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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    This is something I am wondering for some time now. But I have no reason too. I am simply wondering about it.
    This question can be asked in alot of contexts so I think that it would be best that everyone just imagine the context they can relate too.



    What hurts you more in a situation when you fail in doing something that is important to someone you love? However in this situation it is obvious that you could have made a better job. So it is your fault for the most part after all.



    Does is hurt more if your loved one just explodes in your presence or when they just become hostile without even raising their voice ?


    Definitely the explode one, I like it when people keep control, I think it fosters better communication as well, allowing the other person to understand without also feeling the need to explode. Many times when one person explodes the other is not far behind.

    Good question btw.

  2. #22
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    What hurts you more in a situation when you fail in doing something that is important to someone you love? However in this situation it is obvious that you could have made a better job. So it is your fault for the most part after all.

    Does is hurt more if your loved one just explodes in your presence or when they just become hostile without even raising their voice ?
    For me, it would hurt more if they acted out of character. For example, if they normally exploded at me when I messed up, but in this instance they didn't even bother to raise their voice, then I would feel the situation was more serious and it would hurt more.
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  3. #23
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by speculative View Post
    For me, it would hurt more if they acted out of character. For example, if they normally exploded at me when I messed up, but in this instance they didn't even bother to raise their voice, then I would feel the situation was more serious and it would hurt more.
    So the more serious situation is the more hurt you are ?

    I preusme that is because the seriousness of situation means more nagative feelings in the other person ?

  4. #24
    Feelin' FiNe speculative's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    So the more serious situation is the more hurt you are ?

    I preusme that is because the seriousness of situation means more nagative feelings in the other person ?
    Yes. The more hurt they were, the more hurt I would be. I would likely move toward 2 but the more hurt they were, the less likely I would feel able to help them through the hurt somehow...
    "How can I be, all I want to be,
    When all I want to do is strip away these stilled constraints
    And crush this charade, shred this sad, masquerade"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGeq5v7L3WM

  5. #25
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Maybe I am a mean INFP, but I can't find a context for this for myself. I know I have let people down at times, but it was usually without thinking or intention, so I don't berate myself for it. I just explain the misunderstanding, possibly promise to do better in the future, and they accept it or they don't.

    If someone asks me to do something specifically and I agree to it, then I follow through with it, so I really only let them down if they expected me to read their mind, which is unfair to me.

    I also don't like to look at the past and "what if" too much. I'd rather just see it as a mistake and learn from it and move on.

    If the person gets very angry, that would probably just make me defensive. I would feel unfairly attacked and upset that they are ascribing me bad motives. It would be better if they presented their feelings without accusation and we could come to a solution. And even still, it really has more to do with if I violated one of my own values, not one of theirs. I'm just not a people pleaser. I get more upset when I disappoint myself.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #26
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Maybe I am a mean INFP, but I can't find a context for this for myself. I know I have let people down at times, but it was usually without thinking or intention, so I don't berate myself for it. I just explain the misunderstanding, possibly promise to do better in the future, and they accept it or they don't.

    If someone asks me to do something specifically and I agree to it, then I follow through with it, so I really only let them down if they expected me to read their mind, which is unfair to me.

    I also don't like to look at the past and "what if" too much. I'd rather just see it as a mistake and learn from it and move on.

    If the person gets very angry, that would probably just make me defensive. I would feel unfairly attacked and upset that they are ascribing me bad motives. It would be better if they presented their feelings without accusation and we could come to a solution. And even still, it really has more to do with if I violated one of my own values, not one of theirs. I'm just not a people pleaser. I get more upset when I disappoint myself.

    Are you a strong introvert ? (just curious)

  7. #27
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    .
    But in this situations it is not unusual that i get accused that I am hidding my feelings. Why would someone think I am hidding my feelings ?
    I'm not sure. Maybe because they other person is and they are projecting.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Well, I am highly sensitive to other people's feelings. I'm pretty good at detecting someone's feelings about me, even if they're smiling in my face or pretending. So yea, the way someone wraps their negative feelings about me is largely insignificant insofar as how I feel. Although, the package can determine how I react. I do occasionally fight fire with fire when pushed to my limit. Like, if I think you're trying to embarrass me or make me look stupid. OMG. The wrath of Pfer...
    I agree completely. Talk down to me, try to make me look like an ass, I'll turn on you like a screaming banshee and if you're not that important to me, I'll turn you loose. If I take you back in, I'll keep at a distance until I know in my gut that it's OK to care about you again.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    I'm not sure. Maybe because they other person is and they are projecting.
    It could be.
    Especially since it is looks that it is hard for most people to imagine my "inner" process /world.



    Just to be clear: by emotions I mean intense emotions.

  10. #30
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Are you a strong introvert ? (just curious)
    Yes, I am very introverted.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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