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  1. #11
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    I've only met one ENFP in real life--my aunt. She's a saint who drives me up the wall. I lived with her for 3 years. I'm not sure I can attribute all her bothersome traits to her personality type, though; it's probably just her particular combination of things.

    Rant:
    1) She has pouncing monologues. I always think of her as a spider with a huge sticky web. If you're full of your own thoughts, exploring some idea or experience, and happen to walk near her general vicinity, she'll pounce on you and subject you to a monologue about nothing. And it doesn't end. If you are nice and polite and put away your own thoughts so you can make her happy and pay attention to her, she goes on and on and on and on... If you try to steer the conversation toward something meaningful and interesting, she'll flit all around but never settle long enough join your thoughts. The only way to get away is just to walk away while she's talking to you. Even if you excuse yourself first, she'll keep talking WHILE YOU'RE WALKING AWAY!!!!!

    2) She can't think unless her mouth is engaged. I used to have to work with her, and we had to collaborate on ideas for newsletters and stuff. I'd come to the meeting with all my ideas planned out and ready to present. She'd come with no ideas at all, and then want to waste my time just talking about her own ideas until she decided which ones she liked (this could take several hours of nonstop talking). It used to tie me into knots because every idea she presented I'd take quite seriously and begin to reconstruct my own plans around it--and then 15 minutes later she'd change her mind.

    3) She loves sad stories, loves to tell them, and loves to weep while she tells them. And she wants you to weep with her.

    4) Everyone who is in some difficult situation, she sees as a victim. It's not the poor person's fault; we should fix everything for them! Of course this comes from a wonderfully loving and gentle heart, but it hasn't been particularly good for her children.

    5) She doesn't really want to know you--she just wants to know enough to feel close to you. In the beginning I made the mistake of thinking that she really did want to know me, and all that annoying talking was her way of being friends. But when I'd open up and share myself with her, she'd take it with a grain of salt. I suppose that's because she's accustomed to talking about herself so much that it doesn't mean a lot to her, so she assumes it's true for others. It surprised and hurt me at first; then I was resentful for a while. Now I don't expect real understanding from her, so it's not so bad. Only that NF part of her keeps begging that NF part of me to share and bond and so forth, and I have to keep reminding myself that it's just an illusion and not to be taken seriously.

    6) Absolutely nothing can be discussed dispassionately.

    7) One of her pet ways of making people feel good about themselves is to act as though that person is practically saving her life by helping her out somehow. When she needs something, she'll come begging. The sticky neediness of her begging annoys me no end, but I think she does it because she's found that it makes some people feel good about themselves to be needed in that way. It seems very manipulative to me. She thanked me over and over for feeding some kittens of a stray cat. It bothered me because it was only a little thing that I wanted to do anyway and I never expected her to care about the kittens--she had way too much other stuff to do. But then she acted like I was a little angel to spend 10 minutes a day with kittens. (As though it were a chore!--they're KITTENS!) If she really felt that grateful, it'd be one thing--but she doesn't. She just wants to say it so you'll feel appreciated.

    8) That tendency to manipulate is very pronounced in her. (I think I maybe guilty of this myself, but not as much as she.) She'll pretend like everything is her fault just to get people to stop arguing. That drives me up the wall! It makes me so angry that she says things that are patently false just to make people feel good, rather than let people argue and work through the issue themselves.

    9) She always wants to touch you. Hug you or hold your hand or something, especially when you're annoyed with her. Gah, I hate that! The last thing I want to do is hold the hand of someone I'm annoyed with. And she stands too close; her personal space is way too small.

    I'm going to stop here. It's probably not healthy for me to think this much about things I dislike about her.

    The time I liked her best was when she got angry and smashed her fist against the doorpost. I thought, "Finally! A genuine expression rather than one specifically designed to make people feel good." Only she ruined it later by apologizing to me for letting me see her angry.

  2. #12
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    With the exception of #8 your aunt could be my FIL, Faith.

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

  3. #13
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I know a lot of ENFPs, actually. They're great fun to be around but easily distracted by shiny objects.

    Seriously though, I have an ENFP brother. I adore him. When we're together, we're bestest friends. But when he goes home it's out of sight, out of mind- I don't hear from him again until we're at the same family function.

    It's not that he's totally unreliable-- he's a successful IT manager, actually, and a great (fun) dad. And if it were really super important I have no doubt that I could trust him with my life. I would call on him first for any kind of morale-building.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  4. #14
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Faith, have you tried telling her about the way you feel when she does this?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    I know a lot of ENFPs, actually. They're great fun to be around but easily distracted by shiny objects.

    Seriously though, I have an ENFP brother. I adore him. When we're together, we're bestest friends. But when he goes home it's out of sight, out of mind- I don't hear from him again until we're at the same family function.

    It's not that he's totally unreliable-- he's a successful IT manager, actually, and a great (fun) dad. And if it were really super important I have no doubt that I could trust him with my life. I would call on him first for any kind of morale-building.
    The only complaint I have is their occasional disappearance. Other than that, the ones I've met are great people.

  6. #16

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    these all sound pretty for real, as I could see them being issues.

    Keep it coming!

  7. #17
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    Just curious if anyone out there has anything against enfp's...

    We are always curious as to what people really think about us so let us have it!


    anything at all....
    I like you a great deal EXCEPT when you get paranoid about people liking you

  8. #18
    Senior Member
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    Default enfps

    dicky birds and love hearts
    flying round the room
    at hundred miles an hour,
    who says excitement gets you nowhere...
    all pated in twitter,
    as she tries to look fitter
    to be the best for her luvverluvver

    michelle my belle
    drags me in on her spell
    oh god not anuvvernuvver
    givvin too much
    too soon
    it gets on my very lastest nerve....
    course i'm just as bad
    its an nfp bad
    but my cornflake ive now learned to cuvver

  9. #19
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Shen! LOL that was great, glad you're back.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  10. #20
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    I like you a great deal EXCEPT when you get paranoid about people liking you

    um we're all like that...... tis true!
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
    Jung Test Results
    Extroverted (E) 63.16% Intuitive (N) 60.53% Feeling (F) 84.38% Perceiving (P) 87.1% ~Your type is: ENFP

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