[MBTI General] Do people like you?

[Amargith]

Dunno..usually get 'weird' as a reaction *shrug*

 

[Sniffles]

Eh.....everybody hates me!

 

[Gewitter27]

People don't like me. People never have liked me, and never will.

I've learned to live with it.

Eh.....everybody hates me!

Amen, brotha. Amen.

 

[rainoneventide]

When I feel as if nobody around cares for me, I sing in my head: "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat wooorms." And then I feel inexplicably better.

Maybe because it's like, well, worms are gross, so screw all of those haters.

I know that most people don't like me a whole lot because I'm distant, and I can't say that I don't care. But at least I can say that, lol.

 

[kryten5786]

I feel as if nobody around cares for me

i can relate to that part of what you said... its as if im surrounded by dozens of friends yet i still feel alone because none ever really see where im coming from.. mentally.
i would say that im liked though... in high school i was always able to "hop" from group to group, had no real problems..a few would try to bully me because i was the "nice guy" but i always stuck up for myself.. im not one to start a fight.. but i will finish one if provoked. it one of thos things i never really notice until after the fact or someone brings it up. its like..."hmm... i guess people did like me enough to volunteer me to run for class president without me knowing"
i guess they liked me more then i noticed at the time..

 

[rainoneventide]

i can relate to that part of what you said... its as if im surrounded by dozens of friends yet i still feel alone because none ever really see where im coming from.. mentally.
i would say that im liked though... in high school i was always able to "hop" from group to group, had no real problems..a few would try to bully me because i was the "nice guy" but i always stuck up for myself.. im not one to start a fight.. but i will finish one if provoked. it one of thos things i never really notice until after the fact or someone brings it up. its like..."hmm... i guess people did like me enough to volunteer me to run for class president without me knowing"
i guess they liked me more then i noticed at the time..

Hmm, maybe we have a habit of carrying the insecurities of our pasts along with us until they bleed into reality.

So I guess assuming that someone doesn't like you doesn't actually mean they don't like you.

That is comforting.

 

[Coeur]

For a long time I had a problem that people genuinely liked me, but made no effort to reach out to me. It wasn't even that I didn't reach out to them. I would go up to them every day, but on the days where I'd be inside my head or make no effort to talk to them, I would be completely alone and nobody would come up to me.

Now, because:
a. My best friend is back at school
b. I'm apart of their classes, and thus their routine.
c. My social skills have greatly improved

The problem seems to have disappeared for the time being.

Which, obviously is no benefit to you, unless I give some suggestions. XD
1. How you present yourself is very important. If you feel shy or uncomfortable, you will make them feel uncomfortable too. Try to be, or at least come across as, happy and confident. Don't mumble. I used to mumble and talk quickly, and it's a lot easier to talk to people now that they can understand me. XD I try to smile a lot. Don't be hyper-conscious of how they're reacting to you. [Unless they're giving you strong vibes to go away.]
2. Talk about them. Find out what they are passionate about, and ask them questions about it. Show GENUINE interest! This is easy to do when you share their interests. Checking up on them later is good as well. If they mentioned their heavy work load, ask them how they're doing a few days later. Ask them in depth questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Feel comfortable with continuing the conversation. Using their name a lot helps, too.
3. Genuine compliments are great. I've found that complimenting clothes is an easy way to talk to someone, since I'm a girl XD. [I like your shoes; where did you get them?] However, if you have something deeper to comment about the person, by all means do it. The other day, one of my friends posted something on facebook about being themselves. One of my acquaintances started talking about how sometimes she was afraid to be herself. I wrote a [completely genuine] statement that everyone around her could tell how fun and hilarious she was, and admired her for it. Now, she wants to get to know me better. Most people are insecure; do things to alleviate that insecurity.
4. If you see an opportunity to help someone, take it. Minor things like sharing food, loaning out pencils, etc, are instant ways to increase likeability.
5. Have a lot of experiences in life that you will be able to talk about. How will you appear interesting to people if you never do anything? Going out and doing things give you something to talk about!

Above all: treat everyone as if their already your friend. This makes everything a lot easier.

 

[Totenkindly]

I have no idea sometimes. For much of my life, I didn't feel liked. Finally I accepted that I might actually be liked (and that seems to be the case)... but it's one of those weird things... I feel like the person that everyone likes but that no one thinks of inviting anywhere. I've even had people IRL that expressed envy because everyone supposedly liked me... yet why then did I usually still find myself alone much of the time and forgotten when it comes to doing things together? It might be me, I might be the problem here by not taking enough initiative.

Fidelia's comments very much resonated with me:

I've found an incredible difference since deciding to approach people instead of waiting for them to approach me. I watched my ESTJ boyfriend do that and with people we had both known for the same amount of time, they gravitated toward him, issued invites to parties for me through him etc. I was very frustrated about it for awhile because I actually invested much more in keeping those friendships going and also was much less likely to talk about them behind their backs etc. Then I realized that part of it is that he is less reluctant to "impose" himself on others and also takes time all the time for small talk with people. Because everyone is a little insecure themselves, they appreciate having a clear message that they are liked, that the person wants to be friends, and that the person has even assumed an amount of friendship enough to invite himself over to watch the game and bring supper or snacks for everyone etc.

I think that is a very very big thing. One of my issues is that I *despise* the thought of imposing on others, I feel like I'm intruding. But that's a fallacy on my part, and I've been learning to take initiative and insert myself, so as to be included; it's just hard because it still feels wrong to me on some level, even if my brain has figured out that it's not wrong at all.

I have also noticed that over the years as I have started feeling more confident and comfortable in my own skin, I have more space in my head to focus on the other person and how they feel. People love having a chance to talk about themselves and appreciate you remembering what is going on in their lives, their likes and dislikes, interests and people important to them.

again, an important point. It's really easy for each of us to talk about ourselves sometimes, and a lot of us do this in our posts. It is not uncommon to see a thread where people respond to the OP and just talk about themselves and say nothing about anyone else's posts in the thread. I do it too. But I think maybe we would connect better and build friendships if instead on occasion our posts were responses to someone else's post rather than just a dump of our own feelings on the matter.

I have also started to understand that sometimes what seems like cool or distant behaviour has more to do with their own feelings of insecurity rather than something being wrong with me.

Yup, that too. I used to think it meant I screwed up in some way. Why was I crediting other people with more poise and confidence than me? Everyone can actually be anxious on some level, and we're all waiting for acceptance. We can offer acceptance first and put them at ease.

As time goes on, I have also realized that not everyone will click together and that doesn't mean there' something wrong with either person. It kind of takes the heat off then.

Another big deal. I used to feel like I had to be everyone's friend, as deeply as possible. Nowadays I am happier because I have accepted that there are just some people who I can't be friends with easily... people who might not even LIKE me regardless of how I behave. And it's okay. Not all of us are compatible.

 

[dani_elle]

I can emphathize with the head being in the clouds bit. I love people but sometimes I prefer to be alone, just deep in my own thoughts.

I realize I'm really bad at feigning interest. My mind tends to wander alot and switch quickly from topic to topic, so if someone is sticking to one topic that I'm totally uninterested in, I tend to smile and nod and pretty much not add anything to the conversation.

 

[SillySapienne]

@CC: not the most modest person are you?

I'm more honest than modest. In other words, more than likely; honesty>modesty.

Especially for us, women.

Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

 

[SillySapienne]

Regarding the OP:

I have found that the less that you *care* what people think, the more they inherently like you.

People really are refreshed by honest, sincere, and authentic, "good" souls.

 

[alcea rosea]

To the OP, maybe they aren't just right people for you.
You'll find the ones who will enjoy your company.
Maybe you are looking from wrong groups?

To the question: Do people like you?
Some do and some don't.

 

[Jonny]

There is not one person I know (outside the internet) who dislikes me. I think the chameleon in me does a rather good job of masking those traits which people might find agitating. Although I am definitely inclined to point out the logical and general inconsistencies, I am very purpose driven and understand that such actions would result in no personal benefit, save for immediate gratification. I do let loose here, however.

 

[Lady_X]

i've never been not liked by someone i liked so i guess that's all that i pay attention to.

 

[Oaky]

I'm more honest than modest. In other words, more than likely; honesty>modesty.

Especially for us, women.

Damned if we do, damned if we don't.

You're right. Honesty is certainly better than modesty but that would make some people hate you... You sure your not hated at all?

 

[SillySapienne]

You're right. Honesty is certainly better than modesty but that would make some people hate you... You sure your not hated at all?

Every once in awhile I attract haters, but generally speaking, I'm a highly likeable person.

You're welcome.

EDIT: I come off as more of an ass on the internet than I do in real life. When I was answering the OP's question I was referring to my real life experiences.

I frequently get hated on in fora.

Can't win 'em all.

 

[SillySapienne]

Also, there's tons of shit I am piss poor at.

Am I a tidy person?

No.

Am I incredibly organized and responsible?

Nope.

Do I have ragingingly awful relationship problems?

*proudly raises hand*

Do you catch my drift?

 

[Oaky]

^ I see. Interesting. Your just describing the typical ENFP now.

 

[SillySapienne]

^ I see. Interesting. Your just describing the typical ENFP now.

The only reason why I give this theory any credence is the fact that I happen to reflect the ENFP personality type to a T.

(And here I always thought myself to be so gosh darn special!!)

 

[Orangey]

I know this was for NFs, but since other NTs have been answering I think I'll just go ahead. Do people like me? Not generally. I even had one friend recently tell me that she didn't like me (not just indifferent, but actively disliked me) when we first met. Something about my directness and lack of tact combined with distance/aloofness. If you're going to be a quiet person, you'd better be a super sweet one. Otherwise the quietness is not acceptable.

I have an INFP friend who is slightly better received than I am, but only because she is more self-effacing. I find that with her, people tend to dislike her over time, even if they liked her during introductions. It probably has to do with being let down by initial appearances. She comes off as nice and friendly and outgoing at first (she's a better performer than I am), and then you notice that she has periods of moodiness or aloofness. And she's neurotic, which comes through without her having to say a word.