[ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!

[Qre:us]

Truth!

You want the truth, you can't HANDLE the TRUTH!

I dunno, I think we do that more coz we want people to understand us, as we want to understand them. It's meant to promote communication and get rid of misunderstandings.

I get that, but, for my comment, it's the undercurrent of 'taking it personally' that was more my point, which is evidenced by the superficially sweet, but, underlying bitter responses back....

The, tee-hee (when you know in the head, it's ASSHOLE!)

 

[jenocyde]

Amar: yes, but these are vast generalizations that I don't feel apply to every single person - so often, there is no need to qualify them.

 

[Lady_X]

I dunno, I think we do that more coz we want people to understand us, as we want to understand them. It's meant to promote communication and get rid of misunderstandings.

for real...i don't do artificial sweet and despise it in others. so get it straight girl! < see there.. out in the open bitterness.

 

[Qre:us]

for real...i don't do artificial sweet and despise it in others. so get it straight girl! < see there.. out in the open bitterness.

That I can admire! I like seeing balls in people. And, honesty. CaptainChick, and TinyArmy rock cuz of those traits, for me.

LadyX, you're always one face: sweet, I wouldn't contest that.

In general, to ENFPs, from this ENTP perspective, stop being sweet to maintain a superficiality of harmony. People are different, conflicts are inevitable....only qualification, be real. And, bring it. Good, bad, and FUUUUGGGLYYYY! And, give humanity credit for being dynamic enough to handle such fluctuations.

 

[jenocyde]

That I can admire! I like seeing balls in people. And, honesty. CaptainChick, and TinyArmy rock cuz of those traits, for me.

+100000

 

[ergophobe]

That I can admire! I like seeing balls in people. And, honesty. CaptainChick, and TinyArmy rock cuz of those traits, for me.

Since most of the people referred to are women, there's a reason we don't show our balls. Metaphorically, I'm sure they have some.

In general, to ENFPs, from this ENTP perspective, stop being sweet to maintain a superficiality of harmony. People are different, conflicts are inevitable....only qualification, be real. And, bring it. Good, bad, and FUUUUGGGLYYYY! And, give humanity credit for being dynamic enough to handle such fluctuations.

I'm wondering aloud here -- you suggest that ENFPs present a lighter, less conflictual side to maintain harmony. This makes them less real, in your opinion. This just seems to be contradictory to an ENFPs need to always be authentic to themselves. I wonder if the ENFP being real -- really presenting their view but also not being able to help themselves with empathizing with the other's opinion comes across as less real. I don't think it is less real. The communication style just seems to be different. Perhaps for ENFPs, the need to really understand the other person's point of view and absorb it is pretty strong so what may come across as a wussy argument, avoidance of conflict and superficial maintenance of harmony is a real reflection of what the ENFP thinks. I understand it's frustrating for people, regardless of type when the person is not just putting their view out there and backing it with the metaphorical balls, I just don't think it's less real.

It's natural that we view the world from our perspective which is the most real to us. I admire your ability to put those balls out there and go for it. That's being real for you. That's not the only reality though for other people. In fact, presenting arguments in a 'balls out' fashion could be less real for ENFPs.

Don't try and change that about ENFPs - they don't want to grow a new pair, they have a pair that they just use differently.

P.S. I've never used balls so much in a single paragraph. I think I need to be de-balled now. Goddess!

 

[Amargith]

Oh wait, i meant that it can probably sound artificially sweet when you're trying to explain why you don't agree with something or when defending yourself, but it is just meant to keep the lines of communication open, I think and it's never less than authentic, at least not for my part. Bitterness only sets in, at least f or me, if those attempts are repeatedly not appreciated, and even then it's fleeting really.

I value honesty though, so although I might be trying to be diplomatic, I won't lie or be passive aggressive.

 

[Lady_X]

Since most of the people referred to are women, there's a reason we don't show our balls. Metaphorically, I'm sure they have some.



I'm wondering aloud here -- you suggest that ENFPs present a lighter, less conflictual side to maintain harmony. This makes them less real, in your opinion. This just seems to be contradictory to an ENFPs need to always be authentic to themselves. I wonder if the ENFP being real -- really presenting their view but also not being able to help themselves with empathizing with the other's opinion comes across as less real. I don't think it is less real. The communication style just seems to be different. Perhaps for ENFPs, the need to really understand the other person's point of view and absorb it is pretty strong so what may come across as a wussy argument, avoidance of conflict and superficial maintenance of harmony is a real reflection of what the ENFP thinks. I understand it's frustrating for people, regardless of type when the person is not just putting their view out there and backing it with the metaphorical balls, I just don't think it's less real.

It's natural that we view the world from our perspective which is the most real to us. I admire your ability to put those balls out there and go for it. That's being real for you. That's not the only reality though for other people. In fact, presenting arguments in a 'balls out' fashion could be less real for ENFPs.

Don't try and change that about ENFPs - they don't want to grow a new pair, they have a pair that they just use differently.

P.S. I've never used balls so much in a single paragraph. I think I need to be de-balled now. Goddess!

exactly...nice clarification girlie.

 

[Amargith]

Since most of the people referred to are women, there's a reason we don't show our balls. Metaphorically, I'm sure they have some.



I'm wondering aloud here -- you suggest that ENFPs present a lighter, less conflictual side to maintain harmony. This makes them less real, in your opinion. This just seems to be contradictory to an ENFPs need to always be authentic to themselves. I wonder if the ENFP being real -- really presenting their view but also not being able to help themselves with empathizing with the other's opinion comes across as less real. I don't think it is less real. The communication style just seems to be different. Perhaps for ENFPs, the need to really understand the other person's point of view and absorb it is pretty strong so what may come across as a wussy argument, avoidance of conflict and superficial maintenance of harmony is a real reflection of what the ENFP thinks. I understand it's frustrating for people, regardless of type when the person is not just putting their view out there and backing it with the metaphorical balls, I just don't think it's less real.

It's natural that we view the world from our perspective which is the most real to us. I admire your ability to put those balls out there and go for it. That's being real for you. That's not the only reality though for other people. In fact, presenting arguments in a 'balls out' fashion could be less real for ENFPs.

Don't try and change that about ENFPs - they don't want to grow a new pair, they have a pair that they just use differently.

P.S. I've never used balls so much in a single paragraph. I think I need to be de-balled now. Goddess!

+1

 

[ergophobe]

Apropos to this thread is someone's signature, I can't remember whose anymore.

"I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not"

I have no trouble being hated for having a different (annoying for many) style of argument. I'll even add a compulsive need for being understood to the mix.

To other ENFPs, I've come across two types of ENFPs in my own experience in real life. This disparity is what led to my confusion regarding typing myself. One type really avoids conflict. Is this just one type of ENFP? Is this, in your opinion, a less developed ENFP?

The other, the type I identify with more does not avoid conflict. In fact, we prefer to highlight any undercurrent of disagreement early and confront it head on in our own unique style. Is this other people's experience?

 

[stigmatica]

If I were to dislike an ENFP, it would have everything to do with an action on the persons part that has nothing to do with their personality.

 

[Lady_X]

Apropos to this thread is someone's signature, I can't remember whose anymore.

"I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not"

I have no trouble being hated for having a different (annoying for many) style of argument. I'll even add a compulsive need for being understood to the mix.

To other ENFPs, I've come across two types of ENFPs in my own experience in real life. This disparity is what led to my confusion regarding typing myself. One type really avoids conflict. Is this just one type of ENFP? Is this, in your opinion, a less developed ENFP?

The other, the type I identify with more does not avoid conflict. In fact, we prefer to highlight any undercurrent of disagreement early and confront it head on in our own unique style. Is this other people's experience?

i haven't really seen the type that avoids conflict or keeps quiet to preserve harmony but i would never describe myself as combative in anyway really but the second i have an issue with something...i say it...to whoever but i'd like to think i have a certain way of doing it.

 

[ergophobe]

Lady X, I feel the same way. Conflict must be unearthed and addressed or ulcers may appear. I'll always use our preferred style first but if that doesn't work (the other person lacks those skills, is being less open to understanding my point of view), I'll use a more confrontational death match style and enjoy that too.

Maybe the people I've met were immature and their conflict-avoidance had less to do with MBTI type and more to do with them as individuals. I just don't know many ENFPs in real life. The one I dated was definitely conflict averse.

Slight digression -- I read somewhere (I know, my non-detail oriented brain is so not useful in these situations) that ENFPs are the type likely to have the most successful relationships (once they decide to have one of course). I wonder if this is related to our discussion style. The ENTP - discussion with SO thread is pretty interesting. I wonder if our ability and compulsive need to see the other person's point of view may make us good partners. Our built-in empathy (low in my individual case) makes us good potential SOs?

 

[Laurie]

I hate how enfp's want to make everyone happy!

 

[jenocyde]

The problem is identifying what is a conflict and what is actually light hearted banter. Sometimes I don't want to joke around with my ENFP friends because they take it too seriously and I have to spend hours doing damage control and reassurance. It seems like every time I hang out with one of my buddies, I know that 'see ya later' is not the end. Text messages follow about an hour later.

 

[Lady_X]

Lady X, I feel the same way. Conflict must be unearthed and addressed or ulcers may appear. I'll always use our preferred style first but if that doesn't work (the other person lacks those skills, is being less open to understanding my point of view), I'll use a more confrontational death match style and enjoy that too.

Maybe the people I've met were immature and their conflict-avoidance had less to do with MBTI type and more to do with them as individuals. I just don't know many ENFPs in real life. The one I dated was definitely conflict averse.

Slight digression -- I read somewhere (I know, my non-detail oriented brain is so not useful in these situations) that ENFPs are the type likely to have the most successful relationships (once they decide to have one of course). I wonder if this is related to our discussion style. The ENTP - discussion with SO thread is pretty interesting. I wonder if our ability and compulsive need to see the other person's point of view may make us good partners. Our built-in empathy (low in my individual case) makes us good potential SOs?

oh for sure...i can DO aggressive too. it's just usually not necessary.

and yeah i think we can generally figure out how to communicate with anyone so we can maintain the relationship as long as we're genuinely interested.

 

[ergophobe]

The problem is identifying what is a conflict and what is actually light hearted banter. Sometimes I don't want to joke around with my ENFP friends because they take it too seriously and I have to spend hours doing damage control and reassurance. It seems like every time I hang out with one of my buddies, I know that 'see ya later' is not the end. Text messages follow about an hour later.

I think this really speaks to the miscommunication that exists between ENFPs and ENTPs. In my own case, I always assume its light-hearted banter until proven otherwise.

Perhaps that's why ENFPs like smilies - they are the signs we use to indicate when we are perceiving light-hearted banter versus a more serious disagreement (I say this only half-jokingly because in real life these may be replaced by the disarming, "you know I'm kidding, right?"). Perhaps some ENFPs need this clarification more than others?

I can see why this is frustrating because I would consider it killing a joke if I had to "explain" it was a joke every time. Similarly, the subtlety would be lost, making it less enjoyable. On the other hand, maybe the folks you refer to are just more sensitive?

I recommend wearing more peace signs. Those can never be misunderstood.

 

[jenocyde]

NF signs:

NT signs:

 

[ergophobe]

Give us credit for a little more edge than that, won't you? I'll take your peace signs and put them on my bad ass VW van.


I really enjoyed the Geek gang signs.

 

[Lady_X]

Give us credit for a little more edge than that, won't you? I'll take your peace signs and put them on my bad ass VW van.


I really enjoyed the Geek gang signs.

for real...i'm with you girl...do people not get how very bad ass we are? wth i'm disappointed.