Yeah, the purpose of this thread, and any other type-based thread, should be for ENFPs to receive how they come across to others, and for them and those "others" to come to a common understanding of what both parties need. It's a good way for us all to understand people even better.
So let's try to do that!
I know that I seek external validation; this also comes with Enneagram 3. I like being told that I've done a good job or that I'm appreciated. I like to know that I'm making progress. It's been difficult for me to find validation internally, but I've been learning how to do so.
My ExFJ sister absolutely prods for emotional reactions from her ENTP husband in certain given situations. I'm not sure if it's to validate that she would feel that same way or if she's looking for an excuse to vent, but it doesn't seem healthy. If he doesn't have an emotional reaction, then he doesn't have one. It's pretty simple!
Unfortunately, for many, if you don't match their emotional intensity when something occurs, they don't think that you actually care or that you don't empathize with or understand them. NFs care about connecting with others to a great degree, and so they can be hurt if they don't feel that you are connecting with them. Many don't realize that communication is a two-way street--that those they communicate with "should" be more sensitive and understanding, but also that they "should" learn to watch for their own mental filters that may be distorting the message into something personal.
My friend's car broke down and he was absolutely hysterical. Instead of outright telling him that it wasn't a big deal and to just call a towing company, I first met him where he was by asking if he was alright and empathizing wiht his emotions, then gave him solutions. Then I reassured him that everything would be alright. It's what he needed to get him through.
My girlfriend feels anxiety in one of her classes. I've struggled with that same mindset many times in the past, but I don't any longer. Instead of just telling her that her one class grade isn't going to matter in the long run and treating it as if it weren't a problem for her--that she "shouldn't" feel anxiety about her class--I help her study, I share how I used to feel about my own classes, and I reassured her that, later on, it was a mindset that I was able to get over. If her class is important to her, and if she's important to me, then that class is just as important to me as it is to her.