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  1. #1071
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    The whole ADHD thing is generally pretty hard to deal with when it happens. (and ENFPs are prone to have such moments)
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  2. #1072
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Fwiw, this could be a miscommunication - ENFPs tend to empathise by sharing similar stories, by associating them to their own experience, to show the other person that you're not alone. Another possibility is that they're not aware that you're actually needing to talk about this, but are just venting and that this is a 'mutual' griping session in which they can join in.

    It's usually not meant to be competitive in any way and if you indicate that with 'listen, can I just talk to you about this incident for a sec?', they tend to be happy to oblige. If you point out the pattern to them, in a neutral, observational way, they might be incredibly embarrassed and defensive for a sec, but most look out for those situations in the future and adjust accordingly.

    I honestly don't mean this to dismiss your gripe with our kind or to excuse it away, as it is legit - it is just meant as a tool to hopefully resolve these types of situations when they're in progress.
    I can understand if it's a miscommunication and I'm willing to give the benefit out doubt. In my case I didn't feel like it was miscommunication.

    My friend and I were talking about being single and hoping to get marry in our late 20's. She's 29 and I'm 26. In this conversation I was explaining my perspective of being single and the grieving of seeing my friends moving into marriage is part of life (basically we're updating our life). She can relate. I don't remember what I said and it has nothing to do with apathy towards her, but she had basically said "you don't know what it means to be single because you're only 26 and I'm 29" (paraphrasing). It was in a bitter attitude. I know she struggles being one of the last of her crew to get marry but it was unacceptable to talk to me that way. It came off as comparing the "single pain". My feelings aren't as important as her because she's been single longer.

    My co-worker and I were talking about busy schedule. I had mention I needed to get up early to do something and she interrupted me, "pfft. I have to get up at 4:30am, get breakfast for my son and drop him off at 7:30am for school, and run errands all day" something along those line. To me, it came off as "you think you got it bad? I'll explain how busy and tiring I'm going to be." Okay, I stop sharing. You don't need to be rude by interrupting.

    I love these two ladies and they're respectful people, but don't think you can disrespect me with your self-pity mentality that you got it bad. I don't have a problem with self-pity from time to time, but if you choose to say in it it will affect you. I apologize if my attitude rubs you the wrong way. Not my intention.

  3. #1073
    Senior Member Alassea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by headhurts View Post
    Don't hate you guys, far from it, but you may very well be the biggest shit-stirrers I've ever encountered in my life.

    Tis amusing...
    *Tips hat*
    "She had a lively, playful disposition which delighted in anything ridiculous." ~Jane Austen
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  4. #1074
    Senior Member Alassea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roger Mexico View Post
    Anyone else ever been stood up repeatedly by an ENFP (I think) "date"?

    Then tried to confront him/her about it, only to get some lame excuse for them forgetting about you that's delivered with those puppy-dog eyes, so you decide to give them another chance? Then they forget about you AGAIN?

    I'm laid-back, I'm NP, I'm not a stickler for tightly maintained schedules. But goddamnit if you say you're going to be around at 10:00, goddamn BE AROUND AT 10:00!
    "She had a lively, playful disposition which delighted in anything ridiculous." ~Jane Austen

  5. #1075
    Senior Member Alassea's Avatar
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    It's funny when I see people calling us ENFPs clingy.

    You might want to recheck their type because we're known to be too distracted/independent to remain fully in a relationship let alone be clingy lmao.
    "She had a lively, playful disposition which delighted in anything ridiculous." ~Jane Austen
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  6. #1076
    empress Nørrsken's Avatar
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    There's one ENFP on the forum who I do miss talking to, but I don't want to annoy him. Not sure how to open up a dialogue with an ENFP who has a lot on his plate, so it's awkward.
    No hate, just confusion.
    I'll follow her into the depths
    I'll find warmth in the steel of her glare
    I'll hear music in the darkness of her silence
    Don't leave me there.

  7. #1077
    Dream without Hesitation Dreamer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken View Post
    There's one ENFP on the forum who I do miss talking to, but I don't want to annoy him. Not sure how to open up a dialogue with an ENFP who has a lot on his plate, so it's awkward. No hate, just confusion.
    Oh, they'll burn out eventually... Then shut out everyone around them while they recoup, and do it all over again... Kidding! Boy, that'd be a crappy life. Well... OK, I could use a breather myself from time to time haha. *nervously laughing*

    You know what though, just tell him you miss him, simple yet effective. It's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to do all that life possibly has to offer, to over commit, to over extend, but shoot, when a good friend calls out, we'll put on the brakes
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  8. #1078
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Fwiw, this could be a miscommunication - ENFPs tend to empathise by sharing similar stories, by associating them to their own experience, to show the other person that you're not alone. Another possibility is that they're not aware that you're actually needing to talk about this, but are just venting and that this is a 'mutual' griping session in which they can join in.

    It's usually not meant to be competitive in any way and if you indicate that with 'listen, can I just talk to you about this incident for a sec?', they tend to be happy to oblige. If you point out the pattern to them, in a neutral, observational way, they might be incredibly embarrassed and defensive for a sec, but most look out for those situations in the future and adjust accordingly.

    I honestly don't mean this to dismiss your gripe with our kind or to excuse it away, as it is legit - it is just meant as a tool to hopefully resolve these types of situations when they're in progress.
    I'm not an ENFP, but I relate to this, and sometimes after I do it I wonder about it. When it comes to vulnerability and personal pain I don't like to say "I know how you feel" because that comes across to me as dismissive. By sharing something specific from my life I am letting them decide how much I 'know' how they feel or if it helps to connect. It is a way to meet at the same level.

    I have some defensive against the idea of people assuming to understand personal experience if they don't. It isn't always about my own situation because I want to be consistent about it regardless which side of the coin I'm on. For example, I know people with extreme chronic physical pain, and while I have had some in the past, I know when someone is dealing with a lot more than I am. I don't want to relate an experience like saying, "oh yes, I've had headaches, but boy I never missed work" (Not true of me - had headaches, but did miss work, etc). I use that as an example because while you are sharing a personal experience, it doesn't match someone with debilitating pain, so it can be dismissive. It is better to say, "oh yes, I've had headaches, and even though mine weren't of the debilitating nature as others, I experienced enough pain to know it is nothing to mess around with," or something along those lines. I try to demonstrate enough personal experience or something to describe why I acknowledge or respect what they are describing.

    Very bad pain is confusing and alienating even to rather nice people. People who have gone through difficult things learn that you can't talk about it or there is a bad social result. By sharing a personal experience, you are saying that it is comprehended and safe to describe the pain. People with horrible physical pain learn that often those without it cannot converse without being dismissive. People who have been abused or molested learn that many people who haven't will tend to have little judgments about it to subconsciously try to feel safer. It's true of all pain - that people who are innocent of it have a tendency to dismiss it even with the best intentions. This is not true of everyone, but it is a general tendency for people.

    I think sometimes people do compete about personal pain as they share references, but I've also noticed that it tends to be people who's pain has not been validated in their life. There was a lady who made the headache reference I described above, and even though she likely didn't have the extreme chronic pain issue, I have noticed in her subtext that she has had personal pain that no one ever talks about or acknowledges. So, even when it feels like someone is competing, there can be a legitimate reason behind that. I don't think people are usually saying 'my pain is worse', but rather 'my pain was real'.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)
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  9. #1079
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    Lol @ all the complaints, so melodramatic. I don't care what type of personality you have, you're going to be annoying to someone. I was annoyed by a lot of these generalized complaints. Didn't have a good experience with the ENFP's you've met, make sure to judge them all! How do you even know what they are anyway. Is that the first thing you ask?

    This whole concept isn't even completely valid. You can get different results on different occasions all the while being the same person. What exactly does it measure if not general traits which I find most people are capable of possessing in intervals. I've met someone who was an ISTJ or TP, I never met a person more full of drama. Everyone I introduced her to thought she was insane. That was part of her charm, the intrigue. The balls to say and do things that I've been taught are inappropriate and not well mannered. Though we stopped being friends in the long run because she did something that showed her to be untrustworthy and I can't be good friends with someone I wouldn't trust.

    I don't know what to make of all this other than people can either see it as another barrier like the difference in skin colour. Or use it to learn to be more open to the fact that everyone's brain functions in a unique way from their own. That I'm sure we can all appreciate even no one can be fully understood. I've never met a person who fit neatly into one category. Even with mental health issues, usually makes the brain more complex. This is the only way I can understand how someone can be married and live with a person for 10 years and discover they didn't know them at all. Or how those pretend to be one way but really underneath it all they're someone completely different.

  10. #1080
    Obliviously Mad Ashtart's Avatar
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    I am speaking of one in real life: too loud, dramatic and flamboyant.
    "If the truth shall kill them, let them die"

    468: The Truth Teller [4w5 - 6w5 - 8w7].
    Ni 45.1|Ne 38.4|Ti 35.1|Te 33.2|Fi 32.1|Si 30.2|Se 29.2|Fe 18.8
    .

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