• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Blah...powerless, that I wasn't able to convince you of staying out of trouble with him, coz I *know* he's just yanking our chain. On the other hand, I understand why you must do this, as you too took a while to come to the awesomeness of ENFP-dom and you need to give him the benefit of the doubt as you understand what it is like.

I will be here for you when your dreams get crushed, sweetheart. Go in peace :hug:
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Fine, I'll bite my tongue next time and watch the trainwreck happen :cry:

But why assume a trainwreck is going to happen? Is it because you feel slightly offended and want to prevent it from getting worse? In which case, you don't necessarily like the jokes or do you think we are just trying to push buttons? Either way, if something strikes a chord, just tell us to cut it out. But it need go no further than that with hour long explanations and then text messages to follow up that you meant no offense when you gave those explanations. It's just overkill and I'm impatient and grumpy. So I will try to be nice if you try to be not so nice. Deal? lol. :hug:

Yeah, I feel you. It can be difficult.

...

So, yeah. At times, even I feel the frustration of feeling like I can't just "tell it like it is."

Yeah, sometimes I can say things that I know will hurt (even though I think they shouldn't hurt) to just shut someone up. I try not to do that anymore, but it can be difficult at times. I'm still looking for balance.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
But why assume a trainwreck is going to happen? Is it because you feel slightly offended and want to prevent it from getting worse? In which case, you don't necessarily like the jokes or do you think we are just trying to push buttons? Either way, if something strikes a chord, just tell us to cut it out. But it need go no further than that with hour long explanations and then text messages to follow up that you meant no offense when you gave those explanations. It's just overkill and I'm impatient and grumpy. So I will try to be nice if you try to be not so nice. Deal? lol. :hug:

LOL, deal :alttongue:

It's just that ime misunderstandings lead to hurt feelings, and that's just painful to watch or experience for me. Also, normally, I would only send one reassurance msg and leave it at that, but since it's on topic..:D
As for jokes and the likes, it does happen that I don't find NT's jokes funny, or their remarks with regards to me (mind you, im talking mostly irl now), and sadly, if you tell them to cut it out, they tend to call you a partypooper, and to stop being so sensitive and will continue and even intensify their efforts, to entertain their audience at your expense. So I've stopped asking to cut it out..I tend to try and find something that distracts them instead ;)

Oh and Jeno..I was kidding with that :cry: comment.... :devil:
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
LOL, deal :alttongue:

It's just that ime misunderstandings lead to hurt feelings, and that's just painful to watch or experience for me. Also, normally, I would only send one reassurance msg and leave it at that, but since it's on topic..:D
As for jokes and the likes, it does happen that I don't find NT's jokes funny, or their remarks with regards to me (mind you, im talking mostly irl now), and sadly, if you tell them to cut it out, they tend to call you a partypooper, and to stop being so sensitive and will continue and even intensify their efforts, to entertain their audience at your expense. So I've stopped asking to cut it out..I tend to try and find something that distracts them instead ;)

But whose hurt feelings are you talking about? Hurt feelings truly mean nothing to me in my own life. It's like getting pricked by a needle, it hurts for a second and then it's forgotten. So for me, when someone holds onto a slight, it just seems like they are doing it to be dramatic.

As far as the party pooper comment, yeah, I can see that. In fact, I've often thought that about a few members here that think things are getting out of hand when I clearly have no idea what they are talking about. But I would never think that if it was a personal thing. For instance, if you think you see someone reacting emotionally, it's up to them to tell me to cut it out, not you - because you have no way to really know that they are feeling this way (unless it's a close friend or if they told you). If I am personally offending you and you ask me to stop, I will always stop.

Oh and Jeno..I was kidding with that :cry: comment.... :devil:

...and I was kidding about my trying to be nice. :headphne:
 

Wyst

lurking....
Joined
Jul 6, 2008
Messages
1,662
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
EDIT: and what the hell are INFJinity points? Whatever they are, I want them! *snatches the INFJinity points and runs*

INFJinity points ....

...refer to degrees of awesomeness that lie within an INFJ's ability to willingly bequeath to those whom they feel have displayed INFJ-like qualities.

And +1 on the points..though, get your own, I wanna keep mine :alttongue:

Ladies ladies... there's plenty to go around :devil:
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
But whose hurt feelings are you talking about? Hurt feelings truly mean nothing to me in my own life. It's like getting pricked by a needle, it hurts for a second and then it's forgotten. So for me, when someone holds onto a slight, it just seems like they are doing it to be dramatic.

As far as the party pooper comment, yeah, I can see that. In fact, I've often thought that about a few members here that think things are getting out of hand when I clearly have no idea what they are talking about. But I would never think that if it was a personal thing. For instance, if you think you see someone reacting emotionally, it's up to them to tell me to cut it out, not you - because you have no way to really know that they are feeling this way (unless it's a close friend or if they told you). If I am personally offending you and you ask me to stop, I will always stop.



...and I was kidding about my trying to be nice. :headphne:

Evil! :D

If we refer back to this thread, you were talking to three ENFPs at one point..so whereas I wasn't worried about your hurt feelings, I was worried about it derailing into a frustration-match from both sides, which is pretty much a waste of time imo. And I was responding to the potential miscommunication here, not to someone getting emotional. I'll only step in when someone is clearly emotional and the other party won't stop badgering, which, I'm glad you wouldn't do. In the irl example, I was the target myself and asked them to stop. They didn't.
 
G

garbage

Guest
willingly bequeath to those whom they feel have displayed INFJ-like qualities.

That's right, yeah. You get one if you take a black-and-white photo of yourself, and another if either you're staring off into the distance or your shirt is off. I'm pretty sure that's a requirement to be INFJ, anyway.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
INFJinity points ....

...refer to degrees of awesomeness that lie within an INFJ's ability to willingly bequeath to those whom they feel have displayed INFJ-like qualities.



Ladies ladies... there's plenty to go around :devil:

*puts a bucket underneath Wyst's mouth*

Jeno, I think we should maybe do this somewhere more private, I have a feeling our little catfight might be 'influencing' Wyst more than he's willing to admit :ninja:
 

Wyst

lurking....
Joined
Jul 6, 2008
Messages
1,662
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
*puts a bucket underneath Wyst's mouth*

Jeno, I think we should maybe do this somewhere more private, I have a feeling our little catfight might be 'influencing' Wyst more than he's willing to admit :ninja:

Blah-----
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
In the irl example, I was the target myself and asked them to stop. They didn't.

Yeah, sorry about that. Some people are just assholes, or they can be assholes at times. I hope I'm not like that, but if I am, please tell me and I will stop. This brings us back to the thread topic - how do I just tell an ENFP to stop without it being a confrontation?

Jeno, I think we should maybe do this somewhere more private, I have a feeling our little catfight might be 'influencing' Wyst more than he's willing to admit :ninja:

Have you looked in a mirror lately? If so, can you blame him? :devil:
Hahaha, don't worry about him, he's still under our control from our last tag team.
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
I once suffered from a terrible migraine. My well meaning ENFP friend was so worried about me that she kept calling me to tell me how terrible she felt about it....

That whole story is just bizarre. Sounds more enfj to me, actually (I didn't say it!)

I agree with a lot of what people are stating about ENFPs, there are obvious weaknesses in each personality, but some of jeno's stories really do sound off.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
That whole story is just bizarre. Sounds more enfj to me, actually (I didn't say it!)

I agree with a lot of what people are stating about ENFPs, there are obvious weaknesses in each personality, but some of jeno's stories really do sound off.

Possibly. But it could just be the mark of someone incredibly unself-aware. Just like there are some prickish ENTPs that I hesitate to call one of my own... There are good and bad in every type.
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Maybe I don't remember fully what it was like to be a young enfp, is this person on the younger side?
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Yeah, sorry about that. Some people are just assholes, or they can be assholes at times. I hope I'm not like that, but if I am, please tell me and I will stop. This brings us back to the thread topic - how do I just tell an ENFP to stop without it being a confrontation?.

Tell them that you're emotionally drained, and you need a break. Nothing personal, you just can't keep up with them on that :)
That works with me anyways. I tend to be hypersensitive on not pushing people where they don't wanna go. Also worth an attempt: tell them that you need to digest their feedback and will get back to them later on it.

Have you looked in a mirror lately? If so, can you blame him? :devil:
Hahaha, don't worry about him, he's still under our control from our last tag team.

:blush: Hell, you do know how to flatter an ENFP :D

But yeah..he seemed to go back to his corner rather quickly like a good little boy..:devil:
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Maybe I don't remember fully what it was like to be a young enfp, is this person on the younger side?

This specific person is an adult but lives a sheltered life.
The others are in between 25-30, I think.
It's easy to forget what we were like when we were young, but there are some really smarmy NTs on here that remind me every single day without fail. :doh: It's quite embarrassing, to be honest...
 

ergophobe

Allergic to Mornings
Joined
Apr 26, 2009
Messages
1,210
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Have been trying to cut down on foruming to be more productive but am back to try and get the last word in, of course.

Kiersey describes ENTPs as "keen judges of the pragmatics of both social and technological organization, and often become expert at improving relationships between means and ends".

Also "And they are skilled at engineering human relationships and human systems, quickly grasping the politics of institutions and always aiming to understand people within the system rather than to judge them."


I have no doubt this is the case and the point wasn't to make ENTPs seem like peopletards. Can I say I made that word up? :cheese: You have Fe which is quite useful in that regard. All the ENTPs I know are very charming in real life and online (albeit awkward and shy and a little misunderstood for the real life ones).

The point I was trying to make was - I'm not sure if ENTPs see their people skills as a core competency. Therefore, I see ENTPs at least to be less likely to define themselves by these skills and the intuition regarding other people's motivations and their empathy which seems to be at at the core of the ENFP being.

Since ENFPs define themselves by their intuition regarding other people and their empathy, criticism in the personal realm strikes much closer to home than it may for an ENTP - more speculation on my behalf. It questions a core competency for an ENFP that I don't see quite in the same way for an ENTP.

I got the people people bit defining ENFPs from typelogic. It just stuck in my mind.

ENFP
ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole.

But to further your point about separating the sinner from the sin, it's virtually impossible to say something about a personal characteristic that isn't personal. I know no way around that.

I think it's about the perception here. The suggestion was a practical one - goal oriented. I can understand why you would see pointing to behavior as no different from criticism of the personality. I think it can be perceived differently by different people. At my end, I know if a concrete example of a behavior is provided that I can change, I will keep that in mind and take it less personally than a blanket statement. Also, I'd like to conduct my own inductive analysis and make my own big picture about the situation. This may be a difference in perception between the types. I lean more F in this area. I'll let the other ENFPs weigh in as to whether it works better for them as well if what is pointed out is a concrete behavior.

This happens with my INFJ brother quite a bit. Months after something has happened, he will bring it up as a generalized statement, "you make me feel like X". A few years ago, I'd be mortified and probably take it personally. I've worked a lot on not doing that. He is so good at bottling stuff up that I know when he says something, it must have taken such effort and he must really be affected by it. I do listen carefully and ask him to provide some concrete examples of situations where something I did (or didn't do) made him feel that way. When he does, most of the time, I realize these were occasions where mostly a small behavior alteration on my part could have avoided these unintended circumstances. I'm less likely to take it personally because I don't get caught up in his big picture presentation of the problem or see it as a personal attack coming out of nowhere (been there done that) but can step away, make my own big picture analysis and resolve to correct those behaviors in the future. Perhaps it's also a little about control in doing our own analysis of our behaviors.

That being said, to all the dissenters: we all have our "flaws" and "faults", all of us. The fact that we notice it and point it out when asked (see thread title) is not indicative of judgment. Merely observation. If it doesn't apply to any of you specifically, simply disregard it.

Of course, I don't think anyone is taking what's written here personally. It would be hard to do that.

Jeno - I do think, now having read your migraine example that the friend you speak of needs serious help. That's terrible. That's just so beyond the pale of neediness and insecurity that I've come across in my life in my interactions with any type.

ENFPs, while needing more reassurance, are also very independent and hate to be controlled or control. Neediness is unattractive (in themselves and others). They may smother if totally excited about you but the moment there is an indication that their enthusiastic gestures are not desired, a healthier ENFP would just stop whatever they were doing to cause that reaction and let you to take the next step.

From Kiersey
"People get caught up and entranced by an ENFP. Yet this type is marked with a fierce independence, repudiating any kind of subordination, either in themselves or in others in relation to them. They do tend to attribute more power to authority figures than is there and give over to these figures an ability to "see through" them-which also is not apt to be there. While ENFPs resist the notion of others becoming dependent or having power over them, their charisma draws followers who wish to be shown the way. ENFPs constantly find themselves surrounded by others who look toward the ENFP for wisdom, inspiration, courage, leadership, and so on-an expectancy which, at times, weighs rather heavily on an ENFP. "

I certainly don't go around criticising my ENFP friends, I am merely venting with you guys about patterns I have noticed, and that others have noticed as well. Not every ENFP (or person) is evolved enough to follow the "rules" and there are more than a fair share that react with defense at any perceived slight, regardless of how true it is.

Sure.

If I was any more of a people person, I'd have to hire me a PR dude/ette.

Now, now Q - someone as charming as yourself wouldn't need a PR person, would you? PR dudes/dudettes, in my opinion, are hired by celebrities less able to present their own image in a positive manner and less able to douse image fires. I'm sure you have no such troubles.
 
Last edited:

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
I wouldn't mind if the ENFP's would just admit that they're too touchy, the ones who are, so that when they find themselves disagreeing with someone and prone to that defensiveness we talked about before, their first thought could be to self-assess a little bit to catch themselves at it and curb it, rather than to immediately project it onto the other person.

I mean, I'm pretty well-known for being very laid back and unshockable, unoffendable and - that's why in my outreach work I'm always sent to the front lines to deal with the difficult people. But the ENFP's are always the ones telling me I'm touchy and oversensitive and that I blow up at nothing all the time... other onlookers can be totally unanimous in contradicting that view and saying no, wait, I was calm and polite the whole time and it was the ENFP who started getting defensive for no apparent reason. But then we're just "being mean" and "ganging up" :rolleyes:

I guess this is my main and only real gripe with the ENFP's... aside from this I find them a total pleasure and really good fun to hang with. The only friction seems to come, from my POV, from those times when they seem to genuinely think it's fair and feasible to ask the rest of the world to walk on egg shells and sugar coat everything to death, rather than them just admit they're too sensitive and try to learn to curb it a bit or at least, accept the responsibility for it rather than project or blame others.

And I'm not saying they do it all the time, but when they do, they REALLY do...
 
Top