[NF] NFs what hurts you more ?

[Virtual ghost]

This is something I am wondering for some time now. But I have no reason too. I am simply wondering about it.
This question can be asked in alot of contexts so I think that it would be best that everyone just imagine the context they can relate too.



What hurts you more in a situation when you fail in doing something that is important to someone you love? However in this situation it is obvious that you could have made a better job. So it is your fault for the most part after all.



Does is hurt more if your loved one just explodes in your presence or when they just become hostile without even raising their voice ?

 

[Charmed Justice]

Does is hurt more if your loved one just explodes in your presence or when they just become hostile without even raising their voice ?

Passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive feels the same to me. It's the emotion behind it all that hurts, not necessarily the way in which it's expressed.

 

[runvardh]

Neither one hurts more, though the 'sploder may get 'slpoded on, extra 'splody points if you rub my face in it more than just telling me.

 

[Lady_X]

same...but it bothers me more if it's disappointment rather than anger. anger makes me defensive a lil bit.

 

[Virtual ghost]

Passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive feels the same to me. It's the emotion behind it all that hurts, not necessarily the way in which it's expressed.

So the "package" is trully unsignificant or it still could have some meaning ?
(just asking)

 

[Lady_X]

if the feeling behind it is the same...no doesn't matter how it's expressed. i respond to the feeling.

 

[runvardh]

For me my reaction is less based on how much pain is involved and more on how angry you make me with your own expression.

 

[Charmed Justice]

So the "package" is trully unsignificant or it still could have some meaning ?
(just asking)

Well, I am highly sensitive to other people's feelings. I'm pretty good at detecting someone's feelings about me, even if they're smiling in my face or pretending. So yea, the way someone wraps their negative feelings about me is largely insignificant insofar as how I feel. Although, the package can determine how I react. I do occasionally fight fire with fire when pushed to my limit. Like, if I think you're trying to embarrass me or make me look stupid. OMG. The wrath of Pfer...

 

[Lady_X]

right me too...i'll match it...calm and mater of fact or firery...

 

[luminous beam]

It really bothers me to let someone down. I hold myself responsible and hold myself up to high expectations. Usually, even if a loved one isn't hurt, but I feel I didn't do enough for them, I feel bad and guilty. Even more so if the person notices and expresses it. Whether they have an angry outburst, are passive agressive or simply give me the silent treatment. Disappointing and hurting someone really hurts me. Anger will cause a bit of hostility from my end and I may even snap and be mean in return, but in reality deep down I feel guilt, remorse and pain too.

 

[Charmed Justice]

right me too...i'll match it...calm and mater of fact or firery...

NFPs can be taken advantage of sometimes because of the way we typically come off. We usually are very friendly, and accepting, and loving. We really do want to connect and understand, and be cool with most people. But occasionally, the rare person will see that as free card to throw their ugly feelings around, believing us to be the type that will just put up with it. NFs also know exactly where it hurts, and we will take it to the next level if we are tested enough.

 

[Virtual ghost]

So conclusion is " Try to be supportive at all costs if you can. " ?

 

[Lady_X]

or just express your true feeling about it...with intention to resolve not blame...the point should be to express and resolve not to scold...damn i hate scolding...such pointless ugliness.

 

[sade]

(I only read the OP.)
I'd already be upset for letting the other person down, and ime the passive-agression would fuel the guilt more. Explotion hurts for the moment, but it usually goes down after that, passive-aggression... It's harder to deal with. Especially if it leads to mute withdrawal. All out agression can be as bad though if it's vicious.

 

[Charmed Justice]

So conclusion is " Try to be supportive at all costs if you can. " ?

For me, I need to be approached with honesty and the desire to connect. I can handle the negative feelings of anger from a loved one, and I will seek to understand what the issue is because I want to know.
I may be hurt by the feelings that someone has, but I know that there will be times when I will step on someone's toes and they will step on mine. It's OK, and I move beyond the hurt very quickly so long as I'm respected, and still feel as though you hold me in high regard(as told by said person's actions).

or just express your true feeling about it...with intention to resolve not blame...the point should be to express and resolve not to scold...damn i hate scolding...such pointless ugliness.

We think a like.

 

[Virtual ghost]

or just express your true feeling about it...with intention to resolve not blame...the point should be to express and resolve not to scold...damn i hate scolding...such pointless ugliness.

For me, I need to be approached with honesty and the desire to connect. I can handle the negative feelings of anger from a loved one, and I will seek to understand what the issue is because I want to know.
I may be hurt by the feelings that someone has, but I know that there will be times when I will step on someone's toes and they will step on mine. It's OK, and I move beyond the hurt very quickly so long as I'm respected, and still feel as though you hold me in high regard(as told by said person's actions).

Understood.


But what if i turn everything into logic talk and I don't pay attention to the fact that you feel bad for failing at doing this for me.

(Feel free to correct me if this situation is impossibe. )

 

[Lady_X]

having a hard time imagining such a scenario w/o feeling of some kind attached.

but if it was a logical explanation informing me of why i was wrong or how i failed it would still be hurtful to me that you seemed to be scolding me or not approaching me with intent to resolve and understand.

 

[Virtual ghost]

having a hard time imagining such a scenario w/o feeling of some kind attached.

but if it was a logical explanation informing me of why i was wrong or how i failed it would still be hurtful to me that you seemed to be scolding me or not approaching me with intent to resolve and understand.

Bingo.


Well this is the problem since I am likely to switch into logical mode completely when things go bad. I mean this is how my resolve mode looks like and it is quite hard for me to do this on any other way. But it looks that I am quite likely to end up looking as passive-agressive. Even if that is not what I want.

 

[Charmed Justice]

Bingo.


Well this is the problem since I am likely to switch into logical mode completely when things go bad. I mean this is how my resolve mode looks like and it is quite hard for me to do this on any other way. But it looks that I am quite likely to end up looking as passive-agressive. Even if that is not what I want.

I understand that because I can be the same way. There are times when I can seem insensitive because I'm hiding my feelings about something. But if that's how you come off, the only thing you can do is let the other person know your intentions. If I know someone's intentions, and they express that their intentions are to connect and help me to understand, then I can accept them.

 

[Virtual ghost]

I understand that because I can be the same way. There are times when I can seem insensitive because I'm hiding my feelings about something. But if that's how you come off, the only thing you can do is let the other person know your intentions. If I know someone's intentions, and they express that their intentions are to connect and help me to understand, then I can accept them.

Well they know my intensions but there were ceses where I have managed to hurt people acting as it is already mentioned. However I am not sure is it because of that or is it because I cut feelings out.


But in this situations it is not unusual that i get accused that I am hidding my feelings. Why would someone think I am hidding my feelings ?