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  1. #1
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Default Do you think ESJs are good boyfriends?

    `
    One of my serious relationships was once with an ESxJ, we dated for almost two years, and even though we had little in common, he treated me really well and was, to this very day, one of my best boyfriends.

    He cared deeply for me, never played games, enjoyed my company *always*, took care of me and looked out for me, and, I dunno, was just really boyfriend-like.

    He was the opposite of a nerd, or bookish, (which is really my type), yet he was incredibly business savvy, smart (in the high IQ sense), fun-loving, and I dunno, he was the perfect mixture of masculinity and femininity.

    Feminine men seem to be deeply attracted to me, (I can be quite androgynous, or even downright "masculine" at times), and they do nothing for me in the bedroom department.

    I dunno.

    It's ironic, I guess, because I tend to dislike ESJs.

    Weird, huh!



    Long story short, I am kinda talking to this guy, and he's definitely an ESJ, I think, and he does sorta remind me of my ESJ ex, (who happens to be married, right now).

    What do you NFs think about seriously dating someone you don't intellectually, or cosmically connect with?

    ESJs are kinda refreshing, they're so busy doing stuff, so their heads are rarely, if ever, in the clouds or up their asses, like ours! :P

    For example, this guy I'm talking to LOVES sports!!!



    And he hasn't picked up a book in years.

    But, I dunno, he's pretty fucking wise, incredibly street smart, business savvy and generally speaking a good man, and... he would make a lovely boyfriend.

    Sorry for the rant, I am just a bit confused.

    Any input at all would be helpful, thanks!



    Oh, and before this guy I was talking to a hardcore NF, and it was like the most fun, creative-outlet, trip of a travel. But I never touched his penis, nor would I ever want to, nameen?!?!
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

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    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #2
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Default

    For the record, I don't think I ever dated an N, what does that say about me.

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  3. #3
    no clinkz 'til brooklyn Nocapszy's Avatar
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    Default

    no, i don't.

    but i guess...
    well, would you ever expect me to say anything good about one of those?
    we fukin won boys

  4. #4
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post

    What do you NFs think about seriously dating someone you don't intellectually, or cosmically connect with?
    I'm not an NF, but I can tell you with certainty that it won't work long term.

    If you want to be distracted for the time being though... that's a different story.


    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    For the record, I don't think I ever dated an N, what does that say about me.

    Well, there are not a lot of Ns floating around, so at least you have that excuse.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  5. #5
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    I'm not an NF, but I can tell you with certainty that it won't work long term.
    How do you know?

    Eh, I guess you might be right.

    When I was with my ESJ ex, I told him, pointblank, that I would never marry him or have his children.

    And I don't think I'd ever marry this guy or have his children, either. :/

    If you want to be distracted for the time being though... that's a different story.
    It's not about distraction, it's about physical connection, and intimacy, being held and cared for, sleeping next to somebody.

    Well, there are not a lot of Ns floating around, so at least you have that excuse.
    Werd!

    Also, introverts in general, especially ITs, i.e. the type I'm most attracted to, tend to be so fucking aloof, and solitary.

    Thanks for your feedback, Edgar, I'm just confused.
    Last edited by SillySapienne; 09-19-2009 at 12:55 PM.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  6. #6
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    How do you know?
    Communication and mutual understanding is is the key to a long lasting relationship. If you don't have that, it won't last. Romantic relationship cannot survive on respect alone. Its not a business transaction.

    Plus NFs tend to be touchy when it comes to a "spiritual connection" topic, whether they admit to it or not.

    It's not about distraction, it's about physical connection, and intimacy, being held and cared for, sleeping next to somebody.
    Yeah, ENFPs cannot bear the idea of being alone, hence a lot of hit-and-run relationships.

    Thanks for your feedback, Edgar, I'm just confused.
    Its not confusion, its desperation (see my previous sentence).
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  7. #7
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Communication and mutual understanding is is the key to a long lasting relationship. If you don't have that, it won't last. Romantic relationship cannot survive on respect alone. Its not a business transaction.
    I totally get that, though in the literal sense, I have yet to seriously date a man who truly understood me. But my desire for that is like my desire to taste the color purple and swim in others' lives, gently in the day time and wake up at night in a room with no corners, with a skylight looking up at the moon.

    Sorry, I digress.

    I actually communicate better with EJ's *in romantic relationships* than I do with ITs, my ISTP perpetual ex knows very little about my world hidden under the surface of my actions, nor would he want too.

    Plus NFs tend to be touchy when it comes to a "spiritual connection" topic, whether they admit to it or not.
    I never believed in God, yet I was always a hardcore romantic.

    I used to think I'd find this perfect man who'd see me, really *see* me, and understand me and I, him, and that we would live happily ever after.

    Sadly, I think that that is just a myth. :/


    Yeah, ENFPs cannot bear the idea of being alone, hence a lot of hit-and-run relationships.
    That *used* to be me, but I just turned 27, I am not just fucking around anymore, I want something, and someone with real promise.

    I think it might be alright to settle down with a guy who treats you right, but who just might not have the tools to really get you.

    But if he lets you be you, and doesn't stifle you, in fact, if he admires your "eccentricities", shouldn't that be good enough?

    If I need to get my intellectual rocks off, I always have you guys and books, nameen?

    Thanks, again, Edgar, for your feedback, it is refreshingly helpful!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  8. #8
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Its not confusion, its desperation (see my previous sentence).
    Edgar, I happen to be premenstrual and extra NF-y today, please don't hurt my feelings.

    I do not think I am desperate, I am just, I dunno, ready to wake up in the arms of someone every day as opposed to waking next to my dogs. :P

    I have been such a good ENFP, trying my hardest not to lead anyone on, etc.

    But, my love life has been piss poor ever since I decided to take relationships more seriously and less recklessly.

    I don't want to go through with anything unless it'll be worth it.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  9. #9
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Yes.

    I'm an advocate of the match.

    But I am biased: been happily married to an ESTJ for 20 years now.

    And honestly, the sex is still rockingly good even after all this time. A great benefit, I think, of the refreshingly "let's get down to business" ESTJ attitude.

    Is he romantic, and all gushy lovey-dovey? Nope. But he is funny and dedicated and loyal and a great father. He can be grumpy but there's no pretending, he just is himself and I find it refreshing that I don't have to try to figure out what his moods are.

    I say go for it.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    .

    But, my love life has been piss poor ever since I decided to take relationships more seriously and less recklessly.
    Ain't that how it goes, sister?

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