit. Frustrating.

She uses the money, etc issues as an excuse not to deal with whatever emotional roadblock is keeping her with her family. There are only three ways she'll move out:

a) She falls in love and moves in with/marries someone. (She likely doesn't realize that living with her family likely hurts the chances of that happening.)
b) Her family pushes her too far and crosses some Fi boundary.
c) She faces whatever emotional issues are holding her back.

A) and B) aren't in her control - so it's likely she'll feel powerless to move out for awhile. Perhaps someday she will reach C) and realize she has her own power. It didn't begin happening for me until I was 28, long after I had moved out.

As long as the emotional roadblock is there, she won't realistically look at solving the legitimate issues she will face by moving out. For me, it was my mom sabotaging an 8 month relationship by constantly creating situations where I had to choose between her and my gf. That pushed me over the edge and only then was I able to do things like ask my friend with an extra room if he'll let me room with him for awhile, fight for a pay raise at my work, and finally move out.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
From what I have seen, a new love interest usually changes her entire "glow", from a shade of grey to that "pregnant glow" with pink clouds surrounding her. I think love or a partner might be very important to her and her sense of self. It's like she's not really there, when she's single. If that makes any sense. Maybe she feels lost without a boyfriend? I don't know. I have never been able to break her negative cycle for a longer period of time and as far as I know, she hasn't either.

Oh shit, that... I know what that's like and spend lots of energy trying not to let that run my cycle. How successful at it I have been I'm not sure of though. I don't have anyone around with enough experience to give me an outside opinion that would be informative. I know my inner quality of life would be better if I had a decent girlfriend to love; but those don't happen often and rushing gets me tied up in the bad ones.

I wonder if she could be talked out with that as a carrot, like Udog suggested. Might be worth a try if you haven't already.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think she has a innate feeling of not being good enough. She doubts herself and her abilities, a lot. Feeling not smart enough to study physics, not motivated enough to keep up. She eventually falls behind in her studies and the negative circle of selfdoubt starts.

She needs to start doing things that she enjoys to feel more motivated... that's what makes it happen for me.
 

file cabinet

New member
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
411
Yes, she's been wanting to move out for a long time. But due to financial difficulties, lack of trying and her mom telling her it's a bad idea, she hasn't gotten to it. I don't understand why. There are student loan for her financial needs, if the motivation to move out is there - trying shouldn't be a problem and listening to her mom is just a bad habit. Frustrating.

loans..i think part of my problem is sometimes the big ideas i want to tackle or overwhelming just thinking about them (partly due to all the different steps involved)... what seems to help me is breaking down the specific goal into smaller steps then taking one step and knowing which step I need to take after that. when a person is 24 or older, FAFSA considers a person independent and you can get some pretty sweet loans at that point (assuming you're from the USA). since you said she was 23, that provides a reasonable and attainable goal for her within the next year or so (unless she's graduating..).

but, i agree with BlackCat's sentiment.. doing things she'll enjoy will make her potentially feel more confident in her decision making. do you think she would take a semester or even a year off school to help unbind her from the environment she is stuck in?
 

Southern Kross

Away with the fairies
Joined
Dec 22, 2008
Messages
2,910
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
Really? It seems like a goal of most INFPs. INFPs over the age of 30 seem a lot more palatable, and I suspect it's from a constant self-analysis and striving to meet their idealized self.

Even at 25 I think I am already more likable, or maybe that's an improved self-esteem, which should make me more likable in theory though.

These critique threads disappoint me, because I feel I could rake myself over the coals so much better. It's just a lot of weak, unspecific stuff; even the praise is pretty generic (and notice this thread does not only ask for the negative points).
Hell, I don't really want to join in on the INFP take-over of this thread but I really agree with what you say here. Its tough to take criticism about the sorts of behaviour I strive to overcome - some of its the stuff I pride myself in avoiding. I think my annoyance at hearing such criticism is in its innacuracy.

Other than myself, I have only known 2 possible INFPs, and 'whiny', 'over-sensitive', 'over-emotional', and 'touchy' would be the last words I would use to describe them. If anything, I would consider INFPs to be one of, if not the most (externally) emotionally controlled of all feeling types and perhaps even more than a number of thinkers too.

:yes:

This is THE fear that many INFPs harbor, as evidenced by endless postings of such on INFPgc. This is why INFPs may become withdrawn, keep a wall up, hardly talk, never call people, etc.

If an INFP is close enough to you to whine at all, that's kind of a compliment. On the other hand, if they knew you look down on them for it, they'd probably be mortified and disappear from your life forever. Quite honestly, sometimes I test people. Can you handle the darker side? No? Goodbye! :hi:. I will never be close to someone with whom I cannot open up completely. Since people are always confiding to me in person (complete strangers even), I feel it's only fair I am allowed to vent sometimes and be vulnerable.
:yes: So true. I wouldn't dare even vaguely open up to anyone unless I trusted them deeply. I usually don't even open up to the people that I'm really close to because (in small scale tests as you say) they either don't get it or they can't hack it. What's the point of talking about it if its going to be like that?
 

Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
Other than myself, I have only known 2 possible INFPs, and 'whiny', 'over-sensitive', 'over-emotional', and 'touchy' would be the last words I would use to describe them..

The INFPs I've known well (2 like you, my aunt and a friend) have definitely been what I, an INTP, consider to be "over-sensitive" (well, the "over" part is just in relation to myself...we have no standard by which to determine what amount of sensitivity would be considered "over") and "touchy." Not to say that they are ALWAYS that way, but they tend to behave that way more frequently than a lot of people I know.

And it's fine...that's just who they are. I don't think it's necessarily something that is especially bad about their personalities in the scheme of things. By that I mean, in the pool that encompasses all of the bad personality traits of all of the types, I don't think that being a little sensitive or "touchy" stands out as something particularly worse than any other bad trait that I could fish out of the pool. I have come to understand that such "flaws" are part and parcel to the parts of their personalities that I enjoy. They couldn't very well be such nice and empathetic friends if they weren't sensitive, and it's that very same sensitivity that leads them to act "over-sensitive" and "touchy" in contexts that I don't appreciate.

I guess what I'm getting at is that INFPs, and all types for that matter, should own their flaws. I admit that I can be cold and inconsiderate, but it's just a by-product of traits that allow me to be good at other things. Should I work on that? Sure, if only for my own development as a person. Should INFPs work on being less sensitive? Sure, if it will give them less grief. But even if I worked on my flaws to the point of removing them entirely, I wouldn't deny that they had ever existed or ever had the potential for existing as a part of my personality. Just as an INFP who has worked on becoming less sensitive to the point of not being sensitive at all should not deny that it is (and was) an aspect of their personality.

I just feel like there's no negative trait I could list that some INFP out there wouldn't deny as being totally off-base and therefore totally untrue of INFPs in general.
 

William K

Uniqueorn
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
986
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Now I'm not saying being sensitive is a 'bad' trait, as heaven knows I'm pretty sensitive myself, but INFP's seem to be really, really sensitive, and often it appears they take even constructive, relatively benign, feedback in an overly personal way. Certainly it may be understandable, given the way some people communicate, but it does seem to be a trend. I think other types are able to detach (for lack of a better word) better and view critique as more of a constructive thing - not implying the thing being critiqued is inherently bad, it just might be more palatable if honed a bit more, or said trait might be more 'powerful', positive, and useful if wielded/focused in a different way.

Can't speak for other INFPs, but in my case, I overanalyze a lot and have whole scenarios worked out in my head, so any feedback I receive would probably match one of them. And if the feedback matches one of the gloomy paths then well; it'll just trigger a whole avalanche of negative emotions within me.

I work as a researcher and writing research papers for journals or conferences are always a nightmare for me, because I'll go through every single sentence multiple times. I'll be putting myself in the reviewers' shoes and thinking what they would think about my ideas. And any 'negative' feedback would be perceived automatically as a personal attack. Of course I know that they are just being helpful by pointing out how my paper can be improved, but that still doesn't stop me from reacting to it negatively at first glance. It would be like telling me to totally numb my senses. I try my best to control it of course but the Fi-Ne combo can really be a very hard beast to tame.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
*appologies for the length of this post* :blush:


Salt..what you've said about her sounds *incredibly* familiar. So..I could be projecting. However, what did it for me was...well frankly..coming here. My guess is she's been told her entire life that she was never good enough. When she did something, it was either not good enough or barely tolerable. For a person who's idealistic and perfectionistic at heart..that's devastating.

I personally did not have a frame of reference when I left home. Meaning...I constantly was on edge that what I did would be received well with people or not. And I automatically assumed I got lucky if they happened to love it. If they hated it, or didn't understand my actions, I automatically took that as me being a failure. It also means that you *stop* doing things...coz then at least you cannot do anything wrong! And if you withdraw and don't do stuff and stay in the background, then at least you're no burden to anyone but yourself.

The reason she flourishes when she has a boyfriend is becoz someone needs her. Someone appreciates what she has to give, sees something in her that she for the life of her couldn't find. She sees all of her flaws, none of her talents. For that matter, those things that come natural to her probably are oblivious to her in that she feels *anyone* could do them, so they're not special. She probably doesn't even realize that she is a natural at them and that others can in fact struggle at those points. And having someone love you, despite all those flaws, without judgement tends to really soothe the pain. But it doesn't take away the cause. He may see you as special, and you do wanna feel that way, but at the same time you feel like a fraud..coz the only way he could possibly see you that way is if you somehow deceived him, as he's not seeing you for who you really are. Then again, if he did, he would most likely leave me..which you so didn't want. So you feel guilty about deceiving him, but need him to feel better about yourself, which causes a new set of guiltfeelings. See how that loop forms?

The first thing I did was disable the guilt. Not easy. It's hard to believe that you're only human and allowed to make mistakes when you've been told all your life that that is the one thing you should avoid. But she needs to hear it, over and over again. And she needs to see that she too is tolerant and ok with others making mistakes and that those other people pick themselves up and go about their business without feeling guilty about making mistakes, or at least dont' keep punishing themselves for it.

Second, I decided I needed to know what I was good at. That's when I discovered MBTI. I took a bunch of online personality tests to see what I was like. And why *being the way I was* was good. How it did have benefits. How other people weren't always right about what would be good for me. How I wasn't a failure necessarily, but I had strenghts to compensate for those weaknesses I constantly got called on. And how I was too scared to use them to do so, afraid that I would suck at that too. That's where this forum came in handy. You get to see how different personalities (which you have a sort of rough draft of through MBTI, a structure to grab on to and work from) interact with each other, how they react to one another, what their motivations are, what mine are. And then it dawned on me that they didn't know everything or weren't always right and I was always wrong ( I know, right?). It was *just* their way of being. And mine wasn't flawed, it was equally valid. That realization, however stupid it may sound, took me till last year to fully grasp. Before, I knew it..I just didn't *feel* it.


Last, I started to gain new insight into how people work, what their motivations are and how that could benefit me and how it could make me happy, change my point of view, in other words, further my personal growth in a way that Fi did approve of.

I'm pretty sure, much of this applies/will apply to your friend to some extent, at least, that's how it sounds from what you've said here.

Tell her from me that she needs to do this, and take the time to work on herself. Right now, she probably doesn't feel like she's worth it, and she'd be wasting precious time on something that seems very selfish and silly (and fluffy), something she's been taught to be very afraid of. If she does though, I'm betting she'll feel a 1000 times better and everyone, not just she, will benefit from having her find some peace.
 

JivinJeffJones

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
3,702
MBTI Type
INFP
Isn't this the "What do INFPs think of what other types think of INFP's" thread?

That should be the name of the thread into which all these INFP explanation/objection posts get split. The problem with that of course being that mods would have to keep shifting every other post there for the duration of this thread. Realistically if they want a thread about INFPs with no INFP interjections they're going to have to start them in the NT private forum. That would be awesome, btw.
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Can't speak for other INFPs, but in my case, I overanalyze a lot and have whole scenarios worked out in my head, so any feedback I receive would probably match one of them. And if the feedback matches one of the gloomy paths then well; it'll just trigger a whole avalanche of negative emotions within me.

I work as a researcher and writing research papers for journals or conferences are always a nightmare for me, because I'll go through every single sentence multiple times. I'll be putting myself in the reviewers' shoes and thinking what they would think about my ideas. And any 'negative' feedback would be perceived automatically as a personal attack. Of course I know that they are just being helpful by pointing out how my paper can be improved, but that still doesn't stop me from reacting to it negatively at first glance. It would be like telling me to totally numb my senses. I try my best to control it of course but the Fi-Ne combo can really be a very hard beast to tame.

Oh, interesting about the reasearch. My question with this is that there seems to be always more things to consider or discuss. Why interact with people at all if you can perfectly capture every scenario in your head? This sounds similar to the NT complaining that everthing is mechanical in our bodies so there is no reason to even try because nothing is "real."

Also, isn't it possible that one of the "gloomy paths" could change or be tweaked with input?

Salt..what you've said about her sounds *incredibly* familiar. So..I could be projecting. However, what did it for me was...well frankly..coming here. My guess is she's been told her entire life that she was never good enough. When she did something, it was either not good enough or barely tolerable. For a person who's idealistic and perfectionistic at heart..that's devastating.

Yeah, I agree. I feel free to accept me for who I am now. I'm not some weirdo with a messy room who obesses over things and talks about them too much. I'm an ENFP.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Realistically if they want a thread about INFPs with no INFP interjections they're going to have to start them in the NT private forum. That would be awesome, btw.

Why NTs? People put too much stock into NT opinions as it is. NTs also have a tendency to focus on the negative, when as I pointed out earlier, this thread asked for an overall impression, specifically what our potential is, not just criticism.
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Why NTs? People put too much stock into NT opinions as it is. NTs also have a tendency to focus on the negative, when as I pointed out earlier, this thread asked for an overall impression, specifically what our potential is, not just criticism.

I think it would provide an interesting contrast. NT's approach the world differently from NF's; thus wouldn't be as slanted/biased towards NF approaches. NF's getting feedback from other NF's will in general tend to be more warm and fuzzy, and biased; NF's getting feedback from NT's, SP's, and SJ's would be that much more interesting and perhaps more objective. After all, we are talking about perceptions of a type; doesn't mean the perceptions are 'accurate' in all ways, and doesn't mean the NT's/SP's/SJ's are really gonna peg the correct motivation for said behavior or anything - it's just how said behavior is perceived.

Just as SP's would get a different perception/feedback/slant from non-SP's, just as SJ's would get different feedback from non-SJ's than from fellow SJ's, etc.
 
Top