[ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!

[alexx]

Was it sweet? I'd think ENFP's taste like raspberry creme brulee.

 

[Keps Mnemnosyne]

I don't hate ENFPs, but I do have this problem that I was hoping to get help for, and didn't want to start a new thread about a particular problem I have with one ENFP.

I will laugh in my head and while most of my friends will accept this with the occasional question of "Why are you laughing?", she will go further and continue bothering me with what seems to be with increasing anger. I will explain to her that it is in my head and will not make sense to anyone but me. Which is true, I have never found anyone who shares the entirety of my sense of humor, everyone shares a part of it, and I tell those jokes out loud. None of my friends understand the randomness of the jokes that stay in my mind that cause random laughing fits. I have tried to explain my jokes to her, which gets the response "I think I get it. I just don't see how it's funny." or "I don't understand." By the time that I finish explaining it, it's not funny anymore and has ruined any pleasure provided by trying to explain it and I end up disgruntled and her nonplussed. If I don't provide an explanation she will say "I know you say the jokes are random, but, you know, Keps, some people may think you are just joking about them." I think she feels like I am judging her when I laugh randomly. She enjoys my laugh, just not when she doesn't understand why. Is this typical for an ENFP? Suggestions on what to do?

 

[Amargith]

curiosity killed the cat. It also kills ENFPs and jokes unfortunately

 

[Sniffles]

curiosity killed the cat. It also kills ENFPs and jokes unfortunately

I hate you.

 

[Amargith]

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

There is an ENFp I know that has A LOT of friends, but none of them are really close, and she tends to 'discard' them when she has no use for anymore. It was quite odd to me. Her and I were perfectly fine with one another, we talked a bit from time to time... And suddenly she began ignoring my exsistance completely. It pissed me off like you wouldn't believe.

 

[Queen Kat]

There is an ENFp I know that has A LOT of friends, but none of them are really close, and she tends to 'discard' them when she has no use for anymore. It was quite odd to me. Her and I were perfectly fine with one another, we talked a bit from time to time... And suddenly she began ignoring my exsistance completely. It pissed me off like you wouldn't believe.

I'm guilty of the exact same thing. I do it all the time. It can have many reasons:

- The person I'm starting to ignore hurt me and I suspect them from being too stupid to understand that I'm feeling hurt.
- I feel guilty about something I did to that person and I can't look at them straight into the eyes anymore.
- I never considered them to be real friends.
- I found out that my life would be way easier without them.
- They're starting to become boring.
- Found out that they have "evil friends" as well, which means that they're evil too. Evil people don't deserve "good friends".
- We're becoming so different that hanging out together becomes frustrating.
- I suspect them of having a crush on me, which I find intimidating.

 

[Sniffles]

Awww c'mere

 

[HotpinkHeatwave]

I'm guilty of the exact same thing. I do it all the time. It can have many reasons:

- The person I'm starting to ignore hurt me and I suspect them from being too stupid to understand that I'm feeling hurt.
- I feel guilty about something I did to that person and I can't look at them straight into the eyes anymore.
- I never considered them to be real friends.
- I found out that my life would be way easier without them.
- They're starting to become boring.
- Found out that they have "evil friends" as well, which means that they're evil too. Evil people don't deserve "good friends".
- We're becoming so different that hanging out together becomes frustrating.
- I suspect them of having a crush on me, which I find intimidating.

Hmmm. I can actually be these ways too. It's mostly the third point. I have a lot of people, that while they may consider me a good friend, I don't consider them good friends. Merely acquaintences instead, and so it doesn't bother me to just stop talking to them. I think the same thing happened with my friend. Or.. Exfriend? Haha.

 

[CleanCuteNFP]

I don't know what it is . . . but with other ENFP's it's like survival of the fitness. I can't get along with them. It's like I always have to wear my fire retarded jacket around me because if you steal their spot light, they will engolf you with flames.

 

[alexx]

I'm guilty of the exact same thing. I do it all the time. It can have many reasons:

- The person I'm starting to ignore hurt me and I suspect them from being too stupid to understand that I'm feeling hurt.
- I feel guilty about something I did to that person and I can't look at them straight into the eyes anymore.
- I never considered them to be real friends.
- I found out that my life would be way easier without them.
- They're starting to become boring.
- Found out that they have "evil friends" as well, which means that they're evil too. Evil people don't deserve "good friends".
- We're becoming so different that hanging out together becomes frustrating.
- I suspect them of having a crush on me, which I find intimidating.

-They hit the "Tripwire" and instead of going off on them, you distance yourself. Perhaps a moral or fairness issue of some sort - that's usually it with me.

 

[copperfish17]

It MAJORLY pisses me off when someone starts distancing me without explaining herself (I don't know any ENFP males to date, hence the terminology). All the girls who have done this to me before were ENFP's. I kid you not. I've been hurt REAL BAD in some relationships with ENFP's. In fact, all of my worst relationships have been ENFP relationships.

I also hate how lots of ENFP's tend to sweep problems (especially in relationships) under a rug. Why can't they see that ignoring problems only make them much, MUCH WORSE?

Actually, I think most of them do see that. They're just afraid of hurting other people's feelings. But that doesn't change the fact (yes, I said it) that those kind of avoidant behaviors DO NOT HELP AT ALL.

ENFP self-pity can get pretty disturbing for me. At their worst, they are hopeless emotional wrecks.

I'm NOT AT ALL venting here, in case some of you F's cannot tell. Just giving you my opinions.

And I wasn't being condescending right there.

 

[mr.awesome]

you flirt too much and youve ruined my life.

 

[Lady_X]

well shit...now that's a complaint!

 

[Thalassa]

I remember once I had this waitressing job where a girl complained that my happiness was rude. Apparently it's inconsiderate to be energetic and in a great mood when other people have hang-overs.

Actually, now that I think of it, I hate morning people. So I could see how people could hate ENFPs when we're acting like morning people, except just not in the morning.


Things I sometimes hate about myself that I could see other people hating me for:

1. Talks too much sometimes.

2. Talks too loud sometimes. Laughs too loud.

3. Needing validation/attention/affection.

4. Just generally being "too much."

 

[JocktheMotie]

you flirt too much and youve ruined my life.

HAHA! Awesome.

I hate ENFPs because you're so damn friendly us introverted Ts have no hope of telling where we're at with you.

 

[neptunesnet]

Just curious if anyone out there has anything against enfp's...

We are always curious as to what people really think about us so let us have it!


anything at all....

I hate ENFPs because they make my Fi-dommedness look more awkward and unusually somber than I actually am.

I Hate Choo Guys!


PS - I think you guys smell like old peas. Now that's whack.



I hope that was mean enough.

 

[ergophobe]

PS - I think you guys smell like old peas.

So uncalled for!

 

[copperfish17]

I think I've more insight to unhealthy ENFP's now.

*copypasta from my post in another thread*

Since I'm hating on an ENFP at the moment I thought it'd be appropriate for me to respond.

In my particular ENFP experience, he seems to be a master at bullshitting. He likes to sugar-coat things and make you believe them. He manipulates the truth and only tells you what's convenient or what he THINKS you want to hear. He's cowardly and doesn't confront you about any issues. He has also been super defensive when you call him out on his shit. Hates it when I tell him the blunt truth. Lives in total denial.

Yeah, I find the sugar-coating ENFP's annoying too. I'm cool with the notion that they care about my feelings, but if that "care" boils down to lying for "my" sake... uh, no. Just NO.

Some things I noticed in three unhealthy ENFP's I know IRL:
1) They take things too personally.
2) They find emotional subtexts in just about EVERYTHING.
3) They can be manipulative. I know one specific ENFP's who manipulated a heck of a lot of people into hating specific "persons."
4) They can be really "good" backstabbers. They may act like they're your best friend, when they're really spreading horrible rumors about you behind the scenes, trying to make as many people hate you as possible.
5) They HAVE to be liked by everyone. Or else, they become very bitter/vengeful.

No offense healthy ENFP's out there. THIS POST WAS STRICTLY BASED ON UNHEALTHY ENFP'S.

 

[pyramid]

I've only met one ENFP in real life--my aunt. She's a saint who drives me up the wall. I lived with her for 3 years. I'm not sure I can attribute all her bothersome traits to her personality type, though; it's probably just her particular combination of things.

Rant:
1) She has pouncing monologues. I always think of her as a spider with a huge sticky web. If you're full of your own thoughts, exploring some idea or experience, and happen to walk near her general vicinity, she'll pounce on you and subject you to a monologue about nothing. And it doesn't end. If you are nice and polite and put away your own thoughts so you can make her happy and pay attention to her, she goes on and on and on and on... If you try to steer the conversation toward something meaningful and interesting, she'll flit all around but never settle long enough join your thoughts. The only way to get away is just to walk away while she's talking to you. Even if you excuse yourself first, she'll keep talking WHILE YOU'RE WALKING AWAY!!!!!

2) She can't think unless her mouth is engaged. I used to have to work with her, and we had to collaborate on ideas for newsletters and stuff. I'd come to the meeting with all my ideas planned out and ready to present. She'd come with no ideas at all, and then want to waste my time just talking about her own ideas until she decided which ones she liked (this could take several hours of nonstop talking). It used to tie me into knots because every idea she presented I'd take quite seriously and begin to reconstruct my own plans around it--and then 15 minutes later she'd change her mind.

3) She loves sad stories, loves to tell them, and loves to weep while she tells them. And she wants you to weep with her.

4) Everyone who is in some difficult situation, she sees as a victim. It's not the poor person's fault; we should fix everything for them! Of course this comes from a wonderfully loving and gentle heart, but it hasn't been particularly good for her children.

5) She doesn't really want to know you--she just wants to know enough to feel close to you. In the beginning I made the mistake of thinking that she really did want to know me, and all that annoying talking was her way of being friends. But when I'd open up and share myself with her, she'd take it with a grain of salt. I suppose that's because she's accustomed to talking about herself so much that it doesn't mean a lot to her, so she assumes it's true for others. It surprised and hurt me at first; then I was resentful for a while. Now I don't expect real understanding from her, so it's not so bad. Only that NF part of her keeps begging that NF part of me to share and bond and so forth, and I have to keep reminding myself that it's just an illusion and not to be taken seriously.

6) Absolutely nothing can be discussed dispassionately.

7) One of her pet ways of making people feel good about themselves is to act as though that person is practically saving her life by helping her out somehow. When she needs something, she'll come begging. The sticky neediness of her begging annoys me no end, but I think she does it because she's found that it makes some people feel good about themselves to be needed in that way. It seems very manipulative to me. She thanked me over and over for feeding some kittens of a stray cat. It bothered me because it was only a little thing that I wanted to do anyway and I never expected her to care about the kittens--she had way too much other stuff to do. But then she acted like I was a little angel to spend 10 minutes a day with kittens. (As though it were a chore!--they're KITTENS!) If she really felt that grateful, it'd be one thing--but she doesn't. She just wants to say it so you'll feel appreciated.

8) That tendency to manipulate is very pronounced in her. (I think I maybe guilty of this myself, but not as much as she.) She'll pretend like everything is her fault just to get people to stop arguing. That drives me up the wall! It makes me so angry that she says things that are patently false just to make people feel good, rather than let people argue and work through the issue themselves.

9) She always wants to touch you. Hug you or hold your hand or something, especially when you're annoyed with her. Gah, I hate that! The last thing I want to do is hold the hand of someone I'm annoyed with. And she stands too close; her personal space is way too small.

I'm going to stop here. It's probably not healthy for me to think this much about things I dislike about her.

The time I liked her best was when she got angry and smashed her fist against the doorpost. I thought, "Finally! A genuine expression rather than one specifically designed to make people feel good." Only she ruined it later by apologizing to me for letting me see her angry.

wow wow ow wowo this sounds exactly like a friend's mom. she is really detatched and paranoid, and extremely emotive and a martyr to everything. she rarely gets out of the house and only manages to attract really seedy, melodramatic friends otherwise. she is really annoying and her obsessive habits are difficult to watch. The case I see is pretty severe but those are all the things she loves to do. She was really neglectful of my friend (a super introverted INFP) while she was growing up. Mother and daughter communicate entirely in sarcasm and hyperboles.

No wonder she is an ENFP, because she really freaks me out. An out-of-orbit ENFP is a hard thing for another to witness.