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  1. #11
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for you input, PeaceBaby!!

    I see exactly what you are saying.

    First of all, I had the best sex with my ESJ ex, he was always super down to both please me and explore with me, never at all judging me, and he always was very sexually present, if you know what I mean.

    Also, I am an extrovert, but I always enjoy kind of taking the passenger seat in a relationship.

    ESJs love to be the center of attention, or they just kind of take center stage and that's that, but still, as you say, highly dedicated and loyal!!!

    Dana my ESJ ex, wanted me to move in with him after our first date, and he never ever played games with me. He loved me and wanted me, and I never had to read between the lines.

    This guy I am sorta talking to now, I've known for awhile yet never gave him the time of day, I found out he had a crush on me and was kinda taken aback, (I just assumed he liked flashier types of girls), he drives an S-class Mercedes *barf* and is sort of materialistic, but he is super considerate, and sincere, and OH MY GOD HONEST!!!

    He is refreshingly honest.

    His extroversion brings out my introversion, and I like that.

    Still on the fence.

    I will say this, we do have amazing chemistry.

    Thanks again for your input!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #12
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Ain't that how it goes, sister?
    Totz!!!

    I hate being responsible!!!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  3. #13
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Thanks so much for you input, PeaceBaby!!
    You're welcome - I see too many people jumping to conclusions on the NF - SJ match in general, so I like to share my personal experience rather than just an opinion.

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    First of all, I had the best sex with my ESJ ex, he was always super down to both please me and explore with me, never at all judging me, and he always was very sexually present, if you know what I mean.
    Yep. Oh Yep.

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    Also, I am an extrovert, but I always enjoy kind of taking the passenger seat in a relationship.
    I love being pursued too, I think that's what I hear you saying.

    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    I will say this, we do have amazing chemistry.
    And for me a chemistry that has persisted. You know your heart, so I wish you a million happy magical moments.

  4. #14

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    It depends on what you're looking for.

    Compatibility-wise, do you want someone who understands you (probably another N) or accepts you for who you are (S)?

    I am aware of the non-mutual-exclusiveness but yeah, I do believe that opposites are good for each other.

    I agree. ESTJs are so real.

  5. #15
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by matilda View Post
    Compatibility-wise, do you want someone who understands you (probably another N) or accepts you for who you are (S)?
    The distinction, nicely put.

  6. #16
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    You're welcome - I see too many people jumping to conclusions on the NF - SJ match in general, so I like to share my personal experience rather than just an opinion.
    After all, experience is the best teacher!


    Yep. Oh Yep.


    I love being pursued too, I think that's what I hear you saying. So Yep. Oh Yep.
    You know what, it's kind of funny, whereas I am usually the pursuer, it is definitely kind of nice actually being the one who is pursued.

    For a contrasting example; With my perpetual ISTP ex, I pursued him, initially, and somewhere deep down inside, I feel a sense of insecurity due to this. Like, if he is/was so down for me, why didn't he *show* me he was. With him, I am constantly seeking validity, and security within the relationship, his distance, (both geographical and emotional) in nature often leads me guessing. Whereas with this guy, and my other ESJ ex, they actually make their needs and desires blatantly known, and shown!!!

    No room for guessing games with them. No room for insecurity, and what can I say, I'm tired of dealing with my ISTP's commitment-phobia.

    I spoke to this ESJ several times today, and he is so cute, telling me how excited he is to come home on Monday so he can see me, He's a little bit older than me, and he is the absolute opposite of a commitment-phobe, he loves having a girlfriend and already wants to start seeing me seriously.

    He compliments me, and tells things to me straight, and...

    Talking to him is *not* like pulling teeth.

    When he says he's gonna call me, he does, when I call him, he picks up the phone.

    And, despite our different personality proclivities, we actually have a great time talking to each other!!!

    He lives in LA, but when I was in New York we spent hours upon hours just talking and getting to know each other.

    And, well, yes, hooking up with him was like being on fire it was so hot!!!

    I have not had that in a loooooooooong time!!!

    And for me a chemistry that has persisted. You know your heart, so I wish you a million happy magical moments.
    It's interesting, the thing about chemistry, like with this guy, we have palpable chemistry, whereas with my ISTP perpetual ex, we have a sort of kinship click, if that makes sense. (It should be noted the ISTP and I have never had a great sex life, (even though I apparently rock his world)).

    I am kinda scared of chemistry, I fear it might make me do silly things, hence the reason why I am reaching out to you guys, I am sincerely confused.

    Or am I embarrassed?

    Should I be, that he isn't well-educated, or necessarily well-bred?

    Thanks again for your support, still processing though.

    Oh, thinking about him, and talking to him makes me smile, doesn't that count for something?

    Quote Originally Posted by matilda View Post
    It depends on what you're looking for.

    Compatibility-wise, do you want someone who understands you (probably another N) or accepts you for who you are (S)?

    I am aware of the non-mutual-exclusiveness but yeah, I do believe that opposites are good for each other.

    I agree. ESTJs are so real.
    Hahahaa, every guy who has ever understood me, or has gotten close to understanding me has been more feminine, thereby making the relationship more platonic by nature.

    When I dated the ESJ, he *knew* he didn't understand me, and he was *okay* with that!

    I felt totally accepted by him, he just thought I was a crazy, smart, quirky, tornado of a girl, and we just had great times together.

    I guess what I am realizing is that I am kind of an intellectual snob when it comes to dating, if I think I am your intellectual superior, usually you won't even get a chance with me.

    But, is the ability to critically analyze poetry and, or, solve geometric proofs the sole basis for love?

    I think not!

    Thank you soooooo much for your input guys, I would love to hear more, if you got any!!

    Much love

    -CC
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #17
    violaine
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    Hmmm, well I was with an XSTJ for a while. I really admired him and still do, I liked his seriousness and that he took me seriously and we were also very good at any kind of business we undertook together. BUT after a time his incessant concrete realism and his inability to take risks really got to me. I felt like my wings were clipped through much of that relationship. A large part of me just withered, the imaginative part and the way I connect with someone through discussion of ideas (which is a way that I feel really close to someone) had no outlet with him.

    He was also very controlling in that he couldn't really see things big-picture style and so would stomp on my ideas when I was trying to achieve something that wouldn't be immediate. i.e. I couldn't count on support from him until I'd had a measure of success in something I was doing which was really upsetting to me at the time. It took a lot of my energy to buck his very cautious approach to the world.

    *sigh*

    But, this was an early relationship for me so I don't know if I would feel differently in your shoes CC after what you have expressed. I might be willing to be with someone as upstanding as he was provided I had stimulation from other sources. The way he was just got very stifling after a while, so I guess that is all I would look out for if I were with someone like him again. Though it seems dangerous to me to seek the kind of connection I need outside a relationship because intellectual connection often leads to attraction for me.

    Having said all of that, I would say give it go! The XSTJ I was with had many, many good qualities, it's just that where we didn't connect was particularly difficult for me. And all the best and *hugs hugs hugs* whatever you decide!

  8. #18
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Intellectual attraction definitely leads to romantic attraction for me too!!

    In fact, I am often attracted to several people at any given time, though when in a relationship I do not act on that attraction, (I have emotionally cheated, before, however).

    I think if my ISTP was living in the same city as me, and was not, *literally*, in Kigali, Rwanda for more than half of the freaking year, then I'd probably be with him.

    I just need a little domesticity in a relationship, right now, I think.

    I am so tired of dealing with LDRs!!!!

    I want to be able to see my man on an almost daily basis, is that too much to ask for?

    Oh, and thanks for the feedback sanveane!

    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  9. #19
    violaine
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    Wow, Rwanda. Gah! Yeah, LDRs without an end in sight are tough. I think an experience like that would make me so appreciative of daily connection with my fella that that might be all I need to make me happy for a while.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Drezoryx's Avatar
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    if no one minds ill talk about my esxj gf, reading the above makes me re-acknowledge the value my esxj gf much better, i was getting a little biased and overwhelmed by how lowly esfj were portrayed somewhere else on this site.

    say, i've got to be literal with her in picking words i speak and theres not much scope for stimulating intellectual discussion. Its not all bad, now i realize every time i use a sentence or word which is capable of double interpretation, her facial expression drops just a bit, its essential for anyone contemplating public speaking, so as not to have the audience misinterpret you and still convey your idea clearly. thanks to her constantly misinterpreting me lol.

    besides shes a sweetheart rock solid and the envy or suspicioun of your partner cheating etc. is simply not there with her. very very dependable. one less thing to endlessly ruminate in our NF brain

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