[MBTI General] Do people like you?

[enfp1091]

I usually attract some people to talk to me, and I also sometimes feel attracted to people. Like if I knew them before. But when they get to know me, they take me as a friend, but they don't want to be very involved with me. For example, I just met new friends at school, we talk a lot, and we may be together everyday at school, but they don't want me to hang out with them. I don't really know why but this has happened to me all my life and I'm 18. And sometimes for some reason they stop talking to me and I think I didn't do anything to make them apart. Have you felt this way? Please share your experiences.

 

[sade]

I'm familiar with that, it's happened plenty of times. To my knowledge, I'm pretty liked among people, maybe not to a friend level but something like that. People come up to me to talk, ask for a lunch in school etc. It's the times when you are decently liked, but not really admitted into a group or cycle of friends (or it's just those polite terms that are being kept up) that leave me unsecure too. Was it me or something I did?
Sometimes the feeling of liking someone isn't strong enough, you end up being just okay company, sometimes the people don't have enough energy to keep the thing going, sometimes this and sometimes that. *sigh*
I've come to think of that as a normal cource of things. I'll just move on from them to find people who prefer to hang around me more.

 

[Phantonym]

Teehee, the story of my life. It seems to me that people acknowledge my existence but I'm usually ignored. It's not anything negative, I don't think that I'm deliberately ostracized but I might as well be invisible while being visible (if that makes sense). Things never advance from the usual meaningless chit-chat or "let's talk business" to a more deeper personal friendship. I have plenty of acquaintances but that's it. I'm quite absent minded. I usually notice people around me but I'm also preoccupied with my own thoughts to such a degree that unless people approach me, time usually passes without any kind of interaction. As a result, I've always been somewhat distant and I think people pick up the vibes and think that I don't want much interaction/am too proud to talk to anyone. Which is not the case at all but sometimes I just forget to talk to people even if I have thought about talking to them

 

[Fidelia]

I've found an incredible difference since deciding to approach people instead of waiting for them to approach me. I watched my ESTJ boyfriend do that and with people we had both known for the same amount of time, they gravitated toward him, issued invites to parties for me through him etc. I was very frustrated about it for awhile because I actually invested much more in keeping those friendships going and also was much less likely to talk about them behind their backs etc. Then I realized that part of it is that he is less reluctant to "impose" himself on others and also takes time all the time for small talk with people. Because everyone is a little insecure themselves, they appreciate having a clear message that they are liked, that the person wants to be friends, and that the person has even assumed an amount of friendship enough to invite himself over to watch the game and bring supper or snacks for everyone etc.

I have also noticed that over the years as I have started feeling more confident and comfortable in my own skin, I have more space in my head to focus on the other person and how they feel. People love having a chance to talk about themselves and appreciate you remembering what is going on in their lives, their likes and dislikes, interests and people important to them. I have also started to understand that sometimes what seems like cool or distant behaviour has more to do with their own feelings of insecurity rather than something being wrong with me. As time goes on, I have also realized that not everyone will click together and that doesn't mean there' something wrong with either person. It kind of takes the heat off then.

I've also found that I tend to be attracted to people with a variety of skills and interests who are going somewhere in life themselves rather than looking for someone or something to give them a sense of significance. They inspire me to be a better person myself. So perhaps it boils down to two parts: being an interesting and an interested person and going from there.

 

[Laurie]

I usually attract some people to talk to me, and I also sometimes feel attracted to people. Like if I knew them before. But when they get to know me, they take me as a friend, but they don't want to be very involved with me. For example, I just met new friends at school, we talk a lot, and we may be together everyday at school, but they don't want me to hang out with them. I don't really know why but this has happened to me all my life and I'm 18. And sometimes for some reason they stop talking to me and I think I didn't do anything to make them apart. Have you felt this way? Please share your experiences.

High school was like.. a boring drudgery. I did enjoy physics class, but there were more interesting people in my physics class than other classes. (I didn't make it into AP classes because I wasn't focused enough in Junior high. Somehow I tested into them but the school didn't think I had the study habits for them. They should have given me ENFP meds)

Once I got to college and got in engineering and (was the only female engineering student) and met other people with interests similar to mine I had a blast.

Now that I'm a PTA mom I'm bored out of my mind with the people around me again. (Did I just admit that?)

I'm guessing you just need to find people you actually connect with.

 

[EcK]

Do people like you?

 

[King sns]

I usually attract some people to talk to me, and I also sometimes feel attracted to people. Like if I knew them before. But when they get to know me, they take me as a friend, but they don't want to be very involved with me. For example, I just met new friends at school, we talk a lot, and we may be together everyday at school, but they don't want me to hang out with them. I don't really know why but this has happened to me all my life and I'm 18. And sometimes for some reason they stop talking to me and I think I didn't do anything to make them apart. Have you felt this way? Please share your experiences.

Yea, I have felt that way.. Never understood it and can't describe it in any way except that you may just have found the wrong group.. Its easier if you go to college, there is a larger diversity and more people to talk to. I'm not really sure why this happens. Not really cliquing I guess.

 

[hakuna]

I had a lot of experiences like that in high school, less now in college. Sometimes people are just flaky, especially in high school. I take it you've focused on this because ENFPs are generally very friend oriented people. I've also meet several people like I feel like I've known before kind of like a deja vu experience, generally I've really clicked and stayed friends with those few.

 

[Southern Kross]

I find people don't tend to really like me or dislike me. I'm just considered kinda innocuous. I'm always suprised when people (properly) like me and make an effort to converse with me and spend time with me. Its happened more as time goes by but I don't think I'm ever going to be 'in'

 

[SillySapienne]

Yes.

I had a 7.5 hour long lecture today, and connected with half of my class.

By the end of the day, one girl said, "I feel like I've known you forever", and everyone laughed and agreed.

Every once in awhile I attract haters, but generally speaking, I'm a highly likeable person.

Also, I cried today in class, when relaying a story, and that seemed to shake people up.

(I do not cry in public often)

By the end of the class I also made three friends, and we know more about each other than most couples who've been living under the same roof for 20 years know about one and other.

Ironically, in many instances, the *less* I know you, the more open and honest I'll be.

 

[wren]

I usually attract some people to talk to me, and I also sometimes feel attracted to people. Like if I knew them before. But when they get to know me, they take me as a friend, but they don't want to be very involved with me. For example, I just met new friends at school, we talk a lot, and we may be together everyday at school, but they don't want me to hang out with them. I don't really know why but this has happened to me all my life and I'm 18. And sometimes for some reason they stop talking to me and I think I didn't do anything to make them apart. Have you felt this way? Please share your experiences.

This happened to me also. I had great expectations for new friends and while my friendship was sort of missing on my side of it, never really made the effort to be a friend, I expected the other to be there for me. If I made friends with someone it was my own deal I made, I wasn't that empathetic to my new friend. Most times friendships take a long time to develop and even then the time may not nurture something. Another thing, try not get down on yourself for what may seem like them ignoring you, not including you. From my experience, people have a set way they operate. Routines, you know? Even though you talk and have familiarity in a class doesn't mean the person can consider you a part of their life/routine outside class. I remember this feeling from my earliest experiences with new people.

You haven't done a thing wrong, is what I'm saying! My advice would be to enjoy people however lame they are for what they can give. Most of us are fragile tender egomaniacs.

 

[tibby]

I'm terrible in big groups, but can be very sociable and I guess likable in that mood - which can result in people begging me for a silly out-going person. Then some people might think of me as easy to approach and easy-going, but they don't realise I'm that way on a very general, non-personal level. So if people get to know me and catch me at these moments, I've noticed I am probably "easier to be liked" because humor's the bridge I use to connect to them.

 

[Oaky]

@CC: not the most modest person are you?

 

[SciVo]

Yes, people like me -- and I like them. However, I can't help my reservedness. I've been overwhelmed in the past and now I'm afraid of it. So, it's very difficult for me to make and maintain good connections.

 

[dani_elle]

I guess I'm liked enough but not overwhelming popular. And yeah, there ARE groups which I feel I'm not truly a part of. Its nobody's fault really, just that we can't really communicate.

I tend to get along better with people who are outgoing and spontaneous or people who are just very, very quiet. I have friends from both spectrums.

I'm actually not a very loud person until I get all excited so I can't appreciate a person who always has to get their word in.

 

[Winds of Thor]

I find most who like me are NFs and NTs.

I think a lot of Sensors find it very difficult to understand me. So I feel and think most won't 'hang on' and follow my abstract thoughts..and so don't feel as comfortable around me, perhaps not knowing where I'm 'coming from'.

In my life there was one INFJ who decided to sever friendship. Truly seemed arbitrary and was not understandable.

 

[prplchknz]

sometimes

 

[OrangeAppled]

Teehee, the story of my life. It seems to me that people acknowledge my existence but I'm usually ignored. It's not anything negative, I don't think that I'm deliberately ostracized but I might as well be invisible while being visible (if that makes sense). Things never advance from the usual meaningless chit-chat or "let's talk business" to a more deeper personal friendship. I have plenty of acquaintances but that's it. I'm quite absent minded. I usually notice people around me but I'm also preoccupied with my own thoughts to such a degree that unless people approach me, time usually passes without any kind of interaction. As a result, I've always been somewhat distant and I think people pick up the vibes and think that I don't want much interaction/am too proud to talk to anyone. Which is not the case at all but sometimes I just forget to talk to people even if I have thought about talking to them

Yeah, I do this too. I'm sometimes so removed from the moment that I simply forget to interact with people. My mind is somewhere else completely, and that can make me seem aloof or snobby. Then, at some other time when it is not convenient or appropriate to talk to someone, I think of things to say

I feel kind of invisible also...although, now being many years out of HS, I am surprised when I run into people and they recognize me and I have no idea who they are. I wasn't as invisible as I thought, but rather, I was withdrawn mentally which made me seem intimidating.

I find people don't tend to really like me or dislike me. I'm just considered kinda innocuous. I'm always suprised when people (properly) like me and make an effort to converse with me and spend time with me. Its happened more as time goes by but I don't think I'm ever going to be 'in'

I think I am generally not viewed with any strong feeling either. I'm just that quiet person who is there. It is surprising and nice when people like me a lot, to the point where I have been almost suspicious of those people's motives.


I try and reach out to other people & let them know I like them, but I have a hard time not seeming too intense or needy, and I seem to inspire reluctance in people to talk about themselves. I am not needy at all, in fact, I am quite independent & happy to be alone most of the time, but my social finesses is lacking. Strangely enough, at other times, with no prodding or effort from me, people spill their guts to me. I've started to feel like things have to come to me, and that I cannot make them come, which makes me feel out of control of my life, which is not a good feeling.

 

[Dali]

They used to; I was the 'lovable, fun, deceptively quiet-looking' guy that was always making his friends laugh with his observations and was always trying to put strangers at ease. I used to be able to hold my own very well in a crowd.

At some point, within the past 1.5yrs or so, I experienced a bit of a quarter-life crisis and retreated further into my head. I was surprised to be told, by a well-meaning friend, that I now give off a rather snobbish and standoffish vibe and some interpret that to mean that I believe that I'm somewhat better than them. I suppose that may explain why the phone-calls and emails have slowed down to a trickle.

 

[rainoneventide]

Teehee, the story of my life. It seems to me that people acknowledge my existence but I'm usually ignored. It's not anything negative, I don't think that I'm deliberately ostracized but I might as well be invisible while being visible (if that makes sense). Things never advance from the usual meaningless chit-chat or "let's talk business" to a more deeper personal friendship. I have plenty of acquaintances but that's it. I'm quite absent minded. I usually notice people around me but I'm also preoccupied with my own thoughts to such a degree that unless people approach me, time usually passes without any kind of interaction. As a result, I've always been somewhat distant and I think people pick up the vibes and think that I don't want much interaction/am too proud to talk to anyone. Which is not the case at all but sometimes I just forget to talk to people even if I have thought about talking to them

^ Ditto

I want to get to know and bond with more people, but there's still an insecure part of me that's subconsciously pulling away.

I gotta really want to be likable to be likable, lol.