[INFJ] INFJ Compatibility - INFJ's Romantic Match?

[tibby]

Well, of course. I was just trying to get more information by asking leading questions. INFJ's are rather inscrutable sometimes.

Yea, but o'course. Didn't mean to be/sound hostile

 

[Samvega]

I take back what I've said before about INFJ-INFJ matches.

I'm currently dating a third INFJ guy

However, this third INFJ (third time's a charm, y'know), things seem to be going as perfectly as they could be. And I promise I'm not being idealistic!

I think I'm starting to agree with you. You have made a perfect case for something I have been saying and thinking for awhile. INFJs and INTJs seem to stick together out of comfort, there is no other reason I can see as no other types is seemingly so inclined to date their own type as most need/want a balance. With INFJs being the rarest yet most often found dating each other I think you post clearly highlights something I've said many times.

Here's why we seem to be the "perfect" couple so far (based on INFJ tendencies):

- we're both striving for the perfect relationship, which entails:
- very bluntly clear and honest in our communication, especially through writing
- sensitive to each other's personalities
- we seem to "mirror" each other. at first, that made us both feel strange, as if we were finding ourselves in the other person, but it became very comforting, since we're both such unique individuals.
-our ideals, standards, and beliefs are very similar, if not the same. This saves a lot of possible strife in other pairings.
- we're constantly analyzing our relationship and how we interact with each other, looking for weak spots that could be improved (can't find any so far!)

So basically it's exactly like dating an ENTP except for you double down on your strengths and weaknesses and you have no balance. And while you have this feeling of growing it isn't really possible to grow all that much as you're both looking at the exact same thing with no ability to see the rest of the picture as you both come to the table with the same things.

Penelope, I'm not trying to dig on you too much but I am clearly doing so. I myself have started to think that the two Ne dominants and the two Ni dominants are best suited for one another with the INTJ as almost a wild card.

Getting to know an INFJ is like pulling teeth and I question putting that much effort into getting to know anybody. I don't question the ENTP/INFJ dynamic as I think that's amazing and wonderful however I think it's a huge pain in the ass to get started with the majority of it being the ENTP out of their comfort zone with the INFJ being a turtle with their head in a shell fighting the whole way.

In all honesty INFJs (and their dating choices/styles) have single handedly made me question my desire to be with an introvert as I'm starting to see a well rounded extrovert (even more so Ne doms) as a far more relaxing and enjoyable partner. I would personally much rather have a balance in my relationship even if it means pushing my comfort levels but I have yet to meet an INFJ that seems carefree and free spirited enough to suit the life I want to enjoy. Frankly they all seem pretty anal retentive and uptight though I wonder if that dissipates after knowing one for many years. I would have a hard time white knuckle gripping life over every bump the way you seem to.

To the INFJs I'm close to on here, take no offense as you know how I feel about you. You also know how exceedingly hard you've been to get to know and how mistrusting of intentions you are despite being a dominant intuitive. So I'm sure you see the logic behind this post.

 

[jenocyde]

Sam, normally I would agree with you - but wouldn't you also be doubling down your strengths and weaknesses with an E or Ne, as well? It's hard to admit this, but it's the truth - my house is only big enough for my own loud, boisterous ego. It may suit me well to have a partner that makes me work and focus on another person, rather than being with someone that just feeds the beast that keeps on growing. But I dunno. Thoughts?

These past few days were a little bit intense for me and I think I may need to explore a less explosive life style. At least for a little while... I could never do that with another version of myself.

 

[Xellotath]

In my experience, the INFJ-ENFP interactions have this unreal quality. We will arrive at the same conclusion on intuition alone, but whenever we analyze the methods we employed to get there, we realize they are truly different. Mutual fascination ensues. Lots of "Wow....how did you....you're a genius". Lots of giggling too and playing too! Its like they both turn into children. Another advantage of the ENFP is that unlike the ENTP, the ENFP is very much people-oriented and does not mind spending all their energy in trying to figure out every quirk and make the relationship thoroughly conceptually and emotionally perfect. Figuring out others is one of the things ENFPs do best and the INFJs are an excellent psychological puzzle and playmate.

The major advantage ENTPs have is their Fe. This is significant because ENFPs and INFJs are both feeling dominants, feeling is very important to both, Fi will be pitted against Fe, and by god, it can be bloody - here is where you will find INFJs saying ENFPs are too dramatic or ENFPs being dissapointed whenever they finally get through their heads that the ultra-egocentric INFJ does not feel such ethereal connectedness in everything, which is very important for the ENFP, thus shattering many of the ideals that sustained the relationship in the first place. In my opinion this has nothing to do with balance, the ENTP might provide a pleasing romantic narrative / story because once the introvert peels the layers of the ENTP, the INFJ will find at the core something that he/she can relate to, that is Fe instead of Fi. INFJs are not that adventurous to pick something so radically different in a partner.... Fi will only confuse them.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

...

to this post. Except for this part:

...here is where you will find INFJs saying ENFPs are too dramatic or ENFPs being dissapointed whenever they finally get through their heads that the ultra-egocentric INFJ does not feel such ethereal connectedness in everything, which is very important for the ENFP, thus shattering many of the ideals that sustained the relationship in the first place...INFJs are not that adventurous to pick something so radically different in a partner.... Fi will only confuse them.

Relating this to my own experiences...I don't think ENFPs are too dramatic (I can be pretty dramatic myself, when I get in the mood). And I wish I were egocentric so I could focus more on my needs instead of everyone else's. Fi is not "radically" different for me, but I did grow up with two Fi males.

 

[Wyst]

(I can be pretty dramatic myself, when I get in the mood).

Same here. When I do get dramatic, my friends' reactions can be pretty fun for me to watch. "WTF did that come from, dude? Are you ok?!"

Usually I tell 'em that I like to keep them guessing about me - lol.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I can only speak for myself and all I know I might be a deviant weirdo among all the other INFJs.

It's a slow, slow process, first with all. It cannot be pushed or pressured or fastened. But I know of myself when I love, it's the most intense, deep, out of this world kind depth of feeling. And as being me (the weirdo deviant or just your regular nextdoor infj) I usually get these bursts - I mean in the quietness of myself, I get absolute overwhelming bursts of it from time to time that make me feel connected in ways I can't describe. Like a Phoenix, it burns burns burns burns - and rebirths.

cool. this is how it is for me too. nicely described.

a persistent pervasive pulsing.

but i thought i was the deviant weirdo among all others......nice to know i'm not alone!

Getting to know an INFJ is like pulling teeth and I question putting that much effort into getting to know anybody. I don't question the ENTP/INFJ dynamic as I think that's amazing and wonderful however I think it's a huge pain in the ass to get started with the majority of it being the ENTP out of their comfort zone with the INFJ being a turtle with their head in a shell fighting the whole way.

really? if anything i'm too open with people--like intense--in an effort to bridge gaps to enhance comfortable sharing and relating.

In all honesty INFJs (and their dating choices/styles) have single handedly made me question my desire to be with an introvert as I'm starting to see a well rounded extrovert (even more so Ne doms) as a far more relaxing and enjoyable partner. I would personally much rather have a balance in my relationship even if it means pushing my comfort levels but I have yet to meet an INFJ that seems carefree and free spirited enough to suit the life I want to enjoy. Frankly they all seem pretty anal retentive and uptight though I wonder if that dissipates after knowing one for many years. I would have a hard time white knuckle gripping life over every bump the way you seem to.

To the INFJs I'm close to on here, take no offense as you know how I feel about you. You also know how exceedingly hard you've been to get to know and how mistrusting of intentions you are despite being a dominant intuitive. So I'm sure you see the logic behind this post.

you're in trouble, buddy!!!! we may be slightly, um, bitchy at times, and possibly misconstrued as controlling when our values are in danger of being overrun (i'll never admit that again), but you need someone to lash that uncontrolled exuberance of your entp ass lest you take a running leap and bounce right off the face of the earth!

i can't believe our night didn't mean more to you........and you said you loved me...........:yim_phbbbbt:

 

[Sentura]

extroverted intuition paired with introverted intuition? ENFP first choice, ENTP second choice?

 

[Synarch]

ENTP = first choice.

 

[Sniffles]

ENTP = first choice.

Perhaps for female INFJs. Id say ENFPs for male INFJs.

 

[Synarch]

Perhaps for female INFJs. Id say ENFPs for male INFJs.

I may be ENFP, so you could be right.

 

[Sniffles]

I may be ENFP, so you could be right.

Oh you're just saying that!

 

[Tigerlily]

There's no way i could be married to an extroverted man and i doubt i could tolerate being married to a feeler. I rarely can tolerate people for long periods of time but my INTJ husband is easy for me to be around and we understand each other very well. I'm not sure where Keirsey got the INFJ and ENTP thing because I don't see that working out at all.

 

[Sniffles]

I'm not sure where Keirsey got the INFJ and ENTP thing because I don't see that working out at all.

I can. I do notice a certain dynamic between us and ENTPs, and this is true for myself. The issue I have is letting them get in too close, where I'm more vulnerable. That's my thing with NTs in general. However they can absolutely adorable when they're in their caring modes.

 

[Tigerlily]

I can. I do notice a certain dynamic between us and ENTPs, and this is true for myself. The issue I have to letting them get in too close, where I'm more vulnerable. However, when they're in their caring modes, NTs can be just absolutely adorable.

i suppose it depends on percentages and just how much stock you put into squeezing everyone into only 16 "types". Very extroverted people make me feel uncomfortable and my energy level would not be able to keep up for long.

 

[Sniffles]

i suppose it depends on percentages and just how much stock you put into squeezing everyone into only 16 "types". Very extroverted people make me feel uncomfortable and my energy level would not be able to keep up for long.

Well of course, types are largely just generalizations. I mean some INFJs like ENPs, others don't. I agree that very extroverted people can be draining, but I honestly think an extroverted partner would be good for me - to counteract my tendencies to be a bit too introverted at times.

But to each their own.

 

[Blackmail!]

I can. I do notice a certain dynamic between us and ENTPs, and this is true for myself. The issue I have is letting them get in too close, where I'm more vulnerable. That's my thing with NTs in general. However they can absolutely adorable when they're in their caring modes.

Agreed.

The cat and mouse game we are playing here, Peguy and I, is a genuine proof of the ENTP/INFJ dynamic.

I know Peguy is almost the opposite of me, but I can't hate him, or say he's a total schmuck.

Besides, it won't be true. Despite his awful reactionary tendencies, I consider him as one of the most interesting asset of TypologyC.

 

[Phantonym]

I rarely can tolerate people for long periods of time

I've been thinking about the same thing lately. It really seems a mystery to me that people end up with each other at all. I mean, there's just so many variables to consider. Two negatives really do not make up a positive. Small miracles needed, desperately!


I cannot say it's a surprise to me that so many couples break up.

Edit: Old Man Shakespeare got it a long time ago: "The course of true love never did run smooth"

 

[entropie]

Real love guys:

 

[Winds of Thor]

Real love guys:

That looks like Prescott Valley, Arizona^