[ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!

[Moiety]

^^^Agreed...vibes are important. Though it won't keep me away from them, it will make me be extra careful until i can pinpoint where the vibe comes from..what the cause of it is so I can take the precise precautions for it not to be an issue.

All I gotta say is for ENFPs you guys sure have a poor understanding of people coming out in the open and saying stuff like that. INFJs can see into the future and we pick on "vibes". Next we are gonna start talking about auras...and you wonder why people misunderstand us.

 

[Amargith]

Oh get off your T-horse

It's that hunch, that gut-feeling, that miniscule bodylanguage thing that's off, that makes you think twice, I'm talking about. And you know it.

 

[BerberElla]

^^^Agreed...vibes are important. Though it won't keep me away from them, it will make me be extra careful until i can pinpoint where the vibe comes from..what the cause of it is so I can take the precise precautions for it not to be an issue.

I used to be that way too, that would be the times I ignored that vibe, but these days I judge from the feel alone and don't waste time finding out what is causing it. I know what's causing it, the person isn't a safe person to let in my life.

 

[BerberElla]

All I gotta say is for ENFPs you guys sure have a poor understanding of people coming out in the open and saying stuff like that. INFJs can see into the future and we pick on "vibes". Next we are gonna start talking about auras...and you wonder why people misunderstand us.

A vibe IS the aura.

 

[Amargith]

Awww, guess you got burned too badly
It's worth it sometimes though...especially if you can help them sort it out.

LOL, I love that emoticon

 

[Laurie]

Yeah I don't always agree that the vibe means "watch out" - it could be a lot of different things. Usually it means something is going on behind the scenes in someone's life or they are trying to act differently from what they actually are (in a non scary way). If I get an "uck" vibe then it's usually a "stay away" vibe. An "off" vibe means that something is hiding somewhere and it might not be a big deal at all.

 

[Amargith]

Rarely get the 'stay away' vibe though. The other one is rather common.

 

[sunshinEnfp]

Hate an ENFP? Tell us why !

Okay, here are a few things that I have thankfully improved on over the years, but still bother me to a certain degree :

1.I hate being forgetful. I sincerely forget about 20 things a day unless I write things down and REMEMBER to look at the list. I dont mean to let people down or make they're requests seem unimportant. I can be super-organised, but not in all areas of my life and not all the time.

2.I hate being caught between two people I care about. I find it emotionally and physically draining. I find that other people can be possessive over me and I feel like a pawn in their power games.

3. I hate being terribly indecisive about the most trivial of things. Must everything be so subjective?

4. I hate procrastinating. But I cant seem to get anything done unless I'm in crisis mode. So I need to procrastinate in order to get into crisis mode so I can get things done.

5. The only thing consistent about me is that I believe in my sincerity, individuality, willingness to constantly self-improve and cause no one any harm (emotional or otherwise ). I usually overcome my bad habits by reflecting on how they may undermine or contradict any of the above.

SOOOOOOO TRUE!!!! I feel ya! (And I know what you mean about lists! I make them, but I forget to look at them again!)

 

[Heart&Brain]

Yeah I don't always agree that the vibe means "watch out" - it could be a lot of different things. Usually it means something is going on behind the scenes in someone's life or they are trying to act differently from what they actually are (in a non scary way). If I get an "uck" vibe then it's usually a "stay away" vibe. An "off" vibe means that something is hiding somewhere and it might not be a big deal at all.

I can recognise these vibes - and a lot others in between - but I have also often found myself in an internal struggle about what they *really* mean.

Just as much as ENFPs pick up on vibes, we - or at least I - tend to give everybody the benefit of the doubt. I can go to unreasonable lenghts to remind myself that I what I feel is multifacetted, that it might lead to a wrong judgment or actually might reflect a weakness of my own (suspicion, envy, disdain etc).

I guess it's about Ne protesting against closing off possibilities plus Fi feeling guilty if I think bad about people I hardly know.

Anyway, in the past this second guessing has let me to overrule my gut instincts in a stubbornly idealistic way, refusing to admit that letting this person near was a bad idea until evidence was crushing.

(Eh, I flatter myself with having become better with age at trusting the vibes I get and not feel obliged to go for every tiny possibility or give everybody the famous chance. Ooo-oo, I feel so mature... )

 

[Laurie]

Yeah, no point in the ENFP "everyone is fine" stuff. That's just awful and bothers me greatly. Everyone is NOT fine and everyone is NOT healthy no matter how much we want to pretend they are.

 

[Amargith]

Depends on how you use it. I just refuse to label people as 'bad' or 'evil'. Harmful, for sure, but it is my responsibility to arm myself against that, just as much as it is their responsibility to minimize the damage they can cause others. Those that cause it without intent, or because they just cannot help it, I can work with. Those intent on hurting others, I will treat very different...

 

[INTP]

yes, no, dunno. god damn what the fuck

 

[Charmed Justice]

I can recognise these vibes - and a lot others in between - but I have also often found myself in an internal struggle about what they *really* mean.

Just as much as ENFPs pick up on vibes, we - or at least I - tend to give everybody the benefit of the doubt.

I guess it's about Ne protesting against closing off possibilities plus Fi feeling guilty if I think bad about people I hardly know.

Anyway, in the past this second guessing has let me to overrule my gut instincts in a stubbornly idealistic way, refusing to admit that letting this person near was a bad idea until evidence was crushing.

I can relate. Fortunately, I can only apply the last bolded part to one person in particular.

I've rarely been let down by people, but I do question my intuition. It isn't the final say. It just guides me.

 

[Poki]

Depends on how you use it. I just refuse to label people as 'bad' or 'evil'. Harmful, for sure, but it is my responsibility to arm myself against that, just as much as it is their responsibility to minimize the damage they can cause others. Those that cause it without intent, or because they just cannot help it, I can work with. Those intent on hurting others, I will treat very different...

Its like someone blaming an "enabler" for their actions. You allowed me to be this way.

 

[KarateElvis]

I once suffered from a terrible migraine. My well meaning ENFP friend was so worried about me that she kept calling me to tell me how terrible she felt about it. I kept asking her not to call. So she shows up at my door with "goodies" for me. While well meaning, it's not pleasant to hear the bell and deal with blinding light from outside while suffering a migraine. When I was less than pleased to see her, she got on her high horse about what a caring person she is and how she was only trying to help because she felt sooooo bad about what I was going through. And how it's always about me. To this very day, whenever she talks about me being cold or mean, she uses "the migraine" as her example. I just sit back and sigh. I would love to see that self reflection that you guys talk about...

Like I said, in general, these boards make people self aware. But not everyone gets to hear the honest truth about themselves from 15 other types, much less friends that are afraid of dealing with the emotional meltdowns. So they live out their lives thinking that they are golden. (this goes for all types, not just ENFPs).

I'm not sure whether to chime in with her and go "Aww poor baby, let me help that migraine" or "aww, that terrible ENFP with her "goodies".

Anyhow, as an ENFP, I wouldn't do that. I think I can sense when someone doesn't want to be bothered. Only on rare occasions might I insist on pushing an issue, but it'd have to be pretty severe/or something where I thought might be damaging if I didn't just butt in. Some people don't really like being bothered. Some people are just being silly.

 

[Lauren]

Let's see...

2) That's a matter of perspective. I do this all the time. I make sure people are aware of it though before I start, and that they know what the outcome will be. Took me a while to realize that othesr didn't work like that and that I had to build in those disclaimers to make sure I didn't hurt anyone. Also, it's not that I get tired with you, it's just that I only have a little bit of time and a lot of interesting people to meet. Each and everyone is different however and special in their own way. Some will be more dear to me than others, because I connect better with them. However, that does not mean that I don't also very much care for those that I don't have that connection with. Take it for what it is worth, I know this is a hard one to understand, from experience.

Amargith, I thought this was interesting (your response to the comment about ENFPs flirt with everyone and how this causes misunderstandings). Though I'm an "I," my extroverted side, which can be fairly prominent for a time, can relate to this. My experience is that some people have felt let down because they feel I'm closer to them than I really am. But, as you say, I genuinely do like these people. Because of their reaction, though, I've learned to hold back and not be quite as friendly as I know others may feel it is insincere somehow (it isn't). Also, I know an ENFP now (or, he may be, like me, not extremely introverted), and he enjoys people as much as I do. He's steadily flirted with me in much more than a friendly way for quite a while. He also seems to flirt with others but knowing he's an ENFP, I see this as just his outgoing, friendly nature and I don't let it bother me or put any energy into thinking about it. There's a difference between the time and care he takes with me (and the type of flirting), then he does with others. ENFPs have to express that joy of connecting with others, and they dislike being misunderstood about that or feel as if they have to rein themselves in (in my experience).

 

[Hotherym]

I like people, too. I think above all, having deep connections with people is my absolute favourite thing. Helping people is a big plus, and seeing them feel good about an interaction is very important to me. However, the difference I see between myself and xNFPs is that I don't flirt. I can keep cool boundaries to let people know that, yes, I care, and they can rely on me, but I'm nothing more than that.

To me, the flirtation is a means by which to gain acceptance and validation -- things I don't desire much of except by those I'm extremely close to, like beloved family. If anyone ever reads anything else in my actions toward them, I set the record straight any way I can. If that fails, I slam the door on them; it's far too risky to go on, especially because I have a tendency to be used.

My mom was an INFP, her love of people and her [honestly rightful] desire to be accepted by people she cared about was a major pitfall. My boyfriend is very similar, being an ENFP. My aunt is also an ENFP and struggled with such social issues, being way too much of a flirt. I understand her, but my uncle still has her feeling like shit for being 'slutty'.

In short, I see all sorts of negative outcomes to the xNFP love of people and validation, but I'm sure it works out sometimes. As an INFJ, I also struggle with the airy, inconsistent, histrionic flightiness in relationships and friendships. I've gotten pretty pissed at my boyfriend for neglecting his friends, and me, especially during times of need. I think all it takes is a little balance and self control, and any xNFP who masters that is a very fine individual all around.

 

[alexx]

-Because some of us rarely know what the hell we want
-Some of us get in over our heads and don't realize it till we are drowning, or drowning someone else.

 

[Amargith]

 

[entropie]

I once ate an enfp, it was truly oustanding !